The fic known as 1994 is 10 years old this week. In a bit of serendipity, the universe has dictated that AO3 be down right now, so I can't update you on the current stats of the fic. Last time I actively checked it was somewhere in the ballpark of A Lot.
So I'm doing a dumb anniversary post for no other reason than, I want to.
This fic was monumental for me in a lot of ways. I don't feel like it's overdramatic for me to say this fic was an emotionally draining experience, on the creative side of things and on the fandom side of things. A lot of people don't like the fic for various reasons, and I get that. That's fine. I don't begrudge them that. But I think it's pretty good. It has some elements that I probably wouldn't write today, but I'm not going to go into all that.
It's been ages since I checked the "fic: 1994" tag, but every now and then I'll catch wind of a new (!) piece of 1994 fanart, or get a new comment notification, and it's always a humbling and fantastic feeling.
I fell off of responding to comments within that first explosive year of the fic's popularity. Every now and then, for a while, I would respond to comments that really stood out.
Here is the only comment I've responded to since 2016:
I'm happy that I was able to write a fic that meant a lot to so many people. Thank you all for letting me know, and for producing such amazing tributes to that over the years. I hope you're doing well.
God I still think about Vee’s 1994 fic.
I still remember how excited I was for every updated.
I remember getting to join a hangouts with them and other fans and closet cosplaying Hanji for it.
The hype was so amazing, and the ‘small’ little community cult that built up around that fic was just something so special to me as a memory.
I’d never really read a fic before that had developed such a strong but excited following. And I was so grateful to get be part of that experience as a reader.
And every time there was a new chapter, or a mix tape on 8tracks, and the cosplays, and fanart.
Man. That time was like the most joyful wild ride, and to date, it’s still my favourite SnK fic.
Just yeah, shout out to Vee for just being amazing.
you and levi ackerman gossiping about erwin smith's dick ╱ mdni, sexual tension, maybe a little bit of harassment ˚.✦
The mess hall was completely empty, it was way to late for anyone to be around, giving Levi and you the perfect ambient to share a few drinks, a cigarette and a gossip session.
Contrary to what people think, Levi lives for gossip. He pays attention to everything, seeing how someone looks a little too long or when a touch lingers. He's also sneaky without meaning to, hiding his presence well enough to listen to conversation a Captain isn't meant to listen.
All of it to then tell it to you, seeing how you gasp or how you almost spill your drink for his confessions. He's actually quite fond of you and moments like this, sitting side by side, knees touching, indirect kisses while sharing a cigarette.
He usually just drops a new and that's enough to keep you rambling for a few hours.
This time, though, you have a topic of conversation already in mind. A few minutes ago you were debating about whatever is going on with Hange and Moblit, then you drop the question.
"Listen, don't go crazy. But... is it true that Erwin... y'know," you let the phrase unfinished, hoping that Levi catches the rest.
He doesn't. His brows furrow, taking a drag of the almost finished cigarette. "Erwin what?"
You've known Erwin for a long time, when all of you were cadets, before Levi even joined the Corps. You've never had the guts to talk to anyone of your little crush on the Commander, and you really think that Levi is the perfect person to finally open.
Not with that, though.
"Y'know, I've heard... that he's, are you really gonna make me say it?" You run your hands through your face, trying to hide the embarrassment.
"Well, yes. I'm fucking curious now." Levi puts out the cigarette, pressing it against the glass of the ashtray.
You groan loudly, straightening your back against the wooden chair, shoulders brushing.
"That's he's big," you say, in a breath.
"He's obviously over 185 centimeters," Levi says, arching his eyebrows in confusion.
"No, Levi, I mean big." You make a vague gesture with your hand that tells him everything.
"Ah," he says, blinking slowly. "Where the fuck did you heard that?"
You lean in closer, voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper even though the mess hall is dead silent except for the faint creak of the wooden beams cooling overhead.
“I didn’t hear it from anyone reliable,” you admit, cheeks already burning. “It’s just… logic. Look at the man, Levi. He walks into a room and the fucking air changes. His shoulders are huge and his fingers are thick..."
"You look at his hands?"
"Lemme finish. And his stupid deep voice that makes everyone stand straighter whether they want to or not. You’re telling me someone built like that is walking around with anything less than proportional equipment?”
