Star Wars Trash

i finally watched Kenobi. idk man I’m having a lot of feelings about the prequels right now

[reystheme]

#"i have no idea where he gets it from," says area jedi knight still picking glass out of his robes from leaping out of senator amidala's window earlier in the evening.

[starwarscolors]

Ewan McGregor as OBI-WAN KENOBI in REVENGE OF THE SITH (2005)

[spider-mann]

Star Wars — Episode: II Attack of the Clones (2002) | Dir. George Lucas

[spider-mann]

EWAN MCGREGOR as OBI-WAN KENOBI Episode III - Revenge of the Sith 2005 | Dir. George Lucas

[manny-jacinto]

“I love him more than anything he could ever do wrong” (ANDOR 2022—)

[lordvaders]

-Revenge of the Sith novelization, Matthew Stover

Twice during the Chancellor’s rescue mission, Anakin gets pissed off at the Chancellor himself!

* He literally doesn’t like the man for suggesting to leave Obi-Wan to die on the ship! And goes on to clearly state his decision because he thinks Palpatine might be incapable of understanding that Anakin will not prioritize the Chancellor’s life over Obi-Wan’s! LOL we might all as well die before I do that, get that old man?

* Thinks Palpatine has lost his goddamn mind to think yet again that he’ll choose Chancellor’s life over Obi-Wan! Drop OBI-WAN??! Look, old man, this might be a rescue mission to rescue you but make no mistake if you speak garbage again, I swear…

Oh Boy, had Palpatine tried his luck a third time I’m sure we all would have witnessed Sidious getting thrown down the shaft 19BBY, eons before in Endor… but I suppose Palpatine guessed as much and shut up *sigh*

BUT imagine Obi-Wan waking up to find only Anakin and himself hanging in the elevator shaft and wondering, “What happened? Where is the Chancellor?”

Anakin, pulling Obi-Wan’s arms securely tighter around him, grimaces, “He was hanging by my ankle, Master, and he…er, lost his grip?”

“The Chancellor fell?!”

“Well, that’s what I implied.”

“Anakin, we were supposed to rescue him!”

“Yes-”

“Why didn’t you just leave me behind and get him out -”

“You must’ve banged your head harder than I thought, no way I was going to do that…”

“Anakin, how many times- you can’t save everyone, you really must learn to let go”

“I did and seeing as you’re not happy-”

“Just when have you ever– wait, you–what?”

“Er…he was getting a bit annoying–?”

“You dropped the Chancellor?! Anakin-”

Anakin now shouting into his comm, “R2!?! R2, get us out here!”

[shatouto]

obi-wan “you must learn to let go” kenobi vs. anakin “yup so i let go of the supreme chancellor” skywalker: showdown of the millennium

(ending: they kiss, it’s a win-win)

[onlykenobimatters]

One of my favorite obikin fanfic tropes is the council being so very tired of obikin shenanigans that they don’t even object to them being attached to each other like it is so not worth arguing with either of them we do not care knight skywalker master Kenobi please do whatever you’re doing somewhere else for force sake

[elivanto]

OBI-WAN KENOBI Part V

[starpeace]

its all fun and games reading early drafts for revenge of the sith until obi-wan is forced to kill cody during order 66

[starpeace]

so this exists and i’m going to be thinking about it for the rest of my life

[phantom-of-the-keurig]

Don’t worry, I’m sure Disney will dust this bad boy off for the Kenobi series and make us suffer

[thetorontokid]

Thanks, I hate it.

[wolfswing]

Noooo

[bean-bean-8]

WHAT IS THIS

[thegoodbatch]

[shadowthestoryteller]

[surreptitiouslyclandestine]

I can't believe I was naive enough to believe it couldn't get worse for Obi-Wan

[onlykenobimatters]

In which the kaminoans make a simple clerical error and hand Prime the wrong clone; Jango spends months doting on and loving his son only for them to come to him and apologize: they confused his unaltered clone with CC-2224. They take his son his Kote the clone from his arms and settle another little bundle there and it pulls loose the thought he’d been so desperate to never think: they’re just babies. Children. If there wasn’t something intrinsically different between them, then Jango had condemned children to death.

Jango can feel a massive headache coming on as he clutches the clone the child his son and wonders where he took a wrong turn in his life.

[onlykenobimatters]

Screaming crying at the fic idea that obi-wan gets injured during a campaign and they set him up in the med bay and they’re monitoring his heart beat but every time a 212th clone walks in it spikes slightly and this fact spreads and the clones are worried that obi-wan is scared/wary of them but really he just thinks they’re hot

[onlykenobimatters]

OK but a giant angsty misunderstanding codywan fic where they’re kind of almost together during the war and Obi-wan is struggling with his definition of attachment vs his love for Cody and while on shore leave Cody gets wasted with some of his batchmates and his frustration with not being able to announce his own feelings gets misconstrued as obi-wan taking advantage of him and this spreads from clone to clone and it eventually gets back to another Jedi. Obi-wan is trying to figure out why some of his troopers are feeling so angry in the force when he’s summoned to the council.

And there’s more misunderstanding because I say so and the council doesn’t want to believe obi-wan would do anything like this but the war has made everything so dark and Obi-wan thinks Cody was the one that came to the council so now obi-wan thinks he’s been making unwanted advances on Cody and he’s absolutely shattered.

He agrees with the council that he should be removed from command. Only they think this is him admitting to forcing his attention on to Cody and they now need to figure out what to do because obi-wan before this had been a good general. He has the experience for it. Only clearly he has fallen and can’t be trusted (they are all so shocked and conflicted that obi-wan’s dark emotions of guilt and devastation are misunderstood as having eviler intentions).

