Kô.

Please don't follow me, this tumblr is just a way to archive all the stuff I like. Also, please note that I don't follow back.

[halloawhatisthis]

If the characters on screen (that is several different characters and often more than once per episode) bring it up and explicitly point it out, why aren’t we allowed?

[toorutoko]

still makes me sad.

After all this time?

Always.

[thefemlockconspiracy]

what a month huh guys

[toorutoko]

6 years already huh.

Dear tjlc.

[pumpkin-spice-ed]

everyone on blackbeard's crew thinks he's almost supernaturally gifted at predicting the weather. he simply doesn't tell them the real trick is having a bad knee that will start acting up approximately one (1) day before a major weather change

[ivyblossom]

Truth.

Through most of the 90s I was a summer camp councillor, and I lived in a tent for 2 months a year. No internet, no phones, not even radio. We were 100% on our own with ourselves and woods, no weather reports, no news, nothing.

Every morning I would roll out of my tent with my sandals on and walk across the grassy campsite to a hut where I kept my clothes, and then I would get dressed and put on my required closed-toe shoes and go get the kids up. Sandals were technically against camp rules, but my morning sandals were how I predicted the weather.

By the time I made it to the hut, my feet were normally soaking wet with dew. The heavier the dew, the nicer the day to come. But every once in a while, I would reach the hut and my feet were dry. No matter how beautiful that morning was, dry feet meant it was definitely going to rain, and I proceed to plan accordingly. I do not know the mechanics of this, but it always followed.

The other thing I learned is that you can tell that a big rain is coming within 1-3 hours by how the trees look. When they start to look pale or whitish, the countdown is on. Leaves grow best in sunny weather, and are oriented to stay facing the sun even in wind. But when the wind turns and comes from a direction that doesn't herald sun, the leaves get flipped upside down. The undersides of leaves are paler than the tops, so it makes the trees look washed out.

The very last sign is when the lake looks like it's going black. As rainclouds start to gather overhead, they're reflected in the lake, making it look darker than normal.

And that's how I convinced people that I was a weather witch.

[toorutoko]

“It’s cold, but that guy resists!” xD

[toorutoko]

[toorutoko]

[abdulraveman]

Yasuda Shota 18sai 2022

[busterverse]

MARLOWE MONDAY

From Raymond Chandler’s Farewell,  My Lovely.  Private investigator Philip Marlowe has just visited a wealthy potential client:

“I went across the room and out, without looking back. The footman met me in the hall and gave me my hat, looking like the Great Stone Face.”

That Buster.  He’s everywhere.

[ivyblossom]

Creators, Fans, and Shame (mine)

This is not going to be a useful exploration that adds any value to fandom. This is just my personal fannish agony, documented in the hopes that I can leave it behind somehow.

I'm struggling to cope with the fact of a showrunner who actually seems to be pro-fan. I love it, it's amazing, I'm so grateful, it makes me happy, but then it also scares me. Can any showrunner start out pro-fan, and stay pro-fan?

Which, as I say it, sounds ridiculous. Surely people who create media like their fans. But we know the truth of it: creators have hated fans like us forever. We are used to being hated. We are used to be belittled and mocked. There's a part of my psyche that is just pure shielding at this point because I'm so used to it that I've gotten pretty good at blocking stuff out.

You know what stuff: I think I still have a copy of a cease & desist letter from a creator's laywers addressed to a fan for deigning to make fanfiction available on the internet: that's the kind of reaction I'm familiar with and used to. (It wasn't addressed to me, it was to someone I knew, but weren't we all making fanfiction available? Wasn't it sort of directed at all of us?) And all the laughing interviews, the jokes, the dismissal, being framed as stupid, vapid teen girls (why must everyone hate teen girls? I ask you) actors reading fanfiction in front of an audience for gross, humiliating laughs (my heart goes out to the fan writer that happened to: I cannot imagine, I just cannot), the discomfort with our existence, the dismay that we have voices and react to things, the outrage. We get embarrassed by it. We police each other to try and prevent it (I am guilty of this, and I'm sorry).

We have often been fans in spite of creators who behave this way towards us. The communities we build around a shared language and the stories we tell becomes more important to us than the original content. Fanwork is often criticism: a repair job, a rescue, a different, better narrative choice, or character choice. Does this kind of negative creator reaction to fandom make negatively-inspired fanwork more likely? I don't know.

