Topher Kapn Writes Things

Hello my name is Topher Kapn and I guess I've decided the world can read some of the things I write or whatever. 

[topher-kapn]

Gonna revisit the first novel I started writing, ages and ages ago. Revamp the character of Kiera. I have to rethink what her relationship with her parents really is, the magic system, decide if it’s going to take place in the same part of the world etc

[inky-duchess]

Fantasy Guide to Writing a Royal Family

Royal families usually rule the plot and world of your novel. They are complex, decadent and murderous. How can we write such a large complex entity?

Family Tree

You need to make a list of the royals in your story. Add dates of birth and death. Who is whose brother? Mother? Father? It is easy to work backwards from the royals today back to the past. How does your character inherit the crown? Or how close are they to the throne? Add in uncles, aunts, cousins. Keep going until it feels expansive.

A history

Now that you have a family tree, you have to create a history. How did the family come into power? Is there any mad monarchs, heroes and saints in the family of the past? A World of Ice and Fire, gives us chapters on every Targaryen King to rule Westeros. A history gives a family a grounded feel and a rich background. This can explain the motives of a character in a crown

Infighting

Royals can be volatile. If you are a step close to the throne, you want that shit. You will kill to get it. Royal families are guilty of infighting. Cousins will fight for supremacy. Sisters battle sisters over rights and honours. Brothers may turn to murder to dispatch each other. Royal families will almost always devour themselves. Like the Houses of York and Lancaster did, leaving the House of Tudor to swoop in and get the crown.

Danger

Royals are at the top so they fall hard. People will come to cast them down. Whether it’s the people or a rival family or a foreign invader, your royal family is in grave danger.

In most cases, the boys of a royal family are slaughtered as in the Plantaganets of England with the Princes in the Tower. The Plantaganet princesses were married to Tudor bannermen or sent to a nunnery. In some bad cases, everyone dies.

The Russian/Bolshevik Revolution murdered the entire royal family: the Tsar, the Tsarina, the four grand duchesses and the tsarevitch, leaving only a couple of cousins living abroad.

In some cases the family is exiled. This is the best case scenario as they can try come back at some point. An example of this is Bonny Prince Charlie and his father.

Vox Populi

How do the people receive your royals? Do they love them? Or do they despise them? Most royal families get mixed reviews. If they do good works like giving the people peace, they are loved. Over taxation can change the people’s opinions and turn them against your royals.

Titles

Not all royals have a title. The further away from the throne you are, the less likely you have a Royal title. Prince William’s kids get the title. Prince George’s children and grandchildren will get the titles prince and princess but only the children of Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis will get it but not their grandchildren.

[maramahan]

In my opinion, the best writing advice isn’t the stuff that’s tells you What To Do

The best writing advice is the stuff that’s says “Here Is A Thing And Here Is What It Does. If You Want To Do That—Maybe Use This Thing. If You Do Not Want To Do That—Maybe Remove This Thing”

Adverbs are not the devil. Passive voice is not poison. Language evolved to give us these tools for a reason — and sometimes they’re exactly the right tools for the job

Even when they’re misapplied, that’s not the tool’s fault

A screwdriver is not inherently bad for its failure to hammer a nail

[topher-kapn]

Sweet Things

Donuts. Those are sweet. So I bought some for $3 and hitch-hiked to where he was gonna be. Trail magic we call it. He said it was the sweetest thing anyone’s done for him in years (even though I got there after he left).

[topher-kapn]

So this weird thing happened

I fell in love. With a man. A straight, cis, man. And wowwie has this been a ride.

[topher-kapn]

Ok idk what’s going on, but my roommate just made a very frustrated sort of noise from the kitchen. I probably did something…. idk what but something.

I should ask, but idk I don’t know if I’d get an honest answer. I was told these people were good at communicating, but I know they’ve wanted to confront me about something for at least a bit of time but haven’t yet. Idk… I haven’t been perfect here, but my roommates are just as crazy as me. Gonna move out before it becomes a real thing.

[topher-kapn]

Haaaaaa remember those days when I thought moving was gonna be better for everyone? Oh well, I’m gone in a month and a half, so whatevs, I can deal with their shit until then.

[topher-kapn]

Man oh man am I glad for the twists and turns life has taken since I wrote this post. Yeah I’m technically homeless now, but it’s a better life. And I’m writing, and I’m making a bit of money from my writing, so it’s all good.

