Tokens In Life

A place for friends and wayward travelers.

[tokensinlife]

Time for Gratitudes

1. Mental and physical health. My body can do what I ask if it, and I am of healthy mind. I have no disabilities, and I can think clearly. Deep breath.

2. Routine. I know when I need to be productive, I can come hoop. This allows me to be in my flow state, and I have a great place to come get some shots up. I love my friends at the gym. This is a safe space for me.

3. A safe home. I can relax there. It is a blessing to have a safe place to live, and not live with the threat of danger or violence in the home.

4. My career. I have a stable job that allows me to live at a fun echelon. I have savings in the bank and can have any I truly need.

[tokensinlife]

March 2023

A weekend worth some reflective post. 

A dinner celebrating life’s blessings. Fine wine, fine food, beautiful company. A day in the high country. A dog free to roam. New friends roaring in the bustling city. Projects meditate the mind. The sun warms the soul. Rest is found on the couch. Contentedness settles in like a dense fog. Peace rains down. 

[tokensinlife]

Reflections 6/28/22

Yesterday G and I had a conversation about our relationship. We have had a couple arguments as of late and they are beginning to worry her. I feel some of the core of the issues comes from both of us feeling strongly about an issue and not really wanting to back down. She finds me to be sensitive, more so than her friends with whom she banters regularly and where nothing is off limits. I find her to be inconsiderate at times, resulting in a clear disagreement about who’s in the right. This has given her hesitation about our potential engagement, resulting in a conversation last night about taking engagement off the table for now and simply enjoying dating. While I still feel good about this relationship in its entirety, there are definitely parts of me where concern arises regarding her experience and relationships, and feeling as if she never got in arguments in the past in her prior relationship, which was by nature long distance. If I had to hit the nail on the head, I would say there is ground to be made up from both parties, however I felt a need to state my inappreciation for some of her comments and digs. Today she has been experiencing great anxiety. I think ultimately this will blow over, with us returning hopefully to a more patient place. There is a certain level of experience differential in which we find ourselves, and I think she has an even deeper concern than she may be letting on. I think my head is still quite a little clouded, like a snow glove relatively shortly after a shake. I cannot tell if ground will be made on leaning into peace and thoughtful communication, or if these miscommunications become so large that they are insurmountable. I find it to be a time will tell issue. How can I grow, and affect positive change therein? Perhaps naming the words/communication for which I lack appreciation in the moment, and trying to lean into the nature of my partner as a loving person, reassuring her if this nature in the moment, while also sharing patient thought

Do I feel compelled to change?

This is an interesting question. I feel assuredly I can be more accommodative. I feel surely that this is one of the strongest relationships and one with the most potential I have experienced. The good news of this situation is that it gives me a time to step back and examine that which lays before me. Is this the mother of my children? Is this my partner for life? Deep in this strong mindedness, is there also a soul willing to find median ground?

She did propose more thoughtful nights - more planned evenings, and more premeditated connection experiences. I think this is a powerful recommendation.

There is beauty in the temperance that’s taking one’s time. The idea that thought plays itself out, and actionable paths clarify with time. Nothing here shakes my foundation. The greater part of my nature says this is growing pain. Like all I will not fear new beginnings, however I do not feel this path has met it’s end. This path has tumbled - and yet it is time for it to find its footing once more.

[tokensinlife]

On Value

Something I have been meditating on is resigning the term value in my life. When I stare at my stocks throughout the day, I am constantly whipsawed both in my account and emotionally based on the values on the screen. That is not value. Value is the feeling you get when you hug someone you love. Value is the feeling you get when you share a smile and moment with a stranger in a coffee shop. Value is the feeling of knowing you have so many people that love you, that care about you, and that are proud of you. We must not forget that real value is not based on numbers on a screen. Screens - another way in which it is easy to get values out of line. Value comes from the way we treat each other. The way we celebrate each other and humble ourselves. And the way we recognize our blessing, and live within it. I should celebrate life like a rich man, like a man who is so fully blessed by his community and family and friends and coworkers. That is real value. And I must be aware to live in my blessing - to revel in it and swim in its bounty.

There is a certain wonder - a panache and mystery that lives about in the world. When we can still embrace that - wrap our arms around it and celebrate the h certainty of it all. That is when we are living fully - celebrating our blessings, and enjoying the unknown of life. That is when we are living in the moment, and fully present!!!

