Hey guys, this post is gonna be incoherent, since I wrote it a longggg time ago in a manic episode. It’s not what I usually post but I reread it and thought it would be worth sharing.
I often used to think of first impressions as a risk, a gamble. Certain things I say could warn a person off, that it could ick them. So then I’d try really hard to not say anything interesting until I could get a grasp on what types of friends they have and how to lean into that. But more often than not by the time I figured out how to they would have lost interest in talking to me. I viewed it as a test, another task in my social life.
First impressions aren’t a test. There’s no right answer, just one that they find interesting. But there’s no way to figure out their answer until you say it, because they most likely don’t know all of those things.
I’d compare first impressions to hearing about a movie or video game then looking at the blurb. They’re not looking for something specific, they don’t know what to look for. They know when they see something they find interesting.
It would be damaging for both of us if I went in and kept editing the description of my movie to say things it’s not. It’s too confusing, and sets an expectation for me to act in a way that doesn’t work for me. It’s hurtful to the friendship.
I like to ask these questions before saying something,
Does it fit into the conversation?
Would it make someone uncomfortable?
Do I know if I can I say it effectively?
I take my values into consideration. I care about accommodating my friend’s needs , and acknowledging that certain people get uncomfortable with certain topics or comments. Moderating my
Ultimately, if the answer to the last question is no, I don’t say it. It’s hard to say a half baked thought, especially if you have to simplify it for a casual conversation.
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