Levi snorts quiet, but genuine. He reaches for the half-empty bottle of cheap grain alcohol between you two and pours another finger into both tin cups without asking.
“You’re basing your entire theory on vibes and symmetry,” he deadpans, sliding your cup back toward you. His knee presses a little firmer against yours under the table. “Bold, even for you.”
“It’s not just vibes.” You take the cup, fingers brushing his for a second longer than necessary. “You’ve seen him shirtless after training. You’ve seen the way his pants fit when he’s giving orders in the yard and the wind catches the fabric just right. Don’t pretend you haven’t noticed.”
Levi doesn’t blush but the corner of his mouth twitches in that way that means you’ve landed a hit.
“I notice everything,” he mutters, which isn’t a denial.
You grin, emboldened by the liquor, the late hour and the fact that his pupils are a little blown in the low lamplight.
“So you’re telling me,” you continue, voice teasing now, “that in all the years you’ve been his right hand, all the times you’ve shared a tent on expeditions, all the mornings you’ve walked in on him half-dressed because he still thinks privacy is optional... You’re telling me you’ve never accidentally gotten an eyeful?”
Levi exhales through his nose, long and slow, like he’s deciding whether to throw you out the nearest window or keep playing.
“I don’t accidentally look,” he says finally. “But I’m not fucking blind.”
Your heart does something embarrassing inside your ribcage.
“So…?” you prompt, leaning so close your shoulder is fully pressed to his now.
He’s quiet for a beat. Then, almost casually:
“It matches.”
You choke on air.
He doesn’t elaborate right away, just lets you suffer while he takes a slow sip from his cup, eyes half-lidded like he’s discussing supply requisitions instead of the Commander’s dick.
“Levi.”
“What.”
“You can’t just say ‘it matches’ and leave it there.”
“Why not? You already decided it had to, I’m just agreeing with you. Case closed.”
You shove his shoulder lightly. He doesn’t budge, but he does tilt his head toward you, silver eyes catching the lamplight.
“Details, you dumbass. Does it have a curve? Is it cut? Veiny? Does it hang heavy even soft? Give me something.”
He lets out the driest laugh you’ve ever heard from him.
“You’re worse than Hange when she finds a new titan.”
“C'mon, you love this,” you shoot back without missing a beat.
Another long silence. His gaze flicks down to your mouth for half a second before returning to your eyes.
“It’s thick,” he says at last, voice low enough that you have to strain to catch it. “Heavier than you’d expect even knowing his size. Long enough that it doesn’t look ridiculous on him, which is saying something, considering how tall he is. Thick at the base, tapers just enough. Veins that stand out when he’s hard. And yeah…” He pauses, lets the word hang. “…it hangs heavy when it’s soft. You can tell through the fabric if he’s not wearing anything underneath.”
Your mouth has gone dry. You swallow anyway.
“How do you know it’s thicker at the base?” you ask, barely above a whisper.
Levi’s eyes darken.
“Because I’ve had to help him adjust his straps before a mission when the harness was pinching in the wrong place. Fabric doesn’t lie. Neither does gravity.”
You let out a shaky breath, you were getting wet only imaging it.
“Fuck.”
“Mm.”
You both sit with that for a moment, the air between you suddenly thicker than the cigarette smoke still clinging to your clothes.
Then you nudge his knee with yours again. “Think he knows we talk about it?”
Levi’s mouth curves just barely.
“He knows everything. He just pretends he doesn’t.”
You groan and drop your forehead against his shoulder.
“We’re so fucked.”
“Probably,” Levi agrees, and this time when he shifts, it’s to rest the side of his head lightly against yours. “But if we’re going down, might as well go down speculating about exactly how much of him we could take before we’re ruined for anyone else.”
“Both of us?”
He doesn’t answer right away. Then, so quiet you almost miss it: “Why do you think I keep telling you the details?”
Your pulse slams in your throat.
"Yeah, he's not the type of guy one person can handle," you mutter, looking down at how much your bodies are touching now.
"Hah," Levi breathes out. "You're aren't the type of woman that thinks one guy is enough, are you?"
You lift your head from his shoulder as you say: "Nope. I'm not."
