Blatantly Incorrect TES

TES Vines, incorrect quotes, and just a whole lot of shitposts. Featuring occasional cameos of my OCs.

[argentis]

Me, at my own unconscious: Don't even think about it.

My unconscious: Here's some more dreams about the Telvanni Egg Guy that'll give you more fic ideas.

Me: Noooooooooo- oooooh that's a good idea! But please stop.

[totallywrongtes]

Revus Demnevanni: The Telvanni gave me a get better soon card. Vestige: That's sweet! Revus: I wasn't sick, they just think I can do better.

[totallywrongtes]

Voryn Dagoth: You can't make everyone like you. You're not Nerevar. Vivec: Not everyone likes Nerevar! Voryn: Who doesn't? Vivec: Voryn, taking a rusted knife out of his pocket: I want names and addresses. Now.

[totallywrongtes]

Sotha Sil: Why do they call it "horseplay"? I've never seen horses play. They're always just standing there like they saw someone get shot.

[totallywrongtes]

Voryn Dagoth, watching Vivec stare at Almalexia: Wouldn't it be easier to just write "I'm desperate" on your forehead?

[totallywrongtes]

Vestige: *Sees Revus wearing fancy clothes* Vestige: I see you have a date. Who's the lucky person? Revus: Revus: I forgot to ask you, didn't I?

[robotslenderman]

Out of context things that happen in ESO

Woman asks local hero if she should murder her daughter in her sleep

Dog tries to kill god and throw a comet at everyone. Also bites innocent bystander. His owner gets mad at you when you scold the dog.

Four legged cat encourages bipedal cat to commit suicide and gets really upset when you interfere. is bored of cheese

Another four legged cat has a drinking problem, but wants to help in a heist anyway

Lizard is murdered by long lost sister, but to be fair he was trying to kill her first

Disaster man has to dig a giant egg out of poop and accidentally gets someone else killed in the process

Local assassin confesses crimes to priest, is surprised when she gets in trouble

Slaver with a lizard fetish leaves evidence all over volcanic island

Indiana Jones gets shoved down a well but nobody feels bad because he has an enormous ego

Game of Thrones, but with orcs

Local populace has a zombie problem but they don’t want to be rude by killing the zombies personally, can you do it for them?

Vampire adopts many vampire babies, sacrifices himself to vampire god, makes vampire babies cry

Old man who yells at cloud accidentally sets dragons on an entire fucking country

Lots of sexual tension between worm guy and anti-worm guy

Local mum fucking hates it when plague people move in to her sewers

Clockwork dad is so depressed he sits around and does jack shit for an entire DLC and uses you as therapist after. gets made fun of by spider mom. continues to make sad faces

Local bigender parent goes to sleep, doesn’t notice while dog assassinates his best friend

[totallywrongtes]

sup losers, I'm going away for a week but the queue's been topped up, see you in a week if the NSW fires I'm forced to travel through don't burn me alive!

[totallywrongtes]

good news fuckers, I didn't burn to death and I haven't died of smoke inhalation yet!

[totallywrongtes]

bad news fuckers, there's a plague but I'm somehow still too lazy to fill the queue

[totallywrongtes]

I wish I could give you a good excuse for slacking on this blog but the truth is I accidentally deleted my quick tags and I've been too lazy to set them back up

[totallywrongtes]

Almalexia: What's for dinner?

Sotha Sil: Updog.

Vivec: *Dabs*

Nerevar: No, not yet, wait until she asks what it is.

[totallywrongtes]

Babette: Where-wolf?

Arnbjorn:

Babette: There-wolf!

[totallywrongtes]

Almalexia: I've been volunteering at the guar hospital.

Nerevar: *Delighted gasp*

Almalexia: The guar are the patients.

Nerevar:

Nerevar: I knew that.

[totallywrongtes]

Tanek: I'm scared of clowns.

Elam Drals: You better be careful around mirrors, then.

[totallywrongtes]

Vestige: This was a mistake.

Revus Demnevanni: A mistake we're gonna laugh about some day.

Vestige: But not today.

Revus Demnevanni: Oh no, today's gonna be a mess.

[totallywrongtes]

Elam Drals: Nice try hurting my feelings, but little did you know I haven't had feelings since 2E 370.

[totallywrongtes]

Student Days

Vanus: You realise necromancy is a crime?

Mannimarco: Please show me the law.

Vanus: *Brings out a scroll filled with the tenets of the Psijics*

Mannimarco: I'm not reading that.

[totallywrongtes]

Lucien Lachance: I know you must be really surprised to see me here.

Hero of Kvatch: Not really, since you follow me everywhere.

[totallywrongtes]

Mannimarco: I'm going to need a skull, and you can't ask why.

Rowan: Only if *you* don't ask why.

Rowan: *Pulls out four skulls* Choose.

Mannimarco: ... This one will do.