Internship Journal

This is a journal of Topher Mehlhoff's internship experience at Hilltop United Methodist Church.

[jonbutter]

[paulftompkins]

OH MY GOOD GOD. - Paul

[tophertheintern]

I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS.

[deadblogdonoteat]

Dear Topher

[tophertheintern]

File Under - watch when I feel like nothing.

[tophertheintern]

The reason I have a teaching goal is so that I can get used to having a regular, weekly something that I have to be prepared for, the way a pastor is expected to have a sermon each week.  I do great with preaching, but that's every few months or so.  So I wondered if I'd be up to the task of coming up with something week after week.

This week is a big one!  This Sunday, I need to be prepared with: a Confirmation lesson, a children's time message, a bible study on Leviticus (which is disguised as a game involving pizza), and leading a youth council meeting.  The meeting probably doesn't qualify as teaching, except that I'm trying to do youth council meetings in a more spiritual way, so that involves choosing a bible verse to pray on, so it's a bit more prep.  

Anyhow, I'm wondering how what I'm experiencing now compares to actual, full time pastoral ministry work.  Most of  these things are prepared on Friday or Saturday (depending on which day I'm not at the library).  When I'm doing this full time, will I be able to start earlier in the week?  Or will I still have other things to prepare for?  I'm sure I will!

[tophertheintern]

It’s a down day.  In a comment on a case study I did for the academic side of this internship, a fellow student said “maybe you cannot manage a youth program in fourteen hours a week.”   It’s true.  That has been my number one struggle since starting at Hilltop.  And between other work, other school, family, and the fact that I get sick if I overextend myself, 14 hours is already almost more than I can do.

Not sure today if I am up to the task, or what I can do to get more done.

[tophertheintern]

Boy, today I have a "Vision Meeting" that will last 3 hours, then straight off to work at the library until 9:15.  This is my usual day for prayer, and I totally spaced it!  Hard to find time on days like this... :P

[tophertheintern]

I had my Lay Committee meeting last Tuesday and something that Dale said really encouraged me.  It was actually a criticism, surprisingly!  (Not surprising that someone would criticize me, but surprising that I was encouraged by it.)  He said that instead of spending so much time trying to find a consensus among the group, I should just lead.  I should discern the direction the group needs to go, and just go.  And folks will either follow, or not, or they'll suggest something else that might influence the direction I take.  Either way, being in the lead is what's important.

It felt very empowering to hear that.  I've had the desire to lead where I feel we should go, but didn't really feel I had permission.  

[tophertheintern]

My teaching goal is changing slightly as I am beginning to teach the Confirmation class.  Instead of offering mini-sermons at youth group, my weekly preparation will go into crafting lessons for the confirmands.  I have a curriculum  but I'm not super impressed with it, so it'll only serve as a jumping off point.

I am really excited as I think Confirmation is one of the most important things the church does.  When and if those kids decide to get confirmed, I want them to have really thought about what it means to be a Christian.

The first class, with the parents, was a little awkward.  But by the second class the kids are already opening up more and asking interesting questions.  Fun stuff!

[tophertheintern]

Got to admit it's getting better

I was really encouraged on Sunday by a couple of things:  One, Pastor Dennis told me I that he has heard from multiple sources that have seen growth in my ability to lead worship.  Two, Pastor Dennis publicly praised me after my children's message.  Both encouraged me greatly, and confirmed my own feeling that this whole leading worship thing was getting easier.

[tophertheintern]

Sabbath vs. Productivity

I've found that my goal of taking a Sabbath and my time management goal are often fighting against each other.  Today, Sabbath mostly lost.  It's been a day off of mostly getting other things done.  I'm not sure how I could have survived this week without doing it though.  I tried to maintain an attitude of Sabbath though - "I'm not doing this because I HAVE to... but because I'd rather not be stressed throughout the week."  Not sure if that makes it any better!

Ideally, Sabbath and time management needn't be in conflict - indeed, if I'm practicing good time management, I'll get more done and it will be easier to take a Sabbath.  I think I've been managing my time to the best of my ability though... so perhaps the problem is simply that there is too much to do!  Perhaps part of my time management goal ought to be saying NO more often...

