I think something I love about Moonlight Chicken is that you get three different generations of LGBTQ characters sharing the same space and you can see, through the subtleties of their interactions and their outlooks, the events and perspectives that have shaped them and how much (and how little) the world has changed.
You have Jim, nearing 40 and clearly shaped by countless people (including his loved ones) not welcoming who he is and who he loves and who believed, to a certain extent, that it was "normal" for people to think that way, who accepts himself but still has difficulty with what it means to be gay in the wider world.
Then you have Wen, 10 years younger and proud and open and comfortable with who he is and his place in the world. He knows all the lingo, he seems like a little bit of an activist (if his taste in decor is to be believed) and he's used to having discussions around sexuality and social norms.
Finally, Li Ming, even younger still and so comfortable in himself that he doesn't particularly feel the need to explore or explain his sexuality and his attraction to Heart, he just embraces it as another part of what makes him him and leaves the nail biting and the questions to other people.
They literally show us the transition from "being LGBTQ is something I must live with" to "being LGBTQ is something I must fight for" to, finally "being LGBTQ is one of the many bits that is me" without ever saying it out loud.
It's genuinely such a beautiful piece of commentary and, in my eyes, it makes the show even more meaningful and beautiful.
Once again, I must start this post out by saying...Fuck you @respectthepetty. You did this to me, I currently have eleven (11)...ELEVEN (this will be 12) long as all hell analysis posts about Moonlight Chicken and at least half of them are your fault. Because you started posting about colors and then I had to start thinking about my feelings when I watched television. And here we are. If you are worried about what your legacy will be as a role model. Don't be. Your legacy has been talking about colors so much you have converted half the interest in to color analysts. This one isn't about color though, I just needed to curse you out for creating an analysis demon.
All that said, let's get in to Jim and Li Ming this episode.
So, Li Ming has just had a very emotionally draining conversation with his mother, and he is trying desperately to leave the house and just go, go anywhere cause Heart's not home, when Jim comes waltzing in and accidentally blocking his exit. "Where are you going now?" and GOD LI MING DOES NOT HAVE FUCKING TIME FOR THIS.
The most exasperated face to date. But it's not really Jim's fault that Li Ming is acting like this, he's just a casualty of war. A safe vessel that will hold all Li Ming's emotions.
"Outside." "Where?" "Don't know yet," "What do you mean?"
Guess who's making eye contact again after a conversation with his mother where he very rarely looked in her direction????
Side note: I love this line "I haven't decided where I want to be yet," because it can be relevant to so many things and is a foundational theme of this episode, with no one acting on the choices they have before them until Gaipa's mother dies
"Then stay home and study," and here we go, another adult, telling him what to do, not being there for the conversation beforehand and having no idea they are plucking at an already frayed cord.
"I'm going to Heart's home," he tries to leave, Jim stops him.
Li Ming already knows exactly what Jim is implying here. But his mother is home, and he's already exhausted, and he just...he just wants to leave. But he's not afraid, he's calm, if annoyed.
He's happy to entertain the conversation, just not right now. Right now he is tired, and he just wants some time alone, some time with Heart.
Jim, once again, does not respect Li Ming's question, and forges ahead, because he needs to know, needs to confirm his fears.
Get, his ass Li Ming! To me, it helps so much prevent a fundamental breakdown in Li Ming and Jim's relationship here to have Li Ming know that Jim is gay as well. I think that knowledge, coupled with the exhaustion he is already feeling, just lets the rest of this conversation go over surprisingly smoothly.
"Li Ming, I'm your uncle," "Adults can do no wrong? Adults can kiss but kids can't? Is it the wrong thing to do? Is the world coming to an end?"
For Jim? The answer feels like a yes. Because Jim grew up in a very differently world than Li Ming has. He has internalized so much homophobia, not just from society but from his own sister, the person he had to rely on the most when he was young. A person whose opinions are very clearly shown to matter to Jim. Everything Jim has repeated so far in this show that is homophobic is a direct quote from his sister.
