Most of my posts will be about my interests like Invincible, RDR2, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Cobra Starship, Etc. But I’ll dabble in posting random shit too.
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About Me:
Name: Morgan
Pronouns: They/Them, but I guess anything works
Age: 16!!! Please do NOT be a creep.
Extra: Diagnosed ADHD, PTSD, MDD, and suspected BPD (discussed by psychologist + therapist)
My Hashtags:
#Morgetry - Poetry and other artistic ramblings
#Morgans diary - Random thoughts or updates about my life/interests
#Morgans sketchbook - Self explanatory
Vent/NSFW posts will have a warning and a break.
Interests/Hobbies: Writing, forensic science, HORROR MOVIES, collecting stuff, maximalism, drawing (traditional with colored pencil is my preferred medium), reading, I’m getting into reading comics, psychology, forensic psychology, criminal justice, DIY, and poetry.
Fandoms: INVINCIBLE, MCR, FOB, RDR2, TLOU, P!ATD, CHERRY MONROE, MLP, Jack Manifold, Average Harry, House MD, CSI, and more. I normally get fixated on one or two interests primarily, they’re interests I’ve had for years or just started getting into/fixated on.
INT: LGBT/Ally, similar interest, PTV, SWS, ETC FANS, artists, Jack Manifold fans, idk what to put here… just interact with me if you’re cool because we can totes be friends. Everyone is welcome, even Hazbin fans (ish).
DNI: Any breed of phobic, alt-right/maga, anti furries (seriously, let people enjoy what they like), coffin of Andy and ley Ley or whatever it’s called fans.
Sometimes when I get angry, when I perceive everything as a threat, when I get paranoid and start to spiral, I get a rush of adrenaline. I want to yell and lash out, but instead it’s internalized. I used to lash out, run away, cut my face, hit myself, scream and throw things, say things I regret. My thoughts race so much I get dizzy, and suddenly any of my friends or family that I love with all of my heart are my worst enemy, they’re going to leave me, but it never mattered anyways, because I always hated them, because I did something wrong. It gets so intense, I feel so guilty when I stop feeling so numb after the anger fizzles out. I hate having these thoughts. I hate feeling like I need to hate them so I won’t be hurt by what they do. I don’t fucking know what’s going on, but I hate having to have friends, I hate having to have connections with people, I hate perceiving everything as a threat, like they hate me, that they’re talking about me, that they’re going to leave me. The triggers have just been getting worse and stronger, I’m trying my best; but sometimes it hits HARD.
Sometimes I feel like a whole different person, I just feel like me but me if I were from an alternate universe. Like, behave differently, see myself differently, talk differently, have different goals. I don’t think I’ve ever been completely sure of who I am, even if I convince myself I do? It’s confusing.
I genuinely need to stop assuming the absolute worst over the smallest things. Why am I spiraling and splitting over the dumbest shit that’s probably not even that serious? But at the same time I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something wrong, that I’m doing something wrong, or that there’s something wrong with me. I could go on and on about how I can’t get rid of this feeling that something else is going on, that I’m boring, whatever. I keep going back and forth between being upset and thinking the absolute worst, to feeling empty, and back to feeling bad again. I don’t even know what to do besides take it out on myself, and I know that I’ll say something I regret if I don’t distance myself. I need to resist bluntly asking: “Do you hate me? Did I do something wrong?” Even if that’s what I really want to do because it’s wrong. It’s such an overwhelming feeling, and sometimes it feels like I’m not doing enough to manage it when it feels out of control. I don’t know. I feel really shitty.
I don’t really care what anyone says. Concert tickets priced for anything over $200 and merch (specifically clothing) priced from $50-$90 and up is ridiculous and tone deaf. Everything is upsettingly expensive right now, and no one is obligated to blow money on interests to “prove” anything. Especially when others (myself included) have family members who are doing everything possible, including donating plasma, to afford groceries and rising gas prices. Even with a job, my money would go straight to my car and gas that is getting more and more expensive. Being condescending or ignorant, claiming “it’s not a big deal.” Is inherently privileged.
I don’t know if this has been touched on already in the show and/or comic but I’m wondering if Atom Eve can recreate limbs or even prosthetics? I feel like it would be fitting for her character and her goal to make real changes instead of just fighting bad guys.
