Noah Kahan
Cosmic Funnies
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TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Janaina Medeiros
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
oozey mess
tumblr dot com
ellievsbear
Product Placement
macklin celebrini has autism
Origami Around
DEAR READER
Jules of Nature
Show & Tell
NASA
ojovivo
Cosimo Galluzzi
Discoholic 🪩
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
seen from Italy
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@trash-panda22-blog
Irresponsible
I’m looking through movies at the house with Lord Sar Chasm And UltraBearr when I ask if they’ve seen the Illusionist
UB: who’s in it?
Me: *holding up dvd*
UB: you know I’m blind
Me to LSC: pass this to her
LSC: what happened to your eye appointment?
Me: we overslept.
LSC: what about the second one?
Me: overslept. Well, actually we got shitfaced.
LSC to UB: you need to go get glasses!!
UB: don’t tell me how to live my life!!
Road Trip
On my way with UltraBearr and another friend to pick up Star Lord from the airport when we pass a building that looks like a church
Me: who the hell goes to church on a Friday?
Me: ...
Me: oh shit that’s a funeral
At Waffle House
I am happily pouring syrup over my waffle
Ultra Bear: would you like a little waffle with your syrup?
Me: *deadpan* I like them to already be drowning when I start dismemberment
UB: Alright you homicidal maniac
MBTI types as my search history, part 3
ENFJ: iakatu tajnky ou arigpato
ENFP: is meat vegan
ENTJ: el dorado location
ENTP: how many calories in a human
ESFJ: glomomia
ESFP: chair that shoots into the air
ESTJ: injection secretarial or sorry
ESTP: blood burger
INFJ: is milk with ice good
INFP: calories burnt crying
INTJ: if you took skin off a human would it rot in open air the way fruit does
INTP: death…
ISFJ: suicide quiz
ISFP: my cat is my wife
ISTJ: what does one call that terrible dancing fish atrocity
ISTP: heian sandan is pathetic
Some Things are Best Out of Context
Me to a friend in a pub: STRAP ONS ARE EXPENSIVE. YOU ARE CHEAP
Riding to get Starbucks... again.
Ultra Bearr: *to Star Lord* are you whistling Moves Like Jagger?
Star Lord: *no longer whistling* maybe. Maybe not. Sooo, how about donuts? Or Bop’s? Or burgers?
Trash Panda: do you not want to go to Starbucks?
Star Lord: I’m just throwing out suggestions
Ultra Bearr: is it because you can’t say Frappuccino?
Star Lord: Yes ok!?!?
(He still said it wrong at the window by the way)
Starfucks
Actual convo with the husband unit in line at Starbucks after he ordered a coffee for Toto-Annihilation as a surprise
Him: that order way way too complicated!
Me: it was a lot, but ours are easy.
Him: ours are too complicated too!!
Me: we just get grande white mocha Frappuccinos?
Him: THAT’S TOO MANY DAMN WORDS
Me: HOW ARE YOU GOING TO LEARN JAPANESE IF YOU CAN’T SAY FRAPPUCCINO!?
Wake Up Call
So I’m gradually waking up last Saturday morning. Sorta in that half awake/half asleep state when fucking Star Lord rolls over and flops his arm across my damn face and announces “WATERMELONS ARE PEOPLE TOO” so loudly he woke himself up. Except, instead of admitting he was sleep talking and clotheslined me, he decided to roll with it. So poor Ultra Bear is woken up to the discussion between me and my husband of whether or not watermelons are people and if they are if they would be classified as vegetables since they are catatonic.
Dinner Table Quotes
Ultra Bear: *bites my wrist* you’re a warebear now Me: Sprite tastes like hangover Star Lord: you’ve only eaten more crawfish than me because I’m sucking all these heads Lord Sar Chasm (friend of ours): I wanted the red shit. Not lies in a salsa cup Reapingreyes (new friend): shoot Santa he didn’t bring me my G.I. Jack BONUS: the judgy middle aged woman at the table behind ours glaring at us every few seconds looked horrified as I handed a tiny crawfish to Star Lord and said “here. Eat a dead baby.”
Mama Bear talking about a loud coworker: That boy only opens his mouth to praise himself or complain.
Riding to get firewood and screeching like a pterodactyl cause I can, my husband’s response is to grab a rubber chicken while he is driving and squeak it repeatedly until I stopped. I did not stop.
As and ENTP, when I am several days sleep deprived, my favorite place to stand is on my soap box because FIGHT ME DAMMIT
My husband when he realized he bought a tree bag instead of a tree skirt 😂😂😂
Drug Bust Hogwarts Edition
Some sketch dudes walk up to a friend’s truck, and one stands lookout on one side of the truck while the other starts messing around by the window. Gryffindor: *after getting the attention of friends* *approaching suspicious party aggressively* hey! Don’t break into my friend’s truck! Ravenclaw: *to Gryffindor* um, dear, that’s a drug deal *to suspects* hey guys, is everything alright over here? Gryffindor: Don’t deal drugs by my friend’s truck! Suspects flee. Gryffindor has hands on hips in victory stance. Friend checks vehicle. Ravenclaw pats Gryffindor‘s head trying not to laugh.
Must be a Guy Thing
Leaving lunch with Ultra Bear, Tito-Annihilation, and Star Lord when we see a man standing with his back to the road near a creek. TT: is that man peeing? SL: nope. He's not in a pee stance. I know all the pee stances. That's not one of them. If he were peeing it would be going all down his leg.
So I bought a broom that cackles and moves when touched for the office for Halloween, and Mama Bear put a little "beware" sign on the door. Yesterday afternoon, the broom just went off a few times with no one touching it, so Mama Bear switched it off because she thinks it's haunted. After an uneventful morning today, I switched it back on. It's been quietly chilling in its corner for about twenty minutes when the beware sign falls off of the door, the broom goes off, and something falls in the office next to us promptly freaking out our poor coworker who will henceforth be known as Chipmunk. Mama Bear announces that the office is haunted. Chipmunk freaks out. I cheer "YAY!". And now everyone on the hall is very disappointed in me for taunting the dead. 🤷♀️
So I'm walking across the office Mama Bear and I share when I complain about my left leg hurting. MB: you sure that's your left leg? -eyeballs me shaking my right leg- Me: you know what I mean. MB: it's not even that. The way you said it made it sound like you have more than two legs. Me: well I have three, but one might be an arm. I'm not sure. 🙃
