Transid Confessional

Confession for transids! Icon is transid flag, background is alt transid flag made to have less of a connection to the radqueer community.

[transidfessions]

Welcome to the new transid confessions blog!

I wanted a new blog for it after finding out the original one was termed or deactivated.

Transid individuals of all stances on radqueers are welcome (pro-radqueer, neu-radqueer, anti-radqueer), but this blog was made with transid individuals who are not radqueer and do not feel that the many radqueer confessionals represent them in mind. However, radqueers are still welcome to submit.

While I technically cannot stop an anti-transrace and transabled transhaircolor individual from submitting a confession on anon, I will be blocking any blog that posts hate towards large swaths of the transid community from interacting with this blog. You will not be welcome here if you cannot respect all of us.

I know I can’t avoid it completely, but I ask that discourse be kept to a minimum.

Feel free to send in submissions!

Editing to add because I remembered they’re common in the community: I will try to read and provide translations for asks with typing quirks. However, I have a very hard time reading typing quirks or fancy text. It would be helpful if you provide the translation for me. And very complex tqs with no translation might just be deleted.

[transidfessions]

I'm TransAnorexic (CisEDNOS) but I'm really fucking bad at starving myself. Like... REALLY, REALLY bad. It's not that I'm unmotivated, I just forget that I'm supposed to be starving. I often eat absentmindedly, and realize afterwards that I shouldn't have been doing that in the first place. So, to help, im developing a tulpa that's also TransAnorexic. (She'll be a fictive of Anya - Mouthwashing!)

I remember when I was 9-10 and first developing my ED, I treated my ED as if it was a separate person. I pretended to talk to "My Friend Ana", who would motivate me to not eat. And it was super motivating. So, I thought, why not try it again? But this time, with the deliberate intention of splitting an entire headmate who can help share the task of keeping us thin!

^

[transidfessions]

(if anon breaks please post without our username)

Saying this in response to the recent RAMCOA ask

We also used to be very very anti radqueer (& we still aren't big fans of the community and don't use the label). But, from the moment we first found out about RAMCOA, we became extremely fascinated with it & incredibly jealous over those who went through it. Which made us feel terrible. We felt like such a monster for romanticizing something like that, & still do to an extent. But, every time we think about it, we feel butterflies & a deep yearning for it. I can only describe the feeling as a great sadness and emptiness. It's like a void in our gut. Like a dog waiting for its owner to come home. Wishing we could have that. Knowing that we most likely never will.

Turns out, just like the previous anon, we do have some experience with RAMCOA. However, it was fairly brief, as well as over the Internet. So, we don't feel like we can reclaim the label. Which, makes us feel awful. We wish we could go back in time and have made it so much worse for ourselves. We wish our handler didn't leave us & we miss them every day. It's been a decade since he left & life has never felt the same without him.

We don't feel comfortable claiming trisRAMCOA. But, we do identify as TransRAMCOA. the label & community have helped us so much. We don't feel so crazy anymore, & it feels amazing to not be alone. We are thankful to have a space where we can freely talk about our experiences, & desires. It has helped a lot with our dysphoria.

I just wish that there was an actual way to transition. I don't know how to find a handler & it doesn't appear to be something we go do to ourselves. We keep hoping one day we will stumble upon someone willing to program us. But, it seems like an impossible task. There are plenty of TransRAMCOA & TransProgrammed. But there are no TransProgrammers. None. Which is a real shame.

We found a programmer once, who we became deeply infatuated with & think about him every single day. He seemed so perfect and we immediately wanted to be his. But, his account had already been inactive for over a year. We check his account every single day hoping he will come back. But, nothing. We have cried so many times over this loss. We are so mad that we didn't know him when he was active. & We are jealous of everyone who got to interact with him when he was. Our 1, & probably only chance... Gone.

Anyway, if you do anon sign offs, we would like to claim -☣️ as we will probably return in the future.

^

[transidfessions]

i’ve been doing some intense cleaning and decluttering recently and i found a not i wrote to myself almost 10 years ago. the note says: “Has the injury happened yet? If so, how was it? If not, is it wanted?”

as a kid i was deeply obsessed by injuries and felt that i should use crutches. now as an adult, i am (cis)disabled and use forearm crutches. i feel like as a disabled person im supposed to hate every symptom and dread things getting worse, but i feel closer to the person im supposed to be. i kinda consider myself tris(dis)abled because of that, but im scared to admit that. there are ways i wish i was better, things i miss, and things i hate, but there’s this constant feeling of things being correct and that my younger self would be so happy to see us on crutches.

