Tour de Bell

I'm trying every item on the Taco Bell menu for your entertainment and because I am not a wise person.

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Item #21: Triplelupa

Being stuck at home for the past 3 weeks has magnified the fact that I lack a good deal of self-discipline. I will have you know that I actually ate the Triplelupa before we were even in lockdown, and I’m just now getting around to writing this review. Have I had time? Of course! What have I been filling that time with? Animal Crossing and nothing else, apparently. Luckily for you readers, I’ve finally had a break in my schedule.

The Triplelupa, as of the time of this writing, is still being advertised as available on Taco Bell’s website. 

I implore you, while you have this window of opportunity, to go out and get one.

At 9 inches long, each ‘lupa is a minute 3 inches. This is the optimal size in which to enjoy each of the 3 flavor profiles (chipotle, cheesy chipotle, and cheesy) without getting gut pains too quickly. The chipotle was easily the best, with a slightly smoky, spicy sauce that deftly complimented the iceberg lettuce and diced tomatoes. The nacho cheese was a bit less impressive, but easily overlooked by the novelty of eating a big, stupid, 9-inch long chalupa. Also with that much length comes the opportunity for all the more fire sauce retention. This did not go unappreciated.

The slop factor on this item is HUGE. I don’t think I had even gotten halfway through before I had amassed a sizable pile of Bell jetsam in the wrapper. It was quite a task to scoop it back up with the remaining ‘lupa shells. Obviously that step is optional, but I felt like a heads-up was in order.

Taste: 10/10

Presentation: 8/10

Staff: 10/10

Taco Bell location: 6254 Lexington Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90038

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Item #20: Fajita Burrito (UK Edition)

I went to the UK recently. I didn’t go there just to eat foreign Taco Bell, but I also didn’t go there to NOT eat foreign Taco Bell. It was only slightly out of the way, so why not make the small sacrifice while you’re already 5,000 miles from home? Travel is about Living Mas, isn’t it?

The only Bell location in central London is mere blocks away from the British Museum. The proximity to the finest works of art from antiquity is obviously intentional. The interior of the location felt comfortably familiar, complete with face-tatted teens. 

The menu, while abbreviated, has some interesting deviations from the US menu. Volcano items are still offered, as is beer and strange alcoholic soda-thingys. The item that caught my eye was the fajita burrito, as it had vegetables in it, and those are pretty hard to find in good ol Angleterre.

The presentation was magnificent. Framed in an artful box with sprays of fries and wrapped in a tasteful color palate of beige and black. I didn’t order fries, but I received some anyway. God save the Queen.

The burrito itself was surprisingly Chipotle-like. The Brits don’t know this because, as far as I know, they don’t have Chipotle. Smart move on the Bell’s part, as when they inevitably make it across the pond, people will bite in and say “hey, this tastes like Taco Bell”. S-M-R-T SMART! The fajita vegetables were firm, and the rice didn’t have that undercooked minute rice-y quality it can sometimes have. Overall, great.

The main gripe I came away with was that the UK fire sauce is no hotter than the US hot sauce on a good day. I might even put it close to a mild sauce. It had a strange brown, thick quality that I didn’t love, but the UK Bell also offers mayo packets, so maybe you’re supposed to mix that in for the full experience.

Taste: 9/10

Presentation: 10/10

Staff: 9/10

Taco Bell location: 75 Southampton Row, Holborn, London WC1B 4ET, United Kingdom

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Item #19: Beefy Fritos Burrito

I don’t think I’ve ever willingly bought a bag of Fritos. It’s as if they occupy some weird space between a tortilla chip and... something else? They’re too small to dip with and they have the same kind of odd sweet corn flavor as Bugles, but without the fun aspect of being able to make pointy hats for your fingers. This is probably the part where every Texan reading this is thinking under their ten-gallon hat “but FRITO PIES exist!” Sure they do, but I’ve never had one so I have no opinion to level on those. I have to imagine that this item is pretty close though.

The Beefy Fritos Burrito is only $1, which is less than even a mini bag of Fritos costs. The value of it all! This is an item I was totally on-board to hate. The Fritos, the perceived mushiness of it all, everything. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that bad. The Fritos, defying my expectations, were crunchy rather than soggy. This lent a nice contrast to the beef, rice,beans, and Creamy Jalapeno Sauce (TM). I will say, I would not expect the crunchy texture to last more than 10 minutes post-delivery. This is an item that must be enjoyed in the moment. Truly the essence of Living Mas.

