猫、、笑

hi i'm ize n i go by they/her... vtuber, anime/manga, n genshin impact enjoyer ^_^ i draw n write (angst) // used to be childestfu!

[blank-house]

❄️ Happy Holidays! ❄️

From the dev team and the Keyframes cast, we hope you all have a merry holiday season!

Stay cozy with your loved ones, and see y'all next year 🫶

(BLANK) HOUSE

[ ◉ ¯]

Big thanks to @moonfloat for the lovely holiday art!

[tonkatsumeal]

i just realized i never drew alban....... IM SORRY ILL GET ON IT ToT

[tonkatsumeal]

luca kaneshiro fanart from 2022 i never posted LOL sorry for the afkness guys ...

[rukkiya]

can’t make a sound

(diluc x reader)

_________________

All day Diluc couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that settled in his chest since he woke up. It felt as if he was missing something. All day he's been trying to recall what it was as the feeling only grew as time went on. His day went by just as any other. He woke up early as always, went to the tavern, worked his usual shift with his usual rowdy customers. The only eventful thing he did today was grab dinner with Jean at a new restaurant that had recently opened up. He would’ve declined but Charles convinced him telling him he can manage the tavern by himself, plus he remembered how you always tell him to put himself out there more often, especially when it comes to his close friends. Jean had free time after so long and he decided that it'd be nice to catch up with an old friend once in a while so he took up her offer and enjoyed it very much. But after dinner the heavy feeling didn’t go away. Even after a few hours of his usual patrol as Dark Knight Hero the feeling only got heavier than before.

Since there was no signs of any unusual activity tonight Diluc had decided to call it a night earlier than usual. Deciding to make his way home earlier to try and at least spend some time with you if he can. He’s been very busy as of late. The only time he sees you is when he goes to bed, though you're already asleep before him most of the time. The time was just about past midnight, it was still early for calling it a night as he usually stays later but the feeling in his chest made him uneasy.

Upon arriving at the Dawn Winery everything was dark and quiet. He made his way upstairs and saw no one in sight, guessing everyone had already called it a night a few hours ago. As he neared your shared bedroom he saw the light peeking through the cracks of the doors. A small smile made its way on his lips, though he didn’t like you staying up late he really did want to spend some time with you tonight.

“Y/n?” Diluc calls out, opening the door to see what you were doing.

You had your back facing him as you were looking through your closet, you only froze upon hearing him call your name.

“Y/- dear what are you still doing up?” Diluc questions, closing the door behind him. He took a good look at the outfit you were currently wearing. It was one you’ve been saving for a special occasion. He was a bit confused as to why you were wearing it right now as it was late. You were usually in your pajamas by now.

“Dear?” Diluc’s eyebrows draw together, confused as to why you haven’t even turned to greet him and why you haven’t given him a response though he called you twice.

Now, if this were any other night you would be more than happy to see Diluc home so early. You were relieved he was, you knew he was safe at least and weren’t worried anymore. But you weren’t sure if you could face him right now. It’s been a few minutes since it turned into a new day but yesterday was your birthday. Diluc had told you he’d take you out for dinner at a new restaurant that had opened up a few weeks ago telling you to not plan anything else since he wanted to take you out. Only, he never showed. You had gotten ready hours prior, you were beyond excited to finally spend time with him as it has been too long since the last time you both had a night out. You had even canceled your planned visit to your mothers today just to go out with him since you both haven’t had much time to spend together. You patiently waited for his arrival, sitting down by the front entrance as you smiled at the clock after every hour passed. 4:00 was the time he promised to pick you up.

When the clock hit 4:00 the butterflies in your stomach made you feel giddy, like it was your first date all over again. You were nervous, checking your appearance in the mirror next to the door before you sat down on the chair. Your coat and other belongings laid on your lap, ready to go once he arrives.

4:40 hit, you only thought that he had been caught up in some tavern business, excusing it for something he can’t control.

5:00 hit you were slightly worried but still waited for him, believing he would still make it even if something came up.

By 6:00 you heard a knock on your door and thought he had finally arrived only to see Amber standing on the other side instead of Diluc. Along with her she brought a gift, she wished you a happy birthday and said that tomorrow she wanted to treat you. She started telling you about her eventful day and you were more than happy to have company after being alone all day so you happily listened, only then did Amber let it slip that she saw Jean and Diluc having dinner together at a restaurant before she left. Amber didn’t know that Diluc had made plans with you; she was only telling you because she thought you’d want to know it all. Upon hearing that the butterflies in your stomach turned to something heavy.

Amber left shortly after you thanked her for the gift and promised to meet her for lunch tomorrow. It was when you closed the door that everything hit you. Diluc had forgotten and he was having dinner with someone else. You weren’t necessarily the jealous type no, but hearing this left a bitter taste in your mouth. It would’ve been fine if it were any other day for sure, you don’t mind Diluc having dinner with others but on your birthday? Plus at the place he promised to take you out to? Not only that but Jean was someone you always felt insecure around. When you first met Diluc you thought he and Jean were dating but they both told you otherwise, laughing it off saying they were nothing more than childhood friends. Even when Diluc confessed to you, you couldn’t help but be skeptical still thinking that he and Jean were a better fit. It didn’t help that everyone else around them said the same. But Diluc’s assured you many times, he always did, that no one is a better fit for him than you. He always told you to stop saying such things. But you can’t help but wonder what if he was only telling you to stop saying it so he wouldn’t start to believe it was true as well? You felt horrible, you couldn’t help but let the feeling take over though. You respected Jean and thought of her as a good friend but when it came to Diluc you couldn’t help but see them as a better fit than you and him.

You couldn’t help but let your mind spiral. You made your way to your bedroom and sat on your bed. But despite all this, despite the feeling in your chest you had a small sliver of hope. Even after hearing that he already had dinner you still had prayed that he would come home early and at least spend some time with you. You would try to swallow the bitter taste, if he could just be here, explain, you’d understand. But hours slowly slipped by, you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Your mind only wandered too deep and made you hurt more than you already were. You felt embarrassed. Felt forgotten, felt easily replaceable.

The small rays of sunlight peeking through your window curtains were long gone. You begrudgingly lift your head to look at the time again, now reading 12:05. A defeated sigh escapes your lips, you wipe the fresh tears off your face, deciding it’s a good time to call it a night and just go to bed. You didn’t even hear him enter the house. Only when he called out your name did you realize he had finally come home. You froze.

You didn’t dare look up, turn to him, your grasp tightened around the closet door. Your bottom lip started to wobble and you had to bite down to not let a sound escape you. You already felt hurt, but Diluc clearly still hasn’t remembered, only making you feel worse.