[tokensinlife]

Daily Gratitudes - Iron City- 3/15/21

Greetings from the Iron City in Alabama! Let’s get into it. 

1. Wonderful, beautiful relationships. That which I know gives me so much joy and happiness, I am thankful for friends like Joe, Kaden, and Katie. These are like family given to me from God. I learn not only in their words, but also in their actions. That which they love, when they are tired, their referencing and adornment for one another, and their sincerity and full heartedness. Truly I will always be grateful for the Pederson family. 

2. Presence of mind. I am here, healthy, with the means to buy a next day flight, and not think twice of my health or ability to do so. What a tremendous blessing to have these resources in health and wealth. I also have friends across the country with which I can stay if I need. I am truly abundant and wealthy in relationships and resources. 

3. Energy! I have so much to give, so much to share, and so much yet to receive, in the most humble fashion. I feel great, feel excited for the future, and have rediscovered my grounding within a higher power. Yes religion is not a perfect science, but it does push me to be better - to see things as bigger than myself, and to improve my overall relationship with myself and my future partner. That which I manifest is before me. 

Con todo mi corazon <3

[tokensinlife]

What Do I Want? 2/19/21

I want to make a difference. I want to find meaningful work. I want to having a long lasting loving relationship with a partner. I want to provide work opportunities for people. I want to hug my friends, and love my family. I want to travel and be humbled by cultures different from mine. I want to love.

[tokensinlife]

Untitled 2/16/21

I guess I just feel - emotionally unavailable. I’m a little desensitised to dating. I still text my ex songs I find. I meet a lot of nice people, but can’t tell if they are potential good partners or not. I don’t have a great read on what makes someone a great life long partner for me - I meet a lot of nice people that I’m sure with the right amount of work would make great life partners. Some of them have great jokes, some have great chemistry, some are successful, but in general I just kind of am unsure. I do like to meet people, this is for sure. After about an hour or two though I am just generally disengaged. Nice people though for sure. Maybe because other people have had success online I feel it is something I should try. The truth is, I haven’t felt really that great about the story of meeting someone online. I talk so much about stories, yet here I am still sort of disinterested in the online dating game. 

I decided to manifest a finance job, I really put my heart, love, and energy into that. It is paying dividends. I know if I put my heart, love, and energy into manifesting a partner, I will see the benefits of it. Right now I am just being lackadaisical tbh about my dating life. I’m going on dates that I’m not even fully present for! Perhaps that is why I find myself generally blase at the end of these experiences. Because I wasn’t that into them in the first place. I’m going to take a break from online dating. I’m going to make sure I study at least four times a week, like my workout schedule. I will keep my spirit open to meeting people, but also will make sure I am being intentional about my engagements. Not just to be engaged in something because it is something to do, which I am so good at. My date today I was excited for, and had a good approach to, but in general I got tired towards the end, also because I like to be out. Lately what has given me the most joy is reading, studying, cooking, and projects. I have been working and focused too. It may be high time to go into my hyperbolic chamber, and NOT date. Is that the answer then, to deny myself that which I am hoping to have?

I met Mayra through a friend, met Sarah through a friend, and met them both when I was not looking. That seems to be a good pattern for me. Is there potential for Sarah and I? That is the million dollar question. I know it is still one that passes through both our minds. 

Either way, I do feel more intentionality is key for me right now. I find myself in a bit of a haze, and generally distracted or in a sort of malaise. The key to which is to turn off the notifications. The other night I put my phone on do not disturb and just read. My mind was engaged by a great thinker, and pondering her reflections was a beautiful thing. I intend to do this more.

There are things I tend to do well when I focus and seek them out, and others that I do well when I let them come to me. Dating is one for the latter. 

