Tyler laid in his bunk of the RV, all of the lights were off except for the warm glow coming from the screen of his phone that illuminated his face with whites and blues. He loved his life, he was happy to be in a band with his best friend. To help others fight through their struggles. To save the lives of others. But at night he still fought with his depression. Nights were often left sleepless in a struggle to not wake up Josh with his quiet sobs.
Josh always heard those soft sounds. The muffled whimpers of his best friend would terrify him. He was never too sure if Tyler would make a night out alive. The drummer didn’t know what to do, afraid that comforting him would imply something else. Or maybe comforting him would force Tyler to pretend to be okay and always bottle up his emotions. Josh wasn’t too sure if everything would always be alright with his best friend.
Pulling his covers over his eyes, Josh tried to think of something else, clearing his cluttered mind. Just as the muscles in his face relaxed, they quickly contracted when Tyler’s cries filled his thoughts. He hated the fact that his mind would paint a picture of what Tyler looked like, laying in bed alone and crying. He wasn’t crying that night, but Josh was afraid he would start crying soon. He thought about what he would do if he lost his friend. What life would be like without his singer. Before the thoughts could trigger something, Josh quietly got out of his bunk. He managed to get to his friend without tripping over something and waking up everyone in the process.
Tyler glanced up from his screen, he was scrolling through Twitter when he noticed his friend standing above him. “Hey dude,” he hummed quietly. He wasn’t exactly sure why Josh had decided go visit him late at night, but he didn’t mind all too much. Josh seemed to calm Tyler down whenever he would start feeling depressed. Just the voice of the drummer soothed him. “Wanna sit down or something,” he asked and patted the empty side of his bed invitingly. Josh didn’t hesitate when he was asked to sit down, he carefully sat down beside his friend and smiled with tired eyes. He was so torn. He wanted to tell Tyler that he heard his cries at night. He wanted to comfort his friend, to kiss his cheeks, to hold him close, to make him feel loved. But he didn’t want to scare his friend away. He was terrified that maybe, just maybe comforting his friend was a bad idea.
“Are you tired,” Josh asked, already knowing the answer. Tyler always said he was tired, no matter what time it was, or what they were doing. No matter what circumstance, Tyler was just tired. The brunette laid his phone down on his chest, his face was no longer lit up rather the ceiling was. It was dark, too dark to see Josh’s facial expressions. Tyler could barely make out the pink-haired boy’s nose and eyes without having to focus intensely.
“Yeah… Well, no. I’m not really tired right now,” He confessed to Josh. He couldn’t think straight, the whole circumstance made Tyler very nervous. He didn’t know how to act next to his friend, in the dark, at night. Of course, he knew naturally that nothing would happen between the two. His gentle eyes glanced over to his friend who was sitting beside him with a posture too uptight to be casual. “Relax a bit dude,” Tyler carefully rested his hand on Josh’s.
Joshua was more than thankful that the lights were off. His cheeks were burning a bright red. In such a situation, he wasn’t sure how he could relax. His shoulders slowly eased as he sunk down into the bunk, eventually resting his head down on the pillow beside Tyler. The singer’s hand stayed stuck on top of Josh’s even though he moved his arm down slightly.
Neither of them exchanged words for a bit. The air between the two was stiff and awkward. Tyler didn’t dare move and neither did Josh. Their bodies laid on the bunk like two planks of wood. And as lifeless as they seemed, their minds were booming with thoughts and their hearts were racing with the nervousness of life. Tyler wasn’t sure if this was just a “bro” thing. He wasn’t sure why Josh had come to his bunk with bags under his eyes. He knew Josh loved sleeping more than anything in the world, but he didn’t know why he chose to awkwardly lay on a small bunk next to Tyler instead. Tyler didn’t know if Josh was waiting for him to make a move? Say something to start a conversation? Josh definitely wasn’t a conversationalist, especially if he was shy or uncomfortable. But, Tyler didn’t believe he could possibly be shy around someone he was around almost 24/7.
