Okay. As long as youāre sure. Ā Iām sorry I donāt like her, Iām trying I swear. I just think that she doesnāt like me either. Even if we got off to anā¦ interesting start. Charlie still couldnāt believe that sheād touched the creature. Just the thought brought back the feelings on her finger tips and she rubbed them together to try and dispel it.
"Hey, don't do that. You know you don't have to apologize to me for that," Topher assured her, shaking his head lightly as he pulled Charlie into an embrace, draping his arms over her shoulders and leaning down slightly to press a kiss to the tip of her nose. He knew that the odds of Charlie and Victoria ever getting along were slim to none, but he loved the two of them more than anything else he'd ever had in his life and he was slowly beginning to accept the fact that sacrifices would have to be made to keep the both of them happy. And he'd sure as hell make them, because they were easily the two most important women in his life, bar none, and he had reached a point where he couldn't deal with losing either.
"I understand. She's... creepy, if you aren't used to her," he admitted after a moment, the corners of his lips turning up in a smile as he tried to lift her mood a little. "And even though this isn'tĀ exactly how I had hoped things would be between you and her, I get it. I promise."
"I know you're trying, and you're doing so fucking well, too, little rebel," Topher continued, nudging her lightly with his shoulder and offering her another small smile. "...I never really got the chance to thank you for it before, but... I know you kept an eye on her while I was sick, made sure she was fed and had water and everything. And I know how much that scares you - how muchĀ sheĀ scares you - and, well... I don't even have the words to explain how much that means to me, that you would do that for her."
He paused, that strange fluttering in his chest returning for the first time in weeks as he truly stopped to consider the sacrifice she made by looking after Victoria for him. He hadn't asked her to - wouldn'tĀ have, because he knew how strongly she felt about the spider - but she had done it anyway, in spite of everything. She easily could have starved to death in the time it had taken him to recover , but because of Charlie, she didn't. Topher barely even had the words to thank her for it, unable to think of any that could adequately express his gratitude. It was no fucking wonder he failed English.
"So...Ā thank you. For everything. I know you're trying, more than I could ever ask of you, and I'm so fucking proud of you for that."
Hands in the pockets of his jeans and cigarette dangling loosely from his lips, Topher slowly wandered the perimeter of the camp. It had been nearly two weeks since the very worst of his detox, and he was grateful to finally have enough energy to escape from that godforsaken tent heād been sequestered in for days on, the warm, balmy breeze that carried through the late spring air welcome as it brushed against his skin and tousled his messy waves. He hadnāt seen Charlie in a day or more, not since the last time sheād left his tent the evening before, and so he picked up his pace a bit as he caught sight of the familiar brunette a couple of yards away, the corners of his lips turning up in a smile that quickly faded with each step closer he drew. Tear tracks reflected against the gentle curves of her profile, still wet as they glistened against her pale skin in the amber evening sunlight. Fuck, she was crying? Why was she crying? What had he missed? Tossing the cigarette heād only just barely lit to the ground with a very sudden disinterest, Topher hurried toward Charlie, his features etched with concern as he finally reached her and pulled her into his arms without hesitation. āHey, little rebel, whatās wrong? What happened?ā he prodded her lightly to speak, his thumb coming up to graze her cheek as he wiped her tears away. āAre you okay?ā
ā¦Babe? Okay, but I donāt want to be the one to find her, and she had better not be in the tent, okay? If I end up stuck in there with her, I cannot promise that either her or I arenāt going to help up hurt.
The tent's been zipped, there's no way she could've gotten inside, I promise. I mean, she's gotten big, but not so much that her chelicerae could cut through the nylon, y'know? I just - I'm going to find her. I know she's around here somewhere. And then... then I'm gonna have to get her a new tank somehow, but... just don't worry, okay? I've got this.