To Jim being gay has made life so much harder for him. Hell, he himself was a victim of the legal system, with Beam's family taking all the money he and Beam had saved, because gay marriage is not recognized so they could not open a joint bank account and everything was in Beam's name. This is a very real struggle, and a possibility Li Ming himself could face one day. A reality that Li Ming has no concept of because he's eighteen, and he hasn't lived his life yet, he hasn't faced society the same way Jim has...
But to Li Ming? Being gay isn't a big deal. Because Li Ming was raised by an openly queer man. Even if Jim is far more careful and restrained about showing physical affection or giving too much attention to Wen men in public, his friends all know. Leng teases him about it, Leng teases Gaipa about it. Jam knows about Jim. Beam's family knew. Wen literally walked in to Li Ming's room the night Wen and Jim had their "one night stand". Li Ming knows Jim is gay.
So while Jim and Beam were navigating being queer even just ten, twenty years ago with no one obviously queer elders around them to guide them, Li Ming has grown up around multiple queer seniors, one of whom is his uncle. Of course he has an entirely different perception of how significant it is to be gay. He had nothing but positive queer role models around him to guide him as he grew. Role models who were open. And I love the post from @respectthepetty and this post from @heart-ming that talk about the pressure Jim puts on himself, especially after he realizes that Li Ming is gay. All he can think about is every way that he has failed, when the fact that Li Ming is able to say so casually, so quietly, with a touch of disgust on his face: "So what? What's the big deal [that I'm gay]?" proves that he has succeeded at being a queer role model. Because Li Ming does not hate his queerness.
I love this shot once Li Ming leaves, because there is a moment of recognition. Oh shit, Jam is here.
Followed by Oh shit, I outed Li Ming to his (historically homophobic) Mom. Yet another thing for him to be able to blame himself for.
Something that I have really appreciated about the two Fourth and Gemini shows from this year, is that in both of them, the children are spared from their own parent's ignorance. Li Ming does not know he has been outed to his mother, and he will not hear her say the homophobic things. Jim is the one that will carry that weight. He is the one that will address her concerns, and tell her she is wrong. Li Ming does not need to experience that.
"Was it my fault I left my child in your care?"
YEAH JAM. GIVE HIM A BREAK, HE'S FUCKING RAISED YOUR CHILD FOR YOU.
And God this moment sucks so bad because you know that she is voicing his worst fear. He already blames himself, the sentiment Jam states, and Jim repeats "Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me," that is 100% what I knew Jim was thinking in this moment in Episode 6. "oh shit, Jam is gonna tell me that I rubbed off on him,"
And it's so interesting to me the way they placed the sequence of events in Episode 7, Jim talks to Jam and Jam asks if she can blame Jim for Li Ming being gay because he wasn't gay when he lived with Jam, and JIM IS IN THAT MOMENT ABLE TO BE LIKE "what if he was that before living with me?", "What's the point of placing blame? He does nothing wrong."
When confronted with ignorance, he is able to stand up against it, speak out about it, and confront his sister's biases. But when he goes to see Wen, he repeats the same thing she did "Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me,"
Also, best part of the talk between Jim and Jam was this moment:
Jim is finally starting to listen to his nephew's wishes. He will not make a decision as big as having Li Ming move back in with his mother. He understands that Li Ming needs to choose this. And, I will note that this is a conversation she has already asked Li Ming about, and she didn't get the answer she wanted so she has resorted to asking the family member Li Ming loves and trusts to get him to change his mind. And she holds the deed title over Jim's head about it, trying to give him the ultimatum that he can only get the deed if he helps her rob Li Ming of even more of his autonomy. And Jim finally says no. "Don't do this" he begs, and at the end of the episode he returns the deed to Jam.