“Did you go somewhere earlier?” Diluc breaks the silence once again, taking a few steps in, trying to get a peek of your face that he’s missed so much but you didn’t move from your spot.

You only shake your head no, the only thing you we're able to do as you knew if you were to speak up I’d give away the state you were in.

Diluc’s chest felt heavier than it’s felt all day. Why were you being so unresponsive? Did he do something wrong? You weren’t even looking at him.

“Love, did you go out today? Why are you up so late? Were you waiting for me? ” He asked and you had to hold back a bitter laugh that so desperately wanted to escape. You waited for him all day alright. All you could do was nod your head no.

“Today was actually ok at work,” He spoke up. “More tame than normal. I also grabbed lunch with Jean earlier as she invited me out, it was actually quite enjoyable. Seeing her not stress over work is very rare, though I think the knights are insufficient, seeing her work so hard makes me have some faith in them. It’s good to see her take some time off.” He tells you about his day as he removes his coat, he’s not really one to do so but he hoped it would get you to say something other than nodding your head. This time though not even a head nod was given from you, you just stood still and Diluc grew more worried.

“Y/n, why aren’t you responding to me?” Diluc asks, his concern growing even more. You still haven’t even turned around. His long legs took quick strides up to your frame, his hand reached out and brushed your arm only to feel you quickly move out of his grasp, bringing your arm around your body. Diluc only stared down at you, hurt and confused as to why you reacted in such a way.

You backed up from him, putting distance between the two of you until you felt your hip hit your bedside table, Diluc hesitantly made his way closer to you, not wanting you to recoil again.

“Y/n what’s wrong…” Dilucs voice trailed off as he caught a glimpse of a beautifully wrapped small box on your nightstand. He never gave you that. Did you buy it? Did someone else give it to you? What's inside? Ifsomeone did give it to you, who did? Diluc’s mind raced with questions but his thoughts came to a halt the uneasy feeling in his chest became far worse as he realized just what it was that he forgot. It dawned on him the more he stared at the box. The feeling of him missing something important, he couldn’t put his finger on it earlier but he remembers everything now. He remembers the plans he made with you. Your outfit now made much more sense to him, your lack of response and refusal to look at him made him realize exactly what he missed, your birthday.

“Y/n I’m so-”

“No, don’t apologize,“ You tighten your arms around your torso, feeling embarrassed as your head hung low, not wanting him to see your tears . “Excuse me, I just want to get changed and go to bed.” You try to step around him, not daring to look him in the eyes. He stood in front of you blocking your way as you uncomfortably shifted from one side to another.

Dilucs heart felt heavy; you've never moved away from his touch, you usually melt into his embrace. You weren’t letting him look at your face but he knew you were crying, hearing your small sniffles was him.

“No it’s not. Please, let me- let me make it up to you. Tomorrow! I’ll take tomorrow off! We can spend the whole day together and-“

“No need. Tomorrow I have plans with Amber. I wouldn't want to cancel at the last minute” You cut him off as you quickly wipe the fresh tears that rolled down your face. Diluc took a few hesitant steps towards you not wanting you to back away from his touch again.

He felt horrible. How could he have forgotten? Your birthday was the only birthday he ever saw as special, the only one he ever celebrated.

“Y/n I promise it slipped from my mind I didn’t-“

“At least our reservation didn’t go to waste, Jean and you went so you finally tried the restaurant you’ve been telling me about. You’ve both been working hard, you deserve it.” You force a smile on your face trying to convince yourself that it was fine but saying it aloud hurts even more than in your head.

Diluc’s usual frown made its way back into his face. His outstretched hand fell to his side as he heard what you said. He felt horrible, he brought it up without knowing because he forgot. He rubbed it in only making you feel worse without knowing.

“I’m tired, I want to go to sleep.” You sigh again. Feeling your eyes burn as you rub them again, you didn’t want to hear anything right now, your mind wasn’t in a good state and you knew he was trying to make it better but you only felt worse.

“Please. Dear, please don’t say that. Let me make it up to you, let me take you out, it wasn't my intention to leave you alone.” Diluc pleaded, as you finally looked up at him, giving him a small smile.

“No need to be sorry. I'd want to have dinner with her too if she invited me .” You let out a small laugh. Hearing him talk about her only made you hurt more, not aiding your insecure heart one bit. “Besides, my birthday is easily forgettable, it’s not a big deal.” You lie, you were trying to make yourself believe it was fine but you were hurting yourself more than you needed to.

“Hey no. Y/n stop, I'm serious. Don’t say such nonsense that isn’t true.” His eyebrows furrowed, it’s been a while since you brought this up. He knows how touchy this subject is to you. He doesn’t like when you bring yourself down or compare yourself to others. He knows you can’t help it but it hurts him to know you feel less worthy and not as important as others. In his eyes you’re his everything, but you never seem to believe him every time he tells you.

He hesitantly reaches his hand out to the side of your face gently cupping your cheek in his warm hand. You felt your eyes immediately shut but stopped your head from nuzzling into his embrace.

“I’m going to ask you something. Please tell me the truth. It’s a selfish question but I need to know the answer Diluc.” You look him in the eyes for the first time tonight. He only shook his head, gesturing to you to go on.

You take a deep breath. The question has been one you’ve wanted to ask since forever. You're afraid you know the answer to this but you still had hope, a tiny sliver of hope it might be different from what you think it is.

“If you had to choose, would you chose her or me?” You ask, letting out a breath you were holding. You look up at him with anticipation, awaiting his answer.

You felt Diluc’s hand drop from your face, you couldn’t read his facial expression as you saw his mouth form a thin line. His lips parted but nothing came out. You got your answer then and there.

A small chuckle left your lips as you stepped around him, grabbing your coat and other belongings you carried.

“I’m going to visit my mom. She invited me yesterday. I rescheduled for no reason whatsoever. Thank you for answering the question I’ve been wanting to know.” You wipe your tears as you reach for the door knob, he made no attempt to move from his spot, you didn’t even bother looking back. You left the room, making your way downstairs to the main entrance. You reach out to the door knob hand slightly trembling as you do so, but you only take in a deep breath pushing forward. If he wanted to stop me he would’ve done so already. You told yourself over and over. You gently push the door open and make your way out, waking down the dark trail that led you out of the Dawn Winery. The night breeze made your tears dry fast as it all dawned down on you. He couldn’t choose you because it was her all along.

