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godwantsit

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lovecatcher

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lord-kitschener

Sure, relationships typically start with a honeymoon phase that then grows into something deeper but a bit more mellow if things work out, but it’s depressing as fuck that this has turned into a really, really common script for straight relationships that says it’s totally normal and inevitable for dudes to just become more and more emotionally checked out of the relationship, and leave it to their girlfriend/wife to perform if she wants to get even a crumb of affection from him. I’m so fucking tired of seeing women constantly being taught that decades of emotional neglect is just our lot in life.

yardsards

what “getting out of the honeymoon phase” should mean: you aren’t joined at the hip anymore and can spend time apart, but you still greatly enjoy eachother’s company and deliberately make time to be together. you’re not just a unit, you’re a matched set (like, you’re susan and bob rather than susanandbob). you start to see eachother’s flaws and don’t put eachother on a pedestal but instead love eachother as human beings, flaws and all.

what it should NOT mean: you barely talk anymore. you feel like two completely different people, tied together by a frayed thread. you’re annoyed by eachother’s flaws and don’t like to be around eachother

cumaeansibyl

similarly: “relationships are hard, they take a lot of work” means that cooperation on a daily basis in both the practical and emotional realms takes conscious effort. you can’t coast on those honeymoon feelings forever, and you aren’t psychic, so you have to pay attention and communicate so you can honor each other’s wants and needs.

it should not mean that you’re fighting every two days or walking on eggshells to avoid the anger of an unreasonable partner or breaking your back trying to get the slightest sign of affection or respect from someone who’s checked out and doesn’t care about you.

agayworthfightingfor

This is so, so important. Dont keep investing in a relationship thats not giving back. You deserve to be heard, you deserve at the very least communication.

acaemia

All valid points!! As someone in a relationship right now, one thing that was very evident was the need to unlearn a LOT of prominent advice from social media. I was very much exposed to wattpad during that phase in 2013/2014 (i think y’all would get it) so there was a lot about relationships that I unintentionally took in from that year, and even way past those times given there’s a lot of people telling stories and giving advice.

I think the best thing to really do is to remember that your relationship with your loved one is personal, and that every advice must be taken with a grain of salt. Communication AND comprehension is so important in order to find a way that would really work for you and your partner. What works for one might not work for you, and that’s okay. We just need to learn when to apply certain sayings, when to realize we need better, and so on.