where is my mind

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Being is draining Being a girl is complicated Being a mother is an entirely different version of exhausted

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Welcome to this crazy world my daughter. I love you more than anything I thought I loved before.. koda jaz you are the best thug to happen to me and your daddy n I are having the best time with you already.

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I picked up a horrible but so interesting trait from my father.. lack of affection.. holy fuck what a difficult time I have showing that .. If it weren't for my mother and both sets of grandparents I probably wouldnt even hug. All that aside, a few childhood experiences due to a piece of shit family member (that I don't even call family anymore) has a huge part in ruining any chances I had in being an amazingly comforting affectionate woman.. GUESS WHAT. IM FUCKING TRYING. no one will ever know my struggle the past 16 years.. never deep enough. No one will ever know how fucking far I have come, Or how far I push myself. to make sure I kiss my boyfriend first as much as he kisses me first, to hold my mum when I know that my words just won't help her that time, or saying I LOVE YOU to my father who would take a bullet for me but struggles with the same god damn issue. Every day is little success' And my newest goal and fucking promise is to make sure I smother and teach my child to love and accept love, as my parents have taught me physically and mentally.

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I don't think I could ever put into words how much I love Skyler.

[lubezki]

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NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA suck it.

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Me when people don't know they're in my house

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Rest in peace my little munchkin.

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"Sometimes I wonder why people really bother. why do we all want to be around someone? A friend, a father, a mother, a brother.. a cat. Is it really a natural need to have a companion or is it all in sharing? Humans who get so stuck in their mind (I see you) tend to be alone a lot more, basically not even on purpose but because of all the possibilities in being alone. A mood change, a nap, a snack, a smoke.. a train of thought can all be uninterrupted without question. The people that can sit, enjoy the silence and just shut the Fuck up are more bound on a grounded level than I think is even realized. *do things together* we are all one, with magnificently different experiences.. not one alike.. not one to judge. Some people just do not blend. Some stars are too far to pull together. Some paths, though like all others, are for a reason.. Sometimes that reason burns as quick as it sparked…."

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I'm in British Columbia. And it is lovely here. Everywhere smells like pine trees or forest fire. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. Im enjoying myself. I feel sick. I miss my rats and bird. I miss my bed. I miss my boyfriend. I don't want to spend any more money. I feel sick. I'm sad. I'm comfortable. I want to sleep for a few days. I don't want to be in the car for 13 hours again. I'm too generous. I love my mum and grandma. So happy I'm not in school anymore/yet. I love clothing with bones on them. I like skulls. I like fire. I love black lighters. My stomach hurts. There's a balcony outside my hotel room and you can't smoke on it. I had a cigarette in a motel garden. I'm tired. Good night

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The way we basically rediscover our love for another every time we crawl into bed. Slowly caressing skin.. feeling your smile curve onto your face.. being so tightly pushed together and never being able to just get close enough. The way the day before us, or the days apart really had no meaning and it all melts into memories as we become a tangled mess of arms and legs.

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I am so blessed to have the love of my life by my side..

[6pup]

transparent

click

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When your outfit is on point

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And then yeah

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I WANNA DIE WITH THIS

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Ive been in love. I know my first love.. and they say this repeats itself where you will constantly reconsider which was your real first love. Love comes in all forms because its a feeling but its also connected to so many different forms because nobody is the same.

My first love was perfect and I thank him to this day for all the memories and things he taught me without even knowing.

This love i have now, and hope to die with, makes me sick daily. butterflies almost ready to escape from every pore. we’re constantly working together and i have been more than patient with this one. constantly hurt and torn but with good reason. I know i have a good head on my shoulders and i can understand the looks i am constantly given for staying. I will never be able to explain what happens when him and i lock eyes or touch fingers.. I have found my perfect opposite who LOVES me for that. He has grown so much in the past week with all the energy we are throwing around and communication we have levelled on. i knew perfect people existed, but watching them grow to that is something different. I have found someone who gives me initiative to be a better person every single day and with anything i do. someone who wants me to bring my best and worst to the table, as long as he can do the same.

I was born to feel this way, ill be 20 this weekend and i can feel nothing but positivity coming mine and his way. I feel. I see.

blessings.

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PUT THAT SHIT BEHIND US, AND PUT THIS IN YOUR SINUS

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(daddy wouldn't let you, if he ever met me, if he ever met you.)