I do think this could still benefit from some kind of vegetable, even a few sprinkles of diced tomato or something, but I have to say I was pleasantly surprised with this monstrosity. 

Taste: 7/10

Presentation: 7/10

Staff: 9/10

Taco Bell location: 15651 Sherman Way, Van Nuys, CA 91406

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Item #18: Double Decker Taco

The sun rises, and the sun sets. We are born into this world thrashing, alive. Through our lives we paint a canvas of laughter, bitterness, sorrow, and sweetness. Until one day, the painting ceases to continue. Some paintings are finished, thorough compositions.  Some left tragically unfinished, with great swaths of unpainted white gesso screaming with emptiness, as though cheated out of what might have been.

The Double Decker Taco was introduced in 1995. Taco Bell announced that it will be discontinued on September 12, 2019, along with 8 other items.

Between birth and death, between a soft outer shell and a crispy inner shell, lie the succulent refried beans that comprise our lives. Encompassing the same classic ingredients of a regular Taco Bell Taco, the Double Decker has long stood as a singular verse of poetry on the Bell’s menu. I think that this item marks a turning point in the Bell’s history. No longer content to be a source of mall food court tacos, they threw off any and all pretense and said “fuck it, glue both the taco shells together with beans”. This has paved the way for our other favorites such as the Mexican Pizza, Quesalupa, and even that weird breakfast egg taco.

Double Decker, two layers of memories. You may be gone for now, but your legacy stands forever.

Taste: 10/10

Presentation: 10/10

Staff: 9/10

Taco Bell location: 6254 Lexington Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90038

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Item #17: Nacho Fries

I’ve been asked a couple of times to review this item, and I’m surprised it took me this long to get around to it. Fries! Of all things, can anything be better than fries? What have the food wizards at the Bell done this time to improve upon this most beloved staple of the fast food world? I was bristling with anticipation to find out for myself.

First impression - as evidenced by the photo above, they don’t have quite the vertical presence that you’d think they would. This is fine, I’m not a shallow person. It’s about what’s inside (I guess).

Normally the Bell system of food creation and distribution works great. The 10+ minutes that food usually spends in the warming station helps the flavors meld together and aids the softening of the cheese food product. However, as any french fry fan would know, this does not lend itself well to the preservation of the structural integrity of fries. While the seasoning on the outside gave me that ever-fleeting joie de living más, the fries themselves had become soft and bendy by the time they were in my ownership.

This shape does lend itself well to picking up the Bell’s classic nacho cheese dipping sauce, though. The pairing of the seasonings on the fries and the sauce reminded me of what it is that I love about The Bell. That perfect venn diagram slice between “this tastes great” and “should I be eating this?” It made me want to call up all of my friends and implore them to Think Outside the Bun.

Property Brothers was on though so I didn’t.

HOT TAKE - FAST FOOD FRIES RANKED:

1. McDonald’s

2. Burger King

3. Wendy’s

4. Arby’s

5. Taco Bell

6. Chik-Fil-A

7-481. Everyone else

482. In-N-Out (fight me)

Taste: 9/10

Presentation: 6/10

Staff: 8/10

Taco Bell location: 6254 Lexington Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90038

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Item #16: Naked Egg Taco

Over the long Thanksgiving weekend, Josh and I took the opportunity to go hiking at the Devil’s Punchbowl outside of beautiful Palmdale, California. In addition to seeing some new geological wonders, I took the opportunity to try dining in a Taco Bell I’ve never been in as well, as I get tired of the P. Hut/T. Bell on Lexington in Hollywood that I consider my “home turf”. Highly recommend checking out this Bell by the way, if you’re ever in Palmdale. They have fantastic culinary-themed art on the walls like this:

I’ve gotten a lot of requests to review this item. I went in very skeptical, so much so that ordered a Fiesta Potato Grilled Breakfast Burrito as a backup (review to come at a later date). Suffice to say, I’m glad I did.

The first word that came to mind when I picked up this item was “slimy”. The egg is, by nature, somewhat moist and slicked-down from whatever oil it was cooked on. It doesn’t feel good to hold. Sort of like holding a flabby piece of warm chicken skin or something.