Diluc didn’t move, he couldn’t move. His mind yelled, screamed at him to go get you as he saw you walk out the room but he was in shock. Shocked by the question you asked, by how much this tore you apart, by how this was all too much for you and you couldn’t hold on anymore. After what felt like forever, Diluc’s legs moved, starting off in slow steps, turning into a full on sprint down the staircase and out the entrance only to find zero trace of you outside, or anywhere near the winery itself, you were gone, you left, because he couldn’t answer your question. He thought it was obvious all along, he thought you already knew the answer. “It’s you.” He heaves, out of breath from running out hoping to stop you. “It’s you.” He says again, his hands slightly pulling his hair as he frantically looks around. Still no signs of you. “It’s you.” The uneasy feeling in his chest turned into guilt. Today was a very important day to him indeed. Today was your birthday, the day that he always told you was special as you believed it wasn’t. He always promised to celebrate with you no matter what, but the one year it just so happened to slip his mind, you might’ve finally slipped through his fingers.

_________________

authors note: hello!! hehehe angsty deelook fic :3 this prompt has been sitting in my head patiently waiting for me to write it for days now. I hope y’all are doing good and are staying safe and I do hope you all enjoy! <3

[mebssann]

Big bro genes is strong in this one boys

[chilumi-shipper]

Hello there! in your opinion what are some insecurities that childe has in the relationship with y/n?

Like for example being jealous of other guys,etc..?

Have a good day 💗💐

Just Ajax

Childe x GN!Reader

Summary: Childe is self-conscious about your relationship.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Every night, Ajax slips beside your already sleeping form, on a comfortable bed, with someone so warm and fluffy, the perfect cuddle buddy.

Beside you, he isn't the murderer, manipulator, backstabber, Fatui Harbinger that Tartaglia was. In your arms, he's Ajax.

The Ajax that just wants to live peacefully in the arms of who he loves most.

And he's scared...

So damn scared that you, the one thing that went good in his messed up life, can up and leave him at anytime.

Scared that the day will come that you'll finally realize that he doesn't deserve you, you're too soft, sweet, loving, too good to be put with someone like him.

Childe would thank the Tsaritsa everytime that you're already asleep by the time he gets home, all covered in blood, you don't have to see that side of him, that side of him that would probably scare anyone away, that probably just came back from killing an entire army.

There's a lot of other things he's scared of...

Like maybe you're showing him love out of fear rather than actual emotions. You know he's a Harbinger, you know that he kills people that gets in his way, you know that he'd kill you if the Tsaritsa commands him to, you know he can be scary if he wants to.

Do you love him out of fear?

Your sleeping body feels a warmth right next to you, leaning forward before your head rests on his chest. His arm wrapped around you, pulling you closer to him and placing a kiss on your forehead.

"Childe, Look! That salesman over there just gave me some free flowers." When you two were just walking around the market, you ran back up to him, showing off a bunch of pretty and fresh looking flowers bunched up in your hands.

That's another thing, you can do so much better than him. There's a ton of other guys that can take such good care of you, more than he ever could. He's a Fatui Harbinger that's constantly on missions in other nations, always leaving you behind.

And he's mad at himself that he actually has the audacity to be jealous, like he deserves you or something.

A small sigh of content leaves your lips as your arms wrap around his torso, fully embracing his warmth, feels just like home.

Most of all, Childe is worried...

Maybe you'll fall out of love with him. The ginger can't bear even thinking about you breaking up with him.

It would crush his world, you have been the best thing in the world for him. If faith has it out that you're supposed to leave too, he doesn't even know what would he do with himself.

"Childe! Wake up, it's time for breakfast!" His blurry tired eyes were greeted by the sight of you, your hands on his shoulders and gently shaking him awake. Your morning smile, it always melts his heart.

He lazily got up, going in for a quick peck on the lips immediately. "Gross! Gotta brush your teeth first. Then, you can make out with me." You winked at him, getting back up from the bed and exiting the room.

Childe sighs...

There may come a day that you'll realize that he's a mess that you don't want to be a part of anymore...

But until that time comes, he'll saviour all these moments with you.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

This is more of a drabble than a fic, but this made my heart clench (｡ŏ﹏ŏ)

I hope you like this, and thank you so much for requesting!!!

[rukkiya]

soon we’ll be found

(kaeya x reader)

_________________

“Under my eyepatch?” Kaeya chuckles, eyebrows quirking up at your question. You only excitedly nod your head, looking up at him with expectant eyes seeing what he’d say.

“I’ve always wanted to see how your eye looks, but of course only if you're comfortable. I wouldn’t want to make you upset or anything if I were to see it without your permission, if that’s even possible.” You giggle at your stupid answer making his stupidly handsome smirk widen.

“Ah I see, you’re curious is all,” He took two slow strides up to where you were sitting on the kitchen table, leaning down until he was eye level with you.

“Sweetheart, one day you will see me without it I promise but I have to keep you waiting. I can’t let you see it so soon you’ll only fall more in love with me. Not saying that’s a bad thing but I like to keep you on your toes is all.” He whispered, eye traveling down to your lips as you nervously gulped, slowly nodding your head yes as you couldn’t form coherent words, smug bastard always does this.

You couldn’t help but smile upon hearing his beautiful laughter ring in your ears, feeling slightly embarrassed but you didn’t look away, you held his gaze instead as he looks oh so captivating at the moment.

“Your eye is just so pretty, the other one must be just as pretty or even more beautiful if you have to keep it hidden like that,” your hand travels up to his face, one hand resting on his cheek the other gently caressing his eyepatch. “When the day comes that you’re comfortable enough to show me, I’ll be here excitedly waiting to see you, all of you. I’m sure what you have hidden underneath is beautiful. If falling more in love with you is a side effect of seeing it then,” you pause closing your eyes and smiling up at him. “My goodness I can’t wait to fall more In love with you when the day comes.” You chuckle, thumb softly caressing his eye patch, seeing a soft shade of pink appear on the apples of his cheeks as he was rendered speechless.

You got him, you made Kaeya speechless as this was the first time you’ve ever given a comeback. No one has ever given him a comeback quite like yours. The look in your eyes and your touch was so soft, it made him feel warm, it made him feel at home. He felt safe, he felt tempted to take off his eye patch then and there, but he couldn’t yet. He couldn’t burden you with the weight of his past just yet, he wasn’t sure if he could handle putting you through so much.

“My goodness you’re so handsome and pretty at the same time, do you know what to make me feel?” your eyes only soften even more, bringing Kaeya out of his head as you shuffle in your seat, tucking the strands of hair that were on his face behind his ear. Kaeya always looks so good. The sight of him alone was enough to make you feel butterflies and seeing him speechless like this made you happy, to get him for all the times he’s gotten you. To be the one to make him feel what he makes you feel. But you’re only telling the truth, Kaeya is truly so breathtaking it’s not even funny. That plus the way he cares so deeply, of course you couldn’t help but fall in love with him, him and his smug pretty stupid smile.