Her hair, he always reached for her hair, and the motion was so familiar that Charlie was surprised at how reassuring it actually was, that small movement alone. Her soft smile grew slightly as she watched him wipe the tears from his face in such a way that it was almost like a placated child after a particularly severe temper tantrum, and all she could do was nod. āOf course I promise. I promise youāll never lose me, Topher. I love you.ā Lifting her hands once theyād pulled away she took his cheeks into her palms and further dried his cheeks with her thumbs as she gazed on the face sheād grown to adore so much and knew so well. āI know you will, Topher, I have no doubt that youāll make me happy. Isnāt that why you did this?ā
Hushing him softly as he finally started to relax against her, and though as he went less and less rigid his weight seemed to get heavier; he wasnāt clinging to her as hard, nor burrowing as deeply into her neck, and she could breathe more easily. āForever, Topher.ā She whispered softly into his hair. as she wrapped him up in her delicate arms, wondering how it was that someone so tall could curl themselves up so small. Humming softly again, she waited until he relaxed before she slowly started to try and untangle herself from his gripping hold, offering him a comforting smile. āCome on, Baby, you need to get back into bed, okay? And as soon as you get some rest, Iām going to take you home.ā Sheād even thought about bringing Victoria there to stay with him, and she was already planning to clean his tent, but the spider was a stretch and she knew it.
"I never really got to thank you for apologizing to Lukeā¦" She started once they laid more comfortably in his cot, her arms wrapped around him as she lay behind him this time, a switch from their usual position. "It means a lot to me, and I know a lot to him. Maybeā¦ maybe he can be like.. yourā¦ you knowā¦ sponser or something." Lifting her head a little so she could see more than just the side of his face, Charlie watched him for his reaction because she knew that if he tried to lie to her that as long as she could see his face sheād know. "I never want you back on those drugs, Baby, and Luke can help you. I meanā¦ the only reason he relapsed at all is because that Carnival woman or whatever her name is, gave him the drugs. Heās strong, just like I know you are. And- and that way he can get to know you, and he can see how important we are to each other, and mabeā¦ maybe heāll start to approve of us."
When:Ā The night after Topher is brought to Rafās tent
Where:Ā The Medical tent
Ā Aching and exhausted, Topher barely had the energy to argue as Charlie insisted that he lay back down on the cot and rest, not that he would have wanted to anyway, even if he could; all he really wanted to do was close his eyes and try to forget about how fucking god-awful he felt, and now that he finally had Charlie by his side, alive and warm and breathing as he curled into her petite frame, he thought he might finally be able to relax. The cot had been small, even for just him, and if it werenāt for the fact that heād spent half the night doubled over and hugging his knees to his chest in a fetal position as he tried to breathe through the pain, his feet would have easily hung off the edge of the tiny bed. And yet, somehow, with Charlieās gentle heat pressed into his side and her arms wrapped securely around his chest, the tiny cot just seemed so much more inexplicably soothing, comforting, even if he did have less space. He didnāt need any more space, didnāt really need anything at all so long as she laid by his side, his frayed nerves and pounding pulse quieted by the reassuring echo of her heartbeat as he pillowed his head against her chest and reached once more for the ribbon wound around the end of her messy plait.
Topher closed his eyes as Charlieās voice floated softly through the cool, dark air of the tent, winding the silky fabric of the ribbon around his fingertips as he listened to her speak. When had he apologized to Luke? Christ, he couldnāt even remember; nearly everything that had happened over the past few days until he finally ended up at the medical tent seemed to drift through his mind in a blur, and he could only recall brief, hazy fragments, his focus having been almost entirely washed out by the persistent, agonizing pain that wracked his body. But he must have, because she was thanking him for it, her voice a gentle amalgam of pride and gratitude as she spoke of exactly how much the apology meant to both her and her brother. āYou donāt have to thank me, Charlie,ā he murmured into the fabric of her shirt, shifting closer to her so he could bury his face in the hollow of her neck once more, his arms winding around her waist. And it was the truth; he was the one who had been a total fucking asshole, after all, practically fucking vomiting vulgarities at her undeserving brother just because heād fucked up and needed someone to blame. Heād made a goddamn fool of himself, strung out and wound up and completely out of his mind on a cocktail of narcotics and amphetamines, and even just thinking about it now was fucking humiliating. If anything, he owed her an apology, too.
