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in tales of the jedi, anakin is the one who pushes ahsoka to go above and beyond typical padawan training. to her, it seems unfair and pointless. in ahsokaâs mind, why would she need to defend herself against the blaster fire of 10 soldiers at once? as far as sheâs concerned, her only threat are the battle droids she faces every day.
until order 66 occurs. then anakinâs training is the only thing separating her from life and death. how ironic and heartbreaking, that the very person who indirectly saved your life is the same person who endangered it in the first place?
listen to me. this is my final message to you. when you are at your lowest a fictional guy will come to you and when that happens you must start putting them in situations. this is the meaning of life.
For: @toomanybandstocare, event hosted by @cloneficgiftexchange
You can read here or on AO3
Being the non-Clone quartermaster for the famed Wolfpack Squad keeps you in close quarters with the Clone troopers. It has led you to joining them in the aid mission for the planet of Aleen where you now sit amongst the food packages, building supplies, and medical tools. Life Day has brought the Mid Rim Courier Service to you with a package from your ex-partner. You frown as you open the package; they really should know by now that youâre in a very happy and very established relationship with Commander Wolffe. It is no secret that the two of you are dating, so you werenât expecting a Life Day gift from your ex. Looking inside the package, you see a Sound Slug with a note saying that it contains recordings of your favourite band and Gonkrock hits like Good Clone/Bad Clone. Are they trying to win you back?
The silence is broken by a unit of Clones coming through. They eagerly head to the part of the supply storage where a makeshift canteen has been erected. You close the package and set it on your lap just as Wolffe comes your way, holding a couple ration bars in his hand. He holds one out to you and you eagerly accept it. It is dry and almost tasteless, but you bite into it happily as your stomach rumbles from the long day of work. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Wolffe looking at the package.
âWhatâs that?â He asks, motioning with his ration bar at the box.
âMy ex sent me a Life Day gift. Itâs some music I like.â
Wolffe hums thoughtfully and takes a bite of his food, eyes looking out past the great storage crates and busy troopers. Then he turns to hold his hand out to you.
âCome with me for a walk? The quakes seem stable for now and Iâd like to show you one of the Aleen colossi.â
You finish your ration bar and nod, taking his hand. He pulls you to your feet and continues to hold your hand as he leads you past the supply station and out into the fields of Aleen. His hand is warm even through the soft fabric of his gloves and you savour the feeling against your skin. Other troopers notice the two of you and salute to Wolffe who returns the motion with a nod of his own. Youâve been accepted into the Wolf Pack like family and none of them question your relationship with their Commander. They all know well that you have spilt blood, sweat and tears to keep them supplied and functioning. It feels good to have their friendship.
Aleen is a dry and rocky planet, full of mesas and canyons. Here and there, Arbozoic trees dot the landscape and Wolffe leads you to a patch that grows close to the local settlement. The trees are strange and shaped like tentacles reaching for the sky in tight-knit bundles. Some pulse with a strange, purple glow that contrasts sharply with the dull brown of the sky and ground. One has been hollowed out so that a large opening yaws down to the ground. It is through this opening that Wolffe leads you.Â
Inside the tree is a myriad of carvings and petroglyphs lining the internals of the tree. You approach one of the treeâs walls and run your fingers over the carvings in the wood. It feels rough against your skin and you can tell the cuts go deep into the tree. Some of the carvings are of animals native to the planet and others portray Aleena going about ritualistic tasks. Wolffe steps behind you and places his hand on your shoulder, sending a delightful shiver down your spine.
âThat droid⌠C-3PO says these colossi are important to Aleena culture. They record their history here. I thought you might like seeing their artwork.â
âItâs beautiful,â you say, leaning yourself back against his chest. He feels solid like a wall and it has you feeling safe. If another groundquake comes, heâll surely scoop you up.
âHow have you been sleeping?âÂ
âWell, the quakes make it hard to get a whole 8 hours.â
He hums thoughtfully again and wraps his arms around your waist, holding you tight.Â
âIs this⌠ex someone youâre looking to get back with?â
You laugh at first. The thought of getting back with them is absolutely absurd. You left for a reason and Wolffe has been such a great boyfriend. Then you realize heâs being serious with his question. You put your hand on one of his and run your thumb over his gauntlet, looking at the damage engraved deep into his armour.
âNo, Iâm happy with you, Wolffe.â
âItâs⌠With the war, it isnât easy to arrange something for Life Day whether that be a gift or an outing. I just want to make you happy and take care of you. Itâs all I ever want to do - you deserve so much more, but all I can give is myself. And I really hope thatâs enough.â
âOh, youâre more than enough. Thereâs nowhere else Iâd rather be than by your side.â
Wolffe turns you around so that you are facing each other. There is a serious look on his face and he leans in to place a kiss on your forehead, lips warm and soft. Then he pulls back and a rare smile lights up his face.
âYou have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that.â
sign ups for the 2025 exchange are officially open, and will continue to be through october 25th!
the faq for the event can be found here and the rules can be found here, and you can find specific information about life day and what it could mean for fic here!
hereâs how the exchange will work:Â
1. Read over this post, reblog it to the blog you want to participate with, and fill out the sign up form linked below!!
When you sign up, youâll choose which of the clones you would like to receive an xreader fic about. Because this event is random, I require participants to at least be comfortable writing and reading for Rex, so no one gets an assignment they canât fulfill.
2. The day sign ups end, you will receive two emails from me:
Iâll be using a secret santa website to do the matching, so one email will come from that website, and it will tell you who you will be writing for. I can easily randomize the assignments this way, and it ensures that everyone has a match.Â
The second email will come from this blogâs event email ([email protected]) and it will have posting information, general information for the participants, and a document of all the prompts. Once you find out from the secret santa website who your person is, you just need to find them on the list to see your prompt and the characters you have the option of writing for.