You only smile at him, leaning in and pecking his nose as he blinked at you. “My pretty captain.” You whisper as you pull away, only to feel Kaeya’s hand circle around to the back of your head, immediately smashing his lips onto yours. His kisses that are usually light and teasing were nothing like this one, no this had desperation behind it, he only pulled you impossibly closer letting out a small groan into your mouth before you both pulled away, gasping for air.

“No sweetheart,” he huffed, licking his swollen lips and his usual smirk made its way back into his face. “You don’t know what you do to me.” He leaned back a bit wanting to keep your flushed face in his brain forever.

“One day.” He whispered, leaning down breath fanning over your lips. “You’ll get to see, I promise.” Though he doesn’t want to burden you with his past he knows you won’t leave, because he trusts you to the fullest just as you do to him. So he makes you wait, until he feels it’s right, until he knows it’s time to tell you the truth. But for now he’ll shoulder it on his own for just a bit longer.

Though he promised you he’d show you soon, the future had other plans. Fate has a twisted way of making people eat their words, making people say things that might never really happen because no one knows what the future holds right?

The moment plays over and over in Kaeya’s head, he wishes he showed you sooner, he should’ve showed you when you asked because he should’ve known, not everyone stays for as long as we imagine right?

“Hah, where’s that shit eating smirk you always wear, captain?“ You smile despite feeling the warm liquid spilling out of your torso. You cough out more blood onto your hand which only makes Kaeya push down harder.

His smile was nowhere to be seen, in fact you don’t think you’ve ever seen Kaeya with such an expression. Worried, sad, angry, confused, scared. All in one, for the first time you saw tears in his eyes as well, just on the cusp of spilling out. His eye has always been something you’ve found beautiful but his eye that usually held a playful glint behind them were filled with so much worry as you looked up at him right now.

“Stop, stop- Just stop moving, don’t waste your breath just,” Kaeya’s head whips around in all directions, desperately looking for help that wasn’t even on its way.

“Help will- will be here soon yeah.” Kaeya nods his head, assuring himself more than you, trying his absolute best to not lose it right now.

Your eyes trail down to where his hand was holding you, firmly pressing down on the side of your torso, both your clothes and his gloves were covered in a dark ugly substance that made your nose scrunch up at the smell. You can only blink as more spills out, you know it’s your blood and feel yourself getting weaker but that was the least of your concerns.

Your eyes traveled to Kaeya’s other arm, you saw the way it was brutally twisted but he made no reaction to his own pain at all, only focusing on yours.

“Hey,” You find it a bit hard to whisper out, head feeling a bit lighter than usual. “Kaeya your arm, you’re hurt too, I need to bandage-” you prop yourself up in your elbows only making Kaeya’s eye widen, panicking as you did so.

“Y/N! No! No please, just stop s-stop. Don’t move love, yeah? I’m fine, just please stay still for me.” He stuttered, his vision becoming more blurry as he saw your worried expression.

“You’re hurt, you need to get help.” You reach out to him, wiping the tears that managed to slip out of his eye.

Kaeya only froze, he bit down on the inside of his cheek trying his best not to break down in front of you, not wanting to cause you to panic but where in the world was help at? Someone, anyone, backup needed to help you! Now! Why wasn’t anyone here yet? Kaeya’s mind was spiraling because no, fuck no, he can’t. He can’t lose you. Not right now not here not ever, no not like this not now, he needs you, he can’t go in without you, anyone but you archons take me instead. Kaeya prayed as he looked down at you, a soft smile grazing your lips as dry blood decorated the corners of your pretty smile.

“Kaeya, I love you.” You feel the need to tell him, remind him, feeling that if you don’t right now you might never get the chance. Though you don’t know why you felt that way, you felt as if you had to let him know, before it was too late?

“Come on now sweetheart, I know,” Kaeya forced a smile, he knows you love him but he knows you're saying this because you think that this is the end for you, but no, not on his watch, not here, he won’t allow it.

“Hah, you fell for me after all huh, I knew you would.” He almost sobs, trying to joke with you but the smile you give him just makes his heart break even more. “A-and you know I love you so much as well right.” He grabs your hand pushing it close to his heart, the very heart that beats for you. “I guess it was me who fell for you insead.” He pushed the stray hair away from your face, taking in your appearance. He didn’t know he could feel this much for someone. He didn’t think he could, he was deserving of it, but you came into his life and showed him that he can. So as he looks down at you, the love of his life and he knows you’ll pull through and he prays, for the first time in his life he prays to the archons above, to celestial that you’ll make it because he doesn’t know how he’ll go on without you.

Your thumb gently caresses his face, wiping the tears away that were making him look more breathtaking than you thought he could. “Can I see your eye love, just once if I can.” You whisper, your hand feeling a bit too heavy to keep holding up but you can’t seem to let go yet, not when he looks so sad, you don’t want to leave him behind, you can’t.

Kaeya shuts his eye, leaning over a bit to muffle the sob that climbed its way out of his throat. But you only held his face, looking up at him with expectant eyes and he couldn’t bring himself to say no.

“Of course my love,” He can only hiccup, sitting up straight and looking down at you in his arms.

“You have to promise me though sweetheart t-that once I show you, you can’t leave me, you have to promise me ok? Yeah?” He nods his head at you and you mimic his actions. You couldn’t dare do that to him so you fought to keep your eyes open. For him, you’ll stay for him. “I promise Kayea.” You whisper, holding your breath as he reaches his good arm to the back of his head, unclasping the eyepatch you watched as it only gently falls off his face.

You felt tears beim your eyes as you stared up at him. My gosh was he right, I fell in love with him for the 100th time since I’ve met him, you think to yourself, smile widening as your hand wipes the tears that were spilling out of his uncovered eye. “My love you were right, I did fall in love with you all over again,” You chuckle, tasting iron in your mouth shortly after, but you didn’t care, couldn’t bring yourself to as the most important person finally trusted you with a burden he’s been harboring all alone. “You truly are breathtaking.” You whisper eyes shining with adoration at the man above you.

“No love, you have no idea what I see now, finally seeing you with both eyes sweetheart you are the breathtaking one, now please stay with me yeah? I’ll let you see my eye whenever you want, I’ll take it off at home and you can see it all the time yeah? I promise.” He smiles down at you, lips wobbling as he tries his best to smile.

