daryl tries to busy himself while joel speaks: he finds a half-empty pack of CIGARETTES, and stuffs them in one of his vest pockets; several plastic packages of batteries are dropped into his bag; and his keen eyes DRAG over shelf after shelf, looking for anything useful that hasn’t already been used up or taken completely. but no matter how hard he focuses on their task, all he can hear is joel’s story, voice rough and intent on making daryl LISTEN as he tries to get that safe open.
tess. he doesn’t think he’s ever heard joel talk about a girl named tess. but then again, joel doesn’t really talk about people from BEFORE—– but who could blame him when those they’ve lost sit heavy in their throats, squeezing their tongues every time they try to say the names of the FALLEN? daryl doesn’t talk about the people he’s outlived, either; does he even DESERVE to, after all that he’s done? would it be right of him to utter their names when he is the REASON they’re gone?
as joel continues speaking, he pulls daryl back to REALITY and away from the thoughts that threaten to overcome his mind at any moment; and it’s then that daryl realizes that he’s zoned out into STATIC, one hand on a flashlight sitting on the clerk’s counter. by this time, joel has already pilfered the safe, and is looking around again. daryl slides the flashlight into his bag and looks to him, wondering if his story has any sort of ENDING: he said denise reminded him of tess because of how they both went down, and—– is this some vain attempt at freeing daryl of the GUILTY SHACKLES he’s placed on his own ankles?; of the weight he carries with him to make himself remember their faces and how he went wrong every single time?
he doesn’t mean to sound at all snappy, but this topic isn’t exactly something he takes KINDLY to talking about.
a chuckle found its way to the surface, clawing through his throat until he was FORCED to let it free. he had no real recollection of why he decided to bring this up ; camaraderie, maybe ? some twisted sense of connection through the death of people still haunting them both, even if in different ways ?
either way, it didn’t take long for him to dig through his pocket for the pack of SMOKES he always had on hand. shaking one out, balancing it between still quirked up lips. a weary amusement lingering, because really, couldn’t he SEE the point, staring right in front of him ?
picking his way through their messy surroundings, he circled his way back to where daryl had settled himself. moving close, almost too close, but a quick flick of his tongue along the filter of the cigarette made his intentions clear. something of a DISTRACTION, in lieu of answering right away. he wasn’t one for really allowing his feelings to show keeping them under lock & key, close to his chest, like someone couldn’t just crack open his chest & fish it all out with a few well-placed words.
“ gimme a light, wouldja ? ” another step closer, pushing the invisible boundaries of the other’s personal space. though still keeping his DISTANCE, giving away nothing in his expression ( even the smile was dropped, in favor of a more solemn look leveled at the other ).
a HEAVING sigh, rocking his shoulders up, broke through the moment he was able to take a drag from the smoke. followed by a thankful nod, a small step back more conscientious of the space between them now. just because he was the more TACTILE of the two didn’t mean he should give into the urge to clap a hand onto the other’s shoulder, show some sort of solidarity he tried not to feel with ANY of the people in this new settlement he & ellie found themselves in.
he never tried to form any kind of connections with anyone after well. he’d always thought ellie was company enough, nowadays. that was, until “ my point, pal, is ... ” another slow sigh, ripped through him to try to unconsciously pull the tension from his every limb. “ y’don’t. there’s no NEED ta go through all that shit alone, y’know ? puts too much emphasis on shit y’have no control over. what happened ta yer friend happened, & yer dealin’ with it, but maybe put some of that burden on someone else’s shoulders, too. y’don’t gotta carry it all. let someone help ya carry that weight. ”