🪃traumatized🪃

u_u

[traumabunni]

im scared

[traumabunni]

our Love is being attacked, dont you see?

[traumabunni]

being put thru torment,, being forcibly detached frm. life. while still here. i know here it comes, the punishment and persecution for caring about goodness, needing love, loving God

they try to make me hate life because of how much they want me to die

no more points to prove

just waiting for the suffering to end

sometime

sometime

[traumabunni]

stuck in school taking tests. trapped and stuck, i go somewhere in my mind. but the bad things overran that place too. outside inside, i couldn't escape. frozen, fear. forced to be a machine, programmed with terror and despair. a virus of confusion layered over my OS

[traumabunni]

i dont remember what it feels like to be okay. i dont remember if I've ever truly been okay.

[traumabunni]

everytime i get back up....am helped back up....they knock me down even worse than the time before.

i feel battered and bruised in a way tht never healsm never stops aching. never stops being sore.

[traumabunni]

every bit closer i get to God, the worse the suffering gets

beyond traumatizing.

[traumabunni]

im not okay

[traumabunni]

suffering

suffering

suffering

i am grateful for the slices of relief i get to taste

i hunger and ache for the meal

pieces of peace still leaving me in shambles

its enough

the pain is just, too much

[traumabunni]

smug and smirking, they feel so satisfied

but i gently shake my head to dissipate the thought bubbles of their slimy smiles

i nestle my head into the palm of your hand, gently, surreal

while it screams at me tht you dont want me to touch you

n i am frozen confused disconnected from the truth

it tells me its my fault

i close my eyes

while they remain open

and i rest in the secret spots

the ones they cant see

the ones where its just you and me

[traumabunni]

how will i ever be ok in a world full of poison. i breathe it out, and breathe it back in

again and again

[traumabunni]

quick poison, permeates

painted pretty

trojan horse full of hate

[traumabunni]

He protects me 5 million times and all the harms that break through loudly questions, "where is he now?"...."where was he then?" the questions whip around me like a storm seeking to wreak havoc on my insides (doesnt want to leave a mark) i am ravaged and bleeding inside but full of blood they cant tell the difference. insatiable, they convince me of greed and doubt and perpetual unfulfilment, hopelessness and bitterness. but the truth is so sweet....

[traumabunni]

life is a near constant suffering

it doesnt feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel

but underneath all the feelings that arent mine i know there is

im too disturbed and traumatized to hope, there r fogs and clouds of despair and fear in tha way

but

it will be okay

it feels empty to say those words

but i know not everything i feel is mine

and not everythings thats mine, do i feel

control control control

the only thing that feels secure, is not knowing

[traumabunni]

there are wolves in sheeps clothing, and there are sheep who have been forced to wear snakes' skin. they made it so its hard to tell who is who, on purpose. but God knows. and that is why vengeance is to be left to him. for things have been made far more complicated than we can bear to fathom. and only God has the power and the know-how to make things better and do what is truly right.

[traumabunni]

the moment you express that you want more for yourself to someone who you think loves you but really actually hates you and does not truly have good intentions in their heart for being with you- that's when they want to kill you. they rather you be dead than experience better than them. they don't want you to believe or know that there is better than them, they KNOW there is and they DONT want YOU to know. they withold wisdom from you.

God on the other hand- when you want more for yourself he gives you that more. opportunities for that more. He helps you. cares about what you want. cares about what you need. and He shares his wisdom and knowings with you in a caring and helpful way, to guide you...to equip you with important revelations. Look at what they do. and look at what He does. do you see the difference? hear the difference? feel the difference? They are loud and persistent with their claims of care yet the substance is not there. God is quiet yet does the things they TELL you they do, but you don't actually experience from them.

[traumabunni]

she isn't the way she is because of what she's been through

and i am not the way i am because of what i haven't been through