just me lol

18+ venting about my life 🤷🏻‍♀️

[traumatisedadult]

I've had a family friend say some horrendous lies about me, saying that I abused her and all this shit. Messaging my friends through facebook.

I had to contact the police.

In april, it will be 11 years of this stalking. I'm so tired of it.

In a weird way, I'm happy that that I finally have evidence that the family friends are stalking me. I'm not making this up. My family and family friends saying the worst things about me. I have evidence and I told the police.

I've no idea why everyone won't leave me alone. Even the police said my case is a study case on stalking.

Normally, stalkers are only themselves and maybe their partners. But this has reached to family friends now. Everyone is involved and I'm not staying quiet about it.

Bitch, I finally have the evidence.

[traumatisedadult]

I'm fed up with my fucking stupid down, not being okay with me, when I thought they were.

Ever since the stalking of my incest family, a lot of people in Buxton HATE me.

I'm so fucking done with this stupid ass pompous town.

I HATE small towns.

[traumatisedadult]

I keep forgetting to meet up with my friend and thank god she's understanding. I feel fucking terrible.

All I need to do, is drop off her present but I keep forgetting. Idk why. I feel like the worst friend ever.

I am gonna talk about this to my therapist, when I next see her. So hopefully, it will solve things. Idk what's wrong with me. I keep forgetting. Uuugggghhhhh

[traumatisedadult]

I do understand why my fiancé is frustrated because he can't get me over there in America quick enough. But then he's like "what am I even doing? What is the point in dating me? Why do you date me?"

Shit like that, gets to me. I understand he wants me over there. We've been dating for nearly 10 years at this point. He keeps talking about how he's in debt. It just hurts and I don't think he realises that. I do love him. He think he feels worthless because he can't get me over there, quick enough.

I hate it.

It's why I've been so down and depressed. He's depressed and in debt. While I'm broke, barely surviving.

I just want something to go right. Something that will make us be together.

I feel like I'm being held against my will, living in England. When I just want to move to America and never come back. Leave without warning and never return.

I feel like I'm waiting for a miracle that won't even happen.

Nothing will cheer me up, until I move to America.

[traumatisedadult]

I'm gonna post on here because my other blog, everyone knows me there.

So I have a fiancé and he lives in America, while I'm in England 🇬🇧. Even tho I'm on benefits, I found out I'm not eligible for the winter warm discount by the government. Fucked up I know.

My family is stalking me and won't stop till they are in prison for life. The police know btw. 8+ years of stalking, none stop. My family tried to kill me too. So I need to get out of this bastard country.

My fiance is so depressed, he thinks he can't get me over there in America. He's so depressed, he's waiting to die. He's so depressed (he's a norse pagan) he's begging the gods not to take him away because he thinks he's dying. He's so depressed, he thinks death is the only option sometimes. He's so depressed, he's in 40k in debt. He's so depressed, he thinks I deserve better than him and he can't give me the future that I deserve. He's so depressed, he causes arguments because it's the only thing that gives him the run rush of adrenaline. He's so depressed, he thinks I don't deserve him. He's so depressed, he thinks no one loves him. He's so depressed, he doesn't talk to his friends anymore. He's so depressed, he sleeps the day away. He's so depressed, he begged me to dump him. He's so depressed, he regrets getting engaged with me.

It's hard to love him sometimes. Especially when I don't feel safe where I live and he pushes me away, thinking it will save me.

Idk what to do anymore.

He told me today about "I'm begging for the gods not to take me". Wtf is that supposed to mean. He's not dying, but he thinks he is? I don't get it and I don't understand. Is this what depression feels/looks like. I don't get it at all.

I had ex friends tell me to dumb him because I don't deserve a depressed bf (at the time lol). Like I deserve someone who's not depressed. That's what they said, so I just removed them. Also, they suffer from depression. Like, projection much 🙄.

I had an ex best friend tell me "well he's depressed. He doesn't deserve you. I'm not depressed and you can date me". Which I know that's bs, because he's fucking depressed too. He smokes weed because he's depressed.

I truly don't know what to do anymore. I'm stuck.

I love him. I truly love my fiance. But his depression, makes it hard for me to love him.

I'm having such a hard time over here, while he says shit like "well it won't happen. You will never move over and change won't happen". Makes me think, me moving over will never happen and I will be forever stuck here, not living my life. Living my life in fear. It sucks.

I want out of this bastard country. I don't feel safe here.

I begged the police to help me move. They were no help. It's not gonna happen. I'm gonna be stuck here and no one is gonna help me.

I'm crying. That won't change anything. Nothing is gonna change.

[traumatisedadult]

The creep is like "anytime time, you need to vent. I'm always here".

After THAT encounter, I feel like it's a big red flag. I'm kinda glad I see those now. Before, especially after therapy, I wouldn't see them.

It's just a gross situation. Even my female other friend is like, eeeww. I'm like, yes. Fucking ew.

[traumatisedadult]

Tbh, I don't think I can even mention this to my fiancé yet. I will definitely NOT be venting to him again. My god. What a creep.

I'm keeping my distance away from him for a while.

I kinda figured he had a huge crush on me, but like straight out say "you can date me" WHILE IM FUCKING ENGAGED TO THE MAN I LOVE. FUCK OFF.

Ugh, I hate men like that.

[traumatisedadult]

Okay so since a lot of people have my other blog, I'm gonna vent on here. Maybe get more personal. Idk.

I just need to fucking vent because dear fucking lord.

So I was speaking to a guy who I thought was my best friend, but then changed into a complete douche.

I was venting about my fiancé and how he's super depressed. I told him about his life and I seriously think my fiancé has been through trauma, not PTSD/CPTSD trauma. But like, definitely trauma. And I said "it's hard to love him some days because he's so depressed and that sounds so mean".

The guy, the fucking audacity he said "well you can date me". YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF. Omg. So I just said "tbh, I want to focus on my fiancé and I love him" because I do.

It gave me such a weird vibe. Idk.