Upon biting in, there was no contrast of textures (unlike what is advertised in the restaurant as seen above). It’s kind of soft all the way through, as neither the egg shell nor the fillings don’t offer much resistance. It uses both the regular shredded cheese AND the liquid cheese sauce, which results in a confusing cheese experience, although it does result in this cool cheese spiderweb effect on top. 

The potatoes are pretty good on their own, but are easily overpowered by the other, squishier elements of the item. There is a great fire sauce retention factor at play, which helps balance out the overall blandness. One of the questions I asked while eating was: was this just a result of no tortilla? Is the classic Bell Shell what keeps the consistency palatable across their items? Josh volunteered part of his quesadilla tortilla as an experiment.

Unfortunately, It didn’t help much. It just added an extra layer of confusion to the mix.

Overall, I’m glad I tried it, but I’m also glad I got the backup burrito. Part of Taco Bell is thinking outside the bun, and sometimes new experiences make us uncomfortable or gassy. It’s all part of living màs.

Taste: 3/10

Presentation: 5/10

Staff: 10/10

Taco Bell location: 2561 E Ave S, Palmdale, CA 93550

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Item #15: Cheese Roll-Up

I’m getting to the point in this journey where I have to start ordering things I really don’t want to eat. Case in point: one of the everlasting mainstays of the Taco Bell menu, the cheese roll-up. This has been on the menu for as long as I can remember for no good reason.

Some Taco Bell items are classic combinations, some are off-the-wall experiments designed to tickle the spine of pop culture. 

Some are just melted cheese in a tortilla. 

No sauce, no onions, no meat. 

Melted cheese in a tortilla.

Left: TacoBell.com’s version of events. Right: Reality

You can put fire sauce on it if you want. You can eat it plain. You can put it in the garbage can. All equally viable options.

This is probably a good thing to order for your picky friend who only likes chicken tenders and burgers (plain, no vegetables), or a small, whiney child. Even though a quesadilla is technically the same, ingredient-wise, the fact that it’s in a tube shape gives it an extra air of “I don’t care what kind of shit I put in my body, we’re all going to die anyways.”

Although, maybe this is all just a deliberate ploy to get you to reach rock bottom, before they lift you back up again with this outstretched hand of hope.

Taste: 1/10

Presentation: 2/10

Staff: 1/10

Taco Bell location: 6254 Lexington Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90038

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Item #14: Black Bean Burrito

Josh and I leave for our European honeymoon tomorrow. Since we’ll be deprived of American comforts for two weeks, we decided that our last dinner at home should be Taco Bell. Duh.

I haven’t thought about this menu item much, but for some reason the Black Bean Burrito beckoned me. According to TacoBell.com, it consists of  Latin rice, three-cheese blend, “red sauce”, and black beans. What is “red sauce”? The world may never know. 

I first took a picture without a flash. This is what I saw.

Then I turned the flash on

At this point I decided to start a new feature where I place my photo alongside the website photo. Here’s my first whack at it. 

Hell yeah.

This item actually tasted pretty good. I do have an ongoing gripe with the Bell’s rice (I think it’s just minute rice), but I liked the beans and “red sauce”, and it wasn’t too heavy or greasy. The texture was nicer than the regular bean burrito, which as the avid reader of my blog should know, is basically bean soup in a tortilla casing.

I might actually start getting this in place of the regular bean burrito. Or maybe I’m just too excited with pre-travel giddiness to be making rational thoughts. Time will tell.

The drive-thru forgot fire sauce, though. Remember to always keep extras on-hand in the kitchen drawer as we do.

Taste: 9.5/10

Presentation: 6/10

Staff: 0/10

Taco Bell location: 6254 Lexington Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90038

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Item #13: Spicy Potato Soft Taco

I got married on Saturday and I’m proud to say that Taco Bell was our first post-wedding lunch as a married couple. There’s really nothing better than the Bell to bring a couple closer together. Josh weathered my menu indecision like the wonderfully patient husband that he is. 

I’ve been excited to try to spicy potato soft taco since I saw it on the menu during my last recorded visit. I’ve heard rave reviews from more than one person. Not that I let other people sway my purchasing decisions too much, but it’s rare that someone wants me to try a certain item. Most of the time when people want to talk to me about the Bell its something like “what’s up with their meat?” or “you like that place? okay.” Anyway, I finally got to try it.

It seems a little smaller than the regular soft taco. I don’t know if this purely a perceived size difference or not. I didn’t have a regular soft taco to compare it to. Since its a dollar menu item I’m not going to even complain if it’s the former. I especially won’t complain because it’s actually pretty good.

