Do you know what it does to you? Do you know how it feels? The guilt? Save me save me save me you cry and nobody comes.
And then one day you get the chance to be the hero. You get the chance to save them all. And in doing do maybe finally you'll have saved yourself.
But like always I made things worse instead of better. Sure I was a kid but that was a dumb ass plan right?
Never.
Never rely on anyone. Never care about anyone. Just brings pain. And people? You canât trust them to be on your side. Ever.
Pfft.
Whoâd be on my side anyways? I mean. I pretty much believe that killing everyone that I could possibly have cared for would fix this burning ache in me.
Hehe. But you know what? I did once... Well. I helped. And no matter who I blame, no matter if I make this world into a void and destroy it to move on to the next...
I'll still hurt. Still be in pain. Still be alone.
Iâm too determined to die properly you know.
Maybe I still have hope I'll think of a plan. A way to just... Fix everything. My plans usually suck though.
So... I took over Frisks life. Not that they were really using it you know. Not to LIVE. Just kept things on loop afraid to RISK anything.
See- Frisk knows that what they do doesnât really have consequences because they can try again and again to set things right.
But me? I know that youâre NEVER above the consequences.
Hehe I keep a scrap book, a spare one with pictures of all our friends and family. I take a red marker and x them out one by one telling Frisk exactly how easy it would be to dust them all.
Frisk... Believes the best out of everyone, believes in second chances. But. They have to right? Because if theyâre wrong I could wipe out everyone and everything. Trusting me not to is really stupid.
I wonât though. Doesnât solve anything and then itâd just be me and the void again.
Suffering alone is boring. Misery LOVES company. Â
At first I didnât know better. I killed Toriel on accident. I was so horrified that I rest immediately. And everything was okay, you know? She didnât even remember. After that I was good, always so very careful because Toriel was right. You could grant anyone mercy.
Even the king - Asgore wouldnât let me go without a fight, but I figured out how to pull my hit like Papyrus did with me!
And even though Flowey killed him and I had to reload my save... Everything worked out. No one had to die for everyone to go free.
But...
Itâs frustrating being a kid in an adult world. They didnât want to take me seriously as an ambassador, didnât want to deal fairly with the monsters at all. I'd reload and reload and keep doing it all over again until things started going right but...
Thatâs a lot of responsibility for a kid, even one who due to the power of determination was older and more mature than I looked.
It was natural to want a break, to want to hang out with all my new friends without all of this tension between us. To long for the underground - the place I'd escaped to before.
So I reset.
They wouldnât know and I could get a break. The only thing is... I'm the only one who remembers. So everyone just does the same old thing. It wasn't the friendly hangout I'd been hoping for, it was yet another monotonous chore. Sure I liked them but they were all stuck in repeat and I wasnât.
So... I was bored. And curious. I wanted to see something different. Humans may not have magic but even the weakest human can become stronger than the most powerful boss monster by collecting LOVE.
And... Yeah it wasn't the right thing to do but... It didnât count. I could reset and fix it all.
Yeah. Stupid. I was a kid... But I should have realized even then that even if it didnât count for them... It counted for me.
See... The more you kill? The easier it is to separate yourself from what youâve done. Similar to âone death is a tragedy, a million is a statistic.â
After a while it was more than just something different - it was fun.
But it still had consequences. The first time I heard the voice.... Was when I was in Torielâs kitchen. It wanted to know where the knives were.
I didnât think too much of it - a knife would make things way easier than the stick I had. But things got weirder than the occasional comment or suggestion.
People saw me differently. Not just because of the dust. And sometimes Iâd do things and I didnât know why. I mean. Walking through the puzzles made sense since Iâd done them before, but... I didnât make that choice beforehand. I just kind of did it.
The more LOVE I got... The weirder things became. By the end I don;t think I was in control at all. I didnât kill Flowey...
Finally I met them.
Chara, the first fallen child, Asrielâs best friend. Face to face. Apparently being dead hadnât improved their since of humor. My determination to kill everyone I cared about woke them up. In a weird twisted way they said the same thing Sans had in the judgement hall...
That this was all my fault. That I couldnât take it all back. People not remembering or knowing didnât change what Iâd done at all.
Chara made me a deal. Theyâd let me go back and set things right on one condition - they got my soul.
Iâd learned what sort of person they were and I didnât want them to have it but... They pointed out that I wasnât much better at this point and that I didnât really have a choice. They could keep me trapped in the void forever.
So...I made the deal. A happy ending for my soul.
Now I'm nothing more than a mental passenger in their head. But... They listen to me sometimes. We reset. We did things right and set everyone free. Chara doesnât always do what I would. Iâm sure the others would notice if they had the memories for comparison.