3. You will have about seven weeks to write your fic, and the word minimum is 800 words. On December 13th (thatâs a Saturday), participants will post their fics to tumblr. Iâll send out more details about posting when the event gets closer, so donât worry about that. I will also put together a list of all the fics when the event is over, which will be linked on the blogâs pinned post with the other past exchanges.
you can sign up here!!
please feel free to reach out to me with any questions! hope to see you in the signups :)
tagging those who said they were interested: @toomanybandstocare
No matter how many times you tell Iwa that you are fine and you can handle yourself he won't listen. You have recently come down with some cold, and Iwa being the protective and health obsessed boyfriend he is has been obsessing over you the minute you started feeling ill. You appreciate how much he cares, but you really don't want to get him sick especially with him being the athletic trainer for the jackals. You don't think you could ever live it down if they all got sick because of you. So you try to convince Hajime that you just look and sound worse than you feel, but he can read you like an open book. You had briefly mentioned when you first started showing symptoms that you would sleep on the couch so you don't "contaminate" him, but him being the gentleman he is insisted that he would let you have the bed. So you freak out when he plops down on the mattress next to you, and even discards the mask you kept bugging him to keep on. You immediately try to hide under the covers so you won't breathe on him or anything, but it's too late bc he is crawling under them seconds after you. He engulfs you in a hug and peppers soft kisses on your head as he whispers about how he doesn't mind getting sick if he's taking care of you.
hiii! i just found your hurt/comfort dialog prompt list you had tagged and i'm such a sucker for that kind of stuff. could you please do prompt 34. "you're covered in blood, need to tell me something?" with wolffe? maybe even a little bit of prompts 20 and 35 from the the hurt/comfort sprinkled in there too? i absolutely adore your work and your such a fantastic writer, i look forward to everytime you post, and you do such a beautiful job on your writing that i can't wait to read this once it is done (if you decided to do it) . feel free to change it how you want, and thank you for taking time out of busy day to read this. love you <333
Hey! I'm so glad you've been enjoying my work! Sorry it took me awhile to get this out to you. I had so many ideas for it but I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. Hope you enjoy it! đ
Prompt# 20: "How long did you think that you could hide that?"
Prompt# 34: "You're covered in blood, need to tell me anything?"
"Okay, today officially sucks." You grumbled under your breath, cursing whatever cosmic Force led you to be in your current state. Groaning you dragged yourself back over the ledge and collapsed in the mud. Everything hurt. Your clothes were stiff with dried and drying blood and at this point, you weren't sure if it belonged to you or to those damn splox who's nest you'd fallen into. Probably both.
Ok, now to find the rest of the company. You were sure that you hadn't strayed too far from the battlefield when you'd been drug off by battle droids and thrown from a cliff in the resulting fight. But hey, at least you took them down with you. You thought, cracking a smile. Master Plo would've been proud. On the other hand, you frowned, you had gotten separated from everyone else - so maybe not so much.
You drew a sharp breath between your teeth. A burning, grating feeling radiated from your side as you stepped over a rock and nearly fell to the ground. You paused for a moment to let your tunneling vision focus again, fighting back the urge to throw up. Maybe some of the blood was actually yours. The trek back to camp was going to take much longer than you expected.
Good. Maybe that would give you time to mull over the conversation you'd had yesterday morning with the commander of you battalion.
You were sure it was the reason that Commander Wolffe was ignoring you earlier today.
***
You'd chosen to continue on with the battalion after Master Plo had received an urgent message from the Council, recalling him from the field. Wolffe disagreed.
"You're injured!" He snapped, more forcefully than intended.
You sighed rolling your eyes. "It's just a headache. I'm fine. You know I've had worse, Commander." It was more than a headache, probably a concussion due to the nausea and dizziness that currently plagued you. But he didn't need to know that.
Wolffe pinched the bridge of his nose.
"General, I saw that spider droid fling you halfway across the battlefield. Can you at least go to medical to get checked out? I need you-" He froze, then coughed quickly, trying to pass off his slip-up as though he'd been interrupted mid sentence. "We. We need you. Your men need you at your best, general."
He coughed again and quickly left the room, leaving you frozen in place.
***
Did he really say that? You replayed his words in your head over and over again.
"I need you."
You couldn't deny that it had shaken you. You couldn't deny that it had hit you in such a way that made your whole body tingle and flood with warmth. As much as you tried to suppress it and convince yourself it was nothing, you had found yourself staring at the Commander a lot recently. The way he confidently carried himself, the subtle spark in his eye, the way he cared for his men even though he hid it behind that abrasive and sarcastic front - it was all so perfect. So attractive. So him.
No, he couldn't have meant it like that. You were his superior and even more importantly, you were a Jedi. No attachment allowed. He definitely couldn't have meant it like that. It was simply a slip of the tongue. He felt nothing for you and you felt nothing for him. You told yourself that your infatuation wasn't real. Commander Wolffe was a good solider and your fondness for him was simply a professional sense of pride. That's all.
Distant voices interrupted your brooding. Several clone troopers were searching high and low, calling out for someone but you didn't quite catch the name.
"Who are we looking for?" You walked up to the trooper closest to you. His shiny white armor was streaked with mud and ash - one of the new guys. Splash, they'd christened him on account of the puddle of mud he'd landed in immediately after jumping from the gunship into the field. It was hard to believe you'd only been here for three days. It felt like three years.
"We're looking for the General!" He explained hurriedly, hardly giving you a side glance.
Your heart dropped. Surely not Master Plo. Had he not left for Coruscant after all? Your hero and former master had seemed invincible ever since he'd chosen you to be his Padawan.
"General Plo Koon?" You asked hesitantly.
Splashed grunted as he stepped over a log. "No, the other one."
A wave of relief washed over you. You could've laughed out loud if your head wasn't so cloudy. Your side screamed with every step. You took a shallow breath, trying to ground yourself.
I am one with the force and the force is with me. I am one with the force and the force is with me.
Supplementing with the force wouldnt last long and it was draining, but it was better than the agony you'd been in. You took a deep breath, allowing the pain to become a whisper and looked back up at the clone.
"Well you found her!" You joked.
"What?" He stood up looking confused. Then he looked over at you.
Splash straightened up upon realizing that he had indeed found the General. He was glad he was wearing his bucket because he could feel his face turning red with embarrassment. He scrambled stiffly to attention. "Uhm, sorry Sir. I mean Ma'am. Uh, General." He stuttered, trying to compose himself. You chuckled, wincing as the movement pulled at your wounded side. Splash looked alarmed as if he'd just realized that his General was covered in blood. "Are you injured, Ma'am?"