Cody is very confused on why obi-wan isn’t in his room and is eventually informed that he has been removed from the GAR. Cody is pissed because what the kriff? That’s his general damnit you can’t just take him. And then Rex gets involved to apologize to Cody for not realizing obi-wan was harassing him and Cody is even more confused because what are you talking about????

And Cody learns what has been going on while he’s been moping around on shore leave and he panics because how did this go so wrong so fast? And now he’s marching through the temple on his way to the council room because if he has to shout at them to make them understand that he love so obi-wan, that nothing unwanted ever happened, and the fact that obi-wan was too fucking good for them to even suggest such a thing, well—

Making sure obi-wan knows Cody loves him will have been worth it.

[onlykenobimatters]

Are there any fic where obi-wan discovers palpatine is Darth sidious and he tells the council but they don’t believe him? Like maybe it was through a vision or something and they know obi-wan doesn’t really like the chancellor. Obi-wan is flabbergasted that his fellow councilors do not believe him. They don’t even let him really explain!

He eventually runs into Anakin and in a desperate attempt to have someone believe him he tells his former padawan. And Anakin, who always jumps to the chancellor’s defense, is quick to anger. Shouting at obi-wan for saying something so insidious about his friend.

Obi-wan is distraught. He knows he’s right. The force is insistent and yet no one hears it screaming. He’s despondent and when his commander asks him what’s wrong obi-wan bitterly says “you wouldn’t believe me.”

Cody, ever loyal and secretly in love with his Jedi general, says “try me.”

(And if in the end obi-wan has to abscond with his commander and a few choice troopers in order to form a team to handle the Sith Lord themselves, well, he was only following the force.)

[onlykenobimatters]

Codywan crack fic where they’re getting freaky deaky except maybe the ship is attacked or something but they get jostled and Cody hits his head hard enough that he cracks his chip and it’s caught on a scan when they get around to getting to a medic. They start to visibly sweat when asked what they were doing when the chip was broken—

[onlykenobimatters]

Codywan time travel fic but I make everything worse by having OWK!Obi-Wan landing in the past to meet his TCW counterpart, only he’s running from Dark Trooper!Cody. CC-2224 has been tracking him for several days and he’s not going to let this Jedi traitor get away. Not again.

Commander Cody and General Kenobi, along with some of the 501st (I need everything to be as angsty as possible) get dragged into this confrontation and when they finally subdue what the older Kenobi is calling a “Dark Trooper” they are horrified to find out it’s Cody that’s inside.

Only TCW Obi-Wan is confused because he knows what Cody feels like on the force and this older Cody is just—Blank—and Dark!

TCW Cody would never betray his general, never betray Obi-Wan, and he needs to believe that he’s not doing this under his own power or—

OWK Obi-Wan is barely holding it together because he’s not only seeing ghosts, but he hasn’t realized the Dark Trooper chasing him was Cody, his commander, his friend, the man he—

Everything gets resolved along with Happy Ending, but I want it to hurt real nice beforehand.

[aces-to-apples]

time-travel au except instead of anakin/obi-wan/padmé going back in time, it’s one or a few of the Brothers

can you imagine what that would be like?

qui-gon and obi-wan are fighting darth maul on naboo, maul is clearly winning, and out of nowhere there’s this h u g e surge in the force

everyone is disoriented, maul recovers first and moves to deliver a killing blow, and all of a sudden he gets shot in the back like 27 times

in the background there’s the nearly incoherent babble of “kriffing hells that hurt what was it what happened holy shit that’s a sith that is definitely a sith should we shoot it sir we should definitely shoot it it’s about to kill a general we have to help did we kill it is it dead it’s gotta be dead now go check it i don’t want to check it let’s just shoot it again there it’s gotta be dead now are you alright generals”

maul is definitely dead, the energy shield things power down, obi-wan rushes to his master’s side and the incoherent babble gets louder as they’re suddenly surrounded by a team of men in white and blue armor all scrambling to provide aid

obi-wan, satisfied that his master isn’t going to get himself fucking m u r d e r e d any time soon, turns to examine to newcomers

a hush falls over the group when they see his face

then, out of the silence, comes “….holy kriff, sir, your boyfriend is a b a b y” followed by one of the men smacking the back of another’s helmet with a loud crack and growling “shut the fuck up, fives”

everyone is very confused for the foreseeable future

(bonus: the Brothers are d e l i g h t e d to meet baby!anakin, and he is equally delighted. no one else is delighted by a group of highly-trained soldiers calling a 9yo “general” and visibly restraining themselves from doing exactly what he tells them at all times.)

[threetinyshinies]

I think one day the commanders of the coruscant guard just sit down and go "okay im done w the chancellor he's just a bit too slimy in personality"

and stone goes "oh no problem, i have The Solution"

And the solution! Is jar jar binks.

U lock him in a room w a slimy politician and see what comes out? Right. Thats the plan. Its not a good plan, but it is A Plan. And stone is confident. And like. They dont really wanna be implicated in a murder or a coup so they just say "cool, we'll let you do that then"

And like four hours later, jar jar stumbles out of the chancellor's office holding a lightsaber. There's footage on the news (shot from a hovercraft outside of the chancellor's wall of windows) of palpatine trying very hard to kill jar jar using sith nonsense--and dying in a series of very scooby doo style events.

Someone asks the guard why they weren't guarding palpatine. And they're like "we were ordered not to, obviously."

And then the jedi have to wrestle the sith lightsaber away from jar jar before he accidentally beheads someone.

Things aren't all rosy because sly moore and all palpatine's other cronies are still around. But stone has a solution for that! (Its still jar jar binks)