Yours, CO

[tokensinlife]

Me Time

Me Time

1/20/21

This morning I went to Red Rocks to catch the sunrise. After waking up at 6am wide awake, I took a quick shower, changed the sheets, and contemplated what to do with these few hours. Should I read? Journal? I saw the early streaks of light begin to move across the sky, and I knew deep down, I wanted to watch the sunrise in the mountains. I let out and fed Kaia, packed a quick bag, and headed up the road. How cool it is to have a world-renowned park available to us as Colorado residents year round. Though shows are not currently happening there, the park remains open for visitors. I drove up to the long staircase, collected my belongings, and began the walk to the amphitheater. When I got to the spot that felt right, I began moving my body, complete with sun salutes, some chair pose, and some gratitude work. With each inhale, in inhaled my destiny. I inhaled, and welcomed my future in to my lungs. With each exhale, I let go of expectation, and let go of a false sense of control. In with the new, and out with that that no longer serves me. I feel the combination of taking action towards my goals, while also allowing the beauty and rhythm of the universe to provide me with what is meant for me. Just wrapped a great meeting with Peter. He had a month long medicine trip in the jungle of Peru, and learned a lot about himself. One of his powerful takeaways was around no longer allowing the adolescent version of himself to make the decisions in his life. Rather, he is now fulling embracing his manhood and allowing that to guide his decisions. He also believes life itself is music. Our voices, our actions, all things contribute to the living music. We are part of the ensemble. Lastly, he feels words are equally if not more powerful than actions. How we speak to ourself, and how we speak to others, creates action. Peter is a dear friend and I treasure his thoughts and reflections. He also helps provide tax advice and structure for the business, which is truly helpful!

Final meditations:

The perfect partner is coming my way. The perfect job is coming my way. The perfect choices will reveal themselves.

[tokensinlife]

Happy New Year Papa! To 2021 🥂

1/2/21

Happy New Year my friend! What a nice time of year it is. A time to reflect on what has been, and what is yet to come. What is time, but a way for us to look backward and forward. A way to document and preserve, even if just momentarily. Thank you to my friends and my family. Thank you for having me, and know my gratitude lies steadily available for you like water in the ocean. My time in Boise is coming to a close, and with it came many memories. Family dinner, table dance parties, big laughs & roasting each other, small quiet breakfasts, and the resounding feeling of a beautiful community. Friendships are nurtured, and we feel our love and support. We will manifest which is meant for us. We will grow and become our dreams. That upon which we meditate most, will be actualized if our intentions are pure. 

What the world, needs now, is love, sweet love. 

To you world, i bring my hands to heart center, and give you my best self. I know that which is right in my heart, and following that leads to a continued fulfilling life.  

How sweet it is to allow the time to experience the journey of life. To savor each bite - and to soak in the journey and feeling of being alive. Our dreams are now  - each day and moment is an opportunity to feel. 

[tokensinlife]

Detach with Love

[tokensinlife]

Mijo Check In 8/17/20

Today was a challenging day. I think it had to do mostly with a lack of dopamine. No workout and no big challenges or breaks from the norm. That is ok though. It was a high dopamine weekend with being out of town with the girlfriend on a little romantic getaway. It’s ok to be tired and have a tough day, and I think it is important to normalize not every day being 10/10. It leaves more room open for other great days! It is how you handle it that makes the biggest difference. I communicated through it with Sarah. She is going to be taking a trip with some friends and with some girl friends soon. I think I have a little bit of separation anxiety that comes from moving a lot as a kid. I get nervous to lose something if it isn’t around. I know that Sarah loves me through, with all of her heart and soul. Her love for me is unwavering. I will trust her and give her as much freedom as she would like so that she can go have fun and have time to miss me. As my mom would say you need to give people space to miss you. I love Sarah and she loves me too. Tomorrow I will get up and hit the gym first thing to start my day. I will then have a great day mixed with some prospecting and follow up. Think of Joann - she followed up with me long after we had spoken. What if I went through all my cards and saw what was in there, and checked in with people? That may lead to good things. Who are my perfect targets? Who are my dream clients? How can I work with them? 

Today is a good reinforcement that a hard day’s work clears the mind. Without it, it doesn’t feel as good to get to the end of the day. Tomorrow we will get after it first thing and go to work!

Daily Gratitudes

1. Ms. Sarah Hope Cox. I am in love, have a great partner, and she loves me. Life is a journey, and we are on this road together. 

2. Reflection. I am thankful to have a safe place to think and take my time to explore my feelings. I am safe with shelter and food. These things are not a given around the world. 

3. My family. Listening to an album Ramon bought me, on my comfy couch, texting my brother, I am reminded of the gifts of family and their blessings. I am rich with family! I am rich with safety! I am rich with all of the gifts Mother Earth provides for me!