I'm going to rescue this drawing I found on Pinterest. I drew it many years ago, and it's on an old iPad that I can't turn on anymore. It makes me sad because it's one of my favorite drawings I did of Eruri ꒰ ꒡⌓꒡꒱º °ﾟ
I'd like to talk about something I've always found fascinating between Levi and Hange and it's how Levi sometimes "forgets" Eren is his subordinate in favour of Hange. What I mean by forgetting is how he allows Hange to discipline Eren as if Hange was Eren's superior when Levi is Eren's direct superior. One of the reasons Levi beats Eren in court is so the Survey Corps can acquire Eren under their ranks, for which Levi personally says he will take responsibility for him as his superior (see in chapter 18, What Should I Do Now?). Meaning that Levi is Eren's direct superior. And yet, there are a few times when he doesn't act like it and I find that both funny and fascinating.
The first time we see this leniency from Levi when Hange is involved is in chapter 20, Special Operations Squad, where now Eren is fully part of Levi's squad and Hange goes to see Levi to ask him if Eren is busy the next day since they'd like Eren to assist them in their Titan experiments (classic Hange). Levi's answer is simply "Cleaning the yard" for which Hange automatically assumes it's settled, Eren will spend the day with them and Levi is surprisingly fine with it.
I find this situation overturn quite hilarious especially since Hange personally came to Levi to ask him about Eren since Eren is under him, not under them, and then Hange just made plans for Eren as if he were always under them when it's not the case. We can also not really say there is a difference between Hange's position as squad leader and Levi's position as captain. Hange got that rank traditionally through promotions while Levi's exceptional strength already made him perfect to have his own squad, but at the end of the day, one doesn't outweigh the other, so Hange should've never been able to take over the situation like that and yet Levi let them. This is honestly one of my favourite interactions between them because it shows how much Hange understands Levi's weird way of talking. How "cleaning the yard" means Eren is pretty much free, so Hange just imposed themself to take him instead. And even if Hange technically says they are here to ask for Levi's permission, they didn't really ask for it because they took that decision for Levi anyway and the funniest part is that Levi had no objections to this sudden change of Eren's plans.
This also reminds me of another scene from chapter 53, Smoke Signal, where now the Survey Corps are into hiding as they're being hunted by the Military Police and they take that opportunity to do Titan experiments with Eren. Eren is clearly too exhausted to keep transforming and Mikasa disobeys orders again, rushing to Eren's aid. And Levi then asks Hange whether they should punish Mikasa for this insubordination.
I find it interesting Levi says "we" here when Mikasa is again in his squad only, meaning Levi is her direct superior, not Hange, and we cannot claim Hange started adopting Levi's new squad like in later chapters since their own squad wasn't yet killed by Kenny. And again, Hange naturally takes that decision for him by saying they shouldn't punish her. It's honestly hilarious how much Hange can do as they please with Levi's own subordinates and Levi is totally fine with that. No objections, he just agrees. It's not like Hange is Levi's superior either so he necessarily needs to obey their orders. He just goes along with whatever Hange is saying. I find these moments hilarious that he needs to ask Hange when he has no reason to ask Hange since the 104th are under his direct supervision and yet here he is, just asking Hange how he should deal with his own squad. For a "scary" captain like Levi, truly there is someone who doesn't find him "scary" at all.
All of this is surprisingly consistent with what happens in this smartpass story, The Library That's Covered in Dust. Many people have already talked about how Levi comes to Hange's rescue and saves them from books falling over them or that he makes a comment about how their shirt is wet and therefore "seen-through". And an honourable mention to Hange's "you're kind" that makes Levi all flustered fanfiction style. But what I'd like to add about this story is the reason Levi explains to Hange for seeing them, and his reason is to ask Hange permission about Eren roaming the castle and to ask them if Eren can get out of the basement. This is hilarious in a way because it's actually Hange who needs to ask permission to him about Eren since Eren was put under Levi's responsibility as literally seen in chapter 20. And besides, the order to put Eren in the basement doesn't come from Hange: it comes from Zackly when he was put in charge of Eren's military trial as a condition for the Survey Corps to have Eren as Levi states here in chapter 20:
So Hange also has no true say in this matter either, and yet they take that decision for him again, saying that Eren can be given permission to roam around since the castle should be safe enough if he ever Titan shifts. And at this point, if Levi truly wanted an official opinion, he could've gone to Erwin since he is the Survey Corps commander, not Hange who is of equal rank to Levi. So this is a very peculiar reason Levi makes to go see Hange, to say the least. Yes, smartpass stories are not technically canon, and maybe there are small inconsistencies, so manga will always prevail over smartpass stories, but it is definitely interesting, to see what reason Levi chose to see Hange in that story. It might be that he wants a second opinion and that's why he asks Hange, but technically speaking, he doesn't really need their opinion since Eren answers to him. This dynamic between them is definitely interesting and questionable then.