“Help is coming sweetie, you’re not a quitter no not the y/n I know. You can pull though because soon we’ll be found. We’ll go back home and you can see me without it again, ok?.” He picked his head up, the feeling your thumb weakly caressing his cheek still was giving him some hope, the blood spilling out of your torso lessened he started talking to you and he managed to bandage you up as he was doing so.

Kaeyas head only shot up when he heard the sound of footsteps running towards him. Barbara, Amber and Bennet were running up to where you and Kaeya were at, rushing towards the scene they felt a heavy feeling in their stomachs seeing the pool of blood around you and him.

“GUYS! PLEASE HELP, Y-Y/N NEEDS HELP NOW!” Kaeya screamed at the top of his lungs, making them run faster. He felt relieved, his tense muscles now relaxing after what felt like forever, you’re going to be fine, you’re going to be ok. He repeats in his head as they inch closer.

Kaeya turned to you in his hands and smiled, wiping his own eyes now. “Love! Hey, look they’re here! Help is here you're going to be ok!” He pointed behind him, a hopeful smile on his face as he felt your hand drop from his face and onto your chest. He only looked down at you blinking, your eyes were still open but you weren’t responding.

“Hey! Y/n? Y/N? Please say something, a-anything! Don’t close your eyes just yet, come on please! You promised you’d stay please respond-“

He laid his head in your chest, a sick feeling rising up in his stomach once again. He felt the small slow steady rise and fall of your chest and gripped your hand in his, your pulse was weak, your eyes started to flutter as seconds passed. You could only squeeze his hand, you tried to use your voice but more blood only entered your mouth making it hard to do so. His head whipped upon feeling your hand squeeze his. I’ll hold on, I promise I won’t give up just yet, not when I’ve just seen all of you. You thought to yourself as you tried your best to muster a smile. You see three other people you couldn’t quite make out run up behind Kaeya before your eyes had become too heavy to hold open. You heard your name being yelled by familiar voices. I don’t want to leave just yet. I can’t leave him alone. I don’t want to go. You begged your body to fight back as you felt your eyes roll to the back of your head before everything faded to black.

Bennet and Amber had to pry Kaeya from your body so Barbara could get to work, get started on healing you before it was really too late. No one ever saw Kaeya with so much raw emotion it brought the three of them to tears hearing him scream and cry your name in front of them, you were also close to the three of them as well it was hard for them to not let their emotions take over too.

But just in time, they arrived just in time. Barbara was able to get you back into a stable state as more help came to take you to fully heal you. Bennet picked up Kaeya’s eyepatch and placed it over his exposed eye before anyone else had come, the three said nothing about the strange colored eye he alway kept hidden, they didn’t dare say anything to him at the moment, they only wanted to get him to calm down.

Only upon hearing that your pulse was back and that you were in a more stable condition did Kaeya stop crying. He had refused to leave your side so they had to operate on his arm in the same room they operated on you. All the tension from his body disappeared as he laid his head on your hospital bed, falling asleep next to you, his own body too worn and torn to move.

Your eyes opened and you squinted at the bright lights as you blinked up at the ceiling, the last thing you remember seeing was the most beautiful angel before you blacked out. You shifted your head down to look at your torso as you felt it bandaged up, feeling your hand brush against soft hair, soft blue hair to be exact. You felt tears come back seeing him sleeping, the angle you saw was right in front of you again and he looked so at peace. You shakily reach out for his good arm laid upon the bed and give his hand a gentle squeeze thanking the archons they let you stay, they let you see him again. “I promised you love. Kaeya I’m back, sorry I kept you waiting.” You rasp out, throat dry and scratchy for being out for who knows how long. His eye patch was laid next to him. He only stirred in his sleep, beautiful eyes opening as he saw you smiling up at him from the bed.

He blinked once, twice, you’ve been out for a week since the incident and he’s been but your side since, seeing your eyes open, looking at him made the ache in his heart stop as he knew he had you back, his home, his love, his life. He held onto hope, grasped it in his hands and didn’t let go, he got you back. He gave your hand a light squeeze, eyes shutting as he thanked celestial for deciding to let you stay. “Archons,” he breathed out, feeling the air come back in his lungs as he felt alive seeing you awake. “Thank you for coming back to me, for keeping your promise.” His hand brushed the stray hair on your face and you smiled up at him, both his eyes were on display and you couldn’t help but feel happy. “You’re still so breathtaking even after all you’ve been through?” You laugh, hissing after as your whole torso was incredibly sore. “You’re one to talk sweetheart, you look just as breathtaking as I do right now.” He chuckled for the first time in what felt like forever, the week with you passed out was utter hell for him and having you back, seeing your eyes open and seeing your smile made his heart squeeze as he felt so much love for you it physically hurt him. His eyes only soften at the look on your face as you reach out and cup his cheek, your touch making his body physically relax, his own hand finding its way on top of yours as he kisses your wrist basking in the feeling of your warmth. You only smile up at him, feeling nothing but love and joy as you take in everything, all of him, nothing hidden as both of his beautiful eyes stare down at you. You couldn’t help but thank the archons for letting you stay with him, for giving you another chance and getting to keep your promise to the one you love.

_________________

authors note: hello hello heheh! I hope you all are staying safe and well! I had to write for my love, my husband Kaeya because literally he is on my mind 24/7 hehe I don’t mind tho I love writing for this man sm please- some appreciation bc I just love him sm and he deserves smooches on the forehead that’s all ^~^ it is a little heart twister lol sorry hiwhdjdu I do hope y’all enjoy <33

[milk-breadx]

I Love You 'til The End of The Line; childe

childe x gn!reader

a/n: THIS EITHER SOUNDS INTERESTING OR REALLY STUPID BUT HEAR ME OUT 🧍‍♂️ (also Happy Birthday loml Ajax 🥳)

Angst! Hanahaki disease AU!

You've heard of it, never thought of it to be true until you, yourself were spitting out bloody flowers. But how could this happen? You're in a relationship.

word count: 3,105

warnings: throwing up, lotta hugging, emotional cheating

Loving Ajax hurt, but you don't regret it one bit.

Working for the Tsaritsa has made his schedule hectic, barely having any time for anything else. Despite his work schedule, you two made it work. The few weeks he'd be in town, you two would be glued to the hip. Almost always within each other's presence that no one could see one of you without seeing the other. You'd be at his house, playing with him and his younger siblings until they fell asleep and you could relax with Ajax, wrapped in blankets by the fireplace. Then the next few months, letters would be sent back and forth until the day you could hold Ajax in your arms again.