What we got here is chunks of fried potato, shredded lettuce, shredded cheese, and some kind of creamy chipotle sauce. The sauce definitely makes it. Despite its size, it seems substantial when you’re eating it, although I could have done with a few more potato chunks. They were pretty nicely fried and seasoned. The lettuce and cheese went well with the whole thing. Perhaps most importantly, it pairs well with fire sauce.

It doesn’t seem that healthy despite being vegetarian, but its Taco Bell so you shouldn’t be eating here if you’re trying to be healthy anyway. This would be, like, good vegetarian drunk food. Or hangover food, because fried potatoes are breakfast.

This photo is only included because my nails look nice.

Taste: 9/10

Presentation: 8/10

Staff: 8/10

Taco Bell location: 6254 Lexington Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90038

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Item #12: Spicy Tostada

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this. I have no excuse. Let’s just get into it.

It’s been really hot in LA. Like, 93 degrees. When its hot, my hunger tolerance goes down for some reason. Josh and I were driving back from South LA and I just couldn’t stand the thought of waiting til we got home to eat. There was a Taco Bell on the horizon. What could it be, except fate? I’ve never been to this particular location, but the drive-thru worker had an excitement and lust for life that was palpable all the way from the passenger seat.

The dollar menu is currently housing some new items that I’m excited to try. I started with the Spicy Tostada, because the name contains two words that appeal to my sensibilities. 

The presentation left something to be desired. This looks like a standard Mexican Pizza box, which gives the Tostada too much room to wiggle around in and disintegrate. Would not recommend traveling with the Spicy Tostada.

I decided I would eat it by holding it with one hand, like a slice of pizza, because that seemed the coolest. I was completely prepared for the structural integrity of the tostada shell to not hold up to this stress test, but it did - surprisingly well in fact. The “spicy” factor of this item comes from the refried bean mixture that’s set down immediately on top of the shell, followed by lettuce, tomato, and cheese. I had already done an initial sprinkling of Fire Sauce before I began, but it proved to be unnecessary, as the bean mixture is pleasantly spicy. The tomatoes were unnaturally fresh for Taco Bell. The entire eating experience was very enjoyable. I wish there would have been something else in there, like some chicken or onions, but it was only $1 so who am I to complain.

Watching Josh eat a quesadilla while driving was great too.

Taste: 8/10

Presentation: 4/10

Staff: 10/10

Taco Bell location: 2800 Crenshaw Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90016

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Item #11: Double Decker Taco

I locked my keys in my apartment yesterday like a dumbass. I even looked right at them as I was getting ready and was like “I should put those in my purse right now,” but I didn’t. This isn't the worst thing in the world considering I live less than a mile from work, but it also proved logistically challenging, as Josh wasn't due to arrive home from work until after 9:30pm. After killing some time with @sarahprohibitionera and catching my free birthday movie at the Arclight, my knight in a Nissan Versa picked me up and took me to the Bell.

It seems ridiculous that I haven't reviewed the Double Decker Taco (henceforth referred to as the DDT) yet, as this might be one of my all-time favorite menu items. Reasons:

You enjoy the consistencies of both taco shell options at once

Great for those with FOMO

The utilization of refried beans as an adhesive

Excellent fire sauce retention (more crevasses)

The DDT is a very time-sensitive item. The crunchy shell is completely enveloped by refried beans on the outside, and stuffed with taco meat and fixins on the inside. There is a scant 12 minutes window to eat it before all crunchiness disappears and the item becomes completely homogenous in texture. Some may argue that this is a plus. I say it depends on your mood.

I wasn't in the driver’s seat so I didn't get a full sense of the drive thru service last night, but there was a healthy pile of fire sauce at the bottom of the bag, so I can only assume there was some star talent working. They did, however, give me a large Pepsi instead of the small Diet Pepsi that I ordered, which is a real rookie mistake. Have you tasted regular Pepsi? 

Taste: 9/10

Presentation: 8/10

Staff: 6/10

Taco Bell location: 6254 Lexington Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90038

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Item #10: Quesalupa

The quesalupa dropped this past Sunday. The world stood still for a minute as America collectively processed this information. It's a chalupa with a quesadilla shell. A quesadilla wrapped around chalupa fillings. Quesalupa. Of course I ate one.

