I'm My Own Worst Enemy

I have accepted my fate and made an X-Men Evolution roleplay blog, just like 12 year old me always knew I would. Indie semi-selective rp blog for Todd (Toad) Tolansky from X Men: Evolution // Bio // Rules // Side-blogs: professional-liability // blxxd-diamxnd //TERFS DO NOT INTERACT 

[promptfairy]

❥   𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐇𝐇𝐇    [   𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂    ]   .

sentence starters inspired by trixie mattel   &   katya zamolodchikova’s web series   ‘   UNHhhh   ’ !!   some quotes have been slightly modified to be more usable .  change gendered language   &   add context to your needs .  mature language   &   themes warning !!   happy roleplaying !! ♡

“   if  you  wanna  fuck  my  mom ,   that  is  none  of  my  business .   ” “   i  knew  this  was  gonna  happen   &   i  still  got  scared .   ” “   i  used  to  pray  to  god  to  take  away  my  ass  hair .   ” “   they  can  put  a  fuckin’  man  on  the  moon ,   but  i  can’t  get  laid .   ” “   if  there  was  a  god  we  would  call  them  hot  gods ,   not  hot  dogs .   ” “   i  was  a  little  bit  turned  on  by  the  feeling  of  being  desirable .   ” “   guys  always  say  my  asshole  tastes  like  a  penny .   ” “   why  did  i  pick  today ,   of  all  days ,   to  turn  it  this  hard .   ” “   i  have  one  toe  out  so  that  people  from  the  bible  can’t  eat  me .   ” “   if  you  want  nice  feet ,   you  gotta  kill  yourself .   ” “   i  wanna  put  the  romance  in  necromancer .   ” “   i  just  wanna  suck  a  dick .   ” “   have  you  ever  had  a  pet  run  away   &   find  it ?   ” “   i  had  a  lizard  that  i  burnt .   ” “   i  look  like  a  half - washed  potato .   ” “   next  thing  i  know  i  woke  up  with  blue  paint  on  my  butt .   ” “   you  don’t  have  any  talent .   you’re  just  a  big  bowl  of  noodles  in  the  shape  of  a  person .   ” “   i  am  extremely  lonely .   ” “   all  my  internal  organs  became  applesauce   &   just  oozed  out  of  my  asshole .   ” “   you  look  horrible .   ” “   i  wanna  fuck  a  sexy  priest .   ” “   my  shoe  flew  off   &   the  heel  hit  somebody  right  in  the  eyeball .   ” “   i  can’t  succeed  in  health   &   happiness  without  you  plummeting .   ” “   if  you’ve  sucked  dick  once ,   that  doesn’t  make  you  gay .     ” “   the  straight  kids  are  gonna  make  fun  of  me .     ” “   are  you  gonna  cry  at  my  funeral ?   ” “   i  don’t  think  you’re  ever  gonna  die .   ” “   you  shut  up   &   get  outta  town .   ” “   i  can  relax  anywhere .   i  just  choose  not  to .   ” “   wigs  are  so  fun .   it’s  so  fun  to  play  with  wigs .   ” “   if  i  say  it  quietly ,   it  doesn’t  sound  like  i  mean  it .   ” “   i  just  observe   &   i  notice  things   &   when  you  lie  about  them ,   i  bring  them  up .   ” “   i’m  thankful  for  two  things :   violence   &   hair care .   ” “   i  went  to  belgium  recently ,   why  didn’t  i  get  involved  in  a  jewel  heist ?   ” “   do  i  have  enough  blush  on ?   ” “   i  wanna  do  crime  on  you .   ” “   i’m  gonna  shove  a  cheeseburger  up  my  ass .   ” “   ingest positivity ,   shit  out  the  haters .   ” “   that’s  what  people  do  when  they  get  horny ,   they  die .   ” “   sometimes  doggy  style  starts  to  feel  like  a  read .   ” “   i  hate  to  be  wrong .   ” “   you  may  deserve  love ,   but  you  won’t  get  it  tonight .   ” “   what  award  would  you  give  to  me ?   ” “   i’ve  finally  lost  contact  with  reality .     ” “   why  am  i  old ?   why  am  i  fat ?   ” “   i  love  myself ,   but  i  don’t  like  the  way  i  am .   ” “   i’m  not  in  a  position  to  tell  anybody  what  to  do .   ” “   i  know  what  to  do .   i  just  don’t  do  it .   ” “   if  you’re  stressed  out  about  your  racist  aunt  or  uncle ,   you  can  physically  assault  them .   ” “   i  punched  my  uncle  in  the  name  of  justice .   ”

[colesmemes]

▸  UNHHHH  (  YOUTUBE SERIES  ) SENTENCES  pt.  4

           assorted  quotes  &  prompts  from  katya  and  trixie’s  iconic  youtube  series  (  which  may  also  include  lines  from  their  i  like  to  watch  series  ).  mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary. 

