New Amazon Essentials
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@toiletboi
New Amazon Essentials
Having a seat
Plumber Has an Emergency
Although he was a master locksmith who could have a door open in less than a minute, Pete didn’t know dick about plumbing. All he knew was his toilet was overflowing. Luckily he knew one thing and that was how to turn the water off. Before bed last night he took a piss and when he flushed, the water had rushed right up to the brim. Not wanting to pay an extra fee for overnight assistance, Pete decided he would wait until the morning to call.
Rob made his way out to Pete’s about an hour after Pete called. Rob had been a plumber for years and Pete just chose his name out of the phone book. Rob began his assessment. Meanwhile, Pete had needed his morning shit for quite some time now. It was pressing but not at that dire emergency stage yet.
Rob quickly realized the toilet needed to be snaked out. There was probably some minor blockage that wasn’t allowing the toilet to drain. He grabbed his tools out of his truck and got to work.
An hour later and not much progress had been made. Pete’s shit however had progressed further along. He needed to get on a toilet as soon as possible. As Rob was bent down working on the toilet, a loud wet fart escaped.
“Sorry about that man, I guess the coffee is doing it’s work on my system. It probably doesn’t help that I had a few beers last night”, Rob said.
The fart was rancid and punched Pete right in the face with its stench.
“No worries. Uhmmmm do you think you’ll be much longer? I haven’t been able to use my toilet yet today?”, Pete asked.
“Should be done any minute now”, Rob answered as his stomach loudly gurgled.
Another 30 minutes passed and still no luck. Pete was now pacing his hallway. His morning shit was always his biggest and today was no exception. Rob too hoped the toilet would be fixed soon. He was getting pretty desperate. He never used a client’s restroom but this time he didn’t think he would make it back to his truck, nevermind the McDonald’s down the street.
Rob heard what he had been longing to hear as the toilet quickly drained. He flushed once to make sure the blockage was gone. The water filled once again in the bowl, this time stopping where it was supposed to. The toilet was now operational again.
“Sorry to ask, but can I use this before I go?”, Rob inquired while motioning to the toilet.
“Sure, but I need to go first!”, Pete yelped.
He waited for Rob to leave the room but instead he just said good there with a pained look on his face.
“Uhmmm can you step out for a minute?”, asked Pete.
“No. If I move at all I’m going to shit my pants”, said a flustered Rob who was clenching with all of his might.
Pete didn’t care at this point. He needed to shit NOW. He dropped his boxers to the floor and quickly began going. After 8 loud plops, he pissed strongly against the side of the bowl. Luckily for Rob his ass was clean after 2 passes.
Pete hadn’t even pulled his pants all the way up before Rob dove onto the bowl. Loud diarrhea thundered out of him. He turned bright red. Here he was having a monster shit in front of a client. A stranger at that.
He sighed with relief as his shit splashed. The smell engulfed Pete who said “how about a courtesy flush?”.
Rob flushed his diarrhea away before more filled the bowl. The beers had really messed up his system and the coffee was the catalyst. Pete had washed up at that point and decided to give Rob some privacy. As soon as he shut the door, Rob groaned loudly and completely gave up all inhibitions.
The relief was unlike anything he had ever felt before. He had a few more bursts before finally feeling cleared out. He wiped up 10 or 12 times before flushing, watching to make sure the bowl didn’t clog like it had for Pete the night before. He washed up and joined Pete in his kitchen.
“Sorry about that,” Rob shyly said. He was barley able to look at Pete.
“Shit happens. It’s cool”, Pete said in a reassuring tone.
Rob left and headed to his next job looking fully content as he drove away.
Have you been given a blumpkin before?
Yes.
It seems like about half the people I meet up with want to give me one and I'm more than happy to indulge.
Three is the magic number where a simple pair evolves into a full-blown party.
What a remarkable setup. Let's deconstruct this cozy room.
There were stalls here. Why were they removed? Suspect activity?
My guess is it's not a public restroom, but perhaps a residential setting, a shelter. "Where everybody knows your name." It's festive here. Every morning.
No one holds back. Loud farts. Crackling and splashing for many seconds. Pungent smells.
Urine stains tell the story. Since most are right-handed, a man pooping on #3 entertains the room when lifting to wipe. Then there are the standing wipers!
Commenting on the size of your buddy's shit load is expected.
In an empty room, #3 is first choice. Most guys wait a minute or so for company before proceeding to fill the bowl.
Bring enough toilet paper to share.
Man I wish I could find open toilets!!
Sit or Squat
probably sit