After making more than 4 years together, you and Ajax have gotten used to your long distance relationship. The excitement of being able to see each other again after way too long never faded, but now it felt...soft? Like when he's about to leave, you know you're gonna see him again. Goodbyes are replaced with an 'I'll see you soon' and when you finally hold each other again, he gives you that warm smile that says ‘I'm finally home.’ 

It was a gentle type of love. Sweet & Simple.

Maybe that's why it happened. It got boring.

With the limited time you have with your partner in Snezhnaya, you suggested visiting him while he's in Liyue. He, of course, was overjoyed with the suggestion and immediately started planning the trip, the places he'd take you, the time of year you should go, etc. 

Now came the time you were set to board the boat bound for Liyue's port. 

At first, you thought it was just some sea sickness when you first found yourself feeling dizzy and wanting to throw up, but the closer and closer you got to Liyue, it became clearer and clearer. 

Your eyes widened as you stared at the yellow tulip covered in blood you coughed up. Hanahaki disease? Impossible. You were loved back by the one you love the most. He even helped set up your whole stay in Liyue so you could see him. This revelation only made your trip worse as it made you question your relationship as flower after flower escaped your lips. How could your 4, almost 5, year long relationship end like this?

By the time you got to the port of Liyue, you started to feel pain in your lungs after every cough. You still couldn't believe it. The very thought of dying by this awful disease- heck, you don't even understand how you got it in the first place.

But you were about to find out really soon.

Ajax's open arms greeted you as you walked down the ramp from the boat, a small smile adorning his face. For a moment, you forgot about the pain in your chest and jogged into his arms. After brief greetings and a long-awaited kiss, Ajax grabs your bags and leads you through the city, explaining how Liyue Harbor is preparing for this year's Lantern Rite Festival.

As you walk hand-in-hand through the city, examining the different buildings and decorations set up, his eyes land on something. But before you could look at what he was looking at, he was already dragging you there. When he finally stopped, you found yourself in the presence of someone. 

Dressed in clothes you've never seen before, with blond hair and golden eyes, they stand before you. You've heard stories of the traveler mostly from Ajax, but stories about them have already been floating around Snezhnaya since the day they saved Mondstadt. Word travels fast, and with the addition of your partner's first-hand experience with them, you're quite overwhelmed to be standing there knowing what the traveler has been up against. And now, as Ajax introduces you to each other, his words fade into the background. They hold out their hand to you for a handshake and you freeze for a moment, before hesitantly shaking their hand. 

This doesn't go unnoticed by your partner, quickly putting his hands on your shoulders and giving them a light squeeze. "I've told them about you," he explained to the traveler before turning to you. "You don't have to be nervous. They're a great warrior, but once you get to know them, they're really down to earth. You'll get along just fine," he whispered.

And get along you did. They were very nice and you've come to learn how they're going around Teyvat to look for their sibling. And their swordsmanship- wow did they know how to handle a blade. 

When Ajax invited you to watch them spar, you noticed their abilities and strategies in trying to push the other into a corner. Despite being young, Ajax had the strength and power that really proved he deserved a spot among the Fatui Harbingers. On the other hand, the traveler was able to hold their own and push your partner back even without wielding a vision.

You noticed the thrill and admiration in the Harbinger's eyes as he continuously battles the traveler. But even after the fight, his eyes still display that same admiration for them. You had suspicions at first, especially since you've been coughing out flowers despite being with your partner, but now those suspicions are being confirmed.

The excited tone he uses when he talks about being in battle with them, inviting them when you and him were out, even asking them to meet his family in Snezhnaya. The more you noticed it, the worse your condition grew. Up to the point both of them have started to notice how easily you get tired and how often you clutch your chest when you feel your heart burn.

They've asked about it a few times but you always reassured them that it was nothing and quickly switched to a topic you all can discuss. To get their full attention away from your state, you always change the topic to something relating to fighting. As skillful fighters, both of them had a lot to say. Even Paimon joins in on the conversation, usually to brag about the traveler's greatest battles and make remarks here and there.

You'd try to get in on the conversation too, but compared to what the harbinger and the esteemed traveler had been up against, was there really something you can brag about? That thought had kept you from saying much until you were in your own bubble and they were starting to forget you were there.

Unfortunately, this happened often during your stay in Liyue which only confirmed your suspicions even more.

When Childe had some free time, he'd take you out on a date. But most of the time, it wouldn't just be you two together. If spotted by him, he'd invite the traveler with you. 

"Hey traveler! Paimon! Come join us!" or "Is that the traveler and Paimon over there? Why don't we invite them to go to Luhua Pool with us tomorrow?"

On the occasions that it was indeed you two alone, he somehow always found something that reminded him of them and never forgets to mention it to you. 

"When Teucer came to Liyue out of the blue, he and the traveler followed me out here while I was baptizing the batch of new recruits. You should've seen their confused faces when I started talking about toys!" and "The traveler keeps giving me these starconches for some reason. If I were to count them all, they've given me over a hundred of these shells!"

He's mentioned many times before that he and the traveler are friends, even working together if Childe had some work to do that the traveler could help with. But after everything that's happened so far, it doesn't take a scholar to figure out he's begun falling for someone else.

The final nail on the coffin was during Lantern Rite. He promised to take you out to watch the fireworks together. For a while you were sitting by the staircase, watching the crowd and trying to find Childe amongst them but he was nowhere to be found. He said he'd be there by sundown so you can explore the festivities before the firework show began, but it's been almost an hour since the sun had set and he was still nowhere to be found. Maybe this was a bad idea - coming out here while you're sick. You felt another yellow tulip rising in your throat and quickly went somewhere private to cough it out. 

Looking at the bloody flower petals, you realize it, indeed, was a mistake to go out and you should’ve stayed at the hotel instead. So you made it out of the area and started to head back to your hotel.

"There you are!" A familiar voice calls. Your body was frozen as he and the traveler came up to you. "Sorry we’re late. We’ve been investigating a domain and we got lost track of time while we were examining the place. At least we’re here now, where have you been? I thought we were meeting by the docks?" He puts his arm around your shoulder as you laughed it off and hurriedly made an excuse.

Much to your dismay, they lead you back to the docks where multiple stalls were lined up. You were just following to wherever stall they'd head to next and accept the items Childe bought for you. He would offer to buy the same things for the traveler but sometimes they'd refuse and he'd give it to you, even if he bought you one already. He calls it 'an extra'.

Nothing had really caught your attention and you continued to just follow them as they walked and talked until your eyes landed on an interesting stall. You were about to point it out to your companions, until you saw how deep in conversation they were.

They seem to be in their own little world, talking about anything and everything, while you are lagging behind and watching the whole scene play out. 