[tokensinlife]

Love, or the Dream of It

5/24/20

Falling in love is a beautifully terrifying thing. 

Like a roller coaster, there are moments of ecstasy, fear, triumph, frustration, and relief. Moments of growth, of beauty, of impermanence, and of intricate interconnected emotion provide a feeling unlike any other. The journey itself is indescribable, and is only capable of realization in each moment, the beauty of no guarantees beckoning each partner to invest their souls and lives without a certain outcome. That choice, made daily, for a partner with which to see a future come to reality, demonstrates a decision to ride those seas, come hell or high water, and land upon a new land of life together. This feeling, and the journey for it, is unlike any other. 

[tokensinlife]

April 27th, 2020

Ah the level setting of quarantine. Things have begun to normalize, and it is feeling like we will move past this together. The rebellions have begun to trickle in - parties here, gatherings there - invites to come over whispered through silent phones and winked eyes. We all feel the future coming, though some of us are willing to break the speed limit to see if we can arrive sooner without being caught. 

I have found some peace as of late. The ‘medicine’ can be an effective tool to bring about some chaos, and find peace within it. I have gained a brother here in Colorado, which is a blessing. I will get to see my mother who is passing through hopefully tomorrow, but if I do not see her it will all be ok as well. 

Things with my girlfriend are well. I must be aware that infidelity runs deep within my family, and is even more of a scare than alcoholism is for us. As a wise man once said, energy is free, and one can enjoy that without overstepping. 

This blog began nearly a decade ago, and here I find myself, writing to the future, for a discovery yet to be made as my articles are researched, but by myself or others seeking to learn more of the story. Welcome friend, and know this candor and levity with which I spoke to myself is also that which I would speak with you. 

I have a great sense of calmness now. The feeling that all will be well - that I’ve learned patience with self - that I’ve learned how to make harder decisions, and be consistent in my engagements with friends, family, partners, brothers, and sisters, looks to serve me well going forward in life. As day is not without night, so felicity is not without struggle. When I make peace with both, I can complete the circle of emotional growth, and know there is a great foundation upon which to build, to review, to redesign, and to optimize. I welcome the increased awareness that shines light upon designs that I have outgrown - upon approaches that are yet to maximize meanings, and with processes that leave room for expansion. I continue to grow, take joy in the daily bread, and embrace the moments that thread themselves together and create the roadmap of this life. 

Cheers to you, and to us, that we might see one another fully, cherish that which makes us human, and celebrate the beauty of our impermanence. 

Yours Truly,

Chris 

[tokensinlife]

Daily Gratitudes 5/23/19

1. Home - what a blessing it is to have a place to come home to, that you love, and feel safe in. Many are nervous to go home, or reside in a place that is not nearly as comfortable. I am thankful to have a home, that is safe, warm, and full of memories. The opportunity to spend time there, hanging out with those I love, creating enriching experiences, and being excited to return there, is something I am very grateful for. I love my home! I have a great home!

2. Confident Parenting - What a blessing it is to have parents and brother that instilled confidence within me. Confidence to engage with those around me, to hear their stories, to reach out when they are in need, and confidence in doing the right thing when the time calls for it. I am thankful that I have been taught the power of confidence, and can harness it in my everyday interactions. Humble confidence, of course, being the key ingredient. Humility mixed with the belief that we can affect the environment around us, and stand up for that which is just, even in the face of tyrants and bullies, in our work place, friend group, and all types of social groups. If I remain confident, and humble, I can achieve my dreams.

3. The Gift of Giving - Sitting next to my coworker who is enjoying a book I’m currently reading, I am reminded of the power of giving. As he has read the book while I completed homework, it was fun to watch him turn the pages, with the look of reflection emanating off his brow. When we sat down on the plane, I looked to him, to see if he was ready to return the book, or if he may be done with it for a while. He saw my gaze, and noted “I may fall asleep, but if I don’t, I will want to read this book. Laid gently beneath his clasped hands, it sits waiting for his potential attention, and I am reminded of the power of a gift. This feeling is a great one, as I can get the book at any time, but to see him hold onto it, and reflect on it, is a great minder of the power of a gift. I am thankful for this.

