I'm just doing my best

I'm Tom, 29, FTM, and for now at least finished transitioning on the nhs. Continuing my transition with fitness & health 🚴🏋️🥗🥦

[tomhasatransblog]

I took my old running shoes to Rotterdam then bought new ones for home. And at home I ran a few times on a treadmill with no shin pain

Then I ran with my old ones today and my shins hurt. And I was like :o

Just realised, I last ran at uni. Then tried a bit in the years since but couldn't get back into it. I think because it made my shins hurt...but I never had that problem 8 years ago (💀) and you know what I obviously had different trainers back then...

The ones I used today do have a way huger chunky sole. So maybe I've solved it and I'm in a new running era 🏃🏼‍♂️

I even wore my home ones here today so I have them too because I suspected my old ones would be uncomfortable. Last time I wore them to a gig a year ago they gave me blisters.

So they're just cursed I guess. My new ones are Nike Pegasus and they're 💯

[tomhasatransblog]

My MMA classes are pretty intense in terms of running and jumping around, doing burpees and stuff

One of the first classes I went to I just wore normal pants and it was terrible because my cock kept moving around

Ever since I've only ever worn tight sports briefs and that's been much better. I'm terrified of my cock falling out and down my trouser leg. I would just die

Last night I just forgot to wear those and I was wearing a jockstrap. I almost aborted and didn't go in

But actually, it was great. Better than my other pants. Very secure, didn't move at all.

So that's another win for jockstraps baby 🤘🏼

[tomhasatransblog]

66.5kg this morning after eating and drinking as much as I possibly could at basically every opportunity this weekend at a wedding

I lose my mind for tasty bread after a period of cutting

I actually felt so grim after the breakfast, I was so desperate to go for a lie down. Serious lack of self control and I felt regret at the time because I was so uncomfortable

But now I'm very meh because I have no regrets, the food was all amazing and I love eating

Idk how much of this damage is permanent, but I think it's more than I anticipated was possible tbh. Maybe next time I'll go less mad. But whatever, I'm just back to weighing everything now and feeling good about it again

Life is about balance

[tomhasatransblog]

The mass hysteria that descends when bohemian rhapsody plays at a wedding is very special

Everyone knows it beat for beat and it's basically a spiritual experience

[tomhasatransblog]

63.6kg which I actually believe this morning

I had a small but calorie dense dinner of leftover curry at like 5:30pm, then a little chicken and dried fruit when I got home at like 11pm

So I think just being empty is part of it. And I might be up again next time I weigh myself

I am nearly there though because I caught myself in the mirror yesterday and thought hmmm I'm starting to look a bit bony actually 😅

[tomhasatransblog]

I RAN

On a treadmill for the first time since uni. I wanted to get back into running so I got some nice new shoes from vinted that have motivated me to resume. I was imagining I'd just run outside then I thought why not get on the treadmill after lifting this morning

And wow I loved it actually. Surprisingly. No pain during, or after so far, but it's only been an hour. And even though I have a broken toe at the moment lol. I actually didn't want to stop! But I kept it easy today on purpose as I wanted to ease myself in: 15 minutes, 2km, but started the pace at 5 for a moment basically walking, then up to 7, and then stayed at 8 for the rest. I only started sweating seriously about 10 minutes in. And calorie burn was 140 total.

Next time I'm still going to ease into it, but I'll only start the recording once I'm up to speed (I think I'll try pace 10?) and see how long it takes me to get to 2km... The best I managed at uni was 5km in just under 25 minutes. But I think since doing MMA my cardio has got way better, so I'm hoping I'll smash that once I work up to it.

Excited!

And maybe I'll run outside as well, that was my original plan. But I loved the treadmill at uni and I've just rediscovered that so maybe I'll just do that, idk

[tomhasatransblog]

I don't trust my scales :(

Idk how I got that 63.3kg last week! Ever since it's been 64.x. and I didn't even have any meals out or anything that could have seriously bumped it up >1kg or even close

I always weigh myself first thing in the morning after a wee

That low weight was after double MMA sessions the night before. So maybe I was just super dehydrated? Maybe I'd done a huge poo before bed or something??

I've also been using consistently >2000 cals a day, usually >2200, according to my garmin, which I think is accurate-ish. AND weighing all my food and coming in at 1500-1750. So I literally have to be losing weight. And those 64.x's have been sinking (as far as I can remember, I didn't record because I was annoyed it had gone up lol). I'm just mystified about that low figure...