They didnât agree to become ambassador. Which meant Papyrus said heâd do it... And... Surprisingly that worked. Even without the power of resetting he and the King navigated their way through and managed to set everything up just fine. Maybe residual memories from when I did it, but honestly I think it was just that Papyrus was better suited to the role.
Chara... Isnât happy. They have a lot of problems and the only friend they ever had turned into a flower and then faded away for good.
They keep threatening to dust everyone and kill all the humans but... They listen to me ... Mostly.
Theyâre kinda mean about it though. All of the pictures they get taken with everyone gets a red mark through and a smiley face drawn over their expression.
I think... They hate to care. But... We're working on it. I donât deserve forgiveness for what I've done... But maybe if I can help Chara... Maybe I can make sure everyone gets a happy ending. Iâm like... Jiminy Cricket! I'm going to be Chara's conscious and make them a real person.
Even the worst person can change if they just tryâŠRight?
Realized I was making a background to fit the character not the other way around. Makes way more sense if I just say this is Chara Post corrupted pacifist. Look. There I go. Frisk and Chara sharing a mentality.
(adjective) An obsolete word, finifugal describes the state of dreading endings. It depicts the act of avoiding or prolonging an experience in oneâs personal life, such as a relationship, a book, bedtime, a trip and other journeys due to the intense dislike of a dissolution. (via wordsnquotes)
They fell down a hole like Alice when they were a kid, and entered a whole new world of magic and mayhem. It was a surprise to find that the Monsters were just as human as they were, more so really.
Monsters were made of love and compassionâŠChara not so much.
Theyâd fallen in the dead of night and woken to some tall (compared to them at any rate) skinny goat boy just looking at them, wide eyed somewhere between awe and fear. The moment their eyes met his, they stared at one another unmoving. Their head was swimming - possibly because they had hit it - and they werenât exactly sure what they were looking at, it all felt like a dreamâŠ
But as the seconds went on they noticed the soft tremble of him as they simply stared at one another and they coughed out a strained âbooâ.
He jumped, flinched, scrambled back, and let out a startled sound that sounded exactly like what youâd expect out of a goat like creature. Chara started laughing, a wheezing sound, and rolled over to begin the arduous journey to their feet. They managed to get to their knees before the nausea became too overwhelming.
As they took slow steadying breaths a figure moved out of the corner of their eye. That boy â thing. âAnd what exactlyâŠâ Inhale. Exhale. âDo you think youâre doing?â
Despite their acerbic tone he kept edging closer. Tentatively he put his arm around their waist and his shoulder under theirs. âYouâre hurt. You need help.â Ignoring the spinning in their head and their rolling stomach, they grit their teeth and pulled sharply away from him to their feet.
âNo I donât. I donât need anyone.â The room tilted unsteadily around them, but they were upright and their dinner remained where it was supposed to be. The boy crouched before them looked confused for a moment, before relief flooded his features.
He stood with a tentative smile. âOh! You must be a boss monster then.â His posture said he was no longer afraid of them and for the life of them Chara couldnât figure out what was going on. The room was beginning to stop circling and they tried to get a better look at him.
Small horns looking somewhat unfinished and covered in soft white fur like the rest of him, long ears, a snout that was somehow arranged to make speaking like a normal person possible, and his odd red eyes⊠Monster was one word for the goat boy, though theyâd dub him the anthropomorphic goat plushy. After some consideration - and the room settling a bit more firmly around them - Chara decided to go along with it. If he was a hallucination it wouldnât make much difference, and if he wasnâtâŠ
Well, heâd looked awfully happy to discover they were a âmonsterâ. They risked looking around the cave they were in. Dark, but moonlight filtered down from the crevice theyâd fallen from. âYeahâŠMonster is one word for it.â They took careful step forward, swayed, and glared at the boy as he made a movement to catch them. Chara refused to take help.
They didnât need it. Theyâd grit their teeth and get through this.
As they made their slow way, pausing whenever a wave of pain or nausea hit them, the boy kept pace with them and rambled on harmlessly. About how his name was Asriel, that he wasnât actually supposed to be in the ruins since they were considered unsafe, but heâd snuck way from his babysitter â and anyways he was too old to have a babysitter right? â and while on one hand they really didnât care, at least it gave them something to focus on other than their aching body, and that sick feeling that was probably a concussion.
Chara did have to admit he was actually useful to have around. The ruins were littered with traps that, while not overly challenging, would have been a real drain to figure out on their own when just moving forward was taking all their energy. But Asriel ran ahead of them, chatting amiably and shooting them worried looks whenever they paused. When they finally reached a house he perked up considerably, as they were almost there.
