Tower of Stars

Caitlyn.22.Poet.Writer.

[towerofstars]

I miss the coward I used to be. She was much braver.

[towerofstars]

It’s hard to bargain with the inevitable because even though there is a forever, you are only a brief moment within it.

[towerofstars]

I don’t know when I stopped looking

for the ghost of you or

when I realized that I was

more haunted by the ghost of me.

[towerofstars]

Jade and Gold: Egyptian Tombs

I.

Deep in the desert, our stories told

of an empire that lived beneath the sand,

a place where gods lingered between stones of jade

and gave us gifts of gold.

Our tribe would travel between oases;

Pyramids rising and crumbling

to dust in the distance as we searched

for this empire, our origin.

 We discovered our past

within a series of caves, fire lighting

the descending pillars and

depictions of the gods.

  Empty pots lined the tunnels,

their ferns long turned to ash.

There was no sound but the wind

and even that created silence.

  Homes began to emerge, carved

into the walls. Linens hung on lines

draped across the path.

They hung limply, like shrouds.

  II.

The stories never told of the horror

found in the tunnels. Osiris

had taken them all to his realm;

Sekhmet had spared none.

  We passed screaming women

clutching their babes, cloaked

in raiment of gold from head to toe.

Their eyes were made of gemstones.

  The men were kneeling

before bouquets of jasmine,

irises, and narcissus.

Offerings that shone dully in the light.

  Beneath their feet were paths of jade

that wound though each cavern

as the Nile does to the sea.

Where is the temple?

  III.

A film of dust coated the sanctuary floor

where priests and Pharaohs once trod

to give offerings to Ra, whose image gazed

down on us, imposing in his judgement.

  There was emptiness here too,

as if the wind had gouged

out the sanctity, the worship

of a people long dead.

  Why did we come here? we whispered,

fearing the gods were listening.

The torches sputtered as a wind emerged

from the center of the cavern, blowing dust into our eyes.

  An echoing voice resounded through the room,

You came to discover the blessing, the curse,

of your ancestors. Green light filled the room

as the jade beneath our feet glowed.

  Who speaks? we asked the voice.

I am light, warmth, a soft reply. The father of wind

and rain. I bore you from my tears and still,

you make me weep.

  Our knees bowed, hitting the jade as we trembled.

Ra. Our gazes fell on his statue, waiting

for molten gold to rain upon us.

Please, spare us. We meant no offence.

  The wind settled, dust freezing in the stillness.

I will not harm you, Ra replied.

I only meant to show you the price of greed.

Your ancestors lived in it, and now you head down the same path.

  Our brows crinkled. We are a peaceful people.

We do not take, only sow. We trade

our fruit from the delta for meat.

Where is our greed, Almighty Ra?

  Your greed is the gold on your wrist, the gems hidden

in your sleeves. You steal from the hungry, the starving.

I gave your ancestors all the gold they could carry

and they still feel the weight on their backs.

  Heat flooded our cheeks, the red power

of shame. We looked at our hands, our feet,

and the rings circling them. Forgive

us, for we did not know.

  A vortex of wind rioted through the sanctuary,

tearing at our gold threaded robes,

our jewel crusted braids.

You did know.

  IV.

We pressed into the earth, as if to become

part of the stone. Forgive us, we did not know.

A weight pushed our shoulders down, crushing

us like a milling stone.

  This is the weight you will bear

until the world dissolves into light

if you do not change your ways.

I will leave you each a gift for remembrance.

  The wind stopped as if it had not sprung

into being. Dust softly landed

upon us and the green light faded

to sputtering torchlight.

  I can’t see, a whisper in the half light.

Where is the light, I can’t see!

Hands groped in the darkness, searching

but never finding.

  The Eye of Ra, though,

always sees.

[towerofstars]

I wish you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul.

Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities 

[towerofstars]

Do you ever miss who we were and hate it at the same time? I thought I wasn't enough of anything, More of a black hole than a star; But I was still forming, the atoms still condensing into a bright light. I didn't know how to be back then, But now I'm starting to glow.