My distain for the chalupa has been voiced on this blog before. My main gripe with the traditional chalupa is that the shell is super shitty and is just really stupid and dumb. The quesalupa seems to solve this problem by replacing the worst shell ever with something resembling a quesadilla.

I say "resembling" because it's not really quesadilla-like at all. I'd say its more of a pupusa. Pupusalupa has a nice ring to it. It wasn't as cheesy as advertised, and the cheese didn't really lend much flavor. It is a definite improvement over the chalupa, which isn't saying a whole lot, but I did enjoy it.

I also highly recommend visiting this Taco Bell location. In the middle of one of the worst parts of Hollywood, it's permanently occupied by people of questionable sanity. Today's crowd included:

A child who appeared to be around 6 with a facial tattoo

A woman loudly making fun of a handicapped individual

A man with knee-length dreadlocks and I'm pretty sure there was a piece of a Dorito in one of them

Taste: 7/10

Presentation: 8/10

Staff: 10/10

Taco Bell location: 6254 Lexington Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90038

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Item #9: Fiery Doritos Locos Taco

This very special holiday-edition review took place in beautiful Englewood, Colorado, at the home of our wonderful hosts Whitney and Matt. The occasion was the eagerly-anticipated Broncos game. I was excited to participate in the grand American tradition of professional sports viewing while at the same time sharing a delicious smorgasbord of Bell. We prepared by placing the largest Bell order I have ever made ($38.17.) Despite being the only customers at the counter and clearly being very important due to the size of our order, they still neglected to include our chicken quesadilla. 

While many items were consumed over the course of the evening, the Fiery taco stood out to me. It is, in essence, a standard crunchy taco. The wizards in the Bell’s test kitchen, however, have devised a way to make the shell a highly-unnatural fire engine red. The natural evolutionary response to this is for the brain to communicate to the rest of the body “shit’s about to get real.” The shell is actually quite spicy. And salty. The flavors of the shell overpowered the fillings a bit, which was kind of disappointing. It did seem to stay crunchier longer than a standard crunchy shell does though, so that’s a bonus. It was overall the crowd favorite of the night.

“Awesome.” -Matt

“It goes really well with beer.” -Whitney or Matt (can’t remember)

The Broncos won.

Taco bell location: 2310 S Broadway, Denver, CO 80210

Taste: 6.5/10

Presentation: 8/10

Service: 6/10

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Item #8: Cantina Chicken Power Bowl

So I've decided that the thing I like least about the Bell is the ground beef. I know there was a rumor swirling about several years ago about it being dog food grade or whatever, but I feel like the dog food I've seen looks somewhat more meat-like than the Bell's meat. I mean, when I make ground beef at home I can never get my meat chunks to that almost sand-like consistency.

Due to the aforementioned reason, I decided to do something chicken-based today. Enter the Cantina Power Bowl (chicken flavor.) There was a new young man working the register who was amazingly attentive and helped a handicapped gentleman refill his Diet Pepsi. I was moved, as was everyone else in a 3-foot radius who wasn't focused on their Boss Wrap. We all rose to our feet and started clapping.

In a Bell first, this item was actually steaming when I picked it up. The ingredients were artfully arranged. I pictured someone behind the counter painstakingly plating this like they're on the finale episode of MasterChef. The Cantina menu is an obvious response to Chipotle. This item is pretty much a direct knockoff of the Chipotle Burrito Bowl, except you don't get to pick the items that go into it as you slowly sidestep down a bar towards a cash register. You can probably request whatever you want at the Bell's sale terminal, but I wanted the pure experience as recommended by the Bell's master food scientists. 

The standard bowl contains rice, pico de gallo, cheese, chicken, lettuce, sour cream, black beans, and supposedly avocado ranch sauce. I didn't taste any of this sauce, what gives? The other sauces were liberally applied however, giving the whole thing a porridge-like consistency once blended. Describing it as "shitty Chipotle" would be too mean, as it was actually pretty good. I'd say more like it's the Hydrox cookie to Chipotle's Oreo. Bonus though, that the Bell has Fire Sauce and Chipotle does not.

Overall, it was pretty good.

Taco Bell location: 301 W Magnolia Blvd, Burbank, CA 91505

Taste: 7.5/10

Presentation: 10/10

Staff: 10/10

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Item #7: Crunchwrap Supreme

Today I decided to crowdsource my decision making, so I solicited opinions via Facebook on what my latest indulgence should be.

