Welcome to the Trauma Train

Where I don't know where I'm going and I hate where I've been #TraumaTrain

[tomistrauma]

Sometimes... it’s just like... what’s even the point anymore? Why struggle?? Why fight?? We all die anyway..

[tomistrauma]

TW: suicidal thoughts

I am having the worst thoughts ever because my dysphoria is kicking my ass in a way that... that I truly wish would kill me so I didn’t have to feel this way. I don’t know how to talk about it... idk if I want to talk about it... I just know I’m experiencing the worst chest dysphoria I’ve ever had and I just want to feel like myself, look like myself, be my fucking self... but instead I’m isolating myself, crying silently so I don’t wake my girlfriend, and wanting to die.

[tomistrauma]

Mar 3 2021

My girlfriend and I were making out and she went to grab my ass...her finger slipped between my cheeks “accidentally” (according to her) and my fight or flight response kicked in.

“WHOA! *jumps up immediately* STOP!”

Haven’t been triggered like that in a minute lol

Is it wrong that I feel much more “cis male” rn?

#bootyholeofflimits #plsstayawayfrmmycrack #traumatrain

[tomistrauma]

I deserve to be taken seriously I deserve to be loved correctly. I deserve not to be manipulated, gaslighted, and made to feel small just because someone can do it. I learned that when I was 22. And I will never forget it. That’s why even my flesh and blood could get cut off.

[tomistrauma]

People will sit and act like their toxic behavior is okay???? Like no. It’s not okay. It’s not cute. It’s not just your fucking personality. It’s something entirely changeable and if you’re happy the way you are with all of that toxicity you’re gonna end up alone. Or you’re gonna end up changing. Changing not for anyone else but because you’re tired of being called out for the same shit. Then finally you’ll recognize YOU are the fucking problem. I fucking hate people.

[tomistrauma]

On a different note I fucking hate people

[tomistrauma]

Feb 28 2021

Well I think I might have covid yay

[tomistrauma]

Okay so... not single but definitely got anxiety 😭

[tomistrauma]

Funnily enough it’s legit our anniversary today well one of them if you do it monthly plus I’m 23 months on T meaning almost two years and idgaf because the woman I love can’t take any criticism that she dishes out.

[tomistrauma]

I’m a little drunk rn too

[tomistrauma]

I hate feeling like I can’t be honest with people I love because then I get quiet and that’s a whole other problem for people. You either want me to speak or you don’t.

[tomistrauma]

Feb 26 2021

I’m so done with people acting like they don’t have issues or that other people can’t clearly see their issues.

[tomistrauma]

So do I have ADHD, am I bipolar? Or do I really just fucking talk a lot?

[tomistrauma]

Feb 25 2021

I just realized I talk... A LOT sometimes? Like A LOT? Like before my trauma, during my trauma and after processing my trauma I talked A LOT. Didn’t let people get a word in because I was reading their expressions and felt like I needed to defend my point before they could even state theres? Until they agreed with me...almost? Or something like that? For example: I’ve added so much to this after re-reading to make sure I’m clear because I need people to understand at the simplest level? What I’m feeling? So much so that now I’m writing exactly what I’m thinking as I’m thinking it? This is exactly how I used to write high school and college essays 😭 I always got A’s. Wtf is that memory 😭😭😭 praising myself within a mental breakdown good job Tomis 🥲

#DeepBreaths

[tomistrauma]

I’m tired of this shit.

[tomistrauma]

Gonna make/reconnect with a friend and never tell my supposed “S/O” we talk frequently while telling her about every other conversation I have with other people... then I’ll gaslight her saying it’s not a big deal even though this is my EXACT M.O. from every time I’ve cheated 🤗 oh wait— I’d never do that.

[tomistrauma]

I’m tired of being treated like I’m crazy just because I have standards.