nathalie @trashfordair - Tumblr Blog

do i really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

NCIS: ORIGINS 2.13: “Homeward Bound”

serena is the reckless one.

everyone’s always said it, she’s always believed it. maybe she’s not proud of it, but she’s glad for her ability to do things without thinking sometimes. she’s seen what happens on the opposite end of the spectrum.

dan, blair. dan, and blair. dan and blair.

dan and blair.

she thinks perhaps she’s not the reckless one. that maybe, in all the time they’ve spent loving her and blaming everything on her recklessness, they’ve missed the parts of her that reflect on themselves.

because dan didn’t think twice about serena when he fell in love again. he didn’t think about her when he fell in love with blair. and blair thought about serena, she knows this. blair thought so much about serena, until she didn’t.

sometimes serena thinks she deserved it, that she had it coming. she had led dan on for so long, let him love her despite everything, left him hanging when she couldn’t handle his love, always came running back into his open arms.

sometimes she thinks maybe dan is her chuck. she’d always thought her and dan were everything chuck and blair weren’t. they were truly in love, a happy and healthy love, everything the other had ever wanted, but maybe they were all the same.

#cleaning out my notes app lol #dair #gg meta #serena van der woodsen #dan x serena #blair x serena #dan x blair #nat writes #gossip girl #mini fic

blaire-bennett

long ass meta about nate archibald's abandonment issues when it comes to his relationships

firstly, serena leaving for boarding school after they slept together. in 3x15, nate does show his hurt because he lost his virginity to the person he loved and she left town for a year (obviously he wasn't the reason she left, but for a long ass time, that's what it felt like to him til serena told him, blair and chuck about georgina and pete fairman). and when he tries to talk to her, she pushes him away and goes, "I didn't come back for you", he's hurt that it seems to him this girl he slept with and was willing to blow up his entire relationship with blair, and said girl wants nothing to do with him in that aspect

the nair breakup in 1x07 could also be another factor, cause even though nate at that point wasn't really deep into the relationship, it probably still didn't feel great for blair to cut him loose. and he knows it was the right thing (as he says in 1x08), and he doesn't wanna hurt her by getting back together for the sake of his father. then from 1x10 onward, he wants to be with blair again because she's no longer groveling over him and begging for his love and affections and wants to win her back (I do hate this about characters who do that btw). like with their relationship, it's hard for me to find the right words for it, but I think there was a sense of love there that neither could ever fully let go, so it's painful to even try. so their breakup in 2x24, though it was for the best, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt

with him and jenny. as much as I hate the writing of how fast their relationship crumbled. looking at nate's perspective with the moment jenny pushes him away to go after vanessa in 2x09 ("stop, i shouldn't have done, i'm sorry") and then him in 2x11 "i haven't heard from jenny in weeks" and in 2x12 "jenny doesn't care. she pretty much just blew me off" and so him clinging onto vanessa after because she's There and jenny Isn't and nate just turned his father in and he needs comfort and vanessa is here and saying she still has feelings for him so he jumps the gun on jenny and goes back to vanessa. like I think in between 2x09 and 2x11 when he was in the hamptons with anne that he felt like he was abandoned by jenny. he pours his heart to her in a letter and he doesn't get a response back. he hasn't felt this deeply to write his feelings down on paper since blair in the season prior. and so he feels like she's too good for him. her fashion career seemed to be taking off because of the success with the guerilla fashion show, meanwhile, he's homeless cause dan JUST kicked him out, that nate feels like he's deadweight. even though it couldn't be further from the truth when it comes to jenny and how much she deeply cared about nate, I believe that's what He Thinks