Even if Charlie could have sold him on the idea that Luke could help him with his problem like some mentor at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, he doubted her brother would be so optimistic at the thought, especially after that. The man wasnāt exactly Tophās biggest fan, and for good reason. But he knew how much it meant to her, the prospect of the two of them getting along and having something to bond over ā even if that something happened to be the source of all of the fuck ups Topher had ever made in his life ā so if he had any doubts about her suggestion that he be his sponsor of sorts, he kept them to himself. That wasnāt what she needed right now, wasnāt what either of them needed. āMaybe,ā he hummed tiredly instead, his lips grazing the soft slope of her collarbone and pressing a light kiss to the skin there. And he wasnāt sure if it was the exhaustion or the nausea or some fucked up combination of the two, but in that moment, Topher felt the exact same as she did; for the first time in as long as he could bring himself to remember, the blond didnāt want a damn thing to do with fucking pills or lines or prescriptions that didnāt belong to him. Not after the fucking agony it had put him through, the pain of having his body simultaneously crave and reject the litany of toxins heād spent so long drowning it in. He didnāt need them, not anymore.
He had Charlie.
āIām never gonna touch them again, Charlie, I swear,ā Topher said, and though his words came slow, laced with exhaustion as he began to doze off in her arms, he meant every single syllable of them. He wanted everything she waxed poetic about when they were alone together; the happiness, the approval from her brother, the fucking white picket fence, of all things. He wanted it all with her, and a part of him knew that he would only ever have a chance at attaining it, attaining them, with sobriety. āI donāt ā I donāt want them anymore, none of them, justā¦ you. All I want is you. Forever.ā
"Yeah, itās an interesting and rewarding jobā¦ especially for someone such as yourself." Rafael continued. "Itād probably be a position weād need to fill here, evenā¦ you should consider looking into it. We have a lot of people dying latelyā¦ there are only bound to be more. Especially as time progresses and nature has its way." He smiled, hoping heād be helping Topher find a niche. "Iād even be wiling to help you learn what I know that can be applied to that artā¦" Raf shrugged. "I wouldnāt say ācreepyā."
Raf nodded as Topher spoke, āWell, if you really donāt mind, Iād like to take one from youā¦ and keep this hand preserved. As a reminder and a warningā¦ can I join you in the retrieval of the jar?ā
āYou wouldnāt say poking and prodding at dead shit just ācause you think it looks sick as fuck is creepy?ā Topher asked, a slightly mischievous glint in his eyes as he glanced from the hand back to Raf when he took the dismembered appendage, cocking his head to the side slightly in curiosity. āI could get used to you.ā He couldnāt deny that the way the doctor described the job sounded right up his alley, almost something he would have considered had the shit not hit the fan apocalypse-style. Or, yāknow, if he hadnāt been selling drugs, because in a shithole like where he was from, that was easily the most lucrative career a person could have. Rafael had piqued his interest, he had to admit, and the more he considered it the more he was tempted to take the doctor up on his offer. āI do need something to do to kill time, a fucking hobby or something,ā he mused out loud, slipping a hand into the pocket of his hoodie for a pack of cigarettes, but he hesitated as his fingertips grazed the box. He should probably wash his hands first or something; after all, he had just been playing with a dead, infected hand. āIf you wanna teach meā¦ I kinda think I wanna learn.ā
āWhy the fuck not?ā Toph said with a half-smile and a shrug, turning on his heels and glancing over his shoulder to make sure Raf was following him before starting in the direction of his car. āFigured you were gonna, so you could pick out the jar you want. Iām pretty sure I have one thatās the perfect fucking size, no joke.āĀ
Rafael ticked off the symptoms and their correlating drugs as he dug through a bag with the one hand he had left. āFuckā¦ā He dumped the thing out on the ground as he searched for what he was looking for and, finally after what felt like a lifetime, found the Buprenorphine. āHere, take thisā¦ā He said as he handed the drug to the boy. āItāll help you with your symptomsā¦ itās for withdrawal. Youāre lucky we even have it. I know Iām not the one who brought itā¦ā He silently thanked Zeke or whomever had thought to bring or accidentally brought the medication.
