Yes I Got Your Letter Yes Im Doing Better.

Ellick. 27. They/Them. Poetry and Queerposting.

[topsecretuser]

Istg no therapist alive can help me with the fact ive never gotten over literally anything ever. I still wake up angry about shit that happened damn near 15 years ago.

I’ll never heal. I’ll just pacify myself long enough to experience joy in small doses.

[topsecretuser]

I took 7 pills the day you left

Just to feel sedated.

I wasn’t trying to meet with death

Just wanted to drift away.

I needed comfort in familiarity.

You ruined every weekend.

Make me feel so small it was a dream

That I would one day make friends.

And when you died I felt the same way

That I felt the day you left.

I took another seven pills

To see if we could shake hands.

I needed closure in an apology

One I’ll never fucking get.

Not even if you could manage to breathe

But I’m unable to ever forget.

That you ruined my favorite parts of me.

The girl I was before we met.

But even shattered glass will gleam

When the sun starts to set.

I hope the sun never rises where you are.

You don’t deserve her beams.

I hope that death’s uncomfortable.

I hope you never dream.

I hope you feel the pain I felt

In every day I breathed.

I hope you got the hand you dealt

When I was just Eighteen.

I hope someone dragged you to a bathroom

And made you apologize.

Then walked you out like nothing happened

And you were forced to smile.

I hope that you miss life forever.

I hope it makes you sick.

That you can’t come to earth and hug them

The ones who took your shit.

I hope the sun never rises where you are.

You have to sit and think.

That while forever in the dark

You’re haunted by our memories.

[topsecretuser]

The storms don’t matter

When he holds the umbrella

Vices take hold on me

He holds me better.

Nails tossed up in the air

But I know we’re solid

The field of our love

Protects from what’s falling.

He inhales

And I breathe it out.

He is the peace

In my unending doubt.

He leaves the notes on the bed

That I read

And when my own voice seems so loud

He’s what I need.

So no you can’t break us.

Were fused by obsidian chains.

For all the you’s that I’ve lost

He’s 10 times the gain.

And as much as it hurt

I would lose you again.

The pain fell me from heaven.

But he’s one hell of a man.

[topsecretuser]

I feel like a child asking her mother

To watch this new cartwheel

and then watch another

I beg you to see me

What does it take?

Do you want me to cut myself?

Just pass the blade.

Tell me have you considered

Dusting off this shelf?

I read all the love notes

You leave someone else.

And I try to find my name

In the letters on the line

But it’s someone I don’t know you love

I don’t recognize.

I’m fighting my demons

I know that we’re done

But when I go to sleep

I still think you’re the one.

That won.

I said I’d love you forever.

I meant that.

I thought it was a threat.

But I cursed myself.

I cursed my fucking self!

No one will love you like I do

(Menacingly)

No one will mourn you like I do

(Willingly)

No one can break you like I want to

(Begrudgingly)

No one will hate you like I do.

(I’m sorry.)

Do you wanna see this cartwheel?

Do you want to watch me bleed?

You’ve painted shut your window.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

But can you hear me scream

My pleas?

[topsecretuser]

You don’t know that you healed me.

Dug up and discarded deep rooted ptsd.

A peaceful nap in cold hotel sheets

No longer cringing at plastic card keys.

An apology for something you hardly did.

Trauma you caused when we were both kids.

“Hurt people hurt people” a full load of shit.

Life was an auction. We both placed our bids.

Ten years went by that I couldn’t find peace.

Misplaced blame, resentment in me.

Planned out vacations I just grit my teeth.

All dissolved by you embracing me.

The breakfasts taste better, the coffee is sweet.

I’m no longer desperate to stay on my feet.

Overwhelming itinerary, I no longer need.

You fixed all the broken that rested in me.

The girl in me that always felt small

Can relax in the rooms in which I hid them all.

Memories and heartbreak lived in the walls.

You tore it down when it wasn’t your fault.

Thank you for clearing the pain inside me.

Taking the blame and trading for peace.

For handing me a new look at the keys.

For a garden by any other name would still smell just as sweet.

[flonflonflon]

FINISHED SOLO LEVELING A BIT AGO!!! So have some of the little shadow creechurs bc I love them

[s-lycopersicum]

[whispyart]

Coloring is therapeutic - I love this series so much it's been one of my favorite mangas for years

Also look I remembered, here's where you can get a print: https://www.inprnt.com/gallery/whispwill/frieren/

[poupeesung]

"as long as our journey continues, we can always meet again"

[depsidase]

[topsecretuser]

Maybe we were a Mandela effect

I look back in the past

All I see is regret.

And anger and hatred and sadness misguided

Maybe the prose had wrong, I wish I could rewrite it.

I remember us happy sharing frozen coffee

And songs.

But when I type in our tag it seems I

Got it wrong

But I remember the magic, the garden, the muse

Not the documented trauma I blamed all on you.

It brings me some comfort I chose to forget

The pain of it all and grew passed some of it

But I can’t help but wonder if it was all

Just for show?

The loathing I spat in the hatred I wrote

Because I see you now and I remember the green

The smell of the air, I was just seventeen.

I hear your laugh and I hear the door beep.

I hear Ed Sheeran and Mayday,

The sounds you make in your sleep.

I don’t hear the yelling

I don’t feel insecure.

I read all my garbage and what was it for?

I’d like to remember us happy and new.

Not strung up in anger and pain and old news

I’d like to remember me fearless barefooted and seen.

They’ll think what they want, I’ll remember the green.

[topsecretuser]

As I make my way to you

My chest spends the whole drive just tightening.

As I come to terms with how life turned out

The real one, or the one I’m hiding

In.

In a different life we would have been

The ones together navigating

All the roads and red lights in March

But now I feel my soul just gravitating

South.

And I know you’ll pull me into

A warm embrace that feels like calm.

And my chest will let me go

Because your touch defuses the bomb

Edkam.

In every path I put my life on

In every daydream of what could have been

The one I’m living in and thriving

If given the choice I would have never chosen

It.

So when you ask me to taste your smoke

Are you asking me to touch your lips?

And do you feel hurt when I say no

Because then I’d need to write about it.

Again.

[lensesandpencils]

Night Terrors

The night terrors

Take hold of me in the morning

They’ve clawed, scratched,

And screamed their way through my mind

At the first sight of cornea to light

Thirty-three years later

They still frighten me

Curses flow with a familiar knowing

But an unfamiliar tone

Like they’re only half lies

I spend my days pushing down

What I believe are the untruths

And I try with all my might

To let the things I want to be true

Sit safe among the light.

But alas, as if I’d wholly forgotten

What comes after my dreams…

When I lay my head down

And I drown the world out

I’m always so optimistic

Of what the morning will bring

[lizclimo]

[darkgreyclouds]

Goodbye 💙

[topsecretuser]

Sometimes I like to sit with delusion

Wondering who my ties are fused with

They say you have three loves in your life

But only one would make me a wife.

Only one would take all the time

That it took to decode me and learn on my own

That I didn’t need structure I needed a home

I needed a space to sit in front of the chrome

And view my reflection and learn all their curves

trace veins in my arms, memorize the nerves

Learn who I was without all the fight

Hear what the voices were saying at night

What I imagined was turmoil thick with self loathing

Was just a small girl in grown woman’s clothing

Only one would take the time to learn who I am

When I was alone with myself long enough

To tell them.

[the-angry-acrobat]

“let’s close the borders, we're tired of felons coming into this country.”

you just elected one as the fucking president of the united states of america