@riilucente continued from [ x ]
The clear worry that Orihime watched spread over Ichigo’s face, awarded her with a fresh feeling of guilt. She hadn’t intended to cause a scene and had tried to contain the words that slipped from her mouth, but somehow they had snuck out on an exhale of her breath. Her home was something she both loved and dreaded at the same time, but most of the time she had been able to clear any ill feelings she had towards it, before stepping inside. A rule of her own. But today...her heart was heavy inside her chest, with a particular type of loneliness. In spite of the guilt that resided, she felt the soothe of relief come over her once she was no longer close to the house.
At his question though, her mind dove into the deepest of her thoughts. If anyone would understand, he would, she knew that. But how did she word it, without inflicting more worry, without whining? She took a moment, relishing in the question. Her chest ached with the words on her chest. Hiding the bottom half of her face into her winter scar, she relished a couple extra moments, mowing over her words, remembering...her brother. Most days, she could sleep well, knowing he was finally at peace. But somedays? her heart hurt for her brother.
Bringing her large-eyed gaze up to Ichigo’s face, she took a breath. It felt odd to drop her high-pitched voice. “I feel so bad for causing you to worry,” she said against her scarf. “I know I should be happy - and I am, most of the time - that my brother finally knows peace after death,” she pointed out. “But do you ever just... wish you could have one day with them? just one more. Go back, live at least one moment, never change an element...but, just...relive it and not remember it? feel the way their hand felt when they held it, hear them laugh, watch them eat their favorite food, just once?” she asked. The more she spoke, the less sense she felt she made, but she was trying. “Everyday I am happy my brother knows peace, you know? It’s just--” she bit her lip on this one. “Did you know that the brain only stores relevant information for a certain amount of time? like voices and stuff? even faces?” she asked. “Once the information has been outdated, your mind purges it, but not the long-term memory,” she explained.
“That’s why they will always be in your heart because the heart never forgets. But over time, your memory of the face and voice will be outdated. If you didn’t have a picture of them to look at, you would forget what they looked like.” she said, almost under her breath. “Most days, I am able to relish in the fact that my brother is resting...but some days, I just wished I could...hold his hand once more, hear his voice, you know? but not be just a memory...but an actual moment to relive, recollect that information for it to stay again,” she concluded. “Just some days, my home is lonelier than most,” she said. She wasn’t foolish enough to believe she would ever understand how Ichigo felt about his loved one that had passed, but it was nice to be around someone who, out of everyone she knew, knew what it felt like from their perspective to lose such a close loved one. "Listen to me,” she pointed out, almost a jeer at herself. “bringing us both down,” she smirked, habitually pushing a section of hair behind her ear. “I-Ichigo? do...do you want to come in and I can make you something to eat? I can bake you something!” she offered.
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