Every single atom in Topherās body was screaming in pain, his skin crawling and his head spinning as he held onto the cot in a white-knuckled grip in an attempt to just get everything to stop fucking moving, if only for a second, and yet the blond found himself hesitant as Rafael slipped a pill into his sweaty palm. āNo, n-no,ā he insisted, shaking his head quickly as he tried to force the tiny hexagonal pill back into Rafās hand. Pills were what got him into this mess in the first goddamn place, what made everything hurt so fucking bad, and he couldnāt take another. Wouldnāt. Heād refuse. It wasnāt a fucking detox if he was taking pills to counteract the symptoms from the pills heād just stopped taking. It was just something else to get hooked on, whatever the fuck it was, and he would. He knew he would. He had an addictive personality. āI c-canāt ā not pills,ā he gritted out, forcing himself into an upright position on the cot and swallowing hard when the movement made his stomach churn. God, he wished it would just fucking stop. āI Ā - I donāt want pills.ā
No, it's not - she canĀ only let herself out if I fuck up and forget to latch the cage right. She doesn't know how to get out all the time or anything, I swear. This is totally my fault. I know she freaks you out, babe... I'm sorry.
I didn't let her, she just...Ā did. She's just - she's getting too big for her cage and if I don't secure the latchĀ just right, she can knock it loose and climb right out. And I've been so fuckingĀ forgetful the past few days, I don't know. I'm sorry, it was stupid.Ā
Okay, hold on, weāre looking for a spider? Weāre looking for a large and hairy spider? I mean, tarantula? Okay, I can see how Victoria could cause some problems without doing a single thing.
Well I canāt say Iām a fan of tarantulaās or any other kind of spiders, but if I can kill a few zombies, I can help you find your seven inch tarantula. As long as you get your hands on her, not me.
She's like... really fucking docile, but people freak the fuck out just because she's got eight eyes and legs. I just really need to find her before someone else does.Ā
If you could help me, I wouldĀ really appreciate it. Like, I'd definitely owe you fucking big time. You don't have to touch her or anything - she doesn't really like strangers anyway - but if you could just help me look... thanks. Lola, right?
No, she isn't a - she's my spider, myĀ seven inch tarantula. Player or not, arachnophobia is some serious shit around here and I know a couple of people around here that wouldn't hesitate to smash her if they found her, and, well...
Help would be fucking fantastic actually, if it doesn't freak you out. I really need to find her.
The sound of her voice on his lips was one of the sweetest reliefs Charlie had ever felt, only matched by almost the same moment with her brother, on now two seperate occasions. His arms were nearly crushing as he held her to him, and it was all she could do to cling back to him and try to keep the breath in lungs that still hurt from the sudden theft of air just a moment before. He seemed as if he was trying to burrow into her the moment their lips came apart, the force of his face pressing against the side of her neck very nearly making it hard for her to finish catching her breath. The fact that her heart beat in her chest like a hundred drums at once didnāt help at all, nor the thick ball of emotion that was taking everything to keep down. He needed her to be strong for him, and seeing her cry was not the way to do that.
His words were muffled against the skin above her pulse, but he was close enough to her ear that she could hear him clear as day, even if his words made less than no sense. āWhat? Infected? No, no, Topher, Iām fine, Iām here. Nothingās happened, it was just a bad dreamā¦ A- a hallucination.ā Sighing softly she turned her head to spare her throat as he tried to curl himself into her, hands gripping at the fabric of his shirt to him as closely as he was holding her. What choice did she have? Heād thought she was dead and there as nothing more that he needed in the world right now that reassurance and the cuddled that had always worked so well in the past to calm any sort of sour mood that seemed to grip him. Just holding him was the best she could do, and she had more than a sneaking suspicion that it was enough.