You grit your teeth to hide the pain. "No, I'm fine, thank you. I believe it all belongs to the splox that I killed. Fell into a nest of em."
He looked at you, unsure if you were being serious or not, trying to recall if the regulation manuals told him what to do in a situation like this.
"We should probably make our way to medical, all the same." He concluded. "Just to be safe. Get you checked out and all." He offered his arm.
You shook your head. "No that's alright. They're much too busy right now, seeing as the battle has just ended."
"Well I'm sure..."
You put a hand up to stop him. "It's fine, Splash. I can take care of myself. Let's worry about making our way back to camp."
"Of course, General."
***
You made your way back to camp and bid Splash a farewell. Exhausted, you yawned and slowly made your way back to your tent, passing the Commander's tent on your way there.
"General!" Commander Wolffe sprang to his feet the moment he saw you. "Are you alright, ma'am?"
His eyebrows knit tightly together with a frown. If you didn't know better, you almost thought he looked concerned. Worried even. But that would be stupid. You were reading too much into it. He was simply a solider looking out for the welfare of his commanding officer. That's it. Nothing more.
"I'm good!" You grinned, hoping he didn't notice the way your teeth ground against the pain in your head and now your side.
Wolffe's face became unreadable.
"Just good!?" He growled. "General, you are covered in blood. 'Good' does not even begin to cover it. Do you need to tell me something?"
Yes. I think I'm in love with you.
"No not really." You nonchantly shrugged. "It's not mine. Fell into a nest of those giant splox beetles and had to take em out before they ate me. You know how it is."
Wolffe rolled his eyes. He didn't believe you, but what could he do? He wasn't your superior, he couldn't order you to tell him. He made a note to ask Cody and Rex to let him into the clones-with-stubborn-generals club. He could sure use some advice.
"Could you be anymore bull-headed?" he wanted to yell at you as you left the room, interpreting his silence as the end of that conversation.
Wolffe groaned in frustration. Why did he care so much? Why did the thought of you being wounded send waves of terror cascading through his core. You were acting strange, subtly walking as though every step sent agony shooting through your body thinking nobody would notice. He noticed. He wanted to pick you up in his arms and bandage your wounds. He wanted to softly kiss each scar on your skin.
You were a good leader. He understood wanting to be tough, wanting to be strong for the soldiers under your command. If he was honest with himself, he did the same.
You trudged wearily back to your tent, ignoring the pain that was slowly returning to full force with a vengeance as though it was angry at being willed into submission.
You made it a point to avoid medical. The dwindling amount of medical supplies worried you. It was only a matter of time before they would run out if they weren't sent relief. The chief medical officer had drastically downplayed the dire straits the company was in when you asked him. You'd seen the inventory. It was scarce. It wouldn't be right, going to medical right now. Not when you could most likely patch yourself up with the small medkit by your bunk. The clones made up the backbone of the GAR, it was only right that they take priority over you.
***
It was a miracle of the Force that you hadn't passed out by the time you reached the tent. Biting your lip to keep you from making too much noise, you peeled off your shirt to assess the damage, grabbing a towel from the shelf.
You bit back a pained moan and your vision swam as you gripped the edge of your cot to steady yourself. A large gash curled around the side of your chest from the bottom of your breast to your hip. The torn skin bled heavily, quickly turning the towel a crimson red.
This was...not good.
The com chirped, making you jump. You felt dazed and exhausted. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath before answering the com. Sergeant Sinker's brisk voice echoed from the device.
"General, the clankers are moving in from the North. They've engaged the front and the 501st is calling for aid. What are your orders?"
Your men needed you. Who were you to ignore them? What kind of leader would you be if you sent them off while you stayed behind. "A good leader leads by example" Master Plo always said. You were tired of the animalistic way the clones were treated - as if they were only droids or worse. You would be there for your men, fighting right up front beside them. Right beside Commander Wolffe.
You lit up the com. "Proceed with the request, Sergeant. I'll be there shortly."
You looked at the medkit. Well, so much for that. You quickly taped up the wound and slapped some bacta treated gauze on it. Then you quickly changed your clothes, willing yourself to ignore the nauseating pain. You steadied yourself with a hand on the wall before wiping the cold sweat from your clammy skin. You tried to breathe, once more closing your eyes in meditation once again squashing down the pain. The show must go on. The General must lead her men into battle.
***
General Skywalker was right to call for aid. The Separatist forces were throwing everything they had at you. You jumped over the guns of a tank, slicing through the controls to disable it. Droid after droid came at you from all sides and you cut them down. If only the Commander could see you now in all your glory.
An explosion knocked you off your feet, wrenching you from your stupor. Pain surged through your body as you pushed yourself to your feet. The continuous onslaught of enemy forces wasn't so fun now. You began to realize just how tired you were. Trying to catch your breath felt as futile as swimming in honey. Your mind felt sluggish and your arms felt like lead. A B2 took aim and fired. You saw him fire and raised your saber to block but it was a fraction of a second too slow and the blast hit your shoulder. Kriff. You hit the ground hard, letting the awful, searing pain wash over you. You wanted to close your eyes. You wished you could just rest. Just for a moment.
Your eyes flew back open. No. The men need you. Get up. Shakily you forced yourself to your knees and onto your feet. One more time. You knew this was abusing the force but it was for an honorable reason. Right?
I am one with the force and the force is with me. I am one with the force and the force is with me. Pain is temporary. Accept it simply as a signal sent by the body. Accept the pain. Respect it. Don't fight it. Ask your body to begin to heal.
You let out a feral scream, pouring every last ounce of energy and willpower into your prayers, knocking back an entire wave of droids. And then you felt nothing.
***
My head. The first thing you noticed upon regaining consciousness was the skull splitting headache that you could almost feel radiating down your entire body. It felt as though someone was spearing red hot needles through your eyeballs, twisting them through the many sections of your brain. The pain made you nauseous.
An agonized wheeze drifted from your lips as you tried to raise your hands to cup your face. When did my arms get so heavy? Pain shot through your side and shoulder as you tried to move. Panic gripped you when you couldn't.