[tokensinlife]

Daily Gratitudes 5/22/19

1. Philly G! What a great friend and almost family member to have in my life. I am thankful he took some time to travel with me, and share his wisdom with clients and myself. He has a wonderful heart and great charisma, and he is someone I regard very highly. I am thankful for Phil G.

2. All the beautiful places in this territory. From hikes to runs to fishing trips, this role has been nothing short of a wonderful adventure, complete with national parks and warm hearted people. Even Sam at the restaurant last night has a smile the size of the ocean, and there are many friends I’ve made in different places spread out over these seven states. This has been an incredible adventure, that paid me well, and opened many doors to experiences around the world.

3. My health. As I run around downtown Billings this morning I am reminded how blessed I am to be in good health and spirits. With the ability to do whatever, become whoever, experience whatever, and accomplish whatever, my life is so free and open to whatever god and my heart desires. With great health, an open mind, a serving spirit, and a humble heart, this life has more blessings in store for me than I can ever imagine.

[tokensinlife]

Blessins

Today we got some blessins! Health to start - what a blessing it is to have full health and freedom to move around, and use all senses, to take in the environment around me. To see the majestic beauty of this world, to taste the delicious food, to feel the touch of the one you love, and the texture of that which lives. To hear sweet music, that brings you joy and makes you dance! To smell the crispness in the air, and awaken your senses. I am thankful to have all of these, and to have mobility as well. I am also thankful for the future, which is perfect for me. The right situations, the right results, and the desires of my heart, which will manifest as the Lord has set them to. I will be peaceful and welcome this future, and engage with it step by step. To know that change is near is an excitement feeling. I am so blessed with a talented family! So much support, love, engagement, warmth, and heart in this family, and I will always have their love and support, which is truly a blessing. I am thankful for my friends, and clients, and the relationships I’ve built in this role. Tonight I get to welcome a great friend out to the territory, and spend quality time with him, which will be so fun. I am proud of my friends and family, and their tenacity in accomplishing their goals. I am thankful for Sami as well - she has a great heart and has a lot of love. I am thankful for Mark’s dog Annie, and Zach’s dog Maple - both of these puppers are so loving and give the best boop kisses. Gratitude fills my heart!

[tokensinlife]

When I Knew

As the morning light draped over the covers, a certain peace quelled the fears of late. The assured uncertainty was tamed by the master of confidence and intent. My heart began to beat stronger, and louder, until a cool wave peace confirmed what I felt I knew on a fateful day in April. The time for my resignation has occurred. Yes I could stomach the day to day stress, and be tough and march on, but now I must march to the drumbeat of my own heart. There is definite financial uncertainty ahead, and this decision will be met with confusion and criticism by many, but I am not here primarily for the approval of others. I am here for the approval of my heart and spirit. My heart and spirit are ready for an adventure, and are up to the task of conquering the fears the will seek to nip at my heels. We will not bend down and play their game. We will stand for that which we believe.

Cons

There will be a gap in my work history, that will need to be explained in interviews, and perhaps may be viewed negatively by future employers

I am walking away from the highest paying job I have ever had

My coworkers at Janus may view me differently

I have two months of commission checks left, and then I will be living on savings

I may have been able to find some arrangement that was better for me by talking with my manager, however three weeks of travel a month would have been the minimum

People work their lives to get a job like this, and I am walking away from it

I may have to start over in a field making 10% of what I made last year, or less

I will have to budget less per month not including the mortgage

Finance licenses expire in two years

Pros

My personal health will improve, as I will no longer be on planes and in and out of rental cars daily

I will have more time to invest in my community, and live in my home

I will explore what truly give me purpose in life, versus doing a job for the money

I will be home

I will have more time to devote to relationships, and being there in person

I will be standing up for myself

I’ve built up enough savings to last myself a minimum of three years

I am making this decision with both my head and my heart. My head knows that this job is not only taking a toll on my body and relationships, but also is preventing me from taking the next steps in my career. My heart has known this for some time, but has had to convince the head and wear him down!

So many other types of wealth, not just financial wealth. Friendship wealth, relationship wealth, community wealth.

I want to be happy more than I want to make other people impressed.

If you don’t like people telling you what to do, you need to tell yourself what to do! You have to be a certain type of person to work for yourself - a stronger minded person.