.Decrepit.

•Breathe|🥀Epitome of Unique🥀|Believe•

[trxpicalgem]

There is a version of us that only exists in another lifetime.. a quieter one, where fear doesn’t speak louder than love, where timing isn’t our greatest enemy, and where neither of us has to wonder what could have been.

I have loved you in ways that asked for nothing but your peace. Even when my own heart was breaking, I found myself hoping yours would someday find its way home.

I know I am not perfect. I carry scars that taught me to survive before they ever taught me to trust. Sometimes my love arrived disguised as silence, as distance, as defenses I never meant to build. Those were never a reflection of how deeply I loved you, only of how deeply I had been hurt.

So I won’t ask you to choose me today, or even ever..

I’ll simply ask that one day, if your heart ever becomes quiet enough to hear mine, you remember me as I truly was, not just my reactions, but my reasons. Not just my walls, but the woman standing behind them, waiting to feel safe enough to put them down.

If there comes a day when you are ready to receive the love I’ve always carried for you… when you can hold my grief without fearing it, recognize my wounds without judging them, and meet the parts of me that were never asking to be fixed, only understood…

And if fate is kind enough to let our paths cross again, I hope we meet not as two people trying to save each other, but as two souls who finally know how to stay.

If there comes a day when your life is truly your own, and your heart is free to love without hesitation or obligation, You won’t have to wonder where to find me.

Until then, I will carry you with tenderness, release you with grace, and love you from whatever distance life asks of me.

[trxpicalgem]

You read the text, but you didn’t get the message...

- Not Communication but Comprehension.

[trxpicalgem]

Once more, I’ve walked beneath a man even though the space beside him wore empty. Once again, I, sacrificed and gave him life, without the title Wife. He took my crown, melted it down and turned it into gold teeth. Misunderstood? Knock on Wood.

#IwillRISE.

Trxpicalgem.

[olearypoetry]

[trxpicalgem]

PUT MY LIFE ON DO NOT DISTURB.

I’m no longer settling for less than I deserve. My mindset has changed. I don’t wanna be scared, fearful or completely deranged. God please make me sane.

I don’t have the energy to do certain things, I don’t even pick up the phone when it rings.

God, I don’t even want to be around people anymore. Even the ones that I insanely adore. I just want to jump from the highest floor and soar.

I’m at the point of feeling like it’s draining me, fighting my peace, I’m demanding to be released. I need my life, my peace of mind and happiness ..

I’m not dealing with it, at all. Yet, I turn around every time and let it knock me down; I fall.

I’ve worked too hard to get here, even when I feel that I’ve done so much, it’s mere. I will be free, I will be released from anxiety.

[theambassadorposts]

Love Black Women

[niggazinmoscow]

Protect Black Women

[iambrillyant]

“darling, you’ve bruised your knees too many times begging them not to leave, while your inner child pleads for you to come back home. let goodbyes serve as the catalyst you need to reintroduce you, back to yourself.”

iambrillyant

[trxpicalgem]

For every time I say please and thank you.

[trxpicalgem]

I don’t think I have ever, heard someone call me by my name..

When they call me beautiful, they really mean “you’re vulnerable.”

When they call me Short, they really mean “you’re not capable.”

When they compliment my attire, they really mean, “you wear misery well.”

I am a thesaurus of all nothings but truthful meaning.

I’ve become unethical paintings in an abandoned museum of pure confusion.

Yet, somehow, tourists are still attracted to.

I guess in my parallel universe, Rome, was in fact.. built in a day.

A Journey to the ForeverNeverLands

[pontianaks]

“Do not be afraid to be weak. Do not be ashamed to be tired. You look good when you’re tired. You look like you could go on forever.”

— Leonard Cohen, “How to Speak Poetry” (via skeletonize)

[trxpicalgem]

The only thing that brings comfort these days is knowing that suicide is always an option.

[trxpicalgem]

For every tear I have dropped for a man, a piece of my heart went with it.

Every night I am left for dead, a hallow bullet to the brain, to leave a stain on this freshly painted white wall. Almost like the young grade kids leaving markered messages to one another on the bathroom stall. The knife to the jugular to make it fast; best leave my eyes open so that maybe my soul will finally escape away from the past.

I’ve begged so many times that it is now a profound worship to the gods of the unknown to please give me mercy on emotion.

A strict devotion from the reaper of happiness in each and every one of my reincarnated lives.

I no longer believe in faith, send one of your best men with a stake; pierce the rest of what’s left.

Trust is never inevitable as if vulnerability was capable of understanding the difference;

Lead by this idiotic thing called love, I’ve been infected. Invaded by jealousy, envy, anger, sadness, depression.

The embarrassment clothes me from top to the very bottom of my feet, drastically wrapped in everything that I said I wouldn’t allow myself to be.

I’m vowing to never love again, trust again, or to even shed half of a half of a tear.

I may not be heard, though I promise to be felt.

These are the cards you dealt. I am now completely care free. If I’ve ever told you this, please... believe me.

TrxpicalGem

[trxpicalgem]

To the man that will love me next.

I am scarred, I am burdened, I am burned, I am full of fear, I have been beaten and treated poorly over the years.

I am constantly screaming that I am done, I am tired, that I just want to go the fuck home... just so this mind of mine can rest and unleash thousands of tears, a gut-wrenching cry that I hope no one else hears but me.

I am hidden, so well that I had my heart taken far away; to give love and receive it is forbidden.

I am a mess of gorgeous chaos, nothing more nothing less,may I come to you with tears in my eyes and confess?

What does it feel like when you’ve opened your legs, undressed and be fucked by stress?