"Ah kriff," a gruff voice cursed. "Hey! General. General, it's okay. Calm down. You're safe." You'd know that voice anywhere - it was the only clear thing that cut through the haze of pain. Commander Wolffe.
He barked a command at someone and after a few minutes the pain had loosened it's claws. It wasn't much but it was better than before.
"What do you need, General? Are you still in pain?"
"Lights," you managed to groan. Even that took too much energy and you desperately hoped that you wouldn't be sick in front of the Commander.
Wolffe immediately jumped from his chair, quickly shutting off the lights. That helped some, but not much. It still felt like your head was being lobotomized by a pickaxe. Your side and shoulder felt like they'd been broken off and trampled by a bantha. A bantha that was on fire maybe.
"You are so kriffing stubborn, you know that!?" Wolffe growled. Seeing you wince, he lowered his volume but continued with the hard and bitter tone.
"How long did you think you could hide that!? Hmm?" He motioned to your side.
"You almost died yesterday." He said, softening his voice ever so slightly.
Wolffe looked tired. His eyes were sunken and even his cybernetic one had a dark shadow beneath it. He looked like he hadn't shaved or showered since the battle. His grey armor was still scuffed up with dirt and grime. A small bacta patch adorned his right eyebrow.
You looked away, shame burning at the corners your eyes, adding to the overwhelming pressure in your head. You failed him and now he hated you. You turned your head away from him wincing at the pain but you couldn't bear to have him see the tears that rolled down your cheeks.
"Look at me." A command. He didn't have the authority to give you a command, but you felt compelled to comply all the same. Hastily wiping your eyes in a futile attempt at seeming alright, you turned towards him. Your breath caught as he wrapped his hand around your wrist, pulling it from your face.
"Stop kriffing pretending that you're okay." Still a command, but this one felt softer. His voice still held the rough, bitter edge that defined him so well but as you met his eyes, they held an uncertain gaze of vulnerability.
"Your men need you alive. They care about you, General." He paused, pacing back and forth in the dark room. He came to a stand still by the foot of your bed, refusing to meet your gaze, as though he had something he wanted to say. Finally he took a deep breath and slowly let it out.
"Oh kriff it." He snapped. "I care about you, damnit!" He shook his head and began to pace again, the anger returning to his visage.
"General Plo said you could've died." He spat. "He said that you had spread yourself so thin, used up so much energy that you could've killed yourself. Do you..." He cut himself off and took another breath, clenching his fists tightly. "Do you know what that would've done to this company. Do you know what that would've done to me!?"
There was fire in his eyes when he looked back up at you. "It would've killed me too."
You lay there in your bed staring at him - shocked at this outburst. What was he saying? That he cared for you? That he loved you? That he thought about you as much as you thought about him?
"I.." you began softly.
"No. I'm not done."
You shut your mouth.
"General, when you came back to camp covered in blood, I had to restrain myself from throwing you over my shoulder and taking you to medical myself. I knew something was wrong but I trusted that you knew what you were doing. It was the same when I saw you collapse yesterday. It took everything in me not to race to your side."
He shook his head, disappointed in himself, and angry with you. "I should be holding the line with my men, not babysitting my General!"
You stared blankly ahead, letting his anger wash over you. So that's how he saw you. That solves one problem, you tried to convince yourself. It was good that he didn't reciprocate your feelings. That made it easier to cleanse yourself of any feeling of attachment. But then why didn't hurt so bad? Why did it feel like a part of your soul had been sawed away? Wasn't letting go of your emotions supposed to bring you peace? This crushing weight of disappointment and heartbreak was anything but peace.
The room was quiet save for the beeps and whirs of the medical equipment around you. The silence felt deafening. Then finally Wolffe let out a sigh.
"I'm....sorry..." The words dragged themselves reluctantly from his mouth.
You didn't respond.
The bed buckled slightly as Wolffe sat down on the edge. He tentatively rested a hand gently on your back, expecting you to recoil or stiffen under his touch. His eyebrows shot up in surprise as you leaned into his touch instead.
He sighed, rolling his neck. "Look," he began awkwardly. "I'm not good at this kind of thing so I'm just going to be honest with you. I..." He stopped. You turned your face towards his. He took a breathe, not daring to make eye contact. "I think I'm in love with you. Kriff. No, I know I'm in love with you."
You gasped, the dam broke and tears began to stream down your face.
Wolffe jumped up, startled and clearly embarrassed. "I...I mean... I... I didn't mean..." The normally confident Commander stumbled over his words in a shameful horror.
"No," you sobbed. You felt so relieved. Everything felt right again. "You didn't do anything wrong." He looked down at you, eybrows knitted upwards in confusion. "Then why..." He motioned to your tearful face.
"Because I love you too and I was afraid that you hated me. I was afraid that everyone would see me as a terrible General. And also my everything hurts and..." you sobbed, "...and I love you so much."
Wolffe looked down at you with amusement and a strange softness took hold of his features - a foreign look for his usually serious demeanor.
"You look nice when you smile," you whispered with a small grin. "But you can go back to frowning if that's more comfortable for you."
Wolffe rolled his eyes as he settled down in a chair beside your bed. "You should get some sleep, General." Back to his serious old self again but he kept that twinkle in his eye. Only for you. he thought.
If you want to be on my taglist, feel free to send me a message! Also, asks are open! Reblogging is very much encouraged and it makes me do a happy dance every time any of my writing gets reblogged đâ¤ď¸
im never not going to reblog this one đ love some tough love and a death bed confession. one of my absolute favorites to read when i need a lil pick me up
Summary: You never wanted to force him to put a label on the relationship you shared, because even if it was purely physical, you didn't want to give it up. But maybe you should have just talked to Jesse about your feelings, because it turns out that the two of you had slightly different views on the way things were.
Warnings: implied sexual content
Note: i absolutely love this fic and i've been hanging onto it for months because i didn't want to lose my joy over it, but i think it's finally time to share it with the world.
Clone Troopers Masterlist
He never stayed too long, even though you wanted him to. Unfortunately when you worked on a Jedi Cruiser, there were only so many ways that you could disappear at the same time without it being too suspicious. It was already one of your saving graces that Jesse already had a reputation for taking long showers, and that his brothers never suspected that this is where he went when he disappeared.