❝  i love myself, but i don’t like the way that i am.  ❞

❝  have you ever woken up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, thinking everyone is going to discover that you’re a fraud ?  i do this twice a week. ❞ 

❝  straight people are sick.  ❞

❝  i act out scenes at my table, and i made myself cry three times yesterday.  ❞

❝  no aspirations, no goals, no ambition … no bras, no panties.  ❞

❝  i lie about saying that i’m fine when i’m literally dying.  ❞

❝  you know what i still love doing ?  french kissing my hand.  ❞

❝  that little bit of human touch you just provided for me right now ?  it’s got me incredibly lonely.   ❞

❝  you liked to be dressed as the red flag you are.  ❞

❝  i am so distracted by how good i look right now.  ❞

❝  if you were straight, it would be awful.  ❞

❝  doesn’t this feel like a boob ?  ❞ 

❝  i know what to do with my life, i just don’t do it.  ❞

❝  smoking is disgusting, don’t do it … and it’s my favorite thing to do.  ❞

❝  if you marry your stepdad, do you become your own mom ?  ❞ 

❝  what a sad life you live, old man in wig.  ❞

❝  have you ever turned your wake into a kissing booth  ?  ❞

❝  i think we should quit while we’re ahead.  ❞

❝  why can’t you let people live, you piece of shit  ?  ❞ 

❝  are you a resolutions kind of girl ?  ❞ 

❝  i’m just trying to psychically, spiritually, and fashionably branch out.  ❞

❝  please don’t eat in my car, sir.  ❞

❝  you don’t know what i got, and i cut it half so there’s two of ‘em.  ❞

❝  you make your bed everyday ? that’s funny, because i saw your bed the other day when i was in your apartment, and it was not made.  ❞ 

❝  i invite you into my home, and you come to scope out my chores ?  ❞ 

❝  yes, vegan means you can swear things in the shower.  ❞

❝  before we start on this topic, i just want to acknowledge that i look great. and i just want to point this out, because you never do.  ❞

❝  when i’m embarrassed, i want to stand in front of a pipe that’s going to melt my skin off.  ❞

❝  nowadays i could piss my pants onstage and not get embarrassed.  ❞

❝  i know what you did last summer, but i just don’t give a shit.  ❞

❝  underwear: no one sees them, so why wear ‘em ?  ❞ 

❝  well, i wasn’t doing carbon dating on the dick.  ❞

❝  i’m just trying to be a warmer person this year.  ❞

[tolcnsky]

I ate so many Christmas cookies, just put me down.

[jumex]

I actually hate being sappy like I’ll say “I missed you today” then immediately drag them to diffuse the situation

[curvesncurls-deactivated2017090]

“Where were you today? I missed u. Thought ya lil ugly ass went and joined the soul circus”

[tolcnsky]

All I want for Christmas this year is that sweet sweet validation.

[tolcnsky]

Ey babe, I’ll see you...

Under the mistle-toad 💋

[tolcnsky]

Update: Toad has a creepy Kylo Ren body

[tolcnsky]

Still kinda fried that Toad did more than like half the X-Men in The Cauldron: Part 2 and at the end they were just like: Anyway, go fuck yourself :)

[tolcnsky]

And then that bald motherfucker was like: Alex is always welcome at the Institute

B I T C H ? ?

[tolcnsky]

Did I already post this?

[tolcnsky]

All alone on a Saturday night?

God, you’re relatable.

[tolcnsky]

Ladies…

[tolcnsky]

//I maintain that some of my best posts are on this blog

[tolcnsky]

“If Jesus was here, he’d hammer-throw me into the sun.”

[tolcnsky]

Todd pls don’t kill urself bc if u don’t do it right you get sent to the psych ward and they’re not nice to mutants 😔/nsrs

….

I’m going back to bed.

[tolcnsky]

❤️

[professional-liability]

Cinematic parallels

[tolcnsky]

How Attractive Is Your Muse? On a scale of 1-100

“Yessss! Almost at 50%!”

[tolcnsky]

@ellamora

“Ha! Hear that? All of you guys who ever doubted me can SUCK IT!”

[ellamora]

Sees the description of the post:

*squeaks of embarrassment* uh, is it wrong that I’m blushing at this?

[tolcnsky]

...Is she okay?