And it was true. Despite the isolation he had endured, the lack of contact, the absence of external stimulation on that dark concrete square of a tank they moved him into years prior, he never once worried the humans he loved and adored, the creatures that brought him to life and nursed him to health providing the only care, comfort and warmth he had ever known in his life...
would just toss him away, give up on him and forget him in favor of someone no. Something else.
No. They wouldn't do this to him..
Would they?
There surely was some kind of explanation...
There had to be...
... Because if there wasn't, he might have to take matters into his own hands sooner than accept they moved on from him.
Show them he's worth their time.
He's better. More powerful. He's the original, after all...
Pairing: Caine x gn!reader
Summary: Returning to the real world, you receive a surprise in the mail.
Tags: sfw, ep8 spoilers, establish relationship, going off comatose theory – I can't remember the actual name of it– but basically the gang's bodies aren't dead, angst and comfort, reunions, grief
W.C: A/n: I'm coping so fuckin' hard i think i made an au. Ep 8 broke me guys aaaaa
Getting adjusted to the real world again has been incredibly difficult. Even for Pomin, you haven't been able to break the habit of calling everyone by their circus name just yet, is struggling. Yet she's been in the circus the shortest of time.
Everyone knew that to some degree, time had passed in the real world during their stay in the circus. While everyone hoped that the digital days were run on the same 24 hours system. It turns out that the artificial days that Caine provided was deceiving. Time in the digital circus works differently compared to the outside. So much time has passed that most of the others — Kinger, Ragatha, Jax, and even yourself — were labelled as legally dead.
There's been lots of emotions to process. From learning what your life status was, you honestly thought you were abstracting when you heard "you're supposed to be dead?" from a confused nurse. To reunions being held. Not just reconnecting with friends and family, but also with your own body. You still catch yourself staring at your hands, second-guessing if they belong to you.
It's been hard adjusting as everything has changed. But what remain the same is the group staying in touch. During the first few weeks after being cleared to leave the hospital, it was joked about, and sometimes half seriously asked, about checking into the same psych ward. But eventually everyone had to part ways to return home to families or friends who'll take them in. Dispite the distances, you and everyone stay in touch in a near obsessive way.
Daily text and calls to talk about nothing or to support each other from panic attacks. Monthly meet-ups became a ritual. Those who can’t physically make it get called and expected to stay on call for the whole duration. Always held and always attended. It was a surprise when Jax, you really need to stop using those names, who had distanced himself during the circus has become closer to the group than ever.
While you're pulling away.
Everyone checks on you, and you answer each and every text or call. Attending hangouts with Ragatha and Pomni, and accepting sleepovers at Gangle's and Zooble— damnit, why was it so hard to stop using their circus names?
Oh, the swearing is an adjustment too.
Your behaviour has been strange, becoming withdrawn and bringing up circus memories more than deemed acceptable. That the others had to, rather reluctantly, ask if you're happy to be out of the circus. You tried your best to reassure them that you're glad to be out. But you're straight-up lying to their faces. Because you do miss the circus. You do miss the adventures. You miss the stupid NPC and most importantly;
You miss Caine.
You were closest to him out of everyone. You praised him for his adventures. You talked him through ideas. You reassured him that the others didn't hate him. He was your boyfriend, for fuck's sake! Even if the others didn't know it or want to acknowledge it.
He was yours.
But no matter how hard you tried to stop it. Caine was bound to snap and, when he did. You were the last line of defense for the group. Able to draw his attention away from them. Giving everyone a breather, and a break from the odd torment Caine inflicted. Listening and going along with whatever obsessive monologues Caine would give. Showering as much affection to ease him during those last few days before getting—
The days after that event and just before escaping were the hardest for you. You couldn't accept what Kinger said. That your goofy little guy, who only wanted to please, was gone. That all you had left were fond memories. You're forever grateful for Ragatha, who kept you together and from abrascting. Who made sure you crossed over that finish line.
It didn't feel right or fair. Why are you left with memories? Why did the others get what they wanted? Why are you left alone? You didn't even get to say goodbye! Yet you can't bring yourself to voice these thoughts out loud to the others.
