Just Need To Vent

I’m a 28 year old lesbian who has lived a very painful life and is at a very weird place right now. I came to tumblr because I need a place to vent and get real. Therapy just isn’t really helping.

[riacain]

[traumaandlesbianism]

The stray I’m taking care of had babies and I can’t find them anywherrrrrreeeee

[traumaandlesbianism]

Idk what else to do so I’m just gonna keep drawing lesbians until I die

[traumaandlesbianism]

I guess I just need to give up on art and accept that I’m nothing but a hole and a pair of tits, no matter how hard I try or how talented I am, no one gives a fuck. It’s so discouraging and disappointing to spend hours and hours on a piece, on a story, just for no one to give a fuck about it. I guess I just don’t have the talent.

[traumaandlesbianism]

I think another thing is is the only thing that makes me feel better, truly, is smoking weed. And I hate saying that. Because I know how bad it sounds.

But comforting words from my family don’t work. I think I would scream if they actually tried to hug me. Kind words from my friends are nice, but they just don’t…reach that broken, aching screaming part inside of me. I wish they did. Because I know they mean well and they want me to be happy but I just….i don’t know.

The only time I felt even remotely okay, was when I was in my ex’s arms. The same arms that tore me to pieces and left me to rot. So now even that comfort feels tainted. No good memories I can cling to.

I just have nothing. It’s so cold. So damn cold.

[traumaandlesbianism]

You know it really hits me sometimes that all of my work has been for nothing. I was a good wife. Cooked the meals, cleaned the house, took care of her when she was sick, even bathed her myself sometimes. I worked hard, did over 40 hours a week, paid bills, outperformed others at my job, made sure to do everything right.

Crossed my ts and dotted my fucking Is.

And even after it all ended, I tried to maintain my dignity. I didnt blow up her phone. I kept my pain and agony to myself. I still went to work, even if I hadn’t eaten. I went to college, went to therapy. Got a house.

My therapist said he’s not sure why I don’t have many friends or a girlfriend. “You seem like the full package!” He says.

And yet it’s still empty. Worthless. Means nothing.

What’s the point of doing all this fucking work and having all this restraint and self control and patience if it gets you literally NOTHING in the end?

[traumaandlesbianism]

My period started fucking kill me

[advancedlawnmowingtechniques-de]

[traumaandlesbianism]

God I really am I fucking failure. If I didn’t waste time on that black hole of a woman I would have been good. Maybe even great. By no. I wasted my youth and my time and my talent and now all I am is a warm hole to fuck and throw money at. I fucking hate my life.

[losyrin02]

I'm with you Kris

[rufusahhahh]

they gawt stuck

[traumaandlesbianism]

Almost forgot I need to finish my classes to fill out my degree. Hopefully I can sign up for them tomorrow.

[traumaandlesbianism]

Have you considered looking at remote work online? Data entry jobs etc?

Yeah, I’ve been applying to the ones I have the skills for. I’m hoping when I and a friend of mine have some time, she’ll be able to teach me excel and other programs that those kinds of jobs use. I just haven’t been getting accepted. But I’ll keep trying. I’m also going to try and learn some coding so maybe that will be of use too.

[dungeonbarbeque]

in celebration of Deltarune Tomorrow here is a small drawing

[traumaandlesbianism]

I’m worried I’m going to have to do…in person work. My day job has been super affected by the tariffs/supply chain blockage/ whatever the fuck trump did to fuck us over this time. There’s just not enough work to go around.

The videos and pictures just aren’t selling enough.

I’m going to do whatever I can to not have to do it but fuck…I’m so fucking scared…

[traumaandlesbianism]

You like Deltarune?

I LOVE Deltarune. The Fun Gang makes me sob my eyes out and throw up. They make me so maternal.

I think it’s a really interesting story about escapism and dreams and what it means to dream and be a dreamer. I also think it’s a great game for weird kids who probably don’t get as much attention at home as they should, and who aren’t understood by their peers. And it’s a punch to the gut to us adults who grew up as weird kids.

[deepfrieddeltarunememes]

god it's hard to tell because of the lighting here, but her expression when she thanks Kris for walking her home is so loving it hurts.

I don't want to hear a single thing about how she's replacing or abandoning Kris, you look at her face and tell me she has any intention of ever doing that.