[tophertheintern]

topher tuesdays

Looking back on the last week, I haven't completely met my Sabbath goal!  It is tough to make time to pray when there is so much to do, ministry-wise, and it is tough keep my day off (which I like to call Topher Tuesdays) from turning into the day I have to run errands.  I was also sick last week, which complicated things - if I'm sick one day and have more to do on Tuesday, does my sick day become the Sabbath day?  That doesn't seem right.  Also, having a baby complicates the Sabbath - I don't think I can convince my wife that I can't do any diaper changes on Tuesday...

What does Sabbath mean?  Would appreciate any thoughts! 

[tophertheintern]

jesus is reading this post

Last week, the Sr High Youth went to Catholic Community Services to serve dinner to homeless folks.  I wasn't able to come along (Jr High needs more attention these days due to larger numbers), but I was able to send them off with a short devotion.  The thought I gave them is connected to the parable where Jesus addresses humanity at the end of time and says to those who followed him, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in," and so on, the implication being that anyone who was in need that they helped was Jesus himself.

So I challenged the kids to think about that while they're serving:  "I'm putting mashed potatoes on a plate for Jesus," "I'm finding a sandwich without cheese for Jesus," "I'm helping Jesus to his table." A few of the kids chuckled at this, which I saw as a win.  Humor helps people remember things.  The fact that they laughed tells me they'll be thinking about it an hour later, while they're serving Jesus.  

[tophertheintern]

this post took 7:12.578 minutes to write...

Lately I've been conducting an...experiment...with my time management goal.  (It might be that I've just been lazy, but I'm choosing to call it an experiment.)  

My usual practice - even before the internship began and was only the youth director - was to log my hours each week.  That way, I could keep myself in check, making sure that if I was way under or way over my ten hours one week, I could balance it out the next week (both so that I could keep my commitment to Hilltop, AND be loyal to myself and my family by not working too much).  

But lately I haven't been doing that.  I've worked at hilltop long enough to feel out what an average week is like.  I've settled into a relative routine.  So, although I don't have the data to back it up, I do know instinctively how much I'm working and whether it's too much or not enough.

The "experiment" has been quite a success!  I did not like logging my hours.  It felt Pharisaical in a way, and I'm just not a charts and numbers type of guy anyway.  It presented some difficulties, like if I was sending out a quick email, it would seem to take more time charting than it would sending the email!  Sometimes that alone would be enough to rationalize putting something off!  Logging hours pushed me to work in chunks of time and avoid little tasks til later.  Since quitting it, I've felt a lot more free to work when I have time - I even get a lot done during breaks at my other job.  And I've just been happier while I work - logging hours always reminded me that I was WORKING.  Now it doesn't feel as much like work.  And I feel like I've been more productive.

If I begin to feel overworked, or if anyone feels I'm not meeting my responsibilities, I will return to hour logging, if only to prove a point.  But for now I'm feeling very good about not keeping track!

[tophertheintern]

boring devotion!

On December 2nd we had an awesome activity with the Jr Highers where they picked out Christmas presents for a child with disabled parents (through an organization called PJ's Forgotten Children).  It was very cool to see the kids get invested in this kid's Christmas.  The group I accompanied was finding clothes for Christopher, and there was spirited debate over whether both shirts should be "fun" (we knew Christopher liked Ninja Turtles and Lego, and were able to find shirts of both), or whether he needed a "nice" shirt as well (you know, with buttons).

That said, I'm not sure my opening devotion went so well.  At least twenty kids attended, so it was hard to keep their attention.  Also, my lesson was pretty straight forward - no jokes or physical props - just me talking.  Perhaps, especially for the Jr High, I should think of them as a little closer to children's sermons.  Maybe I should figure out what my "hook" is each time to secure their attention.

[tophertheintern]

this blog is alive!

I've done a bad job at keeping this blog up to date!  But today I'm looking back on what I've done the last few weeks and going to do my best to report on it.