[trxpicalgem]

t w e n t y - one.

the age that makes addiction and suicide legal.

i’ve been awaiting my turn.

we all know how bad alcohol can burn.

the warmth and comfort that it brings;

bleak blankets covering every edge of void;

condemned without soft spoken words; never look forward or backward,

only upward, to find heaven you must first acknowledge that you’re backing yourself into hell.

even the small steps are accompanied by loud noises that silenced the leaps of grievance and gratitude.

swallowed by the inevitable, comes misplacing things; emotions, loyalty, sobriety or even a decade.

sip by sip, I insist to continue, so sure that freedom will knock on my door tomorrow, although tomorrow was yesterday.

use me, abuse me, but just set me free.

I must admit, I have an addiction that haunts me.

“Run away”

hide-n-seek, drunken in my own weight, those many times i’ve seen the white light waving from over the peak; be my peace.

this isn’t luck, put the bottle down, cause I promise.. you take another sip, you’ll drown.

Take another shot.

[trxpicalgem]

#FoodForThought? Have you ever just cried .. Not one of those normal 4 or 5 Tears falling.

But one of those soul crushing and heart breaking cries - you know kinda like the pain you feel when a close loved one dies? If only a parent;

mother or father could see through their child’s broken eyes.

Pain running so deep that you dare not make a peep or show that face of betrayal, when your babies are running around with babies and your daughter has never worn her veil?

Where your black sons push their way through the crowd to be seen; there he goes mama, dead as he can be and now you have to bury him 6 feet deep..

But, those who don’t understand are those who had limits, fear and a good home.

Those are the ones that shall over come the stereotypes of black and white, those are the ones who will walk away from the boosted fight, those are the ones who shall be successful and full of knowledge, something similar to those who actually make it to college,

JESUS “father of all worlds” are you listening?

Are you seeing the anger and hatred in these humans!? These in which you created but only few of us are able to push and make it!

Where’s your God now? Does he wear a cape, fly or own a crown? No.. He’s the one that you expects you to bow down. “

Thou shalt not sin” well, jesus where have you been?

We’re taught to believe in you and live without sin, repent and get a holy cleanse.

Believe what you want, he isn’t here now and won’t be there then.. Hm, can you handle it? Where all the good girls are misfits? But we have it easy remember?..

[trxpicalgem]

we, like most, started out with the wrong foot and a shallow breath. I always wanted to hate you; grown to love you with all of my being. I recently found the number 20 in age and you wasn’t there to congratulate me on my success in the maze. you’re.. dead. embalmed. cremated. ash. you was my ticket to heaven, you was the angel that God personally presented to me himself. you taught my heart to beat, my love to be unconditional and irreversible, you erased hate from my emotions’ internal and secret dictionary. YOU, carved it into my skin as a warding to those who might not understand my ways and work against me. I am: alone. hurt. raped. broken. neglected. forgotten. empty. I am your long lost seed from our past lives. I am in eternal mourning. I am a lost soul that encountered a shell that finally fit, until the foot came down and shattered it. If only I had more time and words; saying I love you in a million ways. If only I had held your hand and been your little girl a little bit longer. My Birth Certificate was nothing more than a eviction notice signed by society; take me in with open arms and no questions.

If only R.I.P stood for ‘Return if possible’

My surrogate Father.

[trxpicalgem]

"Exposure.. the feeling that I am being forced to experience at this very second. Being out in the open, not covered or protected. I feel as though I've been rejected by this thing called life.. not once but maybe twice. You thought that you could just smoothen your way in and break the ice.. lucky for you, you broke more than that. My heart, my soul, my mind, my child hood.. you broke me and everything that I am. "Look at you all grown up. Are you ready to let me in? Huh? are you ready to let me have my second chance for the first time?" Am I Masked man? Was I ever? Let's start with never. I'm still trying to undo you from my skin, but you're still forcing your way in. Like everyone else seems to do.. lucky you? This pain.. Feels like I want to disappear or run for miles to get away from my fears. Congratulations, here's your prize. You divaricated me in places I couldn't see. you sliced, you diced, you scraped me clean of my innocence, a child. Because of you and your obsolete crew, I'll never trust in men, I'll NEVER fully allow them in. Do you realize how much I've cried and been on the edge? "Can you believe how that girl died?" Suicide. Paranoia was the first to happen, looking over my shoulder, holding my legs together, so tight that they almost become one.. how could someone so "strong" be so fragile? These nightmares .. they start with you. Everything, started with YOU! What did you do? Was it the way my 7 year old hair ran away with the wind? or was it YOU purposely dropping things to watch the way I bend? Was it the way I laughed? The way I walked and talked... or was it you who wanted to "play pretend". My eyes, swollen like wet rice, I swear I hate that I was even that precise.. did it matter? When you broke my Hymen and my self esteem all in one and assisted me when your jeans were coming undone? I wish the world had ended in 2001. "

- Strike one.

[trxpicalgem]

The ant that crawls from the bag of sugar and falls into the coffee cup; become one with your instant adrenaline rush for I am your new addiction. Heart that beats without the thought of the rhythm, you beg me to be your artery and claim that I’m no good, so you cut me and bleed out effortlessly. Dopamine crawling through your skin like maggots feeding on a lifeless carcass; Fall is soon approaching, I’ve felt the ground before. I’ve used these leaves to wipe away the tears for every time you leave. I’ve walked on them to hear the crunch, the same sound that my heart has made for everytime you stepped on it. I’ve forgiven but I’ll never forget. I’m always the reject. You’re my ex for a reason, and the men who thought they were next in line are out of season. I’m not lost, not Waldo. I’m not confused, not Dory. This is just a new chapter, not the end of my story.

Xoxo..📝