This morning was also after double MMA so I wondered if it would be that low, but it was 64.2kg. At least I think that's realistic now

Looking back at pictures from June, I was more vascular then than now. Which is why I now think 63.3 was an anomaly

[tomhasatransblog]

At MMA mast night I broke another toe lol. That's #3. But only the little one on my right foot, so not a big deal. I carried on through the rest of the class, and the next class, but the pain was distracting

But omg google photos just showed me that it was exactly a year ago I'd broken one of my other toes on the same foot in the same way. What a coincidence

[tomhasatransblog]

I lost my abs a bit in Japan lol so I've been trying to cut again since we got back, so all of July. But with mixed success due to having social events

I've had a good streak this week though and I'm back down actually to below my lowest point of the summer 🙌🏼 (63.3kg)

I'm aiming for the beach/pool holiday we're going on in mid September 👀 so plenty of time to get even lower. 62kg was my original goal I didn't reach. But we've got a wedding in a few weeks and various other events so I'm very 🤷🏼‍♂️ about it tbh

[anonymous-transitioner]

anyone would think he were asking about entering saudi arabia, goodness. it's not that bad yet.

[tomhasatransblog]

Not for well transitioned guys like us, but for early in transition people or anyone who doesn't pass well, you've now lost the legal protection you would have had to use the right toilets, for example. We're very fortunate. And I hope it doesn't get that bad for us ever, but I'm nervous about it

[tomhasatransblog]

They deserve it honestly they've been battering us the whole second half

[tomhasatransblog]

They have had so many shots my god

Pickford is such a hero

They scored literally as I was writing this post 💀

[tomhasatransblog]

Being naked in the changing room in the UK does make me nervous. But as long as it's not busy, I won't stop...

[tomhasatransblog]

Man I so feel the difference from what I eat at the gym

I lost 0.5kg supposedly between Monday and Friday, but I think I was dehydrated when I weighed myself Friday morning (I'd been the hottest I'd ever been from an endurance sparring session at the dojo the night before)

But this weekend we had pizza for dinner on Saturday and a huge roast lunch today and the comparison at the gym was unreal. Not so much with lifting but on the crosstrainer I got to half an hour easily and could have gone beyond my 45 minutes

I think in the end I'll probably have broken about even over the weekend

[tomhasatransblog]

Japan was amazing

I loved the drinks vending machines. That had cans of ice cold unsweetened black coffee 😍 I'll miss that the most

It's fun to pay with cash. I loved putting coins into machines

The food was amazing. The best part, as I expected. Sushi every day. I love the iPad/conveyor belt combo

I went to four different gyms. Two municipal, two branches of Gold's. The latter being expensive, but really good. I bought a t shirt

There were so many signs with rules everywhere. And I liked it tbh. No smoking on the street was weird, but then you could smoke in some bars!

The arcades were great

I've chunked up a lot since I ended my cut, oops. But no regrets. Idk when we'll go back, but not for a while.

[tomhasatransblog]

It didn't happen again today

Our flight yesterday was cancelled so we've had to do Schiphol's security again this morning. I got flagged and frisked again as always but this time just got sent on my way as usual

The guy today was of middle eastern appearing heritage and I guess like every other airport security guy apart from the guy yesterday didn't feel like literally groping at my cock through my shorts lol

[tomhasatransblog]

IT HAPPENED

I had to get my cock out going through airport security. At Amsterdam/Schiphol flying to Japan

It's funny now, but I was nervous at the time

I was getting frisked after being flagged with the body scanner like always. I finally got a new version of my stp/packer last week and it's a bit more solid so lies a little less flat in my pants.

So as he was rubbing me down he literally groped it and I guess it's not passable, he asked "what is this?" So I told him "it's my silicon prosthetic penis" and I got led into a changing room booth where I had to show him. Which was fine, I'm a huge exhibitionist and not shy.

I was just worried they'd either not let me on the plane, or confiscate it. But neither happened and he apologised and sent me on my way. So it was totally fine

But for this reason there are so many countries I'm never going to dare to visit. There's a potential holiday to Egypt in our future, and I think I'd have to put it in my hand luggage as a precaution...but I'd be horribly uncomfortable. So hopefully that holiday just won't happen lol