[topher-kapn]

This one time

I did LSD and it was awesome. Big fan of that shit

[topher-kapn]

Ok idk what’s going on, but my roommate just made a very frustrated sort of noise from the kitchen. I probably did something…. idk what but something.

I should ask, but idk I don’t know if I’d get an honest answer. I was told these people were good at communicating, but I know they’ve wanted to confront me about something for at least a bit of time but haven’t yet. Idk… I haven’t been perfect here, but my roommates are just as crazy as me. Gonna move out before it becomes a real thing.

[topher-kapn]

Haaaaaa remember those days when I thought moving was gonna be better for everyone? Oh well, I’m gone in a month and a half, so whatevs, I can deal with their shit until then.

[topher-kapn]

Ok idk what’s going on, but my roommate just made a very frustrated sort of noise from the kitchen. I probably did something.... idk what but something.

I should ask, but idk I don’t know if I’d get an honest answer. I was told these people were good at communicating, but I know they’ve wanted to confront me about something for at least a bit of time but haven’t yet. Idk... I haven’t been perfect here, but my roommates are just as crazy as me. Gonna move out before it becomes a real thing.

[vaspider]

Just had the buckle alert go off in my car randomly after I dropped someone off in a really old neighborhood. Finally pulled over & said “I can’t give you a ride tonight.“ 

 When I pulled out again, the alert was gone. 

[poztatt]

When I started out there had been a few carriages, a few coaches that ran from town to town.  But not much more.  In those days perching atop the piles of luggage for the length of my town had been interesting but ultimately unsatisfying.  I wanted to go further, see more, do more.  

But each time at the limit of the town, in the middle of the dust track I’d find myself settled on the ground watching the vehicle move on without me.  

Sometimes it struck me how much a metaphor that was.  But only later. 

First my parents had died and for a brief moment over their beds I’d catch their hands as they cried out once, briefly, in joy.  Clutching at me just before they went… elsewhere.  I couldn’t see where or which direction, just one second they’d finally see me again and the next.

Nothing.

Then my brother.  He didn’t know who I was, it’d been too long by then I think he forgot I’d ever been alive.  An old man stood before me for a second, bewildered, then vanished.  

After that it got faster.  Like bright lights the lives of the town flickered and vanished.  New people born, grown and vanished while I stood next to them and watched them go.. elsewhere.

The town grew.  The rides on the carriages lasted longer.  The first horseless one scared me into laughter, the realization that as a ghost I had a sudden rush of fear of… what, exactly?  But I hooked myself up and into the empty seats, onto back bumpers, even a few times the hood with an insubstantial hand wrapped around the figureheads.

The town skipped forward faster, larger, more alien each year.  Eventually it was a city big enough I could not walk from one end to the other anymore.  My range increased in size but not in limit.  Once a decade or so I stood at the edge, looking out, leaning against a wall that only existed for me.

And now I rode buses.  Trains.  Cabs.  Cars.  Trucks.  I’d even managed a motorcycle once.  And while none could see me I could tell they knew I was there in some way.  Which is why I was careful to only take empty spaces.

That is until they started putting in sensors.  

I read a lot at the library.  Luckily I’d been one of the few boys in my town, when I was alive, taught to read.  But it helped to keep up. Sort of.

The first time a car beeped about me sitting in the passenger seat I’d been so surprised.  The driver, a young woman, kept glancing at the seat almost as if she could see me.  But she only frowned and finally pulled over to buckle the seatbelt together.  Hoping, and succeeding, at shutting up the alarm.

Cars became something a little more infrequent.  It made getting around a little more complicated, but not much.  There were still so many ways to ride, just none as personable as inside, listening to their music and conversations over their phones.

I could pretend.

But I never could imagine what it would be like to leave.

Until the day, bored and tired of the museums, I jumped into an old battered car.  Sitting next to the young man who sniffled slightly from behind his glasses.  He was cute, in a way, but in a distracted and gentle kind of way.  Dark hair, wet from the rain.  Face closed in around some  sort of pain or maybe grief.  His car was filled with the debris of a life wrecked upon some sort of tragedy.  I immediately felt bad for him and the whining of the alarm I caused, sitting there. 

