Tribute from District 14

I am training for the Hunger Games. I am not skilled with a bow and arrow. The only things I have ever killed are bugs, slugs, and a fish by accident. But I don't want to be the first to go in the Hunger Games. So I am starting my training early. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-24350732-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();

[tributechelsea-blog]

New enemy: This flower

I have identified this flower as my enemy:

It just looks menacing. Its like it is emerging from an alien cocoon. It looks like it is just waiting to pounce on me once I am within range. It could probably eat my entire arm whole. I will stay away from it. I don't need to be starting no fights with no flowers.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 67% (depends on whether I am within range of the flower's inner alien rage. It seems like it has untapped powers and is just biding its time before unleashing its wrath on me.)

[tributechelsea-blog]

Un-gift

So it is common practice to receive gifts in the arena that are helpful to you in some way. Key word: helpful.

What if you sent someone an evil gift? I mean, everyone has a price. It's complete and awesome sabotage. See example A below.

You are probably thinking: my, what delicious chocolate chip cookies! I can't wait to eat one!

You would never see it coming that these cookies taste bad. I could leave them on someone's doorstep, and they would be delighted at the gift. But actually it is an un-gift, designed to cause damage and destruction on your taste buds.

"I fear the Greeks, even when they bring gifts." - Stanley Goodspeed. Smart man.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 95% (you're on a need to know basis, and you don't need to know)

[tributechelsea-blog]

Overhead luggage space

I think airlines want people to kill each other in an effort to secure overhead luggage space. Why don't they just make it big enough for everyone to be able to stick one thing in the overhead bin? No, they strategically make it so there is not enough room, and people end up racing and fighting over the space. You have to Hunger Games people to be able to stick your suitcase in the overhead bin.

I have found some prime real estate here.

I am thinking of buying up all the space, then selling it to people for $1,000 each. Talk about a successful business venture.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 83% (my street smarts are great today)

[tributechelsea-blog]

My deadliest weapon

When entering the arena, a tribute is basically stripped down and allowed to enter the arena with only their person, along with any skills and strengths they internally possess. 

This is a lot like going to the airport. According to the rules set forth by the Capital (or TFA), a team of skilled gamemakers (or airport security) informed me what was and was not allowed in their arena (aka the airport). They looked through all the things that I possess at this moment, and made a determination about how deadly I am (they let me through, so I am guessing that they don’t think I am a threat). They did a thorough inspection of my most deadly weapon: my shoes. These babies can cause serious damage. Believe you me, if they knew the destruction these size 5.5 sandals could wield, they would have thought twice about giving them back.

After ensuring I did not have a strategic, deadly advantage over my competitors, they let me enter the arena. Now that I am in, I must recover the one item they did take from me: my water bottle. After I secure a water source, I am prepared to start massive annihilation with my lethal shoes.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 96% (they have already recognized my shoes as a threat)

[tributechelsea-blog]

The Packing Hunger Games

I hate packing. Packing is like my own personal Hunger Games. If somebody put a gun to my head and said: "Pack this suitcase for a 3-day weekend right now or I will shoot you," I would be most likely to sit there and beg and barter for my life than actually put a pair of shoes in a suitcase.

The Rules of Packing Hunger Games: The first person to pack a suitcase of clothes and items that will last them for 3 days gets to stay alive.

I would surely see my death as a sweet release from the horrors of packing.

My odds of winning the Packing Hunger Games today: -100% (there is really even no point in trying)

[tributechelsea-blog]

Rebelling against the Capital: Rocks

I have witnessed a gross injustice. In front of my apartment, there are two trees. One looks like this:

Oh what a pretty tree surrounded by a bed of magnificent rocks.

And the other tree looks like this:

Umm...where is its bed of rocks? Why must one tree have all the rocks, and the other tree have none? We need to rally together to get equal treatment for all trees! One tree must not receive more favor than the other based on arbitrary circumstances!

So, to show my support for the rebellion, I have taken an oath to move one rock every time I pass by from the tree with all to the tree with none. Take that Capital. The people will fight back.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 88% (I have to keep my rebellion quiet, or the Capital will punish me before I even get to the Games)

[tributechelsea-blog]

New enemy: Fried pickles

I burnt my tongue hard core on some fried pickles. I don't even remember what other food tastes like at this point. I don't know why I even bother eating food now. I should just mash it up and feed it straight into my veins.

Now, Hunger Games training would tell me that if something hurt me a little once, next time it will probably kill me. So I should probably stay away.

But, I love fried pickles. I can't say no to them. I don't know how to quit you, fried pickles. You hurt so good.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 49% (odds are in the favor of the pickles)

[tributechelsea-blog]

Small but deadly

My flag football team is crazy good this season. Probably because we have been playing with the same team for 3 seasons, so its about time we actually started to dominate. If this was Hunger Games football, we would have been dead 3 seasons ago.

Compared to other football players (and most adult humans in general), I am very small. Now this is a huge disadvantage for me in most aspects: My tiny legs just don't make up much distance. People can easily overtake me by simply standing in front of me. Basically I can be overpowered in most ways. But, I am surprisingly good. I have that going for me. The element of surprise. 

Most guys are like: oh, that is a tiny girl. She probably isn't very good. No need to pay attention to her.

And then I am like: oh yeah? Touchdown. Interception. Another touchdown. I am small and here to make you feel stupid.

And to echo the small and deadly theme in other aspects of my life, I also made these cake balls today. Wow. Ferocious. 

