there are two punchlines here, the first is predictable, the second really surprises you

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@today-only-happens-once
there are two punchlines here, the first is predictable, the second really surprises you
idk if this is an usamerican thing or not but it always blows my mind as a small european country resident that yall have many names and types of apples???? what do you mean its not just red yellow or green??? why is it so complicated??? who is granny smith????
'whats your favorite apple' 'red' 'no i mean like what type' '??????' actual conversatiom i've had with a mutual from usa
THIRTY TWO??????
Listen that doesn’t even account for all the weird shit local farmers are getting up to.
May I present the best apple:
the world is so big and beautiful
"THE PRINCESS BRIDE" 1987, dir. Rob Reiner
Happy Pride 🌈 | The Golden Girls (1985-1992)
Can you imagine being stuck in space completely alone with only the corpses of your friends for company, and the first living thing you meet after 46 years of that misery is a fucking weird alien creature who just rolls up with crazy advanced tech and goes "hi let's work together" and makes it possible for you to save your world through the power of friendship and molecular biology. AND THEN you find out that in this creature's language, its name means "mercy". Happened to my good friend Rocky btw
hail mary, full of--
Phm from Adrian's perspective is just what if you were Penelope and Odysseus came home but he also brought a jellyfish and keeps begging you to build a fish tank for the jellyfish and make jellyfish food for the jellyfish and youre an ancient Greek whos never seen a jellyfish and you cant even comprehend how your going to do it but youre going to because if you dont Odysseus may kill himself. And also the jellyfish can do like. Witchcraft.
Fuck you I was expecting comedy and now I'm crying?!
This is beautiful.
quirky fourth wall breaking character but theyre just fucking. wrong about the medium theyre in. they keep making references to cinematic techniques and directorial styles and the other fourth wall breaking character is like "dumbass we're in a fucking comic book" and they are in a video game.
i love you lab grown diamonds i love you slavery-free chocolate i love you community gardens i love you fact that the insulin patent was sold for $1 i love you locally produced meat and milk i love you streets turned into walkable parks i love you little reminders that Things Do Not Have To Be This Way and there are people working to build a better world!!
i love you smog tests for cars i love you clean air regulations i love you HEPA filters i love you dam removal i love you planting native gardens i love you monarch butterflies (up 64% in 2026!) i love you working for decades to bring the condors back from zero to 300+ in the wild i love you inventing little machines to pick up the plastic fishing nets and other trash in the sea i love you occupational health and safety regulations i love you environmental protection agencies i love you unions i love you social aid programs i love you food not bombs i love you sea shepherds i love you most countries stopping industrial whaling and more humpback whales now than ever before i love you saving the forests i love you little libraries i love you take what you need cupboards/fridges i love you secular food pantries i love you public bathrooms i love you all-ages playgrounds i love you museums i love you aquariums + zoos i love you restoring peregrine falcons to nyc i love you letting beavers fix the river i love you releasing wolves into the wild i love you bison recovery efforts i love you landback i love you reducing light pollution i love you freeway sound baffle walls i love you advertising bans i love you public outreach and education i love you maria montessori i love you queer clinics i love you people working really hard and succeeding at fixing the world and making it safer for all living beings!
Life is beach
When it comes to faith in humanity I have to share an experience I will never forget.
It happened in a train, near noon in the middle of July in the south of France. Which for those familiar should tell you something about how hot it was. For those unfamiliar it's pretty damn hot particularly for people like yours truly who do not take heat well.
The train was packed, which did not help the heat. I had eaten but a handful of nuts in the morning, which was a bad decision. I didn't have a seat, which isn't necessarily an issue. Usually.
But the heat and the lack of food (mostly the heat) made a bad combination. The lightheadedness fell on me like an anvil. Sudden. Heavy. I felt nauseous which was truly the worst part because is there a worse place to puke than in a packed train? I didn't think so and I still don't.
People noticed. I don't know if it was the swaying or maybe I had gone visibly pale but three different people got up to give me their seat. Or four. I don't know, but it was a lot. The rules of politeness and manners don't apply when you're afraid you're gonna puke so I very gratefully took a seat.
A woman gave me a chocolate biscuit, she said she kept this sort of thing in her bag always because her son has diabetes. Two people offered me water but I had my own which I did drink. Two other people offered me more food. A man offered me vitamins. I hesitated and he gave me the package so I could check for myself it wasn't, like, drugs. I am mildly ashamed to say that I did not hesitate for reasons of a stranger giving me medicine but because I thought the orange-flavored vitamins might not mix super well with the chocolate biscuit I was eating. For my defense, sensory issues can be bad and I already wasn't feeling well. But I did learn my lesson about trusting strangers with medicine. This one was trustworthy, but still. Man who gave me vitamins, kudos to you for making sure I knew it wasn't drugs.
People asked me if I knew what was wrong. Two older people gently chastised me for not eating enough in this weather. Several asked where I as getting off and were visibly relieved when I said my stop was soon. They kept subtly checking on me trough the train ride and several people waved goodbye when I got off.
All those strangers coming together without a second's hesitation when I felt unwell. When you think about it, that's, like, a low bar. Obviously if someone visibly wasn't feeling well I would try to help. But the way they all moved together and didn't wait for someone else to offer a seat or food or water. The way they kept checking on me. That's what I want to be like.
And it's one of the experiences that makes me keep faith in humanity, so I thought this was the right place to share it.
"grace. grace! grace give attention. rocky perform human ritual of escape closet now. statement."
"come again?"
"i learn more from thinking machine. human gender preference. attraction to same gender, means word 'gay.' all eridian same gender." rocky stands straight up. "rocky come out to grace now. all rocky plural gay, statement."
"...wow, that's... rock, i'm not sure it makes much sense to apply human ideas of sexual orientation to a monogendered species."
a long and judgmental pause. then:
"grace HOMOPHOBIC, question????"
"Greetings to the Universe in 55 Different Languages", a poem arranged out of messages from the Voyager spacecraft
Grace: *does something*
Rocky: "why Grace so 🎶🎶🎶 stupid. Question."
Grace: "Excuse me buddy?"
Rocky: "...🎶🎶🎶 stupid. Hmm. Need word."
Grace: "...what does it mean?"
Rocky: "Meant add strength to word. But some Eridians think also .....rude"
Grace: "So a swear word. I'm not giving you the human word for that."
Rocky: "Why not. Question."
Grace: "Because this human thinks they are rude too."
Rocky: "Do not be little 🎶🎶🎶 Grace. Give Rocky human swear word."