[tophertheintern]

a short benediction

Today I did the blessing of the offering and the benediction.  The offering I've done before, but the benediction was new - at least at Hilltop.  I've done sermons at my home church's young adult service where they've asked me to give a blessing at the end.  I always enjoy doing benedictions!  It feels like I am giving a blessing to the congregation, and I suppose I am in actuality!  But there is something I really value in the process of being able to think of what I wish for the people in the congregation - what I wish for them to discover, or learn, or receive - and to then literally wish that upon them.

Anyhow, I received good feedback from a number of people.  One man told me I did great and that he likes short prayers!  Haha, me too.  I think that if you can say exactly what you mean to say, and say it briefly, the ones you're communicating to are much more likely to receive it.

[tophertheintern]

Why the new goal?

A few words about how I've changed my goals and why.  The short answer is that Prof Mahan, the Iliff faculty member who is in charge of internships had some criticisms of my goals and wanted me to make some changes.  Essentially the preaching goal I used to have was folded in to the leading worship goal, and a new goal - the Sabbath goal - was added.  This was to reflect his suggestion to add a more personal goal.

And even though this change came from on high, I am actually really excited about it.  Pastor Dennis and I had actually been talking about how overwhelmingly busy my life has been.  It's all good stuff - but still a LOT of stuff!  I am going to be cutting back on classes in order to keep up with this internship, my day job (which had its hours expanded by ten/week recently), and my family life (had a baby three months ago, if you haven't heard!).  On top of that, my health has been suffering from the stress.  I have Crohn's Disease and IBD.  It's happened before, but I never seem to learn - when I take on too much, my symptoms flare up and my body forces me to slow down.

So taking time for prayer and having a day off will actually really help me to grow as a person and as a leader in the ministry.  It's something I hope to continue doing as I go on my journey.

Here is the Sabbath goal in its entirety:

a. Learning: I will practice self care in an effort to understand my limits in ministry.  b. Ministry Task:  I will spend time in prayer as a weekly discipline, and set aside Tuesdays as a Sabbath for me to reconnect with myself, my family, and God. c. Resources:  I will use prayer exercises such as Lectio Divina in weekly prayer times, and will plan out my work me so I can afford to have a day off for Sabbath. d. Evaluation:  I will be kept accountable by wife, who knows me best and can best identify if I am handling stress well.

[tophertheintern]

Topher's a Liar!

Last Sunday and the Sunday before I did an interesting lesson with the Sr High and Jr High (in that order).  I told them that we were to meet with the President for a bible study that night, in the Prince of Peace chapel.  The President's on a tight schedule though, so we need to hurry over there.  But when we leave, I decide we should take the long way, and I lead them all throughout the church - upstairs, downstairs, through the sanctuary, outside, etc., and looking for every opportunity to waste time.  When we finally arrive at the chapel, there's a not from the President saying he had to go, but read the story in Mark 5 - which is about Jesus going to heal the daughter of a very important synagogue official, but on the way he stops to comfort a poor woman who had been healed by simply touching his cloak.  The point being that Jesus took time for "unimportant" things, even when important things had to wait.  Then, I reread the story, asking the kids to try to identify with a character in the story.

Both went well, but in different ways.  At Sr High, we had super low attendance - two boys.  This actually was great because much of the wandering time was spent getting to know them personally - an "unimportant" thing that was given more importance because of the "failure" of only having two kids show!  They seemed to get a kick out of me acting weird, and totally got the point of the craziness.

The Jr High however, branded me a liar at the end!  They all had different reactions to our aimless wandering - some seemed really frustrated, some bemused, some got into the silliness and started finding new ways to waste time with me.  But when it was discovered to be a ruse, nearly everyone told me I was a liar!  I hope they were just teasing me back for essentially teasing them all night.  I hope they DIDN'T actually feel hurt or that I was trying to be cruel to them.  I think I learned something about the two age groups - Jr High are definitely still closer to childhood where you can believe in anything, and perhaps part of them really expected Obama to be waiting in the chapel!