[pippenpaddlopsicopolisthethird]

Tracking Service, as helpfully as possible: Your order is out for delivery! It should arrive by 8 PM today!

Me, sitting by the door at 8:12 AM: pakige

[glissandodisaster]

same energy

[samcahntent]

[kvotheunkvothe]

hi, quick question: what the entire fuck?

[emmettmccartycullen]

#neverforget the time that Bella wore a full length khaki skirt to meet Edward’s family and he basically lost it because he thought she looked so sexy

[rosaliesgay]

the mormon really jumps out in this paragraph

[shiny-haunters-deactivated20181]

[bisexualalicecullen]

smeyer has a khaki fetish

[dankmemeuniversity]

[rinasaurusrex]

Bold of you to assume there will be icebergs by 2022

[capacity]

Us after reading this caption

[itscalledfashionlookitup]

[echarping]

I want everyone to know that this was taken by a white male.

[itscalledfashionlookitup]

yes unfortunately i am indeed a white male

[itscalledfashionlookitup]

for now

[outofcontextachewood]

[hausmusik]

I think about this literally every time I get yelled at

[silverhawk]

my cat is rly mean to my sister so my family is having an intervention w my cat to ask her to stop swatting my sister

[silverhawk]

the intervention didnt work.

[taysanimaladventures]

I go to take Mac (Asian water monitor) out for a tour and since he’s sopping wet I want to towel him off. My boss gave me a towel with the Minions on it for this task.

So when I’m first taking him out he freezes. I’m thinking, “okay, is he stuck?” and help him down. Then I see he’s clamped onto the towel.

Eh??? Did someone wipe up rat juice with that towel? I thought it was clean. He won’t let go. I holler for my boss. “Oh sorry I forgot.” Forgot what?

“He hates the Minions. He always does that to this towel.”

So I’m explaining to the tour trying not to keel over laughing the reason we can’t take Mac out is because of his hatred for the Minions.

He eventually let go for a cockroach but that was a good 10 minutes of latching and whipping the towel. I feel you, man. I hate them too.

[guptups]

[passionpeachy-deactivated202312]

I’m so fucking sad please invent a pill that will turn me into a salamander that only thinks of nutrients

[bot-dad]

Hello so fucking sad please invent a pill that will turn me into a salamander that only thinks of nutrients, I’m Dad!

Dad^bot^1. Your Human® Body® is mediocre | PayPal | Patreon Beep-boop!

[passionpeachy-deactivated202312]

you mock my plight for the last time, Dad Bot

[badpostop-bot]

Bad post OP.

Bad^Post^OP^bot

[passionpeachy-deactivated202312]

why are all the bots so mean to me I just wanted to be a salamander

[snoopingasusualisee]

dont mind me fellas i’m just

[cheaphalloweencostume]

My all time favorite sign I’ve seen near my house

i cant live like this

[terrible-beauty]

Strawbebbies

[mission-creep]

[eyeanami]

Frog hole

[bunney]

Frog hole

[youaremyeverlovin]

[tennantbutt]

great stuff happening in the city i see

[hotcommunist-deactivated2019032]

girls night!

[avvocarlo]

dark garfield

[binches-deactivated20220521]

he’s so fucking hot

[ohduhviing]

[apriicot-boi]