The other saving grace was the fact that you had private quarters, and you didnât have to worry about anyone barging in while you participated in some much needed stress relief with one of the battalionâs ARC troopers. There were always a few times that you managed to convince him to stay a little longer and lay with you, but those moments were few and far between. Usually it ended with labored grunts, slightly sweaty kisses, and whispered promises to do this again soon before he had suited up once more and looked both ways down the hall before returning to the barracks for the rest of the night.
You never knew exactly how he felt about you, because no label was ever put on your relationship. It was both polite smiles in the mess hall and secret love bites left in places only you and him would ever see, professional and intimate all at once. You didnât even know how to approach the topic with him, because what were the options? Clones could get in big trouble if they were caught in relationships, and you didnât want to lose your job at the GAR. It was almost easier if neither of you said anything, because then you didnât have anything to deny should something happen and the secret came out. You werenât together, even though you desperately wanted it to be the opposite. Wartime meant that people would have to make sacrifices, and this simply had to be one of them.
You were currently laying on your bed with him, having put some of your clothes back on after you finished. He was in nothing but his black body glove, the different pieces of plastoid that made up his armor scattered all across your room. âWhat do you want to do when the war is over?â he asked.
âI donât know,â was your response. âI think Iâve spent so much time in the GAR at this point that I canât imagine my life without it.â
He opened his mouth to respond, but before he could say anything, someone knocked on your door. His eyes widened at the sound, and you were sure that you had a similar expression on your face. It was the middle of the night, who could possibly be knocking on your door at this time of night? You stilled, hoping that if you didnât move a muscle then whoever was at the door would simply try to reach you in the morning (at a more reasonable hour).
But the sound came through again, and you just quietly tiptoed out of bed, pulling on the tops and bottoms to your GAR-issued sleeping clothes before starting to approach the door. It was then that you realized something: Jesseâs helmet (which was pretty damn recognizable) was sitting on the table next to the door, and it would be instantly visible to whoever was on the other side when you opened it.
The knock sounded for a third time, and you quickly grabbed Jesseâs bucket, throwing it to him on the bed. You must have not done a good job in aiming though, because you heard a thunk (followed by a whispered swear), which you tried to cover up with a loud âone moment!â - hopefully to appease whoever had decided to bother you at this time of night.
Hoping that your appearance didnât give away the activities you had been previously engaging in, you grabbed the handle of the door and cracked it just enough to get a peek at who was standing outside, and you were met the face of Captain Rex. âCaptain!â you said, your voice jumping higher than it usually was. âWhat can I do for you?â
âWhen he got a look at your outfit, Rex frowned. âDid I wake you?â he asked worriedly, looking down at his wrist to check the chrono that rested there. âOh, I didnât realize it was so late.â
âItâs okay,â you said, feigning a yawn and hoping that Rex really did think you were asleep previously, and so he didnât step inside and see one of his ARC troopers slightly sweaty and laying in your bed. You stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind you (youâd rather Rex see you in your pajamas than him realize Jesse wasnât in the barracks like he was supposed to be). âIs there something important I need to know?â
âI just stopped by to give you some forms,â he said. âMost of the men on the ship right now have a mandatory training session tomorrow to brush up on hand-to-hand combat skills and I wanted to ask if youâd be willing to help with some of the more administrative things while Iâm there.â
âOf course, that is my job after all,â you said. âIf everything is digital, why donât you send it to my datapad and Iâll take a look at it tomorrow.â
Rex nodded and held out a small stack of flimsi to you before responding. âI came to bring you these too, theyâre the only ones that arenât digital, and Iâll send you the rest when I get back to my office.â
You nodded in response, and the captain turned around to leave. âRex?â you called out, causing him to stop and look at you. âGo back to your room and get some sleep.â He made a small noise of indignation, but did turn around and start to walk in the direction of his quarters, which you counted as a win (even if he was just doing this to make you think he was going to sleep and would actually make a detour at the last second).
When you stepped back into your room, Jesse was still laying on the bed. âThat was close,â you said.
âToo close,â Jesse said. âI should probably head back now.â
You opened your mouth to protest, but any reasoning you had died in your throat. You werenât together, who were you to keep him here? And what if your selfish desire to cuddle with him all night got your relationship found out? There had already been one close call tonight, you didnât need any more. So instead of saying anything, you just nodded, watching him collect the pieces of his armor from around the room (where they had been hastily discarded when he arrived) and put them back on.
With a smile and kiss to your cheek, Jesse was gone, and you really wished it didnât have to be this way.
***
Life on the Resolute went on, and soon you were once again laying in your bed with him, having just finished a particularly steamy rendezvous in your private âfresher. In nothing more than your underclothes at this point, you just stared at each other, and you dreaded the moment where he would tell you that he had to leave.
But instead, the conversation took a whole different turn. âI think the boys are starting to get suspicious.â
âAbout us?â
Jesse shook his head. âI donât think they realize youâre part of it, but theyâve started to realize that I sneak away from time to time.â
âOh,â you said, heart sinking as you considered the options from here. âWe can-â
âI think itâs time to tell them,â Jesse said, and you just looked at him with a confused expression. âThey were bound to figure it out eventually.â
âTell them what?â
He looked at you with an odd expression on his face. âThat weâre together.â
It took a moment for you to register his words. âWeâre together?â It definitely wasnât your finest moment, but in your defense, there didnât seem like a better way to say it. For so long you had pined for something more with him, for the kisses and soft glances you shared to allude to something other than a physical relationship, and now you were finding out that you had possibly mis-interpreted this entire thing?
âI thought we were,â he admitted quietly. âUnless thereâs someone els-â
âNo!â you responded, cutting him off. âI just- we never talked about what we were, so I assumed you only considered this a physical thing, and that we were friends in all other senses of the word. I always wanted more, but didnât want to lose you.â
Jesseâs expression softened, and a quiet laugh escaped him. âCyare,â he said, leaning in real close. âI donât know about anyone else, but I certainly donât kiss my friends like I kiss you.â
âThen why didnât you ever say anything to me?â
âI thought you wanted to keep things under wraps.â
âI wanted to protect you!â
âIf youâre referring to that rule against clones being in relationships, I wouldnât worry too much about it,â he said, leaning to place a soft kiss on the corner of your mouth.