I went to the same Bell I always experience terrible service at, and thankfully today was no different. The staff was in rare form today, at one point giving up on reading the order number off as the items were finished, leaving the customers to discern whose order was whose on our own. How fun! I watched as a man tore open a bag containing a Beef Boss Wrap in a manner I can only describe as "rage-filled."

I was actually pretty excited to try the Crunchwrap Supreme. I like circular foods, but strangely I've never had this. It's like a little taco tuffet.

Unfortunately, that's where my positive feelings ended. The flavor was mostly identical to a Supreme Double Decker Taco, without the added benefit of refried beans and with the added shittiness of liquidy nacho cheese. The fillings were not evenly distributed throughout the item, causing some bites to be 86% sour cream. The filling seemed to get more viscous as I ate, until the final crescent I held in my hands was mainly sour cream/beef soup with scant shreds of lettuce being contained by a damp tortilla shell. Not even fire sauce could save it at that point.

Taco Bell location: 301 W Magnolia Blvd, Burbank, CA 91505

Taste: 2/10

Presentation: 8/10

Staff: 1/10

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Special Guest Review: Combo #5 by @annwhatever

A special missive by @annwhatever

Taco Bell: Combo No. 5 

As I gave my order to the clerk Lou Bega’s hit song Mambo No. 5 came to mind.

One, two, three, four, five Everybody in the car, so come on. Let’s rideTo the Taco Bell around the corner…

I’m sure that’s how the lyrics go. And by “around the corner”, Lou obviously meant over the hill to Burbank, where Taco Bells are the touchstone, fast food restaurant of the community.

I haven’t been to a “Bell” in well over 5 years when Tour de Bell started this tour de “feast”. I was one of the first to urge caution. However, as I am also a supportive friend to someone who might be ruining her GI health, I invited myself along for a taste of nostalgia.

My default order is the Nachos Bellgrande® combo. According to the Taco Bell site, the difference between Nachos Bellgrande® and Nachos Supreme is $0.90 and 320 kcals worth of extra nacho cheese sauce.

Before diving in, I thoroughly perused the sauce packet offerings. To my delight, they have Salsa Verde at Taco Bell. This hypnotic, translucent concoction tasted green and sour, but not in the same way as a sour apple martini tastes green and sour. I grabbed not nearly enough salsa verde packets, and some Fire sauce for additional aid.

After years apart, I’m happy to say that Nachos Bellgrande® tastes exactly the same as I recall. That ubiquitous taste of Bell spices that permeates every Bell menu item. The nacho cheese squirts were plentiful. Ground beef and beans unevenly distributed. Uniform tomato cubes garnished for an illusion of freshness.

A little bit of cheese sauce in my life A little bit of tortilla chips on the side A little bit of ground beef is all I need A little bit of tomatoes is what I see A little bit of refried beans in the sun A little bit of salsa verde all night long A little bit of Bell, here I am A little bit of nachos makes me your fan!

xoxo, @annwhatever

Taste: 8/10

Presentation: 8/10

Staff: 5/10

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Item #6: Mexican Pizza

I fell asleep on the couch at some unplanned point last night. I awoke at 3am somewhat disoriented and disappointed in myself with Kitchen Nightmares still playing on Hulu. By my guess, around 4 or 5 hours of Gordon Ramsay teaching faltering restaurant owners how to pan-sear a salmon filet had been playing to an unresponsive audience. I can only imagine what I missed.

My friend @annwhatever joined me for today's run for the border (stay tuned for Ann's special guest review of the Nachos Bell Grande!) I was craving something circular so I opted for the Mexican Pizza.

I remember ages and ages ago when this item was new and thinking it was really novel, but I've apparently never been interested enough to actually order one (just like the ill-fated DQ Treatzza Pizza)... UNTIL TODAY. After standing at an unmanned cash register for about two minutes I was able to place my order.

The tortillas were satisfyingly crunchy, and the cheese was acceptably melty. The weird meat sandwiched in between was everything I've come to hope for and expect from the Bell. I think there were refried beans in it. A few tomato cubes were artfully sprinkled about. My specimen was cut into interestingly uneven wedges. Some were as large as a third of the whole, while some were no wider than my thumb. The variation was exciting. The fire sauce was plentiful. It was pretty good.

Taco Bell location: 301 W Magnolia Blvd, Burbank, CA 91505

Taste: 6.5/10

Presentation: 8/10

Staff: 2/10