If I could have, I would have put on the belt.  Instead I sat there as the squealing sound persisted much longer than I expected.

He kept flinching at it.  Finally he sobbed once before pulling over.

“Granpa? You said you’d … I’m talking to a ca… Ok, look.  If that’s you, Granpa, I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the funeral.”

He sat in the intermittent silence of the alarm, parked next to the slick and empty sidewalk in a part of town even I knew wasn’t exactly the safest.

I almost missed his next words.

“I tried. I did. But the scholarship ran out, trying to take care of .. your daughter, working three jobs and … Tommy.” His voice lowered, “Tommy left me.”

He shut off the car and put his head on the steeringwheel. 

“I know you didn’t like that I was dating him.  But he was a good guy, Granpa. You really should’ve..  Well I just wish you could’ve seen him like I did.  Before… before.”

He turned and laughed at me, or rather where he thought his grandfather was.

“Before he turned into an ass, actually.”

He leaned awkwardly on his hands against the steeringwheel. 

“I thought I almost loved him as much as I did you.  I’m so.. so sorry, Granpa.  I really am.  I tried.  I tried to be there, to do my best.  I did. But. It. It just went to shit.”

With that he finally broke down.

An old man leaned forward from the back seat, startling me as he chuckled.  

“It’s ok, Mark.” patting the man.

Nodding at me.

“You’re…”

“Yep. Bit busy right now, young man so excuse me a moment?”

He kept patting Mark on the shoulder.

“It’s ok, son.  I know.  I do. I did. And I just thought.. well, to be honest after I got over it, I thought Tommy was a shit.  Frankly he was never good enough for you.”

“You mean it?”

The voice was small.  My eyes, I’m sure, were huge.  They were talking?  They were talking!

“Yeah.  Son?”

“Yeah, Granpa?”

“I love you.  I knew you loved me.  Never forget that, ok?”

I kept shifting from one to the other, shocked.  Never in a my very long afterlife had I seen ghost and living talk.  And yet as if it was perfectly normal, here they were.  

“Mark? Son? I’ve got to go.”

“I know.” he said in the smallest voice yet.

“But. Before I go? I want you to do me a favour, ok?”

“Ok?”

“That alarm wasn’t me. It’s a different… person.  He looks a little lost.  Do you think you could take him for a drive through the city?  Maybe show him your place? He looks like he could use a conversation or two.”

The old man smiled at me and winked.  And of all things? Gave me a thumbs up.

Mark lifted his head.  “What’s your name?”

The silence stretched out. I don’t think I’d said a word in about thirty years at that point.  It took a second or five for me to remember how.

“Todd?”

Mark nodded once. “Hey, Todd.”

The old man silently blew out a sigh, seeming to relax.  “I need a moment with the young man, don’t go anywhere.  I don’t have much time, Mark.  So remember.  I love you.”

“I love you, Granpa.”

“Later, Mark.”

“Later.”

Outside his jagged crying wasn’t audible over the rain.

“I really don’t have any time.  But.  Things to know.  Mark can hear us, it runs in the family.  He’s gonna need a friend.  And if you’re hanging around taking joy rides in cars I suspect you probably could use a friend.  So, I hope you’re not the ghost of some axe murderer or something-”

“I’m NOT!”

“-but maybe stick around for a bit and keep him company?  He’s a good kid.  With a shitty run of luck.”

He held out a hand to shake mine.  He got out a quiet “Oh, well. Shit.” before he vanished. 

For a minute I stood there.  Wondering what to do.  Then the car started and Mark said something in the car, I could see his mouth move but not hear the words.

I slid back into the passenger seat, apologizing.

“Is… he gone?”

“Yeah.”

Silence. A deep sigh as he put the car into gear and eased back into traffic.  The alarm going for one brief shriek before he thumped the dash and it went quiet.

“Ok. So. Where can I give you a lift to, tonight?”

[vaspider]

[topher-kapn]

Oops

My roommate doesn’t think I’m home and now I can’t tell her because I just heard her calling me a dumbass and talking about how she hates all the humans.

It’s because I have a shit ton of meat in the freezer. Which I mean…. is my fault sorta… but also not really. Idk blame game whatever.