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 85% (I am creating an army of deadly cake balls to do my bidding)

[tributechelsea-blog]

Babysitting

Today, I did some light babysitting (meaning that the parents were still home, just busy). For the first 20 minutes that I took them to the pool, the little one cried and cried. Now, I love babies, but I can see that crying babies can be frustrating and exhausting and maybe make you want to drown yourself.

What if babies were involved with Hunger Games? Like each tribute was given a baby (that was not their own) that they also needed to keep alive in order to win. That would really up the stakes for everybody. Twice the tributes, five times the drama. I can imagine that some tributes would probably voluntarily off themselves just for the peace and quiet. If you have ever been around a baby that won't stop crying, you probably wouldn't blame them.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 51% (depending on whether we are playing extreme Hunger Games with babies)

[tributechelsea-blog]

People watching

I could people watch for hours. Not in a creepy way, but in a completely judgmental way. Its for training, for crying out loud. You can learn a lot from people based on watching them. And pretty much I need to hone this skill so I can make quick decisions about people based on how they look/act. I stereotype to stay alive.

One of the most interesting times to people watch: any downtown city street after 10pm on a Saturday night. I think people regress into a primitive form of human who can no longer make reasonable decisions. Such as where their feet should go when they walk, or how loud one's voice should be when speaking. If these people are my competitors, I will dominate the Hunger Games.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games tonight: 100% (prepare for total domination, domination, domination)

[tributechelsea-blog]

My allies: Zippers

I have made quite a few enemies lately, so its high time that I made some allies. Allies can be super important in the Hunger Games. It makes the difference between dying now, and dying a little bit later.

My first ally that I have chosen is this zipper.

My reasons:

Zippers have proved time and again to be extremely useful to everyday life.

Have you ever gotten your skin pinched in a zipper. Yeah, deadly.

I need this zipper to like me so it will sew nicely into the dress I am making.

It feels good to get a posse started. I can't wait until I am rollin 20 deep in da club.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 92% (addition of zipper to wolfpack)

[tributechelsea-blog]

Bugs are my enemies: This grasshopper

This grasshopper was waiting by my car after work. Its like we had gotten into an argument inside earlier in the day, and then we had agreed to take it outside to the playground after school.

Just sitting there, waiting to pounce on me. It probably has a surprisingly powerful jump, the likes of which cause my insides to feel as if they were in an earthquake. So I had to be sneaky and get into my car while my back was turned. Someday, I will join a gym, build up my upper body strength, then hit the bugs from behind with a stick.

Also, I saw this scary cloud. Looks like the handy work of a gamemaker.

After I hit the bug with a stick, I will punch the scary cloud in the face.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 75% (bugs and clouds are out to get me)

[tributechelsea-blog]

Mastering the art of seduction

I have been taking pole dancing lessons. NOT stripper lessons, these classes are more like gymnastics on a stick. I am sure you are thinking to yourself: "That could never be useful in Hunger Games!" Well, you would be wrong.

According to the hierarchy of needs, the basic physiological needs are the most essential, including: breathing, food, water, sleep, homeostasis, and according to some, sex.

A person's first instinct is to secure the things on the bottom of the pyramid. So if you were to agree with this, the art of seduction could play an important part in Hunger Games. Does the need for sex may trump the need to feel safe? Pole dancing seduction may be my secret weapon.

Sex sells. And kills too.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 83% (my pole dancing isn't THAT great yet)

[tributechelsea-blog]

Black Swan

I saw this while kayaking today:

A black swan. You are not fooling me, swan. You look evil and like you have an ulterior motive. Therefore, I will assume that you were put in the water to harm me in some physical or psychological fashion. You best believe that I would have smacked you in the swan face with my oar if you came any closer.

Stop looking at me, swan.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 75% (swan is cramping my style)

[tributechelsea-blog]

Last meal before the Games: Waffles

It is of dire importance to decide what my last meal will be before entering the arena. Who knows when I will get a good meal again, or if I will even make it to lunch on the first day. So that last meal has got to be mind-blowingly good.

Today, I had some delicious waffles at 24 Diner with a cute boy.

I wouldn't really mind if this was my last meal. Plus, it fueled me for a whole day of swimming and napping, which is basically the equivalent of two minutes of Hunger Games. Waffles: Breakfast of Hunger Games Champions.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 84% (fruit would make it a more balanced breakfast)

[tributechelsea-blog]

Camouflage: Cake frosting

It's obvi that cake decorating skills translate to bomb camouflage skills. Hence why I needed to frost this cake for a one-year-old's birthday party.

You never know when you will be near death and need to disguise yourself as a baseball. One thing I can work on for next time: my speed. I need to be able to frost cakes in lightning speed. Hunger Games are not gonna pause and wait 2 hours while I cover myself with mud and leaves. Gotta slap it on there good and fast.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 95% (-5% for taking my own sweet time)

[tributechelsea-blog]

Stupid way to die

I just choked on some water. I am home by myself. What if I died while choking to death on water, of all things? That is a terrible, embarrassing way to end. 

Picture this scene: I am in the arena. I have just managed to escape the clutches of the careers from District 1, and I am now on the hunt for water, which I haven't had all day. Glory be, I have found some and I take my first glorious drink. I start to cough and sputter. What is this? I am choking on water, the very thing I need to prolong my life. I gasp for air until I lay still and am no more. How embarrassing. If it is possible, I would probably die a second death from embarrassment.

To avoid this awful scenario, I have learned how to give myself the heimlich maneuver. I will not die a shameful death by choking. I at least want to be killed by something cool, like by some kind of berry.

My odds of winning the Hunger Games today: 78% (knowledge is power)