my favorite murder → sentence starters
slightly edited in some cases to work for rp purposes.
feel free to change phrasing or pronouns to fit your muse(s)!
❝ Toxic masculinity ruins the party again! ❞
❝ Pepper spray first, apologize later. ❞
❝ Get a job, buy your own shit. ❞
❝ Stay out of the forest. ❞
❝ You’re in a cult, call your dad. ❞
❝ Lock your fucking door. ❞
❝ Why does anyone have a diary?! Stop it, you stupid idiot, and go to a therapist! ❞
❝ Some of us just want to jump into the pool of terror. ❞
❝ Who wants to be a _____? Don’t you know about cooking and hanging out at home?❞
❝ He is a fucking salty bitch. There’s definitely a shank in his bag. ❞
❝ He was a slick, slightly British accented motherfucker. ❞
❝ What a great opportunity for bad decisions. ❞
❝ Groundbreaking revelation: Hamilton is good. ❞
❝ Girls like True Crime and Zac Efron. ❞
❝ I’m the most jewish non-jew that’s ever lived. ❞
❝ I once ate watermelon rind to make myself throw up so I didn’t have to go to hebrew school. ❞
❝ I don’t know Dad, because I’m busy going to therapy to get over…you? ❞
❝ He is… perfection. There’s something like Disneyesque about the scale of the size of his eyes to the rest of his face. ❞
❝ Here’s the thing, fuck everyone. ❞
❝ Good thing I don’t give a shit about dick. ❞
❝ That old, blind bitch. ❞
❝ This isn’t a positive cult. This isn’t like sephora. ❞
❝ You don’t have to be perfect. Just fucking do things. ❞
❝ I hope we never get stabbed. ❞
❝ Speak for yourself. Question authority. ❞
❝ All of life is about fixing what you fucked up. ❞
❝ I’m going to be drunk in the den, so do what you will. ❞
❝ Consider me always wrong. ❞
❝ Let’s use our power of anxiety for good. ❞
❝ There’s always got to be an asshole to ruin things. ❞
❝ This is terrible. Keep going. ❞
❝ Uber is just organized hitchhiking. ❞
❝ Don’t worry, it gets worse. ❞
❝ Let’s sit crooked and talk straight. ❞
❝ Two things organ music is good for: ice-skating and mass-murdering. ❞
❝ This is a fucking shitshow. ❞
❝ It’s about to get really not that great. ❞
❝ Fancy husbands are just fucking running amok. ❞
❝ Flaws are what makes you gorgeous. ❞
❝ My therapist was right about you. ❞
❝ It’s really hard to strangle someone, so maybe don’t do it. ❞
❝ Please live your life like you’re going to be reenacted in 30 years. ❞
❝ Anytime you need stitches because of your fucking husband, it’s time to get out of there. ❞
❝ Arm yourself with knowledge, but don’t let it overwhelm you. ❞
❝ Don’t go off your meds. ❞
❝ Anybody can get sodomy. ❞
❝ You might have good penmanship and all, but you’re still a criminal. ❞
❝ I’m a very highly functioning mess. ❞
❝ If you’re going to do something, don’t half-ass it. ❞
❝ We all have feral days. ❞
❝ That’s nice, you fucking cunt. ❞
❝ He looked like an obscene phone call. ❞
❝ I was raised to sass at defcon 5. ❞
❝ Honestly? In a hundred years? Nobody’s gonna remember this. So relax a little bit. ❞
❝ ON point. She could not be more on point. The most on pointiest point…person. ❞
❝ If you don’t suspect something in your neighborhood, it’s gonna fucking happen. Start suspecting. ❞
❝ Pretty sure the Cold War didn’t have a front. ❞
❝ Namaste the fuck away from me. ❞
❝ What the fucking fuck? ❞
❝ Unless you’re a ghost baseball player you don’t need to be in that field. ❞
❝ Don’t take shit to your grave. You’re being a selfish dick. ❞
❝ If someone’s a real hard ass, they’re the biggest softie…we’re like a prickly pear with a gooey center. ❞
❝ Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten into crime if someone had just offered me an icy cold Diet Pepsi. ❞
❝ It’s called the Not Today Motherfucker Special, and I serve it up for free. ❞
❝ What if you just put four pairs of underwear on at once and every day you took off another one? ❞