then vanessa in 2x19 when she walks out of the vanderbilt party. he immediately assumes they were over, he says in the following episode, "you saw this coming, I mean, you walked out first" that he felt the sense of abandonment coming and he decided to cut loose to make it easier. for vanessa, she saw this as a rough patch they can get through, but to nate, the damage was already done when he decided to ditch their plans to go backpacking through europe to take the internship at the mayor's office. and he's such a major dick about it obviously, he was not in the right at all, and I was team vanessa the entire way. just in nate's perspective, when he sees someone jump the gun on him, he just tries to save himself the pain by moving on to the next thing in front of him: blair. who was going through her identity crisis, and these two with this history and finding understanding in each other is what nate needed. and to nate, he didn't see vanessa as that, even though she could've been if he let her, but he didn't. he does apologize, and they still go on their trip, but it's as friends. there's a one-off line about them hooking up in prague, and its never talked about again

then serena. AGAIN! after finding out about her and dan, he wants to make the relationship work!!!! he's willing to put this past them and start over. but serena is the one who decides to take a pause. and nate, feeling abandoned Yet Again, cuts that last tie himself because he can't do this again!!! he can't feel abandoned by serena again and waiting if he's the guy she wants to be with. and by the end of the whole triangle with dan, she was gonna choose dan anyways if you took the juliet thing out of the equation.

also, even though we never got to see nate's reaction to jenny leaving. nate was pretty open with her in the latter half of season 3 (relationship sabotaging aside, we are NOT acknowledging that right now), and I think after serena leaves he would need that comfort and be able to talk to someone about these feelings with someone who wouldn't mind being around him. but with jenny gone, he doesn't have anyone else. chuck fucked off to prague. him and dan were okay but dan had his own shit going on. vanessa has been in haiti. and blair was with serena in paris. so what else can he do? opens up chuck's little black book and starts sleeping around just so he could feel anything other than what he was feeling. he didn't have anyone else so he resorted to bad coping mechanisms

then there are his other relationships like with bree and juliet who were using him. he cuts the ties before they inevitably do after getting what they wanted out of him (for bree, getting to carter. for juliet, revenge on serena for ben). and he's just TIRED. he's looking for someone who gets him, and it's easy to be with, and doesn't leave!!!

raina comes in, and nate falls hard. they come from similar backgrounds with complicated and fucked up families. raina wanted her day of firsts with him!!! everything was great until she had to go back to chicago. nate understands but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt!!!!! he finally found an easygoing relationship and that didn't even last either. then there's lola who was also easygoing and it's what nate needed. and it was fine then That Woman came back in the picture. and lola with the whole rhodes/van der woodsen plot that she was tired of being on the upper east side and wanted to leave the toxic environment because this place was not for her. another woman in his life leaving (though for good reasons) again. and I really think it makes nate question whether or not he's good enough for someone to stay for

and yes!!! he could always leave, but he's always gonna be drawn back to manhattan. nate is just a tragic character to lose every single time when it comes to love and then ends up becoming someone he never wanted to be in the first place. he was truly doomed by the narrative. that everyone else can have their happily ever afters, while he's the odd one out

thomas-the-goat-of-satan

I think what feels so insidious about the whole Jenny And Nate Manipulation Plotline is that it's clearly built off of the implication that Jenny is Lying or Exaggerating about her trauma from the club incident. because we as the audience are aware that she's not being entirely honest, her so consistently using the attempted assault as a way to guilt Nate into doing what she wants inherently invites the audience to speculate about how truthful she's being in regards to her trauma as a whole. us never getting to see Jenny's thoughts about what happened to her beyond Nate walking into her bedroom and finding her with her head in her hands does her character and her subsequent storyline such an immense disservice. beyond the intentionally inflammatory Gossip Girl narration, the only concrete piece of information that the audience is given about her headspace post-assault is that Jenny has chosen to hyperfocus on Nate. it's just like. pretty obvious that they want the audience to infer that She's Not Actually Upset, She Just Wants Nate And Will Do Whatever It Takes To Get Him. I don't know. it's just kind of an insane story beat to build conflict off of, because there's no way for it to read as anything other than Jenny Is A Raging Fucking Bitch That Lies About Sexual Trauma To Get What She Wants when it's been deliberately framed under that implication at every turn.