Christianity, my abuser
I’ve been thinking over the past few months how much of my crippling depression, low self-esteem, and poor thinking/behavior structures is a result of my upbringing in a Christian environment.
To be frank, I believe that environment was emotionally abusive. I’m not singling out here any one person or church—it’s all of it, the theology, the culture, the messages …If it were coming from a person or non-religious institution, i think very few of us would hesitate to call it abusive.
Here’s a sampling of signs of emotional abuse. I’ve replaced the pronouns or references to a “person” with “Christianity.”
(full article: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/02/20/signs-of-emotional-abuse/)
—Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating. judging, criticizing: • Does Christianity tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?” • Does Christianity regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings? —Domination, control, and shame: • Do you feel that Christianity treats you like a child? • Does Christianity constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate?” • Do you feel you must “get permission” before going somewhere or before making even small decisions? • Does Christianity control your spending? • Does Christianity treat you as though you are inferior to them? • Does Christianity make you feel as though it is always right? • Does Christianity remind you of your shortcomings? • Does Christianity belittle your accomplishments, your aspirations, your plans or even who you are? • Does Christianity give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior? —Accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings: • Does Christianity accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true? • Is Christianity unable to laugh at themselves? • Is Christianity extremely sensitive when it comes to others making fun of them or making any kind of comment that seems to show a lack of respect? • Does Christianity have trouble apologizing? • Does Christianity make excuses for its behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for its mistakes? • Does Christianity call you names or label you? • Does Christianity blame you for its problems or unhappiness? • Does Christianity continually have “boundary violations” and disrespect your valid requests? —Emotional distancing and the “silent treatment,” isolation, emotional abandonment or neglect: • Does Christianity not want to meet your basic needs or use neglect or abandonment as punishment? • Does Christianity play the victim to deflect blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for its actions and attitudes? • Does Christianity not notice or care how you feel? • Does Christianity not show empathy or ask questions to gather information? —Codependence and enmeshment: • Does Christianity treat you not as a separate person but instead as an extension of themselves? • Does Christianity not protect your personal boundaries and share information that you have not approved? • Does Christianity disrespect your requests and do what they think is best for you?
I’m willing to bet that many, if not all, Christians, were they honest, would be able to answer “yes” to many of these questions (I personally say “amen” to most of them). I’d wager also that the less privileged you are societally, the more you’ve been inflicted with the abuse (such as if you’re LGBQTIA or female or poor).
I could go into it further, but for now I’ll just let this thought marinate:
If we remove the absurd amount of immunity and inculpability Christianity is given, what do we have to hold it accountable for?
Happy Sunday