And all you could think was how happy he looked being with them. Talking with them, probably about the many, many things he and the traveler had in common.

He just looks… happy. With that sparkle in his eye and his smile that never seems to disappear tonight.

He is happy. You know it.

He was killing you, and he didn't even know it.

Finally, you stopped walking and watched until you lost sight of them. The tightening feeling in your chest made you feel worse, but right now, you couldn't care less. At this point, it wouldn't matter if you joined them or not, it all felt the same. Instead of catching up to them, you  explored the rest of the festival, making some souvenir purchases and taking photos even if all of it was useless. Once you felt the tightening of your chest worsen, you knew it was time to head back to your hotel, quickly.

On the final night of your stay in Liyue, you were packing up the final items in your bags. The thought of staying crossed your mind multiple times. Maybe it was pointless to pack up, seeing as your condition has taken a turn for the worst and you might not even get back home to Morepesok alive. At that point, breathing made your lungs hurt and your chest burn. Maybe you should stay and spend the rest of your nights with Childe, if you should even tell him while knowing what he'd do if you did. But you decided against it, because everything he'd do would be out of guilt. He'd deny that he's fallen out of love and would take care of you 24/7 trying to convince himself that he still loves you, only to fail.

You lost your train of thought when the sound of knocking reached your ears. Opening the door revealed Childe with a cheeky smile. "What are you doing here?" you asked. "Well, it's your last night and I wanna go on a lil' walk with you." He stepped aside and put his arm out, gesturing for you to walk out with him. You thought about it and hesitantly stepped out of your room, quickly locking it behind you before following Childe out to the streets of Liyue.

The night was cold and there were only a handful of people who were also out. Most of which were taking down the decorations of the Festival. For the most part, you both were just silently admiring the quiet streets, bumping knuckles while walking. You were too busy taking one last look at the buildings around you to see the slight smirk on Childe's face as he grabbed your pinky with his own before fully holding your hands as if you two were teenagers first discovering your love for each other.

You felt your heartbeat quicken and subconsciously take a deep breath when your cold hand was in his warm one.

He took you around the city one last time before stopping with you on the bridge atop feiyun slope. He looks out to the many boats docked at the port until his eyes land on a certain one. Curious, you peek at what he's staring at too and your eyes land on a large passenger ship, probably the one you would be taking the next morning.

He sighs before looking at you. "I wish you could stay a little longer." He pouts just a little bit and pulls you in a hug. "But that's okay. My assignment here is almost finished so I'll be back home with you, and Anton, Tonia, and Teucer--" He doesn't know, "--You said there was a new restaurant, right? We could go--" He doesn't know, "--Just a little bit longer and I'll be home again very soon--" He doesn't know. In fact, does he even realize his feelings for you are fading?

"I-I should head back." The sudden volume of your voice stops him from saying anything further and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion at your statement. You were quick to notice this and even quicker to explain. "I'm not quite done packing yet and I have a long trip tomorrow and the boat leaves early. You should head to your quarters now too. Now that I have a sense of how busy you are, you need your rest."

He was still confused, but he let you go for the night. "I'll come get you in the morning, okay?" You nodded your head and tightly wrapped your arm around him, to which he was surprised but still hugs back before you let go and head back to your room.

You couldn't sleep the whole night. Time being used up by packing, thinking about your relationship with Childe, whether you should stay and tell him, and throwing up more yellow tulips. Before you knew it, it was time to board the boat and head home.

You walked out of the hotel with your head hung low and your bags in your arms, practically dragging them because it felt heavier, until someone picks them up for you.

You both talk a bit during the journey to the port, discussing whatever topic comes up. When you get there, your names are called out by Paimon who flies up to you both with the traveler trailing behind. "We just wanted to see you before you go," Paimon said.

"Paimon just gets emotional and will get upset if you leave without saying goodbye." The traveler adds, making everyone chuckle while Paimon gets embarrassed. 

"Thank you." You gave them a soft smile, at least it calms you down knowing Childe is gonna be taken care of well by the traveler. 

The traveler leaves you and Childe alone, which should relieve you a little bit; however, it only makes you dread the next and probably final moments you have with him.

You both avoid each other's gazes for a little bit before he finally speaks up and glances at you, "Take care of yourself until I get there, okay?" You only give him a curt nod, still not bothering to look him in his sapphire eyes. Afraid that if he even spared a glance into them, he'd notice how scared you are.

You grabbed your bags from his hands and were about to walk away, but you stopped yourself. Screw it. You dropped your bags and pulled him in a tight hug for the last time. He hugged you back, but not as tight because he doesn't know and now, he never will.

"I-" You started but the quiver in your lip and the tears starting to blur your vision made it difficult to speak. He doesn't speak, waiting for you to do so. He probably knows that you were about to shed tears, and for that he didn't say a word. But he did pull away from the hug to hold your face in his hands and wipe some of the tears away. 

"You mean everything to me, Childe," You started, "I don't ever regret loving you." You held on to his hands that were cupping your face, pulling them away and kissing his palms. "I'm gonna miss you. A lot." You try to give him a soft smile despite your red and teary eyes.

"I'm gonna miss you too." He responds. He was about to add something further but you needed to let him know first. "I love you. Way too much."

The call for the passengers to board the ship stopped you both from continuing the conversion and now, it was time to let go. You pull his hands from your face and let them go to pick up the bags you dropped on the ground. "Have a safe trip," He says while your hands tighten their grip on your luggage. 

"Take care of yourself, Childe." You gave him one last smile and turned to painfully walk away from him and toward the boat bound for Snezhnaya.

You don't look at him the rest of the way. Once on the boat, you set your bags and find a place to settle down. Once the boat departed from the port, you completely avoid looking at Liyue Harbor. For you were too afraid.

Loving Ajax hurt, but you don't regret it one bit.

His love lies with someone else now. Although that realization and its consequences hurt you, not once did you regret making memories with him. You love him with your whole heart and you will continue to do so until your last breath.

ajsdhfjashdfjshdf idk what this was 🥴

work by milk-breadx. DO NOT COPY/REPOST/MODIFY WORKS WITHOUT PERMISSION

[o-lanterns]

Maybe this time will be different.

[dragonymango]

hits a bit too close to home

[tonkatsumeal]

in my toh brainrot era

this cannot be good for me

[themo-themo]

I just think they're neat.