You're pretty sure it's also a form of survivors guilt. The others have it too. Kinger and Jax are the ones to have the worst of it. For being able to escape while the abstract forms of old friends are left behind. Its part of the reason you can't bring Caine up. You feel as if your grief is insignificant compared to Kinger's. He lost his wife, and here you are, grieving over the ai who trapped them in the first place.
Sometimes you feel ashamed to be grieving Caine, but then that thought brings you guilt. Because, of course, you should greive for your boyfriend. If you didn't greive him, who will? But there are other times you feel ashamed that you get to survive due to your lover's death. Or feel ashamed that you’re struggling the most while the others have adapted to the real world. But this grief is becoming all you know. All you have left of him, and you're scared to let it go.
You shake your head, trying to keep clear of those thoughts. Or else you'll break down crying outside in public, again. You're a downright mess in the real world. You push on, keeping calm for the last steps on your journey home. Being in the real world means having to pick up a job again, to maintain your apartment and pay rent. While those tasks felt difficult, it is very stressful to return to a new economy; it’s also nice to be able to decorate your home how you want.
At least, you keep telling yourself that.
Entering the apartment complex and taking the elevator to your floor. You're able to keep your thoughts off the circus and focus on mundane tasks, like cooking dinner. Stepping off the elevator and onto your floor. Your thoughts betray you by remembering the digital feast. Luckily, something tears you out of those fond memories of sharing meals on dates with Caine. You stop in the middle of the hallway, eyes narrowing on the box in front of your door.
That's not how mail works. The package isn't supposed to be just laid out front. Are you even expecting a package? Maybe it was from a neighbor? You become doubtful of your last thought as you slowly approach the box. You don't think it could be from your neighbors, as you haven't been able to connect well with them. Always regarding them like they're NPC. Always expecting them to give you a task or say something ridiculous. You even jumped once when a neighbor finished his sentence; you were convinced he was Disappearing Guy.
It's hard to make new friends.
Standing in front of your door, you study the box. It's small, smaller than a standard book, and the label on it only has your details. Yet theres no return address or who it's from. With no survival skills left, all of them were taken during your time at the circus. You decide to bring the small box inside. Entering your apartment, you set your focus what's inside it.
You lightly shook it and couldn't hear anything rattling. With nothing new to gain, you open it.
Inside the box was another box that fit perfectly. Snug enough your had to tilt the packaging box to get it. This new box is black, with no logo or feature details. This box also has a snug lid placed over it. With a huff, you struggle to get the box to slide out of the lid. With a few hard shakes, it plops onto the nearest surface that's by your front door.
There's a note inside, folded in half and lying perfectly center. You grab the note and see that it was placed on top of the contents, covering them. Tuck into a thick paddled foam that looks to be a phone. A touch screen device, if the large screen is to go by, but an older model of some brand. At least, you think it is. You're still catching up.
You turn back to the note, and it looks like a regular white note pad paper. You flip it open, and your heart sinks at the ominous faded C&A logo on it. The company is shut down, gone. You learned about the history. So, why is there a note, then? You slowly regard the handwriting written in black ink on it. It doesn't look remotely familiar. It's a short note, with no name attached at the bottom.
'Look after him.'
You reread the note. Then a third time and a fourth. Flipping it over to make sure you're not missing anything. Nothing. You then look towards the phone, prying it out of its foam coffin. It's light, and there are buttons at the bottom with different symbols. One of a hand, one of a circus tent and one that looks like Bubble? You shake your head to get that AI out of your head. The button doesn't have sharp teeth and two black beady eyes. It's just a circle. Not a bubble. Looking over the device again, you notice its colour theme and overall look remind you of a Tamagotchi.
A really big Tamagotchi.
You wonder if one of the members bought you some sort of Tamagotchi to keep you occupied. A sort of pet to take care of while you struggle to remember taking care of your real body. It'll explain the note, and this 'he' you're supposed to care for. You finally remember Zooble and Gangle announcing they're adopting a cat to help remind them to look after themselves. Maybe it was those two who sent you the package?
You let out a groan of frustration at yet another slip-up. They have names now. Real names! You need to get it together!