It's tough when you admire creators so much and they turn around and sneer at you and laugh at you. It feels very personal and humiliating. Don't meet your heroes, etc. etc. right? I feel very weird about all this, because these creators that I admire so much, they don't know me, they're not aware of me at all. For good or for ill, it's not about me, really. We become a mass, a collective noun. But still, it is, on some level, also about me. It is personal.

I don't know what to do with any of this. the humiliation of getting scolded by a showrunner you admire, or even the delight of their joy in fandom when it comes, honestly. Parasocial relationships are a trip. I am very embarrassed about them. When I see any of my heroes in real life I am immediately so embarrassed by my own anonymous excitement that I can only pretend that I don't know who they are. My own one-sided admiration overwhelms me. And embarrasses me. That's a me thing.

Fundamentally I'm struggling now because I've believed in creators before and been let down by them. I've believed that they understood us and wouldn't lash out and hurt us in these specific ways. And I've been very wrong.

And you know, I don't even mean the queerbaiting, honestly. I mean being framed by people we deeply admire as silly, gross, dumb idiots who got it all horribly, self-indulgently wrong, you dumbasses. That really hurts in a way that sticks.

I have my own way of dealing with the queerbaiting thing, but maybe that's also just my shielding. Maybe I've created a way to process it to make it okay because of how common it's been through my whole life, and how much I want to be able to love certain swaths of media, I don't know.

But I don't need a story to do certain things in order to love it, or for it to be queer enough for me, or whatever. My struggle is with how creators talk about fans rationally reading stories as queer. David Jenkins called it gaslighting, and I think he's 100% correct. To dismiss and deny that the reading is there and reasonable at all is hurtful in a way that I find hard to describe. Gaslighting is the right word for it, because it's an abuse tactic. And that's how it feels.

And now I'm going to get into this: I want to talk about Sherlock. (Oh god, really? Yes. Yes, I'm going to talk about it, hopefully just this once, and then let it go.)

When I first saw Sherlock S1 when it aired, I thought it was wonderfully slashy in a self-aware way, and given that it's kind of a prequel, "how Sherlock Holmes becomes Sherlock Holmes," and how they were already framing the relationship, I figured that the story would give in to the romance on some level, though I figured it probably wouldn't be in an on-the-nose way. I imagined it would be romantically ambiguous to the end, and to be honest, after 4 series, I will still argue that that's exactly what it ended up being.

I remain perfectly confident in the argument that Sherlock is very much a story about two men who fall desperately in love with each other, but have so much personal baggage that they can't do anything with the truth of that love other than wrestle with it, know that it's true and real, and have to find a way to live with the sheer impossibility of it.

Conceptually, I like that story, even if it's queerbaity. I think it's immensely tragic and beautiful, monstrous and beautiful, and while it would suck for every story to be like that, I loved a story that would play with love in that way. I loved writing fanfiction that explored and pushed through that tension. The fact of the romantic impossibility was a sort of invitation to write ways that it could happen. Is that strange? Maybe that's just a coping mechanism I've developed. Anyway. I was okay with the story. It's sort of queering the backstory of these two men in Arthur Conan Doyle's stories, giving them this fraught romantic history.

There's a whole mess in there about fandom conspiracies and whatnot. I really never understood any of that and I was truly shocked by what happened in fandom when series 4 aired. I'm embarrassed that I didn't see it coming when the signs were there, and that I didn't understand it that fannish shipping had tipped over into something else that I still can't completely wrap my head around, so I won't pretend to have a useful opinion about any of that.

What hurt me the most wasn't the way the narrative about the relationship resolved. It was the way the creators talked about it the queer reading of the story, and about us, after series 4 aired. As if we were gross and silly and wrong. And ridiculous. And offensive. And they were angry with us.

I realize creators see fandom from a very different vantage point than I do, and I'm sure there's more going on than I can possibly be aware of, real life stuff, scary stuff fans may have been up to, but the dramatic reaction from the Sherlock creators dismissing all the very legible and originally self-aware romantic elements of their own story shocked the hell out of me, and made me feel...well, stupid and ashamed, honestly. Because I didn't see any of that coming on any level. I thought they understood us.