What happened is this: I’ve been super broke for a while. Some family members found out I was eating out of dumpsters and went on a Costco run for me and totally overwhelmed me with food. Like super totally overwhelmed me. I already had enough meat set aside in the freezer that I’d slowly been working my way through, but then after the Costco thing, I kinda stopped working on it because it was just too much idk. Also I was working in food service at the time so I got food for free that was already made. And then went to a job where I was miserable and ended up not cooking because too miserable. Plus the freezer was just kind of in general terrifying….

Anyways. Now I’m hiding in bed because I can’t let her know I know she thinks I’m an idiot. Well, I am an idiot. I’d just end up explaining things when that’s not what people want to hear ever, so lol whatever.

[topher-kapn]

You know what, I went and looked at what’s there and it’s not an excessive amount. I feel bad about making my roommate move everything over by herself, but I don’t feel bad about the sheer amount of meat I happen to have in the freezer.

And like eh.... I’m moving to a form of homelessness in a few months so that I can afford to be a writer, so whatever

[topher-kapn]

Oops

My roommate doesn’t think I’m home and now I can’t tell her because I just heard her calling me a dumbass and talking about how she hates all the humans.

It’s because I have a shit ton of meat in the freezer. Which I mean.... is my fault sorta... but also not really. Idk blame game whatever.

What happened is this: I’ve been super broke for a while. Some family members found out I was eating out of dumpsters and went on a Costco run for me and totally overwhelmed me with food. Like super totally overwhelmed me. I already had enough meat set aside in the freezer that I’d slowly been working my way through, but then after the Costco thing, I kinda stopped working on it because it was just too much idk. Also I was working in food service at the time so I got food for free that was already made. And then went to a job where I was miserable and ended up not cooking because too miserable. Plus the freezer was just kind of in general terrifying....

Anyways. Now I’m hiding in bed because I can’t let her know I know she thinks I’m an idiot. Well, I am an idiot. I’d just end up explaining things when that’s not what people want to hear ever, so lol whatever.

[topher-kapn]

I’m starting to sorta maybe get kinda good at writing again.

Gee, who knew not practicing for 2 years of depression would mean I’d have to practice again to remember skills and stuff

[antisocialrnedia]

anyone wanna talk or ask about my lesbian fantasy adventure story I’m finally working on again?

[topher-kapn]

I always want to hear about lesbian fantasy adventure stories!

[topher-kapn]

Why I Write

No, oh don’t, I am no Joan

But there is a need, nonetheless, a great overpowering overwhelming

Sea of words that forces me to overwork

My poor fingers, and your poor eyes and brain,

Gentle reader.

I envy the gentle reader who sits and sips at tea upon the banks of a great slow moving river in

The bright summery sunshine of a day in May.

Child me would envy you, gentle reader, for child me wanted nothing more from life but to be left alone to read

And to explore the landscapes all about me where

I might find another landscape so engrossing that

The pages of that book might entrap

My eyes that sought the greenery which had surrounded me for so long.

And now I envy that same feeling of joy and contentment that you, gentle reader, share with child me.

Because now I’ve finally faced a reader not so gentle who

Walked away from my words and accused them of being too long or too

Complicated.

Why complain, less-than-gentle reader?

Be my words too much for your tiny-tiny brain, you must know

That you have this epic power - a power over your own agency and eyes.

Don’t like my words? Don’t read ‘em

I envy you this power, less-than-gentle reader.

Your eyes may safely brush aside my words.

My own fingertips cannot do the same.

Lest I drown in it all. My

Sea of ink.

[topher-kapn]

A Christmas Crystal

Camping and meeting neighbors

Coffee that can be drunk straight from the can and

Cars that carry a bed and warmth within

A forest nymph named ‘topher

Living by a shoestring and learning

All the way how to fix what was broken how to

Rise from the ashes and dust off

The bruises like we’d done before

No time for overwhelming

Because it’s time to live in the moment

Release the ties that bind you to the times that mind

You like a child

And if a child lives within your soul then you can soar

Into the clouds of fancy flouncy floral fun until

More adventures, still bigger, yet brighter flutter

Right into your lap

Faded quarts not faded all so easily

[thewritingrealm]

If you're reading this...

go write three sentences on your current writing project.

[ezzydean]

# my favourite part about this post # is that nowhere does it say to reblog this # but we’re all reblogging it # because if we have to suffer # so do other writers

[a-mad-scientist-approaches]

Dammit fine