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noirmani

securelyinsecure

The sight of Tracee Ellis Ross in Poetic Justice braids fills my heart with joy

heyfranhey

Self-Care & Self-Love Aren’t The Same

Mind Body Green writes:

I generally ask my new clients if they feel that they are taking care of themselves well. They often tell me they are, and because of this, they can’t understand why they are feeling badly or having problems in their relationships. When I ask them to describe how they are showing themselves love, these are some of their common answers:

I take lots of relaxing baths. I get massages. I get my nails done. I work out. I eat well.

This woman is practicing self-care undoubtedly. In other words, she is being loving to herself physically, but what about emotionally?

I meditate and pray every day, and I belong to a wonderful spiritually-oriented church.

This man is taking care of himself spiritually, but what about emotionally?

I work hard and I’m careful about my money. I’ve invested well and I feel safe financially. I’m a responsible person — I pay my taxes on time, I get places on time, and I keep my home and office organized.

This person is taking care of him/herself financially and organizationally, but what about emotionally?

Much of the time, I find that people may be practicing self-care physically, financially, spiritually and organizationally, but are abandoning themselves emotionally, which is why they seek my help.

Regardless of whether or not they are exercising or meditating, they are still suffering the consequences of not loving themselves emotionally (these include things like anxiety, depression, anger, addictions or relationship problems). That’s why it’s essential to love yourself emotionally — not just in these concrete ways we tend to associate with self-care.

But what does it mean to love yourself emotionally? How is loving yourself different than self-care?

You can begin to get a sense of what it means to love yourself emotionally if you imagine what a child needs in order to feel loved at that early developmental stage. To begin, try looking back on your own childhood. What sorts of things made you feel loved? Did you feel more loved by getting a toy you wanted, or by being seen and valued for who you are? When you were upset, did you feel more loved by being given a cookie and told to watch TV, or by receiving kind and compassionate attention?

Here are five major actions you can choose to make sure you are emotionally loving to yourself

heyfranhey

5 Mental Strategies To Boost Your Confidence

Mind Body Green writes:

You know you could achieve so much more in your life if only you had more self-confidence. You’d listen to that nagging urge to start your own business. Perhaps you would get up the gumption to approach that handsome stranger you always see at the coffee shop. Or maybe you would speak up more at parties and in meetings.

You’ve tried time and again to talk yourself into having more confidence, yet, despite all the affirmations you recite, there’s something in you that doesn’t quite believe them.

Luckily, there are research-based strategies that will help you get to the root of the thinking patterns that undermine you.

1. Challenge your self-talk.

A lot of times we respond to our thoughts as if they’re gospel truth, without ever questioning them. To fix this, start observing how you talk to yourself. Then take on the role of scientist. Being as objective as possible, question whether what you’re saying to yourself is really true. And, if you hear yourself saying “always” or “never,” that’s a warning sign that you’re probably not taking the whole picture into account.

For example, if you say to yourself, “I’m always terrible at making small talk,” think about examples that disprove that. What about the way you chatted with the barista in the morning? How about your morning drive-bys with your co-worker? As you start to notice instances that disprove the ways you discredit yourself, you’ll develop a more accurate, well-rounded view of yourself.

2. Watch out for catastrophizing.

Sometimes we can be afraid to take risks because we envision how awful we’ll feel if things don’t go as planned. We think of worst-case scenarios and picture ourselves feeling humiliated as a result.

Think about all the possible outcomes — not just the most feared ones that hold you back from taking action. And, remind yourself that research shows we tend to overestimate how long negative feelings will last after we suffer a disappointment.

So, realize that even if you do happen to suffer a little embarrassment, you can tolerate it (and the flip side is that things could actually turn out well)!

Here are the rest of the tips to get you well on your way to a more positive view of yourself.