Cut to soon-to-be-father Leng, talking about how expensive it is to have and raise a child. And this is something Li Ming is painfully aware of in his own right, he's held Jim's "I pay your tuition" statement right back over his head. Li Ming is aware that Jim is struggling to make ends meet, he's aware that they live in poverty.
"Don't have kids," Leng says, only partly joking, but with a smile on his face. And Li Ming has just come from a terrible conversation with his mother where he was faced with the thought of actually having to leave Jim to go back to a home he didn't used to be wanted in. "Did you ever consider abortion?" is a very answer-seeking question, it's intentional, and it's not about Leng, it's about Li "I didn't ask to be born" Ming. Leng is honest "I thought about it, but Praew's parents want a grandchild so I'm okay ot have this baby. But I can barely make it through the day, how am I supposed to raise a child?" and I think that is a wake up call for Li Ming in a way.
Jim is his parent. Jim is barely making it through the day. How is Jim supposed to raise Li Ming? No one knows, but he does it. And he does it cause he loves Li Ming.
To preface this, if Li Ming ends up going to America and doing the Work and Travel thing, I am completely fine with that, but I am on the Interpreter!Li Ming train so I at the very least want a seedling of doubt to be planted in Li Ming's mind. And I am choosing to believe it is this moment. Right after Li Ming is faced with the actual, very real potential threat of having to leave Pattaya, Heart, Jim, his community here, he asks Leng if he would still want to stay with his parents if they were alive. Leng says "Probably not. Everyone has their own life to live. And parents cannot be with us forever," (I see you P'Aof and P'Best, you evil evil motherfuckers)
This is Li Ming's face after Leng makes that comment. That boy is haunted and that boy is thinking. The wheels are turning. He is evaluating.
Cut to Wen and Jim. "What fight did you have with your nephew?" is literally the first question Wen asks when Jim shows up at his apartment. And I both love and hate that Wen so often has to act as the go-between. I mean from the sense that he is between the two generations and can be respected at both ends of it, it's great, and it's nice that we establish that Li Ming trusts, values, and listens to Wen, that Wen fits in this family. On the down side, I really wish Li Ming knew and could see how many times Jim has sought out council to better understand his son nephew.
Heart is Li Ming's safe zone when he feels misunderstood, Wen is Jim's.
Jim gets done denying everything his sister said, telling her she is wrong, that being gay does not work like that, that there is no one to blame, but he internalized that shit and immediately went to Wen to try to process his feelings.
"I can't help blaming myself for it. Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me."
"How come Saleng is straight? He's been with you for a long time as well. Trust me it has nothing to do with you."
We need this scene to explain Jim's behavior. To show the struggles he is having with his internalized homophobia. To how how deeply he loves and looks up to his family. That he catches and carries the shame, the guilt, the blame of his queerness when it's called in to question by his sister. But that he is able to recognize and shed that shame when Wen asks him very simple questions. Because he knows the answer to them, you can't catch queerness, Li Ming isn't gay because of Jim, in fact, Jim being queer was a protective factor in Li Ming's own relationship to his queerness.
"And what era are we in now?" Wen says "No one really looks for reasons why people are gay anymore."
That is the question of the hour for Jim isn't it? What era are we in now? Jim is stuck in the past. He is trapped under decades of struggle and strife, and the behavior he had to have to survive. He is shifting his paradigm, slowly but surely, and this is the question that Jim will need to answer for himself in order to better understand his nephew and in order to shed some of the weight he carries.
"What era are we in now?"
Not Jim's era. We're in an era of change.
Jim does not remove Wen's hand. We are in an era of change.
"You are gay, aren't you? Why can't you accept your nephew is gay?"
"I can accept that. I'm just worried about him,"
This is Jim's fundamental character trait in his relationship with Li Ming. He's just worried about him.
"You do know that it's not easy being gay in this country. I can't see how he is able to lead a good life."
We are in an era of change.
"If [Li Ming] wants to tell someone you will hear it before me, trust me," Jim says.
