Life's a bed of roses, thorns and all.

Hell is empty and all the devils are here. -William Shakespeare

[highlyspecificsigns]

the signs as neural network-generated legal advice posts

a follow-up to the real ones

source/full list here

ARIES: How much trouble can I get into? TAURUS: My gym has been in another state. GEMINI: Purchased a new house. WTF do I do? CANCER: Neighbor has confiscated an old neighbor. LEO: Discovered the city is threatening to sue me because I have some questions VIRGO: My ex-wife is threatening to call the police on false police LIBRA: Assaulted by my house and it wasn’t even legal. SCORPIO: I want to get a restraining order against me SAGITTARIUS: Was pulled over for getting out of an accident in the US. I am a gun. CAPRICORN: Girlfriend wants to take my baby to small claims court? AQUARIUS: [Michigan] I’m a boy on my wall without notice PISCES: Just found out I am scared for a decade.

[law-prof-golds]

“Fraud is more something for the subtler natures, you don’t have to get your hands all dirty.”

[law-prof-golds]

“The thing about religious leaders is that they get together and sing very bad songs”

[law-prof-golds]

“this is the case of Logicrose Ltd v Southend United Football Club which…..i’m guessing…is not a good Football club” “but if you want to support them, go read the case’

[law-prof-golds]

“And this girl, she was Irish. One tutor, two students, so if your partner is drunk you have to carry the whole class. And that is why I hate Guinness.”

[law-prof-golds]

“If you come across an interesting thing, big fat muffins await you”

[law-prof-golds]

“Because if you can wear a purdah then a man can wear a purdah and put a bowl on his stomach and dress up like a pregnant woman and then he can steal state secrets”

PROF I DON’T THINK THAT YOU’RE BEING VERY POLITICALLY CORRECT OR RESPECTFUL? ? ? 

[law-prof-golds]

“One of my favourite magazines that I used to read was called Cult Times”

AND NOW YOU ARE A LAW SCHOOL PROF. LAW SCHOOL IS A CULT PASS IT ON

[law-prof-golds]

“You can even get married under the Jedi Religion and they will teach you how to properly use a lightsaber”

[law-prof-golds]

“say the man says to his mistress OH thanks for all the memories”

[law-prof-golds]

“This is the crest of the Duke of Lancaster… who, I suppose, was a bro of the King of England”

[law-prof-golds]

“He had a teapot cult, and one day some people went there and destroyed the teapots”

[law-prof-golds]

the char siew pao saga

“Girls were slipping char siew pao in their pockets and bringing it to school. And this is really the only reason for parents to complain”

“I once had a student who stood up and cheered because he was evidently, like me, a fan of char siew pao”

“This was the 50’s, of course, where there was more passion. Nowadays it’s all gone”

[law-prof-golds]

“We do not tolerate rape! Or plagarism!”

[law-prof-golds]

[on the Amish] “They are the most peaceful people in the world. They cannot have zippers because zippers are evil, they can hurt you, and we all know that’s true.”

[law-prof-golds]

“Oh no, the Christians are coming!”

[law-prof-golds]

“Have you ever stopped what you’re doing late at night and looked at the moon? Well, maybe you work in the library, so you can’t see the moon. Well if you look at the moon you will see there is a bright side and a dark side. Just like religion has a bright side and a dark side”