Truth Engine

Trying to be a dad, a husband, and a good person at the same time. Emphasis on trying.

[truth-engine]

Teach & Practice Virtue

This interlude, between the explosive growth of early childhood and the maturation of adolescence, is an ideal time during which children can learn and practice virtue. Few will depart from virtue permanently if they are taught in love. This will prepare them for adolescence.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

This is as far as my kids are right now.  None of them are into the maturation stage yet.  But they will certainly get there and I need to be prepared.

Via: Puppet Hero

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Why Communication is So Important

Parents are responsible to teach their children how to deal with abuse from others. When a child-parent relationship provides for open communication and mutual understanding, children are most likely to express their fears and concerns to the parent and alert the parent to the problem early, after a first or second experience. Communication about such a traumatic experience is very difficult for a child to initiate. This may be because they fear that all adults are abusers and that mentioning the matter will bring a repeat of what the child experienced at the hands of other adults. Lack of communication may also be the result of self-accusation on the child’s part. He may feel that his own behavior was responsible for the abuse, and therefore, he may choose not to share the experience with anyone in an effort to protect himself emotionally or physically.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

This is maybe the number one reason why I want to keep open lines of communication with my kids.  So they can talk to me about what’s bothering them.  I need to control my anger in order for this to happen.  I need to not overreact when they tell me something.  I need to demonstrate to my kids that I’m worthy of their trust and only then will they actually trust me with things.  The only problem is I don’t really know how to do this.  Where do you draw the line?

Via: Puppet Hero

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Abuse is Never Acceptable

Parents are not to abuse their children in any way—physically, emotionally, or sexually. Parents who deal with each other in kindness and in a thoughtful manner will create an attitude toward their children of loving concern and patience. Parents and children should learn that normal relationships consist of kindly words and caresses and that firm yet reasonable discipline generally will prevent child abuse. One of the surest preventives against child abuse is for the family to know how to speak to and touch each other affectionately without harmful or sexual meaning.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

Just in case you needed a reminder.  Abuse – of any kind – is not acceptable.

Via: Puppet Hero

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On Dealing With Anger

A wise parent separates himself from the child at a moment when the parent feels such anger and frustration. Sending the child to his room or placing an infant in his crib until the parent has regained composure will often be helpful. If it is not sufficient for the parent to separate himself from the child to regain control, then a parent will do well to get himself and the child in the company of other adults. The presence of another adult or older child usually stimulates a change in the behavior and attitude of both the parent and the child.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

Via: Puppet Hero

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Be Careful With Your Reactions

If your child uses a shocking, vulgar sexual term, an angry response may keep him from talking to you further. You may have to consult with your spouse first and wait to cool down before dealing with the problem. Then, calmly and correctly explain why we refer to this sacred intimacy with the deepest respect. Frequently, there are language or vocabulary problems about sex long before the child actually wonders about the sexual process in any detail. If you have open communication, not forcing the issue, you can help the child understand all he needs to for his age. In some cases, the child needs simply to understand or be better informed. In others, he or she may also need to repent.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

I’ve talked before about my anger issues.  This seems like just the kind of thing that would trigger a reaction from me.  I’m going to need to be very careful with how I react to this stuff.

Via: Puppet Hero

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Keep Private Things Private

Be cautious to keep your own bodies and intimate sexual relations private. Children do not need to see or hear details of your private sexual life. They see and hear enough in the normal course of family life. They may feel threatened if a parent becomes too descriptive. Children usually learn subtly and cumulatively from ordinary daily contacts.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

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Names & Labels v2

Some of your children’s playmates may refer to the elimination of bodily wastes by crude terms. If your child seems confused about proper terms, then first discuss and agree with your spouse about which terms are acceptable within your family. Then discuss them with your child. It helps if you have been using either correct terms, such as “urinate,” or “bowel movement,” or reasonable substitutes, such as “going to the bathroom.” Gentle, humorous terms, such as “potty” may also be appropriate. The point is that body waste is an ordinary part of being human.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

Ostensibly, this is another quote about names and labels (which again, is important), but the other thing mentioned in here is that parents should firs discuss what is and isn’t acceptable before teaching the kids.  Certainly my kids have never gotten a different answer to the same question from my wife and I.  Nope.  That’s never happened.

Via: Puppet Hero

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Use the Proper Names & Labels

To answer questions accurately, you must know the names of body parts and at least basic facts about body functions. Slang terms are not in keeping with the divine origin of our bodies. We are forbidden to refer to Deity with disrespect. Would it be pleasing to the Lord to refer to our bodies made in his image with disrespect? Neither should we be silly and use ridiculous words or terms. Teach sexuality by using correct, respectful language, information, and example.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

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What You're Up Against When Teaching About Sexuality

It is important that you teach your children about sexuality. The Lord has given the responsibility for the teaching of children to parents, and this is one area where children need accurate and morally correct information. The subject of sexuality is discussed so openly in today’s world that your children cannot avoid hearing about it. But most of what they hear will teach them the world’s abuse of the power of procreation. The home must be the place where they can learn the Lord’s plan for the use of this power and gain the strength to withstand the falsehoods taught by the world.