[tonkatsumeal]

the other side of paradise

ft. zhongli

warnings: use of zhongli’s other name

notes: gn!reader, modern!au (?), kind of ooc?

a/n: MORE ANGST also i posted this on my ao3 but it's a noctyx (nijisanji en) version! if you see it dw it's me aka loudmeow :) also hi sorry for being gone LMFOAOAOAOOOO my bad

synopsis: “Always, after he was in bed, there were voices—indefinite, fading, enchanting—just outside his window, and before he fell asleep he would dream one of his favorite waking dreams.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sometimes I dream of the ocean waves hitting our bare ankles as we run across the shore. The sharp rocks in the sand prove us of our time there, bloodied and jagged and real. Sometimes when I wake up, I still feel the ache on the bottom of my stained feet. I smell the seawater from my bed, all in its salty and bitter glory. It burns a little. The smell, I mean. But also the thought.

And sometimes I dream of the laughter. The stupid hiccups and the incessant giggles (I always said I hated when you did that, but I secretly smiled too when my back was turned). I would dream of me making a small joke, and I would dream of you laughing at it like it was the funniest thing you had ever heard in your life. A big hearty laugh, like it came straight from your chest. Whenever I heard your cachinnation, I could feel it in my chest, too. The warmth it exudes is similar to that of a mother’s embrace. (Not that I’d ever felt that before, though. It just feels like it would be similar.)

I liked the way your tone changed with your mood. When you were happy, I could hear the smile in your voice, even without looking at you. (I found that fact to be quite cute but, I would never admit it to your face.) When you were focused, you would always murmur an unfamiliar tune, and when asked about it, you would say, “I didn’t even know I was humming.” And when you spoke you always accompanied your words with the corners of your lips turned upwards. It was like a buy-one-get-one-free deal, as just talking to you was a pleasure in itself.

When I wake up from such a delightful dream, how could I not long for it afterwards? I often found it unfair the way I would open my eyes and see myself alone in my room. The silence always falls too heavy on me—and I crumble. It mocks me with a sing-songy voice you would hear from condescending pre-teens playing ball in the middle of a street. It leaves me humiliated, utterly helpless. I never remember how I cope with it each morning.

When the light of the sunrise shouts at me from my window, I am forced to push the comfort of my sheets away from my tender body. I look down at my darkened hands without a thought going through my mind. It’s when I realize my closed eyes were filled with tears, and a downpour finds its way into my synthetic hands.

Walking outside in the rain is a hassle, so I opt to stay inside where it's safe. Where I don’t short-circuit, where I can bask in the comfort of solitude, where I don’t remember you. Hah. Ironic how I say that, but everything reminds me of you, whether I like it or not.

The violet that comes in t-shirts and bookbags and graffiti remind me of your favorite purple sweater, and makes me scratch the phalanges of my index finger—they would be long lasting scars in flesh if I were human. When I walk past a person performing on the street (even though the sound is always god-awful, unlike your sweet voice), my shoulders tense up and fold into themselves. I have to remind myself to breathe, and to just act normal. Be normal.

Yeah, it’s difficult to live without you, but I do it everyday. At least… I think I do.

No; no. I live, but, I had forgotten what it was like to be alive.

To have someone nudge my shoulder to shut me up, to have someone mock me and draw on my face when I’m asleep. To expect a smile when I wake up, to expect snorting as I groggily open my eyes to meet face-to-face with a paint brush. To have someone steal my signature seat on the dinner table. To have someone be there for me. To just have someone there.

When I sit at the edge of my bed, feeling the crust of dried tears in the corners of my eyes, I stare at my cold and messy floor. Random objects scatter beneath my feet, an ocean of the known unknown. The history books I had collected over the generations to make sure you were not forgotten had been sprawled across the birch floor next to nick-knacks and doohickeys. Sometimes I’m tempted to pierce myself with whatever’s below, stomping into the abyss that is my room. It’s unsightly. So I lay back down, not even bothering to wipe my face clean. It beats having to deal with reality, where the world looks colorless and damp. Where the world is without you.

I want to be with you. Even though I don’t deserve to want it, I want to be with you. It doesn’t matter what we do; we could lay around for hours, not saying or doing a thing; we could tread around the harbor like kids, full of light and childish innocence. And I’m patient. I can tolerate the sick mornings. I won’t complain—I haven’t for the past few years I’ve dreamt of you. I can stand the suffering as long as I can see your faces in my dreams once more, because I fear that wanting you too much will take you away from me.

And you’re all I have.

So when I dream again—and I see you, and you see me—I’m happy. Happy like——I’m basking in the warm spring sun. The clouds make funny faces; you notice them all, but I can’t find a single image in the sky. It’s the perfect weather for a picnic; where I can set down a patchwork blanket and lay on it as I please; a book in one hand and your head on my shoulder. I can feel you relax unto me, and I relax in turn. You complain that it’s too “hard” (something I found as a compliment), and I jokingly tell you to get over it. We laugh, and we smile, and we get up to wander for a bit, and we smile again. Flowers bloom while we walk, and I feel my chest tighten. I pray in my head that it is hay fever.

“Please don’t go away again,” I say. It was out of the blue, and you almost didn’t notice the agonized expression on my face. I mean, I understand. I had never said something like that before. You were quiet for a moment—a moment too long, in fact—and I suddenly felt embarrassed at my abrupt plea. It had been a long, long time since I felt so unsure of myself.

I was about to defend myself, a hesitant laugh almost escaping my lips before you spoke aloud, “Silly Morax.” You laughed your usual laugh. I didn’t know whether to be tense or glad that you were acting normal. “What’re you on about? You’re paranoid for no reason!” I let out a chuckle of relief after being stunned at your response. What was I thinking? This was enough, the feeling. Just being able to share your warmth is enough for me. Time didn’t matter—five minutes or five days, I didn’t care. Just as long as I could see you. That’s all I—

“Yeah… You just have to accept it as it is; it has to happen eventually.”

I wake up again. Ridiculously enough, your expression imprinted itself into my mind. The one you made when you left me.

The space around me is blurry, a wave of red and black and somehow green follow where my vision leads. My stomach churns and I swallow back a gag. I can taste the blood coming from my lips at how hard I’m biting down on them, something to take my attention away from the pain in my chest. It feels like I’m being impaled. Like someone ripped my heart out and crudely put it back together with zip ties and a prayer.

It feels like I’ll never see you again, and I don’t know how to react. A chill runs down my spine, and I do not shiver, but I still shroud into a ball. Tight and secure, but so easy to collapse.

I know myself, but that is all.

[stickerfae]

[fenkko]

here comes a special boy!

here comes a special boy!

[tonkatsumeal]

THE ONLY BOY EVER

[charcharmaru]

finally drew the en boyz

[tonkatsumeal]

tbh i dont even know how to reply to comments on tumblr😭😭😭 I just write and post thats it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