Well as few people know, I'm a Genderfluid Pansexual. For the most part I have no specified gender, and I'm just me, there are the few days where I'm male, and the rare days where I find myself feeling very feminine. Because of this I thought I would never be excepted, never find true love. When I first came out I just came out as Bisexual, not wanting to get in any wars with my family. I didn't go out and say it, but when asked I'd admit that I was Bisexual. I descovered why I hated it so horribly badly when someone would call me a girly girl while I was dating a man who knew I had a girlfriend previously, and didn't seem to mind terribly when I pointed out some women who looked absolutely stunning. I was afraid to inform him of my male tendencies, and for the most part that worked extremely well, I mean not feeling drawn to either gender made it easier to pretend to be female, and during my non gender days, it doesn't really bother me what gender people see me as. Well after the two of us broke up; I wrote off dating. I cut my hair into a much more gender-neutral haircut. I came out to my mom and best friend. My mom still has a tendency to try and "remind me" that I'm a girl while at the same time she tries to be supportive, when I showed up dressed as a male complete with binding and contouring my features to look more masculine, she played it off fine. My best friend being Gender Fluid himself (Hes Male with female Tendencies) hugged me and asked how I was dealing. He was the one to help me get my haircut. With the shorter hair I felt so incredibly handsome and so much more comfortable with myself. While dealing with a breakup and discovering who I am, I had a hard time going outside when I didn't have work to go to. If it weren't for Josh; I'd still be in a Zombie like state. Well when Josh began crushing hard core on a mutual friend of ours I realized I was devoloping a crush on him. I mean, he'd been there for me when almost everyone wrote me off as attention seeking. So, being the person I am, I decided he had a right to know of my crush. So while we were doing makeup in my front room, I told him, making sure to explain that I knew nothing was to come of it; I have the wrong parts after all. He laughed and agreed. It was fine. But a few weeks later he posted a really sweet post on Facebook. "Yes there is still a part of me that still likes girls, and I guess that you've helped me realize that. these last few weeks that we've spent a together were amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, and I know how you feel about me and I feel the same. The only thing that I have to do is ask." I wrote it off as he had a crush on his friend who lived in a different town. But he kept saying things, and I'd ask and he would say I'd find out later, or whatever. So I finally got fed up and replied, "Oh that Facebook thing, I saw it. I hope you and whoever she is are happy together." He rolled his eyes and pointed out that it'd been the two of us who'd been hanging out those few weeks. Speechless I ran and hugged him. Later that day he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I quickly agreed. I had been feeling so super insecure in the relationship seeing as even though I have occasions when I feel manly, I don't have a penis, and always figure that Josh will find an actual male and ditch me, so I never relaxing into the relationship fully. He eventually got fed up with it, we'd known each other long enough to know when I'm holding back or when I'm putting everything on the table, so he called me on it. As I broke down in tears I informed him of my fears, and he held me and explained he sometimes missed having a girlfriend because he usually fell for really masculine guys and he "Just couldn't buy them teddy bears and roses" and that with me he gets to have best of both worlds, he has a girlfriend and a boyfriend all in one person. If anyone could make me feel comfortable being me, it's the man I call my boyfriend. This showed me that if it's meant to be, it will happen, and I thank whatever force brought me and Josh together for doing so, because I am so in love with this feminine man that I couldn't imagine my life without him.
jacobvanloon
blakekathryn
theartofmadeline