In matters of human sexuality, honesty and accuracy are important. Your children will hear of this subject in various ways. They may bring home offensive language, questionable stories, and blunt questions about sex. If they are to maintain gospel values, you need to answer their questions. Rationally answer, question, or seek sources of information together with the child. If ever there is a crucial time for open parent-child communication, it is during such conversations. This does not mean that you should force the child to confront details. The child’s own pace is usually the best indicator of how and when to proceed.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

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A Good Summary on the Dad Basics

May the fathers in Israel live as they should live; treat their wives as they should treat them; make their homes as comfortable as they possibly can; lighten the burden upon their companions as much as possible; set a proper example before their children; teach them to meet with them in prayer, morning, and night, and whenever they sit down to partake of food, to acknowledge the mercy of God in giving them the food that they eat and the raiment that they wear, and acknowledge the hand of God in all things.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

Via: Puppet Hero

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Get Priorities Straight

Parents, by aspiring too much outside the home or through too much self-focused achievement, risk teaching their children that the roles of father and mother are not very desirable—or less so than the attainment of material goods, the honors of men, or even educational diplomas.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

As in all things balance is important.  You have to do well enough to provide for your family, but the caution here is not making material success (or the accolades that go along with it) the end goal in and of itself.

Via: Puppet Hero

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Father & Mother Are Eternal Roles

By example and by discussion, both sexes need to learn about being male or female, which, in summary, means becoming husbands and fathers or wives and mothers, here or hereafter … But for all of the children of God, this life is primarily a probationary existence designed to prepare them for the eternal roles of husband and father, wife and mother.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

Via: Puppet Hero

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Home is the Best Place to Teach

The home is the best place in the world to teach the child self-restraint, to give him happiness in self-control, and respect for the rights of others.

I feel that the first contribution of the home to the happiness of the child is to impress him with the fact that there are bounds beyond which he cannot go with safety; second, to teach him to be considerate of the rights of others; third, to have him feel that home is a place where confidences and consolations are exchanged; and fourth, to have him cherish the thought that home is a haven of seclusion and rest from the worries and perplexities of life.

Source: “Home … and the Strength of Youth”, Improvement Era, Aug. 1959, p. 583 Via: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 4

Via: Puppet Hero

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We Must Be Just and True

Jesus, speaking of those who will come forth in the first resurrection, said to Joseph Smith that they are people who are (in addition to a bunch of other things):

overcome by faith, and are sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, which the Father sheds forth upon all those who are just and true.

Source: Doctrine and Covenants 76:53

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Love is Not Dependent on Performance

We must make an even clearer effort to communicate real love to a questioning child. The giving of love from a parent to a son or daughter must not be dependent on his or her performance. Ofttimes those we think deserve our love the least need it the most.

Source: Elder H Burke Peterson

I’d like to think that I’m not alone in thinking that this is really hard.  Perhaps I am.  I interpret this to mean that at the times when I’m feeling least affectionate are the times when I need to show my love.  If one of my kid has repeatedly ignored my instructions, hurt a sibling through anger or careless disobedience, climbed on the couch to drop my keys in the fish tank, soiled the 3rd pair of undies today, or colored all over the walls in crayon, it is time to show some love.

In fact, if I carry this to its logical conclusion, then the little (or large) explosions of anger that I feel inside should serve as an excellent reminder that I need to show an increased outpouring of love to whatever kid just triggered it.

Via: Puppet Hero

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Love Is a Commandment and Covenant

Too many believe that love is a condition, a feeling that involves 100 percent of the heart, something that happens to you. They disassociate love from the mind and, therefore, from agency. In commanding us to love, the Lord refers to something much deeper than romance—a love that is the most profound form of loyalty. He is teaching us that love is something more than feelings of the heart; it is also a covenant we keep with soul and mind.

Source: Elder Lynn G Robbins

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How To React To Kids Discovering Themselves

One of the first things he begins to discover is his body. Male and female children will naturally discover and explore their genitals just as they do the rest of their bodies. The male infant’s genitals are very sensitive to touch. His penis responds to his diaper and to his parents’ touch as they bathe or clothe him. He will often touch and rub his own genitals. A little girl may also explore and handle her genitals. Your reaction to these natural explorations will influence the way a child later feels about his procreative powers. Do not either worry about or encourage the child’s explorations. Remain neutral, and the child will accept that these parts of his body are good, just as all the other parts are.

Source: A Parent’s Guide: Chapter 3

Ladycakes and I may not have handled these scenarios in the best way.  We’ll get another try in November though.

Via: Puppet Hero