^

[transidfessions]

i’ve known i’m transrace for a long time now and i’ve been ignoring it because it’s like. not an option for me. and i’m pretty morally against the whole concept so it’s kinda upsetting knowing that i am this thing that i’ve put a lot of energy into hating throughout my life. but as i get older i’m realizing that the feeling isn’t gonna go away so maybe it’s time to start accepting it even if i have to be really quiet about it

^

[transidfessions]

TW for RAMCOA. No descriptions just talk about having RAMCOA trauma. Just in case a TW is needed.

When we were anti-radqueer we were so obsessed with RAMCOA even though "we aren't programmed" and all. We, like, obsessively wanted to have RAMCOA trauma and it made us feel evil.

Eventually we "joined" the radqueer community as an "undercover anti" and went "huh, these guys don't seem too bad. . ." and eventually became radqueer (or well some of us are radqueer and some are radqueer adjacent, but we're all pro-radqueer now so). We started to ID as transRAMCOA but realized we may be more cis than we thought. Like we didn't need to uncover more memories, we were just in denial about certain things we knew happened as "actually being RAMCOA"

So yeah, becoming radqueer helped us realize we may have some form of RAMCOA trauma. So now we ID as trisRAMCOA. The radqueer community has helped us a lot with our denial :3

^

[transidfessions]

ever since i was a little kid I've wanted to have a different skin tone and it hurts because I'm terrified of appropriating anything. i don't even want to be any specific other race i just want a different skin tone. idk what to do. i feel weird in a bad way. i feel like a hypocrite

^

[transidfessions]

I wish I wasn't transrace

everyone hates us

^

[transidfessions]

I think I might be transskincolor, specifically because I’m an IRL of a character with a skin color darker than my body, and constantly feel dysphoric about it. I’m specifically transpitchblack, and I feel a bit ashamed about it, because I have very pale skin, much unlike my source self. :-( I look nothing like how I imagine, it’s terrible, I just wish I could peel off these layers and show what I really am.

^

[transidfessions]

Just came to the conclusion that part of my fictional family, has two moms. That probably have met in canon only once, in a very loosely implied sense. But idc they're both my moms, they love each other, and their silly family, that includes me! :D

^

[transidfessions]

I'm transrace but I'm in denial and unfortunately there's no way for me to be able to connect

^

[transidfessions]

sometimes i just get the urge to lie about being cisid for something when I'm actually transid

but like i also feel like if i did that I'd be a terrible person who deserves to die and racist or homophobic or transphobic or ableist or whatever

so i dont think im ever doing it </3

^

[transidfessions]

Not a confession just support. Trans ID users are so cool and awesome and wonderful! I love that you just are and can be anything!!! <3

^

(Thank you! We appreciate it!)

[transidfessions]

Being trans makes me flinch (or worse) at innocuous things unrelated to me due to people mislabeling me all the time. It makes me feel a bit awkward and I don't want people misunderstanding why I flinch at "happy womans day" or discussions on oppression, but I don't think I can take much of it anymore. I don't want to hear about these things at all and I wish to never hear anything about these conversations again.

Not specifying anything beyond gender to keep me anonymous.

^

[transidfessions]

I keep on browsing Anti-TransID takes but no one has a good explanation :(

They make such a big deal out of it but none of them actually address and explain in a way that's actually cohesive and makes sense, let alone kind. I get so nervous all the time and I do truly really want to know what's wrong so badly but I see nothing. While I don't disagree with individual criticisms, I see Anti-TransID as holding up bigotry more than it goes against it. I want to see an actual discussion that's respectful, actually explains things, and doesn't just tell you to "shut up you ignorant, privileged, fetishizing, attention seeking bigot" or tell you that you are harming people with no real explanation as to what that harm even is.

They always give the same transphobic rhetoric. They get so aggressive and clearly don't actually understand people's perspectives to even have enough of an argument against it. They clearly never actually looked into it, none of them. It's obvious they take it as personal attack and it's impossible to say anything or hold any real conversation without an unfunny snarky comment generally putting you down, the same surface level arguments, and them ignoring everything your trying to say in favor of calling you a "stupid ignorant bigot who's clearly privileged" since you don't agree.

I could go on and on but I don't want to flood this confessional with my rants as to why I think Trans-ID's are valid.

I'm so desperate for an answer I'm genuinely trying to understand.

^

[transidfessions]

Someone should do a transage analysis of twelve forever

^

[transidfessions]

im cisnpd but i love seeing transnpd affirmation/support posts or transnpd tips because being affirmed like im transnpd and doing well in my transition gives me supply, does thay make sense?

^