I didn't, and still don't, see anything wrong with wanting an implied queer romance to go from subtext to text. I didn't see anything wrong with arguing that it could, or even that it should. What would actually happen in the story was a whole other matter, but the fannish conversations about the potential of the narrative were fair and legit, as far as I'm concerned. I never expected to be told that I was imagining it the whole time. I trusted that Steven Moffat in particular wouldn't do that. And I'm embarrassed that I believed that he wouldn't. I'm hugely disappointed that he did.

And I'm embarrassed that I'm embarrassed, because of the parasociality of it all! Steven Moffat doesn't know me. It's not about me. But, at the same time, it is. I'm part of that collective noun. And I wasn't wrong about that story.

And now I think David Jenkins would not do that to us, and I truly believe he wouldn't, because he's already confirmed it in the text and in conversations about the text. We're free. I think he actually understands. He seems to understand it better than I do. I like the way he frames it. He's given me a way to think about all this that's actually very useful, and healing. And because this story isn't gaslighting us, there shouldn't be a whole dialogue about fans getting it wrong and stupid, sex-obsessed girls. Right?

Right?

I need a hug.

[astrolocherry]

[astrolocherry]

Mercury in Taurus - Cotton Candy Head

Thinking is a sensual experience for Mercury in Taurus people. Thickshake thoughts pour through the mind and they can just about taste words as they roll off the tongue. The individual gathers information with discrimination and mindfulness, planting ideas in a mental garden and patiently letting them root, shoot, and blossom. She can bloom a bouquet with her thoughts and ideas, artistically dipping the mind in paint and creating lyric, poetry, and screenplays. Imagination exhaled from petals and dewdrops, the slow and steady breathe of nature blows through her mind. Although slow self starting, the individual’s focus and creativity give her words and writing a certain delicacy, an appreciation for the art of language, and the way she can seduce with sentences. Everything that is generated through the mind sinks into the heart so she can bake her words so they are warm and express great pleasure in heart to heart conversation. 

Mercury in Taurus people are contemplative, word cautious, and meditative. There is a colourful and creative muse that visits Mercury in Taurus so she could be a tremendous poet, songwriter, or novelist. Her mind functions at optimum capacity when she can breathe fresh country or ocean air, when she is amongst the birds and the trees, when she is silent and the world is conducting an orchestra just for her. Because Mercury in Taurus people have a sensory experience of words, it’s common for the individual to respond slowly to questions and new information. Her delivery of words is typically deliberate and descriptive. It’s common for Mercury in Taurus people to be good visual sketchers and visual learners by nature. There is a high responsiveness to music and sound, the individual can learn especially easy by song or studying with background music. She can really get into the rhythm of words and learning, but she can be overwhelmed in classroom settings considering her sensitivity to loud noises and many sounds. It’s common for these people to have a good sense of order and ability for pre-planning. 

There is a fine sense of judgement and rationality in Mercury in Taurus. The individual is an engaged listener who offers sound and practical advice. She has a way of maintaining calmness and composure when chaos ensures, often using her grounded common sense to mediate and settle the situation. Beliefs and opinions are entrenched with Mercury in Taurus, and it takes the person a long time to adopt new concepts. There can be a certain trepidation associated with the threat of change, the mind is a creature of comfort, and it is soothed by continuity and preservation. It can be difficult to get into the Mercury in Taurus mind and convert anything once the mental heels have been dug in. Like a bull ready for battle, she will begin to retaliate if she begins to feel her perspective being slandered, threatened or unfairly questioned. Mercury is the planet that moves most quickly. But the steady and earthy nature of Taurus brings these wings to a halt for a moment, allowing the mind to soak into sensual thought woodlands with bluebirds singing songs that only she can hear. Quiet and articulate captivation, the fresh breath of nature drifting through her mind, the ability to write words whispered from the earth.

-C.

art:  Nouar

[gravedelight]

[►]

[phlesbian]

dan and phill + happiness 

[letswaitforme]

lean in lester & heart eyes howell {part trois} 

{part un} {part deux}

[letswaitforme]

lean in lester & heart eyes howell

[genhowlter]

pinof 10

@amazingphil @danielhowell

[abdulraveman]

kanjam 20180708

Nishikido Ryo who doesnt even admit he is in pain at the dentist because of “japanese pride” broke down and couldnt sing his verse during LIFE; kanjani8′s last performance with Subaru.

Ive never seen him cry in real life before…..