Needing the distraction before falling into a swirl of negative thoughts. Of cursing yourself for not adapting already. For worrying your friends. For missing-
You look over the device and turn it on. The screen boots up and a familiar theme plays out. Your heart begins to race as you recognise it as the circus's theme. Then a loading icon appears in the form of the circus tent. Maybe it's not the same tent. Maybe this is a consequence. You should stop. You should let go. But you're stuck frozen. Your breathing is coming out in quick puffs.
A voice is screaming out of the speaker before the screen fully loads.
"PLEASE! IS SOMEONE THERE?! I DON'T WANT TO BE A- " the screen finally loads to show an office, the same office ypu spent nights in, and the person spots you. "OH! A- Wait, what is that?— OH WOW! WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! A human!" Caine shouts.
Caine.
It’s Caine.
The same Caine whose face is made up of two mismatched eyes, currently has wide eyes with pinpoint pupils in desperation. With top and bottom row teeth, a top hat somehow still sits neatly on top. Its the same Caine from the circus. The same Caine you've been grieving for. Longing for. Your Caine.
Your ears are ringing, and you can’t truly hear his words as he lurches into the same welcome to the digital circus speech. It brings you back to your first day. But it's not like that memory, of his excitement and cheerfulness. Caine's tone is unconfident, desperate to appease you and keep your attention. Grabing hold of his only chance of company with both hands. He's rambling about all the things he can do, about the circus and about his adventures. It's all rushed. Different backgrounds flash to grab your attention and interest. Some backgrounds repeat in Caine's haste.
Your hand is shaking, you feel weak, and you slowly lower yourself to the ground. It's Caine, every part of him as you remembered. His voice, his matched eyes, a top hat and his cane. It's all him.
"I host activities! Grand adventures! Of various genres and difficulty levels! All for you if you just stay around-"
"Caine."
At the sound of his name, Caine stopped his ramble. No, at the sound of your voice has Caine pauses. Stopping to study your face through the camera. He floats closer to- your not sure where exactly, but he slowly takes up the whole screen.
He quietly calls out your circus name. Sounding fragile, hopeful, and scared all mix together. He looks so small, curled up as he stares at you. It brings you both immense relief and breaks your heart.
"Hey, Caine." You smile, teary-eyed as you move your thumb over his hand on the screen.
"Oh, my dear. My honey-bee. My love. You're…"
A silences fills the room as you stare at each other. Caine, taking in your human form, he knew what it looked like. Having access to the mind files, but to actually see you again after being alone for so long. He misses you. He misses everyone. But you, the one who supported him. Treated him kindly. The one he loves.
He missed you like crazy. Replaying every memory of your time together. Visiting old adventure maps just to feel closer to you. Occasionally, he even purposely experienced a digital hallucination for the sake of getting to see a version of you. How he wishes he could take back what he did, redo everything to get you back.
Caine blinks his eyes rapidly, snapping out of his thoughts. Appearing to remember something important. He takes a deep breath before speaking.
"I know, I know—" Caine emphasis and it sounded gut wrenching guilty. Lurching into a clumsy speech that's more feeling than rehearsed. "I was wrong. What I did- It was awful and inexcusable! I know that now. I see that! And-and I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
"I- I know, Caine." Your voice shakes. Caught off guard by the apology. At the closure, you’re suddenly getting and aren’t prepared for the emotional repercussions. How Caine acknowledges his wrongdoings takes a weight off you, reassures you that he wasn’t enjoying what he did. He wasn’t all bad. Having to process on top of those thoughts, that he’s alive. Tears fall down your face, you couldn't stop them even if you tried.
"Are you… Crying?" Caine asks slowly, as if it’s the first time he's seen the act of crying in front of him. He knows about crying. He made the mechanics that allow you and your digital bodies to cry in the circus. But to see real tears. Real tears you produce, it grabs Caine into a trance. Into a guilty trance for causing them.
"I just really happy you're okay-" your voice dies at the end. Becoming choked up with tears. Trembling with relief that Caine is alive, whole and in your hands as you cradle the device gently. Bowing over the device to keep it safe.
"Oh." Caine sniffs, in realisation of your words. He sits on his knees as close as he can to the screen. His eyes focus on you, refusing to look away, becoming overwhelmed by the same relief. The heartless AI reunited with his missing love. "Me too, my dear, me too."
divider by @/omi-resources ⟡ Tamagotchi png is from pinterest ⟡ I hope the edit is okay, errrr
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