cool corvid

29 kinnie, musicman, rts (religious trauma shitposts)

[endcant]

which strikes closer to your heart?

To be alive: not just the carcass / But the spark.

If we're not supposed to dance, / Why all this music?

Voting ended onJan 30

by Gregory Orr, found via weltenwellen

[prokopetz]

Soulslike boss where when you get them below 20% hit points it triggers a taunt where they refer to themselves in the third person, and the name they say is completely different from the label on the on-screen health bar. The game immediately pauses, buffers, then displays a popup informing you that someone else's health bar has been shown in error and apologising for the inconvenience. The depleted health bar is then replaced with the correct (full) health bar, and the fight resumes.

[creepish]

sorry for killing the vibe. it will happen again

[tonalgoldsmith]

Keep reading

[tonalgoldsmith]

ok so i didnt know how i was doing it at the time either lmao. i cant even ask my past self for advice on how to be productive. i guess it really is another guy’s domain.

[tonalgoldsmith]

being angery abt xtian abuse shit is easy but actually thinking about whether i believe The Doctrine or naw makes me feel like i have fucking motion sickness and i have to lie down so i dont feel like the turning of the earth is gonna knock me over. ive been like face down taking deep breaths and still feel myself hurtling thru space like who knows which way is up and also who knows whether ill dissociate very soon. i probably will but im holding on TIGHT; i got shit to do

[tonalgoldsmith]

i guess i just gave up. or i came up with a solution for how to live that satisfies me whether i believe i’m wrong or right.

[endcant]

there is someone who hasn’t been helped

[tonalgoldsmith]

everybody out of the goddamn way. i have a stomach full of sugar, a fist full of reasons, and a head full of empty.

[tonalgoldsmith]

man. i’m so sorry.

[tonalgoldsmith]

if you can hide every one of your feelings neatly in a labyrinth, categorized and boxed, quiet and theoretically easy to find, that doesnt make them well-expressed. you are just hoarding and hoarding and hoarding and hoarding these twisting thoughts. the more you push it the more it will break. i can talk back to me in the late 2010s all i like but it’s already too late. it’s not hidden to you anymore, but it’s still impossible to unpack everything now, isn’t it? i know it’s not just you, but the other you, the other you. but what so-unintegratably disparate other you would there be if you felt it was okay for you to exist as you are? you are disgusted by yourself for having feelings, for being a living person. this cannot continue, but for you and for me it’s too late. i think i’m recovering now, but i wish we could take it all back.

[tonalgoldsmith]

my irl friends be like “youre so closed off! talk about your feelings for once!” but like i do, i just like do it online where they wont be finding that shit

[tonalgoldsmith]

tag: “im not a very private person” brother you spend months to years avoiding your favorite people because you think your “secrets” will make their lives tangibly worse somehow. as if any of it matters.

everyone ever online and off will beg you to just be their damn friend for real and all youll be able to give the world is art art art art that says nothing, a single post a year that admits to this all, and occasionally one of them will find where you’ve been venting lately and youll flip shit.

and maybe itll get too hard to keep doing this. i dont know yet. i dont know.

[tonalgoldsmith]

i wish i didnt need this blog. i wish i could just be a person without being davesprite, without obsessing over religion, without fandoms, without feeling so trapped by how unlovable i am. but here i am. and life is painful. and the only thing that is here that i have to hold me together is my fuckin blogs

[tonalgoldsmith]

brother you have to let it out of the blogs. people will want you. they will want dave spriter with the tumblr art. serious ass people will find what you have to say about religion to be informative and insightful and comforting, and those people will get the energy to keep going and doing good in the world. your involvement in fandoms and media will keep you in touch with your friends. life was painful alone, and now it is painful together. you were just a little early to the show.

also journaling helps. and youll keep making that vomit-worthy art you hate making because it’s the thing that flows most easily. you’ll get used to it.

[tonalgoldsmith]

i straight up started being suspicious of homestuck’s seemingly optimistic qualities when davepetasprite^2 came around and i feel sort of bad about that because davepeta kinnies r nice and stuff but im like “hello i found the appearance of your kin portentious”

[tonalgoldsmith]

when the disrespectful ending of like 4 character arcs at once was completely embraced instantly bc davepeta is objectively rad as fuck. what a crazy comic

[tonalgoldsmith]

the past is in the past until it isnt anymore

[tonalgoldsmith]

i cant tell if youre talking about a trauma response or the rise of christian fascism. i kind of think it was likely you were talking about both. i’m really sorry we didn’t stop it.

or maybe you’re just talking about someone we beefed with & some shit that keeps coming up. it’s ok. you’ll be his best friend and our old beef will keep coming up and eventually youll learn to live with it.

i could be wrong. who knows.

[tonalgoldsmith]

its taking a lot more energy than normal to keep the voice of an irate god out of my head

[tonalgoldsmith]

live and let ghosts by jukebox the ghost will heal you in ways the artists could never have intended

[tonalgoldsmith]

i used to be proud of my ability to repress shit and never show emotion but then i started just blacking out in public and missing days and forgetting or repressing important stuff that i didnt want/need to forget or repress.

so then i started expressing myself to prevent that and it worked for awhile. like a long while

but lately no matter how much i talk or dont talk, i keep like. blacking out or forgetting important stuff. sometimes i dont remember who i am. sometimes i think im someone the fuck else. even if im basically the same i guess? i feel like the parts of my brain that are in the dark and in the light are sort of randomized and the stuff i was trying to keep in the dark is common enough that something is always bubbling up and i cant focus on whats happening to me right now

ill probably be fine once life just gets a little better. itll happen soon enough.

some of my friends act like itll just get better if i learn how to love myself or something but i dont even know who i am

[tonalgoldsmith]

OOP. oop. OOOP!! oop. i havent learned shit cept what this was called lmao. #staydissociating

[tixij]

Where are my cactus and vanilla bitches at

[tonalgoldsmith]

this is translated a bit awkwardly and that makes it kind of a roast

[tonalgoldsmith]

idk why i thought this was a roast its just true man im great at giving up. i do lack perseverance. i do be saying too much

[zmeess]

if you take requests, could you draw a davesprite?

who’s this depression bird

[tonalgoldsmith]

close to deleting everything and going back to being a davesprite kinnie blog like and subscribe

[tonalgoldsmith]

i tried deleting everything back to front a few years ago, sorting posts one by one onto other purpose-made blogs. but gave up cuz there were too many posts