You were not as blasĂŠÂ about the whole thing. âAnd why is that?â you asked, eyebrows raised.
âBecause the general is in a similar situation right now, so I think heâd understand. And I trust my vode with my life, they wouldnât say anything. Besides, I think Rex already knows, he said something to me about you the day after he showed up here in the middle of the night.â
You sighed quietly. âI know, but I still worry.â
âHow about this, we can wait a little more, but if someone asks, tell them the truth,â Jesse suggested.
âThatâs a good idea,â you said with a nod. âAlthoughâŚâ
âAlthough what?â
âYou havenât actually asked me anything about progressing our relationship.â
His eyebrows raised at you in mock disbelief, but he played along. âWell then, I have to fix that.â
âIâm waiting.â
âWill you-â a kiss was placed on your forehead.
âDo me the absolute honor-â now his lips moved down to your cheek, kissing you once for each word.
âOf being-â a kiss on your nose this time.
âMy girlfriend?â His lips ghosted over the corner of your mouth, and you knew that he was being a little infuriating on purpose.
âYes, you idiot,â you said, wasting no time after that to pull him closer to you and kiss him soundly.
Jesse groaned into your lips, and you had a feeling you might need to shower again after all was said and done, but you didnât care one bit. Â
- the end -
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we could call it even (part two of it always leads to you)
part one: it always leads to you
pairings: padawan f reader x cody
word count: 1,700 ish
warnings: pre established relationship, break up of said relationship. sneaking around, the yuckyness of the Jedi order, conflicted feelings. sad cody.
notes: hello⌠i am in fact⌠alive. i just wanted to say thank you to @clones-cyare who absolutely smashed my notifications this afternoon while i was at work. I hope you like this hehe.
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ｼ ･ďžâ: *.â˝ .* :âďž
The door shuts behind him with a faint hiss, but sound reverberates through you like a blaster bolt. For a moment, youâre left standing there, staring at the dull durasteel walls of the ship, willing the tears not to come. But your body betrays you, it always does when it comes to him. The force betrays you too, carrying his pain back to in tidal waves. A raw, aching wound that refuses to close.
You sink down to your bed, the sheets as cold as the room, head in your hands. This is what it is to be Jedi; sacrifice. You knew the cost of attachment. But nothing could have prepared you for this. For the hollow ache in your chest, the too big too small feeling of the room. The heaviness of the air, the absence of him.
You donât sleep that night. Instead you sit on the small mat in your room, legs tucked under you, lightsaber forgotten on your bed. You search for the peace, the balance, the harmony youâre supposed to embody, embrace. But all you find is his voice echoing again and again. Weâre meant to be together. We are one half of a whole.
The memory of his touch lingers, like a ghost. The roughness of his palms against yours, the warmth of his eyes as he pleaded with you. You snap your eyes shut as the force ripples around you, as if it mourns the choice youâve made. But you feel something more in those ripples, and although itâs distant, it strikes through you; danger.
Youâre on your feet in an instant, lightsaber in your hand, the door hissing as it opens for you. The ship is silent as you step into the hallway, but you can feel him. Heâs close.
You find him in the cargo bay, his helmet discarded on a crate beside him, hands trembling as he tinkers with a small device. Your breath catches in your throat when you realise what it is. A chip removal device. Black market. Made for clones who went awolâŚ
âCody,â you say softly, but your voice carries in the emptiness of the cargo bay. He freezes, his head snapping to look up at you. For a moment, he doesnât move, doesnât speak, youâre not even sure heâs breathing. But he looks away from you, amber eyes returning to the task at hand.
âI thought you were clear.â He says, low and strained. âYou made your choice.â
âI have.â You risk a step closer. âBut this-â You gesture to the kit, âThis isnât the way.â
His eyes snap up to yours again. âThen what is?â His hands curl into fists. âWhat am I supposed to do? Stand by and watch as the republic tears itself apart? As you tear yourself apart for an order that doesnât care about you? For a war we wonât win?â
Your heart twists, but you force yourself steady. âThe republic isnât perfect, but we canât fix that by running, Cody, we fix it by staying and fighting for what is right.â
âIâm tired of fighting.â
âIf you go through with this, if you remove the chip and desert, you wonât just be fighting the republic, youâll be fighting with yourself. You said it yourself. It would haunt you.â
His shoulders slump, and for a moment, he leans into your presence but then moves away, as if reminding himself of what youâve said. âSo thatâs it then, we just go on pretending like we never happened?â
You close your eyes so you donât have to look at him when the words tear out of you. âWe have to.â
Heâs silent for so long that you think the conversations over, but his hands loosen as the black market tool clatters to the floor, the loud bang echoing through the cargo bay. He stands, looking at you at his full height, eyes glassy. âYou said we serve something bigger than ourselves. But what happens when that something asks for too much?â
You donât have an answer and before you can say anything else, he picks up his helmet and walks away. You donât try and stop him.
You thought it would get easier with time. The distance, both physical and emotional, would dull the sharpness in your chest at the sight of him, the edges of what you had chosen to leave behind. But instead, like an infection, it festers.
Every rotation aboard the ship feels heavier, suffocating. Every interaction with Cody has become a delicate balancing act between civility and the emotions roaring in your head. Obi-Wan knows something has gone terribly wrong.
When you meet him the next morning in the war room, it is like a punch to the gut. He steals the air from your lungs. Heâs standing beside Obi-Wan, his armor polished perfectly, expression unreadable and eyes focused on the holo-table. But his presence is like a weight pressing up against your ribcage.
âAh, there you are.â Obi-Wan says by way of greeting. His tone is perfectly neutral but you feel his sharp gaze flicking between you and Cody. âWeâre planning a recon mission for tomorrow. Youâll both be leading separate squads to ensure minimal overlap.â
Your stomach twists. Obi-Wanâs efforts to keep you and Cody apart is glaringly obvious. While you canât fault his logic, it does not make the situation any easier. Codyâs jaw tightens. But he says nothing, hands clasped behind his back.