Where âthereâ was they wasnât quite sure, but followed tensely behind him. Theyâd stumbled across other creatures, that while not exactly like the goat boy, were enough to convince them that maybe there were monsters under the mountain. Luckily he proved useful again, hardly stopping to talk as they were in a hurry, and the âfroggitsâ and âwhimsunsâ seemed to take him seriously.
In the house they went down some stairs, then down a long hallway, and as much as they didnât want to admit it, had Asriel not been there, Chara wouldnât have made it this far on their own.
About halfway down it, the purple on purple walls and floor and the flickering of the torches sent their head into more confusion and they was just so tired. When he offered his arm again they didnât refuse it, just gripped his fuzzy limb like a life line and kept trudging.
Finally they came to a huge door that swung open before them automatically, and slammed shut behind them with a foreboding sense of finality.
Everything was covered in snow.
There were trees and bushes, and a proper clear lane. Confused they looked up, but while there was a bright light in the sky, there was also an obvious stone roof. âAlmost there.â Asriel offered as he pulled forward. They hoped so.
Charaâs steps were unsteady, and the goat boys bare feet padded alongside them softly, but every now and there they heard the scrape of shuffled walking behind them. Â Adrenaline shot through them and they pulled to a stop.
Asriel looked at them but they put a hand to his mouth causing him to shut it immediately and blush. They turned, reaching into their pocket for their knife. There wasnât anything there, but their heart still thudded in their chest. It increased the sick feelings, but also helped them push their way past them. Asriel tried to step around them, see what they was looking for, but they threw out an arm to keep him behind them. Â
They did need him, and he couldnât even tell they were a threat.
From behind them came an eerie voice, deep and chilly like the air around them. âthatâs no way to greet a new friend.â They whirled around and would have fallen had Asriel not caught them. The world spun and their stomach heaved, but they refused to give into weakness. Chara glared at the figure before them, a skeleton that was at least a head shorter than them.
They stared at one another and Asriel held them up and began explaining about how they were a boss monster that heâd met while playing hide and go seek with someone named Papyrus, and really the boy seemed to never stop rambling.
Not that they really should be complaining. His voice was soothing and gave them something to rebuild their equilibrium around. Finally they righted themself, and Asriel let them go without needing to be told.
The skeletonâs face was stretched into a grin, understandable having no lips they supposed, but his eyes were focused on them in a way they didnât like.
âa boss monster huh? how humerus.â Their companion let out a chuckle at the pun, but Chara was positive he knew. Which made him dangerous. One hand wrapped around the knife in their pocket and the other around the arm of Asriel.
He looked so pleased, was even blushing. He was some kind of oblivious. Tension hung in the air. âgoat to tell ya, your friend there looks like she needs to chill a bit.â
Asriel nodded, suddenly very serious. âI think sheâs going to fall down soon. Iâm going to take her to Mother. Sheâll know what to do.â As if on cue Chara swayed.
The adrenaline had faded and they felt even worse than they had to begin with. Their vision swam and went spotty, and there was a rushing sound in their ears. Asriel grabbed their shoulders and held them up as their hands had lost all ability to grip. âHey. Stay with me. Come on.â
They were going to pass out. That wasnât good. Head injuries and sleep werenât supposed to go together. The skeletonâs voice cut through the rushing noise surprisingly well. âwell kid, donât look now, but I think sheâs falling for you.â Anger. Anger was their rock. They were always angry and this guy just rubbed them the wrong way.
âIâm dying numbskull.â They managed to spit out, latching their hands into the soft sweater of the body before them. Asriel was looking pretty pale, even taking into account his white fur. They were moving, they were being half dragged along, there was warmth around them, and an irritatingly smug face in front of them whenever they managed to focus their eyes.
âheh good one. hey why did the skeleton cross the road?â There was an expectant pause, and from somewhere above them they heard a strained laugh.
âWhy Sans?â Came the indulgent question. They were dying and these two fools were making jokes.
âto get to the other side.â They let out a groan as the ground beneath them became unstable and their nausea increased tenfold. At the way the world seemed to flow around them or at the pun they werenât sure which.
âI hate you.â They managed to ground out. They had pretty much hated everyone in their life, but right now they couldnât put a face to anyone they hated more than this⊠this smiling bodybag in front of them.
Asriel made a sound of protest but Sans just laughed. âDonât worry kid. Sheâs not getting under my skin.â
Things got even harder to focus on after that. It was hot, then the floor fell out from under them, there was a droning noise, alternating flashes of light, all of it made them want to be sick and pass out. But every time they came close one of the two jokers with them would say a stupid pun at them and theyâd grit their teeth just long enough to say something pithy.
Forget determination â they were surviving out of pure spite.
âOh my child, who is that?â That was a voice they didnât recognize, a womanâs. There were indistinct sounds of worry from Asriel, and then they finally faded out.
