So I'm a trans boy and I really want to transition, and that includes bottom surgery. However, the idea of having a realistic packer kinda grosses me out because of how realistic it is. Does that mean that bottom surgery would be a mistake? I'm really confused
I really couldn’t tell you if getting bottom surgery would be a mistake for you because that’s something only you can figure out.
There are some trans guys who like the idea of having a penis because it’s often seen as a signifier of manhood, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they actually want the reality of having one.
It’s possible to want a penis yourself and still not be sexually attracted to/interested in them. There are definitely guys out there who are happy with their dick but would find interacting with another guy’s penis gross.
That means if you’re not viewing a packer as an extension of yourself or as a part of yourself, you may feel like it’s gross- but if you were to have your own penis from surgery that you do feel connected to, you might feel different about it.
There are some people who don’t like packing but get lower surgery and feel happy with their results. Similarly, there are some people who like hyper realistic packers but don’t want lower surgery. Packing and lower surgery are definitely different things so it’s okay and normal to prefer one over another, and be comfortable with only one of them.
If you’re done a lot of research about lower surgery and you’ve seen pictures of post-phallo or post-meta penises or seen them IRL, and you feel like that’s something that you want and that will make you happier- and you’re aware of the risks of the surgeries- then phallo or meta is probably right for you.
However, all this isn’t something you have to figure out right now! You need 2 WPATH letters from mental health professionals saying you’re ready to have surgery, so talking to a therapist about whether you’re ready for surgery can help you work though your feelings if you aren’t certain about your decision.
I’m getting ALT phalloplasty in May 2021 myself, and getting lower surgery is not an easy process. But for people who need it, it’s life changing.
More info on getting bottom surgery is here, and there’s a link on finding an unrealistic packer in this masterpost on packing.