[towerofstars]

Love is a Clock

It know the hollow tick of empty hours,

the feel of two hands that slowly pass over each other

hour after hour before they crawl away again.

                It knows each hour, each minute, each second

of joy and loneliness.

            Time can hurt. Time can stop.

The batteries die and sometimes

no one is around to replace them.

[towerofstars]

Spectral Visitors

They stand behind the trees, sitting atop the russet branches stretching towards the dawn. They are talking, voices murmuring through the shadows, about the soil, how it is the bringer of life and the cloak of death.         They are so tall, so thin. How are they not fading between instances of starlight?

   Their hands reach for us. Take my hand, they say. The birds begin their high melodies, distant through the forest, echoing as though there was nothing in the ground. Take my hand, they say. Their voices are melodies, too. Such sweet melodies.

     We abandon our burned down fire, the cinders mimicking the swirling and shimmering starlight of the galaxies in the sky. The leaves crunch under us, turning to red snowflakes beneath our feet.

     We reach the trees, touching the rough bark to settle our beating hearts. Take my hand, they say. Their fingers are slender, white spiders and we fly into their web.

    They pull us in, warm arms wrapped gently around us and we descend beneath the soil, to the roots of the earth we sprung from, nourishing the flowers above.

[towerofstars]

Nothing Beneath Their Bones

No man tries to defy the stars

he tries to swallow them,

erupt into supernovae stretching

into reds and golds and blues

collapsing worlds filled with life,

filled with nothing.

    No man can say that

he has never destroyed anyone

the same way a girl tears apart

daisies, counting how many ways

she is loved and she is not

until there is nothing left to love.

   No man knows that he is the shadow,

the reflection watching, waiting

for the day he becomes more than real,

more than nothing. He

becomes quicksilver, unbound

by the stars.

[towerofstars]

Happiness is a fog,

hiding the world from your eyes.

You cannot see the sadness in the faces

of the men that line the street, 

of the child that has lost her only friend in the world.

You see instead a light that guides your way

like a trail of fireflies fitting into the cracks of the earth.

You trust this light until it brings you to the cliff’s edge

and your foot falls off, a misstep that plunges you 

into cold waters below.

There is no happiness there and the light 

is lost in the depths of loneliness.

[towerofstars]

There are words I cannot say.

Fear has burrowed beneath my bones,

nestled itself within the deep recesses of my heart.

It is a cold, slow trickle of water filling me up

and no one can speak when they’re drowning.

[towerofstars]

You miss the words you no longer say,

the touches you no longer make.

You miss the elusive smiles,

the laughter that would simmer in your throat.

We lose ourselves so slowly

that we wonder how it happened.

[towerofstars]

There may be a stairway to heaven,

but it’s one hell of a climb.

[towerofstars]

The moon gazes down from the sky

the way a child looks over the edge

of a Ferris wheel, awed

and full of astonishment.

It watches man pile dust upon stone,

creating paths to the sun in the dry

heat of the desert’s sands,

creating impassable walls combing

through verdant forests, trees reaching

for the other side.

  The moon gazes down from the sky

the way a child looks at a needle, afraid

and full of alarm.

It watches as man wars against itself,

blood weeping into the soil

where flowers once grew,

as man brings flames of ruin to temples

where a god once lived.

The moon gazes down from the sky

the way a mother looks at her children

as they fall into sleep, joyful

and full of fear.

She cannot cure their wounds.

She can only watch them flourish

and wither in time as she falls away

into the everblack.

[towerofstars]

I have a bucket filled with water 

and I’m using it to make the desert flower.

I know nothing will ever change

but god I’d like to see you try to stop me.

[towerofstars]

I did not light your way. I gave you shadows 

so that the light would have more meaning.

[towerofstars]

I stole a rose at the break of dawn

to give to a girl, whom I dote upon.

She pulled it from my grasp, full of scorn.

She was a woman with a heart of thorns

and I a man with a head of horns.