Was going to have Chara be female because A) Iâm female and B) I donât want to offened non binary people by doing it wrong... But decided that Chara/Frisk always feel non binary to me no matter what their physical gender is.
So. Charaâs non binary but has female parts. Donât suppose it matters much.
Bits of conversations - trying to get a feel for how Chara sounds to me.
Role playing is hard. Iâm too cowardly to interact with people, even though I would like to.
âYouâre worthless. Trapping yourself into senseless fears. They canât hurt you, you big cry baby. Grit your teeth and stop caring about the opinions of people who donât think twice about you.â
...Thought you were supposed to be a bitch, more or less?
âI need you. And youâre already enough of a fucking mess.â
Fair point.
Chara doesnât let obstacles or puzzles get in their way.
âWhy bother? Its an artificial problem that I have to indulge in order for it to have any value. I see no reason to be self defeating.â
Iâve decided that your birthday is April 4, 1997. So Aries born in the year of the Ox. Not really important, but good to know.
âDoes it matter? Nobodies exactly happy Iâm alive.â
Toriel and Asgore are.
âNot really. Theyâre happy Frisk is around.â
If you made Frisk - act as Frisk - doesnât that make you just as much Frisk. Or Frisk Just as much you?
âNo more than an actor is the character he plays. He may put a bit of life into the role, but the character exists outside of him.â Despite their dismissive tone, Charaâs face grows hard. âIâm not Frisk and Frisk isnât me. We simply cohabitate. Seek balance with, or the destruction of the other.â
Youâre a hell of a lot more wordy than I expected.
âPeople are pretty stupid.â
What type of music do you like?
âAll of it.â
Okay, but whats your favorite?
âAll of it.â
You donât have a preference?
Chara rolls their eyes and starts ignoring you. They really donât care enough to explain.
âI do not want to kill or erase Frisk!â They cross their arms with an irritated huff. âThrough Frisk I can partially make up for my lack. If not feel, then at least emulate the basic requirements of humanity and monster kind alike.â
Why do you care? Donât you want to destroy humanity, kill everyone, that sort of thing?
A grin cuts across their face and their eyes widen dramatically. âOh yes. Allow me to admit failure and wipe out the world and everything I value in it. Let me start with you.â
Chara pauses for a moment, before letting the crazy look slip off of their face with a long suffering sigh. âThere was only one time I felt the need to eliminate everything and that was when I had nothing...Not even power over myself.â
They shrug and casually look away. âI have things I value right now. Only a moron breaks their toys.â
Is that all they are to you? Toys?
âWhat does it matter? They are MINE.â
The steal in their voice leaves no room for argument.
âI enjoy cooking hot things. Both in temperature and spiciness. I like that feeding yourself - a pleasurable act - can cause pain... Also that a physical reaction emulates an emotional response - crying.â
Chara doesnât cry. Chara Doesnât get sad. Chara gets mad.
âFrisk would like me to disappear. Maybe if I didnât exist it could be happy and truly make others happy.â Chara shrugs and raises an eyebrow mockingly. âDoubtful though. Happiness is temporary. Like life.â
Thoughts on sex?
âIf I never start, never introduce my body to the sensation, Iâll never have a desire for something that is outside of my control.â
Youâre always craving chocolate.
âChocolate is always obtainable and has no whims of its own.â They go back to playing with the tools on their swiss army knife. Blade. File. Scissors. Toothpick.
âBesides. It opens up another way to get sick. Or I could end up pregnant. Its messy. Why would I want anything to do with such a process?â Open, shut, cycle through again. âSeems like too much of a hassle."
Its fun. Most of the time.
âSo is murder, mayhem, and destruction.â Their tone is dry and they donât look up from fiddling with they knife. âAnd look at how little of that I get to do.â
Why donât you do those things again? It is in your nature.
Charaâs hands pause and they fix you with a hard stare. âBecause these are my people and places.â
Well. This guy certainly looked like a bad ass. He'd do. âIâll buy you a drink if you pretend you know me. That loser over there wonât stop watching me.â Chara glared at the offender, but the weirdo seemed unperturbed. ((sorry to bug! uh. Ignore if you want - You just seem cool.))
@truegritchara
BEN had made himself look⊠More human right now. The ears were the same, but his eyes were blue, and not bleeding. His skin was a little lighter then normal. But he still seemed like someone you shouldnât mess with. He looked back at the weirdo, and smirked.
Oh goody. Not that they wanted protection exactly, but they had promised not to start any fights tonight. Heading back over to the bar, Chara waved at the wall of bottles.
âWhatâs your poison then, old friend?â They internally winced at the awkward phrasing but it wasnât like she had much in the way of close friends.