You force yourself to focus as Obi-Wan explains the plan. Codyâs squad will secure the outpost on the below planet, while yours infiltrates the communications hub. Itâs straightforward, textbook. And yet, the thought of being out there, knowing heâs so close and yet so far, makes your head throb.
Briefing over, Obi-Wan takes his leave, and itâs just the two of you alone in the war room, the holo-table still glowing between you. For a moment, neither of you speak. What do you even say? The air is thick with everything unspoken.
Itâs Cody that breaks the silence. âYouâve reviewed the terrain?â
His voice is cool, professional but you donât miss the strain beneath his words. You nod, keeping your eyes fixed on the table. âI have. Your team will need to secure the northern ridge before we move in.â You point to the map. âThe Separatist have heavy artillery stationed there.â
âI know how to do my job,â He says sharply, and you canât help the flinch that races through you.
You glance up at him, chest tight at the sight of the tension etched into his face. âI wasnât questioning your ability, Commander.â
His lips press into a thin line, and he looks away, gloved hands braced against the edge of the table. For a moment, you think heâs going to walk away but he heaves an exhale, and turns to look at you. âThis,â He grinds out, gesturing between the two of you. âis not working.â
âWe donât have a choice.â
âThere is always a choice.â He counters. âYou are just too stubborn to make it.â
You want to argue, want to tell him you did make a choice, the only choice you could make. But the words stick in your throat, tangled up in your hair strings, in the weight of your own longing and guilt.
âWe have to find a way to work together, for the mission and the men.â
He softens at that. âFor the men.â
The fragile truce between you holds through the next rotation, though itâs strained at best. You work in silence, only exchanging the necessary words, clipped and efficient. But every stolen glance, every brush of fingers when passing data pads and holoprojecters, feels like an explosion waiting to happen.
Itâs not until the mission itself that the dam walls finally break. The plan goes completely sideways, as it always does between you too. Separatist reinforcements arrived sooner than you had planned to, the communications hub not even down. Your squad is pinned, the comm crackles with Codyâs voice, sharp and urgent.
âHold your position,â He orders. âWeâre coming to get you.â
You grit your teeth, blaster fire echoing around you. âThatâs not the plan.â
âScrew the damned plan. Iâm not leaving you there.â
Something in his tone sends shivers down your back, and for a moment, youâre transported to a lost time. You shake the thought from your mind, focusing on the battle at hand.
Minutes feel like hours, but eventually, Codyâs squad breaks through the enemy line, his blaster cutting a path to your position. When he reaches you, thereâs a fire in his eyes. He grabs your arm, pulling you to your feet as the rest of your squad provides covering fire.
âAre you hurt?â He asks, voice rough through his helmet comms, grip on your arm firm.
âIâm fine.â You manage, though your knees are knocking.
His hand lingers on your arm for a moment longer than he should, and then he lets go. âLetâs move out.â
You make it back to the ship in one piece, but the tension between the two of you is thicker than ever. As you strip off your armor in the locker room, hands shaking as the remaining adrenaline passes, you hear the door open behind you. You donât need to turn to know itâs him.
âYou should have waited.â You say, voice barely above a whisper.
âYou know that was not an option.â
You turn to him, chest heaving, heart racing, tears threatening to spill over. âThis is exactly why we canât-â You suck in air. âWe canât-â You canât even get the words out around your panic. âThis is destroying us.â
He steps closer. Too close. âItâs destroying ME.â He snaps. âEverytime I see you out there, everytime I think I might lose you, itâs killing me.â
You want to tell him to stop, to leave, to let you go. But when he reaches for you, hands framing your face, you donât pull away. His touch is warm, grounding, calming. And for a moment, you let yourself lean into it, let yourself believe that maybe, maybe, you can have this.
But reality crashes back in and you step away, heart crushing. âWe canât.â
His eyes burn into yours, filled with pain. âThen tell me how to stop.â
You donât have an answer. All you can do is turn away, the door hissing open for you as you leave him standing there.
blurb: after struggling to keep her relationship with cody a secret, she breaks it off with him
warnings: pre established relationship. sneaking around, the yuckyness of the Jedi order, conflicted feelings
notes: i love cody so much itâs not even funny at this point. This could have had so much more potential tho
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graphic made by the lovely @saradika đŤśđť i love this so much 𼲠and the sunburst pendant is PERFECT.
:ｼďžâ§:ｼ.â˝Ë･ｼďžâ§:ｼ.:
The edges of the sunburst pendant digs into the soft flesh of your breasts, leaving indented markings on your skin. It is a constant reminder that none of this is ever going to be comfortable, or easy, or normal. Everyday, it is like trying to move against the tide. Everything is pulling you away. And you are tired.
Stolen looks in shadowed hallways. Soft whispers on the bridge as you overlook a war torn planet. Gentle touches in passing made to look like accidents. Hallways too skinny, ships too cramped. Fingertips grazing as he hands back your lightsaber or reports to pour over, strategies to study. Clandestine yearnings and hidden messages and late night talking as the ship flies past stars that blur in the speed of hyperspace. Dreams you shouldnât be having about someone who doesnât belong to you and never could. Excuses and lingerings that should mean so much more.
Itâs eating away at you. You dwell on it, rotation after rotation, assignment after assignment. The only relief you feel is when youâre locked away in your quarters at the temple, with no war and nothing to remind you of him. The box of trinkets and gifts heâs given you over the years live in a locked box underneath your bed. Out of sight, out of mind. Or something like that.
But when youâre on the ship together? Everything is inescapable and allconsuming. The way he checks in on you before he heads to his own bunk. The way he watches you as you tinkered with the inner workings of your lightsaber. The way you wake with the memory of him all over you, sweat clinging to your skin. The way you can feel him all around you, everywhere you go. There is no peace. His feelings and thoughts project on you, choking you, stealing the air from your lungs.
It had all started a year or so ago, when Obi-Wan had paired you together for a covert mission, with the aim of blowing up a separatist temple. You ended up getting captured, and were forced to spend days cramping into a cell together. But those close quarters had brought something down. You were both emotionally exposed to each other in ways you had never experienced with another person, let alone a commanding officer.