"Topherā¦" Whispering softly as she turned her head just enough for her lips to brush the curls over his ear, she shrugged him off just slightly so she could lift her hands back to his face, forcing him once more to look at her. "Baby, listen to me. You are never going to lose me, okay? Youāre going to get better, and Iām going to get better and then weāre going to be happy. Weāll get married one day and then you can give me that white picket fence you owe me, just this time it wonāt be around a hole in the wall of a cave in the middle of the woods." Leaning in once more, Charlie pressed her lips to his softly and them gathered him back up into her arms, resting her cheek on top of his head as she guided it back down to rest against the comforting beat of her pulse. Rocking him softly, Charlie tilted her head so her lips pressed against his hair and hummed softly. "I love you, okay?"
When:Ā The night after Topher is brought to Rafās tent
Where:Ā The Medical tent
The relief that crashed into him the moment he realized his best friend and lover hadnāt actually been bitten was almost inexplicably euphoric, drowning out all the pain and exhaustion and panic that had consumed him and swallowing it up with a very welcome respite, and Topher found himself clinging to that feeling almost as tightly as heād clung to her, terrified to let it slip from his grasp. He had never felt such an agonizing devastation as he had the moment he thought heād lost Charlie, his Charlie, the pain excruciatingly vivid and realistic in spite of the fact that it had only dwelled within his nightmare. But christ, it had felt so real, looked so real, and he never wanted to close his eyes again for fear that he might be forced to see her soft features sallow and decaying, a gruesome vision that had already burned itself permanently into his retinas. Just the thought made his stomach twist uncomfortably, and he tried to push it out of his mind as his shaking hands found the plait draped across her shoulder, his fingertips grazing her braided locks as he listened to her speak. Ā
It wasnāt real. Just a bad dream, a hallucination. Topher thanked a God he barely even believed in for the fact that it hadnāt been anything more than a nightmare as he pillowed his head on his shoulder, unable to even begin to fathom how he would have reacted had he woken to find her all bloodied and bitten. It would have been a fucking devastating blow, more painful than evisceration and more hollowing than exsanguination, and he wasnāt sure he could have had the willpower to stop her if sheād decided to lunge at his throat. Wasnāt sure he wouldāve wanted to, either, because in the short span of months that he had grown close to Charlie, Topher had come to realize how little he actually wanted to exist without her. She was the light to his darkness, a lone candle in the middle of the endlessly inky abyss that threatened to swallow him whole, and he was drawn to her warmth and inherent luminosity like a moth to a flame. He didnāt want to live in a world that she didnāt illuminate, didnāt think he could. He had grown to need her in more ways than he ever could have imagined possible before.
Topher struggled to blink past the tears that welled up in his eyes and spilled over his lashes as she shifted, forcing him to look at her through his blurred, burning vision once more, and he wiped roughly at the wetness that still streamed down his cheeks with the back of his hand as she spoke. āP-promise,ā he whispered softly, his voice hoarse and crackling from days of misuse. āPromise Iāll n-never lose you, Charlie, because I d- I donāt know w-what Iād do if you were gone. I donāt. Please.ā A breathless, watery chuckle escaped him as she continued, the corners of his lips turning up slightly into a trembling ghost of a smile as he unwound his grip from her shirt so he could intertwine her fingers with his. āIāll build you a fence,ā he murmured against her lips as she pulled him into a gentle kiss. āIāll build you a f-fence and a house andā¦ a-and Iāll protect you, m-make you happy,ā he continued against her skin as she moved so he could rest his head against her shoulder once more, his breath finally coming in more than just rapid, shallow gasps as he settled into her comforting touch. āBecause I love youā¦ s-so much. Forever.ā
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