I was crying maple syrup tears
shinsou hitoshi x gender neutral reader
genre: self indulgent fluff
a/n: i got the idea this morning that shinsou seems like he’d actually be a rly nice singer but he’d absolutely refuse to let anyone hear it. i haven’t been able to sleep well for like a week and i’ve been having multiple panic attacks since the weekend due to the amount of work my classes have been shitting on me, so i used this as motivation to get thru today and having to cram tonight. i haven’t written a fan fic since high school lmao
You’ve only ever caught him once…
His singing was actually quite wonderful; gruff in the chest and firm on all the higher notes, like slowly pouring sweet but dark amber maple syrup. But he persistently denies this incident ever happened, well, maybe you’re the persistent one for always asking as if you’re trying to pry open a clam shut tight to reveal the pearl inside.
That is until, one day, Shinsou shuts down on you and leaves you bewildered and feeling vulnerable. He would avoid you in the hallways, he’d grow quiet from his usual sarcastic self if you were anywhere near him. The times you do catch a glimpse of his face he never looked angry… he’s not usually angry at you and if he ever were he’s the type of person that would come forward and gently explain his concern. That you appreciated so much, that was something you couldn’t afford to lose; he just looked… anxious. His lips in a tight frown, his eyebrows furrowed in discomfort, his usually endearing eyes looking to the ground.
You genuinely hurt just thinking about the fact that you could have possibly hurt him. A few days pass with empty greetings and this insufferably awkward air between you two… until you can’t stand it anymore. You miss his voice, his velvet smooth laughs, his broad hands that firmly clasp yours, always strong and warm to remind you that you are safe. You finally muster enough courage one afternoon to tell him to meet you at your dorm after the day’s training and you swallow nervously as he replies with nothing but a simple nod.
--
You’d been waiting anxiously, pacing around the room while ruminating deep in your head until the lightest knock, politely indicating his presence, scared the absolute shit out of you. Shinsou was surprised when you abruptly opened the door to see your face so pale as if you’d been holding your breath for the last hour.
“Hey.”
“Hey...”
And now the two of you are sitting at the edge of your bed. You take a quick breath and release the bed sheets that you hadn’t noticed you were clutching from your grip. Your hands are clammy. You’re not sure exactly what you had said or done, but you had pushed Shinsou into silence; you had upset him somehow and that’s what mattered.
You apologize. Your voice quivers so you quickly swallow before apologizing again, firmly this time, and you turn your head to meet his fatigued, lavender eyes. You catch him off guard and he stays still for a moment. For just a moment you think you really fucked up… until a second passes and Shinsou leans forward. He places the lightest kiss on your forehead, as if your skin was made out of porcelain. His lips curve into that humble smile that you missed oh so much and he lets out a soft, breathy chuckle while you, on the other hand, let out a loud, obvious sigh of relief to admit that you in fact had been holding your breath for the past hour or two.
--
Your gasp is jagged and it pierces the frigid, silent air which causes you to immediately wake and open your eyes. You abruptly sit up but immediately regret it as the sudden movement causes the room to spin. You helplessly lay back onto the bed, feeling lightheaded as the panic starts to crawl like a vermin into your chest again. It slithers up your neck to constrict your throat, painfully restraining your weak attempts to breathe. When you try to lick your dry lips, you only make them feel more uncomfortable and with every pathetic breath you try to manage the burning sensation only worsens. At this point, you’re not sure if it’s a single tear or a drop of sweat that rolls down your cheek, but regardless you lay there as if you’re paralyzed except for the shudders that take over your small body.
You desperately want to curl up into a fetal position, to turn your back away from the world that was too loud but too eerily quiet at the same time. You only manage to choke out a single hoarse sob but then you feel yourself enveloped in a warm, secure embrace; the mere shock of this almost halts your panic for a moment. A hand starts to run through your tangled locks while the other is placed on your back, gently rubbing circles to ease your body frozen in fear. Eventually, a low, husky voice whispers your name and you look up to meet those lovely lavender eyes.
Shinsou shushes you tenderly as he whispers sweet nothings to nurture you back into the present moment. You let out a defeated, exasperated sigh and place your head on his chest. You listen to his faint heartbeat; the sound of that alone is comforting enough to almost completely lull you back to sleep. But then you feel a soft rumbling that reverberates through his chest. You hear something you haven’t heard in a while, something that you’ve only heard once before… The luscious trickle of sweet, dark amber maple syrup. You swear you hear Shinsou’s heart quicken a bit which makes you giggle but soon enough you melt like putty into Shinsou’s arms. This prompts him to relax too. The warmth of his voice fills the room, taking up every corner of the room that was once so frigid and unforgiving. You’re completely captivated in a trance, and soon your eyelids start to grow heavy. A tired but adoring smile grows on your lips as you snuggle closer into his chest to hold him dearly. You finally let out a soft sigh of relief and this time you do let yourself be lulled completely back to sleep...