"Because you are strict,"
Li Ming has been telling him this from the beginning, but that's his child, and it's difficult to give up that need to protect him. We are in an era of change. It is time for Jim to accept that Li Ming is growing up, and he has to start seeing Li Ming as an adult if he wants Li Ming to trust him.
So it's time to listen:
"No,"
"Why?"
"I hadn't seen her in 5 or 6 years. Out of the blue she showed up and told me she loves me. Do you expect me to love her back just like that?"
"Can't you love her simply because she is your mother?" Jim certainly loves her just because she is his sister. Even though she's hurt him. Even though the blame he places on himself, the internalized homophobia, all of that comes from her.
"I know I owe her gratitude. But being a mother or father should not be an excuse for everything,"
Li Ming is smart in this way, he is showing Jim that he has opinions, he has justifications for his behavior, and they go against tradition, sure, but that has always been li Ming's thing. Why do powerful people have the right to hurt us? Why do I have to love someone who's hurt me?
"But I think your mother loves you too,"
"Love can't be forced, right? Just because she gave birth to me, must I love her back? If you ask me if I love you or not, I can answer that more easily,"
"I can easily say that I love you,"
Moonlight Chicken is a show about family, found or otherwise. Li Ming has shown his love for his uncle repeatedly in this show. In the way he steps up to take responsibility for the broken alcohol so Jim doesn't have to stress about money. In the way he listens to Jim and calms down when his emotions get too out of control. In the way he shows up for Jim's birthday party even though they fought. In the way he always looks Jim in the eye. But he hasn't said the words "I love you," to Jim, not since we've been following them at least.
Jim gives Li Ming a olive branch beer.
"Get a taste of being an adult," WE DID IT FOLKS! WE GOT THERE!!! JIM HAS FINALLY DONE IT, HE HAS FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT LI MING HAS BEEN ASKING FOR THE ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME!!!! *airhorn noises*
And because this is literally all Li Ming has been wanting, the apologies, the trust, the honesty, the willingness and need to explain, to help Jim better understand his actions follows quickly. And Jim reciprocates that gift with his own, "I wasn't mad at you for the cigarette, I was mad at myself for demonstrating that behavior,"
"What about Heart?" he teases "Have you tried him out already so you know you like him?" and it's not really an apology, but it doesn't have to be. Because I do think Li Ming understands where Jim was coming from, it's difficult to be gay. Uncle Jim is worried about him. But this, again, is Jim's way of showing Li Ming he is on board with their relationship. He is teasing him, and they are back to their regularly scheduled program after this.
God, Jim loves his nephew so much. And God, this is the happiest and most carefree that I have seen Li Ming be outside of when he's spending time with Heart.
why do Earth and Mix have me in a goddamn chokehold?! its been this way since january 29th 2021, and they just wont let up! i cant get over them! i told wifey about the 2 year anniversary of atots and she was like "damn, you've been obsessed with them for 2 years already?" and im like I KNOW! thats dedication huh? hahaha
If I have one thing to say about Jim so far, it’s this:
The man has no idea of his own worth.
Everything he has ever done ever since his heart got broken has been entirely out of duty. A need to survive, to serve his community, to raise his nephew. And in doing so, he’s lost what it means to be him, what it means to want something for himself, how to be selfish. He loves, passionately, with his every breath, but he has no idea how to be loved. And the saddest part is, he has no idea how loved he actually is.
Sure, he may not have a lover, but he has a home and a family: his community. The neighborhood aunties who keep sending food and sweets for him to eat, the temple folk where he donates food, the old lady who asks him to say a prayer and eat a mooncake, gaipa who gently flirts with him every time they meet, leng and praew who show him the kind of disrespect that only family could possibly show, even li ming with his stubbornness. It’s evolved beyond respect into love. As much as Jim considers this community of Pattaya his home, they all consider him to be a part of their slice of home too.
After all, home is where the heart is, wouldn’t you agree?
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