Totally Real Dear Evan Hansen Quotes

Just quotes that are absolutely canon. 100% real. Not fake. All true.

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Sorry for the really random updates!

I’m just busy and running low on quotes...

If you have a quote, SEND IT IN!! Please! It’ll help me update more!

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Evan: No offense, but why is everyone so obsessed with Godzilla?

Zoe: Big

Connor: Loud

Jared: Handsome

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Evan: This is both of our first time. Are you sure you know what to do?

Jared: Yeah, just trust me.

Evan: Ok.

Jared: *deep breath*

Jared: XBOX ON

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Jared: Today is 4/20 and I will not accept any 420 jokes on my good Christian servers

Connor: Aren’t you Jewish?

Jared: Not when it comes to the devil’s lettuce you heathen stoner fuck

[tanknaka]

hey

hey friend

dont kill yourself tonight ok

you have a really pretty smile and i know its not always easy to manage one but itd be a bummer if we never had the chance to see it ever again

youre really important and you matter a lot so stay safe and try and have a nice sleep

[the-grace-of-fallen-angels]

I would like a moment to thank the people who reblog post like this so that it eventually shows on my dash.

It is keeping me alive

[levonsnape-deactivated20230929]

I love and appreciate all my followers. The ones who matter have been kind to me and I’m grateful for your kindness. Its hard to remember these things when stuff feels so bad. But please take care. You matter.

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Zoe: Hey, so, yesterday, my brother pushed me, so I’m starting a Kickstarter to put him down.

Zoe: Benefits of this would be that I would get pushed way less

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Connor: *jumping into the car* Mom, they followin’ me mom!

Cynthia: Who?!

Connor: They followin’ me!

Cynthia: Who? Who’s followin’ you?!

Connor: The bugs!

Cynthia: The BUGS?

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Jared: How much money do you have?

Evan: Uh, like, 69 cents.

Jared: Oh! You know what that means!

Evan: *tearing up* I don’t have enough money for chicken nugget

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Evan: Could you help me with my crossword? I need a 6-letter word for “disappointment.”

Zoe: Connor.

Evan: ...

Evan: It fits.

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Jared: GOOD CREDIT? BAD CREDIT? NO CREDIT? NO PROBLEM! ARE YOU DEAD? FUCK IT! GHOST CREDIT!

Connor: I’m gon’ get a Subaru!

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Alana: And release all of the sounds that are trapped in your mind.

Connor: *pained screaming*

Alana: ...

Alana: Sir... Are you alright?

Connor: I’m a ‘lil messed up.

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Evan: *looking at little kids playing at the park* 

Evan: Ah, children. The good old days...

Jared: ...

Jared: *squinting* You are a children.

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Zoe: Part of the New Internet Grammar: using question marks not to denote questions, but upturns in voice, so that a tentative statement gets a question mark but a flatly delivered question doesn’t.

Alana: Why would you do this

Zoe: It just seems right?

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Jared: *jokingly* Fun game: Play peek-a-boo with your baby, but never reappear.

Evan: My dad was good at this game.

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Jared: *high* Raccoons have people hands

Connor: *also high* Or do we have raccoon hands

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Evan: If corals get stressed they die, so if I was a coral I would be dead.

Zoe: What do coral even get stressed about?

Jared: Current events

Zoe: Get out.

[totallyrealdehquotes]

Connor: If Mary had baby Jesus, and baby Jesus was the Lamb of God...

Connor: Did Mary have a little lamb?

Zoe: Are you high?