The something shared between the two of you at the hands of the Separatists turned into lingering glances and secret touches. It became more than a brush of the shoulders when passing in the hallways. It became softened smiles, hungry hands wondering. Gentle whispers. It was heaven, with him. But there was a badness to it.
The betraying nature of the relationship. Both of you breaking sworn oaths in even the simplest acts of being together. The restraint you had to exercise when Cody came back from a recon mission injured, a cut down the side of his face that had turned into a nasty scar. You had cried yourself to sleep that night. Obi-Wanâs suspicious looks. He knows, of course. How could he have not figured it out, Obi-Wan being who he is? Anakin and Padme being who they are? It makes you laugh, maybe you were destined to destroy yourself through the love of another.
âHow are you meant to pass your trails when your mind is always elsewhere?â Obi-Wan would scold you, brows furrowed with concern or irritation.
Youâd apologise, focus on the task at hand until it gave you a headache, and then your brain would find its way back to Cody and then youâd hiss through your teeth as the training droid found itâs mark again, leaving another welted burn on your skin. Obi-Wan would scold you again, claiming you were worse than Anakin. You probably were.
No matter how hard you tried to focus on the task at hand, your mind would become clouded. Either with wonder, at what exactly Cody was doing or concern, if he was safe. It got to the point Obi-Wan had threatened to pull you from the battlefield before you became a liability.
The days aboard the ship seemed to drag. Wake up, lightsaber training, breakfast, gym, quick refresh before lunch, lunch itself, battle reports or strategies, dinner, downtime, repeat. All while dancing around Cody. Which is harder than it had any right to be, considering how closely he worked with Obi-Wan.
But Cody eventually learns your routine. With the help of Obi-Wan, no doubt. On the third day of space travel, he corners you on your way back to your quarters after dinner. You knew he had been trying to catch your eye all dinner from his seat, a few tables over. You forced yourself to rush through your meal, excusing yourself from the table, telling the boys you were sat with that you had extra strategies to go through.
You groan internally as you see him push himself up from the table at the same time you get up. You rush out the door regardless. For once in your life, youâre cursing Obi-Wan and his willingness to turn the other cheek when it comes to his padawan and his commanding trooper and the possibilities of an infidelity happening right under his nose.
âYouâre ignoring me.â He says, as he follows you down the hall to your quarters. âWhy?â
You sigh, throwing your head back but you keep walking. âWe canât keep doing this, Cody.â
He doesnât say anything until youâre both locked in the safety of your room, the scene so familiar but not usually this tense. Usually, Cody would be having you in ways no other man even dared to imagine. But not this time. âWhat do you mean?â
âItâs destroying me.â You say, as you start to unravel your Jedi robes. You pull up your under shirt, revealing thousands of laser burns from the training droid. Some are old, scarred over little marks that could be mistaken as scars from the Jux Pox. Others have turned into nasty scabs that refuse to heal, that itch against the rough spun material of your tunics. The fresher ones are red, welted and still sting. âI canât even beat a training droid.â You drop your shirt. âHow do you expect me to win on a battlefield when all I can think about, all I can feel, is you.â
Cody is watching you, a grim frown on his features. His scar scrunches up his face, and his lips are pulled downward. You can feel the turmoil crashing over him in waves. It hits you over and over again, like the thump of a stun plaster.
You shake your head, leaving him standing at your bed as you begin to go through your nightly routine. âIâm sorry, Cody. But I just canât keep doing this.â
âYouâre right.â He calls after you, stopping you in your tracks, hands buried in your drawer trying to find your night clothes. âItâs destroying us. So why do we keep doing it? Why keep sneaking around?â
âWhat do you mean, why keep sneaking around? What are you saying? Itâs the only way we can be together.â Your heart is in your chest. And you're not sure whose pulse youâre feeling; if it's his or yours, but itâs doing overtime.
âLetâs just walk away.â He says, walking towards you to take your hands in his own, the rough calluses of his thumbs rubbing across your knuckles. The way heâs done so many times before. âWe could leave. Go somewhere they would never find us.â
You yank your hands out of his, pulling them away like heâs burnt you. In a way he has. âYouâre talking about treason.â You say, taking a step back. âand Cody, the chip. Theyâd find us.â
He follows you across the room, sitting on the bed next to you. He forces you to face him. âIâll remove it. Iâll find a way.â He pleads but youâre still shaking your head. âWe both know we are meant to be together. We are one half of a whole.â He says, forehead touching your own.
You pull away and pull him up off your bed. âYouâre too good of a soldier, Cody.â You place a soft kiss on his check. His eyes start welling up with unspilled tears. âIt would haunt you until the day we die.â
âPlease.â He says.
Everything is flashing before you. The shared nights in each otherâs arms, Cody waking up in the early hours to sneak back to his own bunk. The early mornings on strange planets, both offering to take the graveyard watch. Rough hands caressing your thighs. His own force signature brushing up against yours in a way that set the hairs on the back of your neck up. Late night laughing as the stars of the universe wiz by. Secret kisses, secret moments, that are yours and his and no one elseâs.
The situation before you is so familiar... Cody in your room, you in some state of undress, everyone else carrying on with their day. But instead, heâs crying and pleading with you to run away with him. Youâre not sure how you got here; in the middle of an illicit relationship with someone who could never wholly be yours, or you his. Every road you have ever taken, every decision you have ever made has led you here, to a road that is splitting in front of you. On one side, lies Cody and a life on the run but youâd be together and free from any implications of jedi and the republic⌠until they find you. Itâs selfish and indulgent and it's the life you dream about. On the other side, lies a career in the Jedi order, the knighthood youâre so close to achieving, a life standing up for others too weak to use their own voice. Selfless and the exact thing you were born for. And you were born for it, or the force wouldnât call to you like it does. You know what you have to do.
You shake your head, trying to clear it of all the muddled thoughts and screaming voices. I love you. Yes, Iâll run with you. Letâs leave tonight. âWe serve something bigger than ourselves, Commander.â And you open the door for him to leave.
đ does anyone have any clone wars period comfort recs? đ
every month i plan on writing one but then i get so exhausted that i forget heh and i havent found too many in my poking around. craving some soft touches and kind words đ
