anyway right. so after emma and i (i hope u know what i’m talking abt if u don’t then it doesn’t matter) had a 3 day “oh wow i think i like you oh cool i think i like you too” moment the last few days of sophomore year, we got really close. I was scared to be with her with just us two because i’m an AWKWARD bitch, so I brought along my friend sydney, who, at the time, I wasn’t super close to. Because of this, I got really close to sydney, especially when summer began. We had a few sleepovers with some of our other mutual friends, and after summer me, her, and emma formed a trio and were all besties. School started, and I didn’t hang out much with my best friend leslie, but it was cool because she had her cheer friends, and even if we don’t hang out 24/7, we’re still each other’s best friends because we’ve been together for literally almost 10 years😭😭. Anyway, emma and sydney weren’t really close, and sydney even expressed to me that she thought emma hated her and only put up with her because she liked me😭😭. We all got really close, and for the first time in a while I thought I’d made friends that would last, yknow? Things were great, until they weren’t. Throughout my friendship with sydney I always felt constantly put down by her, and she always brought up things from the past or secrets I told her to hurt me with, etc etc etc. Emma and Sydney got closer, and I was always left out. blah blah blah. I told leslie about it, and she told me to stop putting up with her toxicness and hang out with her again, so I listened. This was the week of hoco, and the original plan had been to go over to sydney’s to hang out, and then go to hoco, but after spilling everything I was feeling to leslie she told me to go with her family to take pictures. Originally, leslie was also supposed to go to sydney’s house, but her mom wanted her with her brother because he had a date (!!!👀!!!), and leslie and I always take pictures together, so I knew I had to go with leslie, despite knowing that syd and em would probably be mad at me:/. Friday, the night before homecoming, I was over at my neighbor’s house and texted the gc I had with emma and sydney telling them that I’m really sorry, but that I couldn’t go over to sydney’s anymore because leslie’s mom wants her to go to *insert pic destination here* to take pics with her brother since he has a date and because I always take pictures before hoco with leslie I had to go, but that we should all meet up at the actual dance. Emma replies and said that if I didn’t want to hang out with them i should just say that instead of making up excuses, but I told her I wasn’t making up excuses, and that if I didn’t want to hang out with them I would just come out and say it.
Both of them were already mad at me because instead of hanging out with them on halloween I chose to stay with my family, which is like ?? sorry ??? I help london trick or treat ?? like ?? excuse u. Anyway, I had an ok time before hoco (this was kinda the peak of the argument I had with my crush so my head was all over the place), and then when Leslie, our friend kelly, and I got to homecoming I texted the gc I had with sydney and emma asking if they were there and if we could come cut the line, and emma said no💀💀💀💀 And nowwww that’s kinda that. I haven’t spoken to emma in person at all, i’ve spoken to sydney a couple random times about school stuff, but they’ve both been talking shit about me to our mutual friends about how I “dropped them” and shrisjfjakdjksksksk and so basically in conclusion, Now I spend everyday wondering if I made the right choice???? On top of my head being all over the place because of the whole kait thing, I had a LOT going on with my family and wasn’t in a good place mentally because of it. I realize now I could’ve texted them telling them how I felt instead of just kinda... letting them go ? But in my head I thought they’d be fine, better even, without me, and turns out I was right, they’re doing just fine. and i’m doing a lot better too i supposed without having their negativity, but every now and again I hear them laughing in class, and I miss laughing with them. Before you stop talking to your friends all together, think about what’s making you want to stop talking to them, and what will happen if you do. if it’s to make yourself happier and better you, then do it babe. This is so messy i’m not even going to read it again ewww love u sorry for dumping this lmfao feel free to ignore