I found two plausible interpretations for this behaviour:
1. Levi isn’t confident enough in being a superior as he was put rather quickly by Erwin as captain of a squad, so he asks advice to the closest squad leader he works with, which is Hange in his case. Personally, I don't think that's the case since Levi is already seen as the "leader" with Furlan and Isabel in the Underground and we see Levi take leadership pretty easily especially later on after Hange dies and the Alliance relies on him, but it is an interpretation one could make.
2. Levi just really likes Hange’s company (I have nothing else to say about that). So yet another argument to disprove the "Levi hates Hange" argument. If he hates Hange so much, then why does Levi keep asking Hange for advice about his own squad? Why is he fine with everything Hange says in regard to his own squad that he has complete authority over, I'll repeat? Well, let's say Levi has a very original way to show he "hates" Hange, for sure.
Someone was asking me earlier in the year whether I have headcanons about Levi and Hange and actually I do have one: Levi makes up excuses to see Hange especially in the smartpass story. I think he could've come up with a better reason to see Hange and this is something I think of often. I'm probably the only person questioning this about Levi and Hange in the fandom lol, but I just find it very odd. It's another reason why I find Levi and Hange so compelling. They just have these weird dynamics going on that you can easily miss if you're not particularly a fan of either of them. But I am, so this is a post for whoever is as obsessed with them as I am.
I am for (2)- Levi really likes Hange's company and he would think of all sorts of reason just to be near her: Levi telling Moblit in Shelter under the Rain when he offered to carry heavy stuff for Hange Moblit since they are both going back to the barracks, and he wanted Hange to notice him owe him a kick in the ass.
Hi !! I love that you see Erwin like I see him - a flawed, selfish, ruthless man - but also a deeply good man, who, in the end, chose humanity over his dream, refused to sacrifice the last remnant of his humanity and the closest person to him (Levi), and died heroically.
I adore his dichotomy. I love that he's clearly not perfect, and completely aware of this. I also think that while Levi idealized him, and thought he was above him (before fully understanding him), Erwin also sees Levi as being the perfect hero he aspires to be. Only, Levi truly is selfless. I think that only added to Erwin's feeling of guilt and imposter syndrome, in a way. But he only ever had admiration and love for Levi, he never blamed him for being like he pretended himself to be - he could have grown resentful. It's another proof of how Erwin is, at his core, a good man.
Hii!!! Oh I love this ask and I love to find others with similar views when analysing characters!
It's criminal how people feel the need to reduce Erwin to be this or that. Good or evil, right or wrong. In fact AOT is the exact opposite of a dualist narrative, at least to me it's pretty clear that everything and everyone that exist in that universe exist within its context. And Erwin is no different, he is a product of his cirscunstances and so are his choices.
Choices that were many times selfish and ruthless, choices that were harmful, but that no one else could make it. I never get over the fact Erwin simply deposed a king in a random tuesday with minimal conflict just because said king posed a threat to his regiment and plans. The way he could turn people around, use them, gamble, manipulate, risk, lead, there is truly nobody like him, and in that sense despite the many talents of our other Scouts, Erwin really was irreplaceable. But he didn't make those choices because he was cruel, he made them because someone had to, so it better be him! In the end, Erwin also deeply cared, cared for their future, cared for his friends, cared that even if he didn't, humanity could live to see better days.
Levi and him are fundamental as a narrative force and are unique in their own roles, that's why they complement each other so perfectly. And yes, in many ways I think they mutually looked up to one another in admiration of their qualities: Levi's selflessness and openess with his true intentions, his loyalty and sincerity, his willingness to devout himself to Erwin and to their cause, his reserved kindness even at the face of such an unkind world; and also Erwin's firmness and steady leadership, his unpretentious goodness towards his friends, his ability to see potential in others, even when they might not see it themselves, and his capacity to see a path forward when no one else could, to shoulder a weight no one else can.
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