Right as Tyler opened his mouth to say something, Josh broke the silence. “I hear you crying at night,” he whispered flatly. “I hear you crying and I don’t want you to feel that way,” Josh sat up slowly, his hand moved so he could hold onto Tyler’s tightly as if he was going to slip away into the air and dissolve into nothingness. “You don’t need to feel like that,” his eyes widened, they adjusted to the dark room so he was able to see his friend’s face fairly well. “Please, tell me why you cry at night,” his voice cracked. Josh was so torn up already. He loved Tyler with all of his heart and he knew that all he was able to do was ‘friend’ things to help.
Tyler’s eyes stung as he listened to Josh’s soft voice crack and quiver. He wasn’t sure how he could answer such a tough question, and decided to stay quiet. “I really care for you,” the drummer admitted, his other hand grasped onto Tyler’s free hand. “Please believe in me when I say that,” his voice got softer and softer, to the point where it sounded like Josh was just about to break. The brunette hated hearing his friend so upset, he couldn’t stay silent any longer.
“I’m lonely,” Tyler cried out. Yanking his hands out of Josh’s grasp, he balled up his fists and pressed them into his teary eyes. “All I have is myself,”
Josh was sure that he felt his heart break. He slowly got up off of the bed with heavy shoulders. Regretting saying anything, he stood next to the bunk, looking down at his friend who shook and choked on soft tears. “Do you really think you’re lonely,” Josh’s voice raised, his vision started to go blurry as tears streaked his pink cheeks. “What about me, Tyler,” His finger jabbed into his own chest. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he was angry or sad.
“You don’t love me,” Tyler stuttered, sniffling and coughing.
“I don’t,” Josh asked, his voice raised to the point where he could have woken the rest of the crew in the RV. The drummer hesitated, finally breaking into tears along with his bandmate. “Tyler,” he mumbled, sitting back down onto the bed carefully. The singer’s frail body curved in towards the mattress as he tried to hush his tears. “Tyler, listen to me, please,” Josh’s hands tried to pry his friends face away from his balled up fists. “I love you,” the pink haired male finally admitted. “I’ve loved you for such a long time and I just can’t see myself without you. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to lose the person I love the most,”
Tyler’s sobs slowly ran quiet as he listened to his best friend practically spill his guts out. His tear filled eyes scanned Josh’s face as he sat up carefully. “Josh,” he whispered quietly. Before saying another word, he slinked his arms around the drummer’s waist gently and pressed his head against his chest softly. He listened to Josh’s heartbeat, it was unbelievably fast. “Don’t be nervous,” he whispered and glanced up at his friend. “I feel it too,” Tyler closed his eyes and continued to listen to the beat until it slowed down to a steady pace. “I feel it too,” he repeated, moving away from Josh so he could sit up. His eyes met the drummer’s gaze.
It was quiet again. Not a word was dared to be spoken between the two. “Say something,” Josh eventually blurted out. He was going crazy, unsure where the two stood at that point.
“Like what,” Tyler whispered. He knew exactly what Josh wanted to hear. But he was so terrified to say it. He couldn’t believe that drummer actually loved him.
“Something like you love me,” The pink haired male’s brows furrowed as he waited impatiently. His mouth opened as he almost said something else but Tyler interrupted him. The singer’s hands pressed on each of Josh’s cheeks. His face inched closer to his friend’s. It was dark, but not dark enough. Josh could see every single pore on the soft skin of his tan bandmate. He could see Tyler’s eyes slowly close, and Josh followed along.
Soft lips pressed into rough kisses. Hungry mouths ripped open and tasteful tongue darted and crashed together. Hard teeth clinked together as their heads tilted into deeper angles. Noses pressed together before parting away. Those kisses were way past due, empty hands quickly entangled into hair, and their hunger for touch was slowly fed. Pulling away carefully, Tyler didn’t dare look at his friend who was practically shaking in enjoyment. The two boys sat on the bed, silent before Tyler spoke up. “Does that count,” he asked, a small grin crept across his face. Their cheeks were both stained from tears and eyes were red from crying.
Josh shook his head. He longed to hear those simple yet powerful words come from Tyler.
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