bella @traumakid-hideout - Tumblr Blog

I want to be heard (doesn’t speak) I want to be understood (doesn’t explain) I want to be seen (acts like if a missing person was right in front of everybody)

bythelake1

Popped collar

cheersgod

I'm a joke :-) but everyone is laughing :-) so it's okay :-)

i2-xmf

“We wish we were fish” (2004)

cheersgod

i-will-recover-tomorrow

Nothing actually matters

roselunde

Does anyone else have mild psychotic and mood symptoms but not enough to feel valid?

I get paranoid and have unusual perceptual experiences, but not hallucinations. I withdraw from time to time but I'm still sociable. I get restless and sometimes make risky decisions but I always rein myself in. I might sleep for 13 hours and hardly manage the bare minimum for months but I'm still kind of okay. I talk to myself almost all day to keep myself company but only in whispers when no one is listening. I get weird thoughts and think in strange loops and paradoxes for hours straight but I am always aware that it's all nonsense.

Therapists tell me how self-aware I am. Friends consider me the voice of reason. I'm playing a role that doesn't fit my internal reality. And I wish I could just do something crazy to show people I'm not normal.

Of course I won't. I don't mean doing anything dangerous or harmful. For example, I have been open a few times about my bizarre thoughts with my friends. But I don't want people to stop trusting me, or impose their will on me because they think I can't make decisions for myself. So I end up managing on my own, internalising it all, with no one to compare myself to in order to know how normal my experiences even are.