Cosmic Funnies

★
d e v o n
YOU ARE THE REASON
Sade Olutola
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
$LAYYYTER
dirt enthusiast

shark vs the universe
we're not kids anymore.
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Stranger Things

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
tumblr dot com
Mike Driver

JVL
🪼
almost home

roma★

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@tryingto-getthinner
Life update
I reached my "ugw", and dropped even further. And I have just one thing to say:
It wasn't worth it.
We all seek control, perfection, beauty, affection, recognition, and praise for accomplishments we have reached. But this almost ruined my life.
I was cold all the time, even wearing 4 layers of hoodie and knitted wool sweaters.
My mom was scared I wasn't eating.
My sister was poking dun at me, and talking down on her own looks.
My dad used my body and weight as a laughing stock during a party, and calling him out only made everything awkward. To this day, he says I "ruined his birthday for him."
I reached the lowest weight I'd had in more than 10 years. And it cost me everything. My friends. My family's joy. My sister's self-acceptance. My body heat. My confidence. My motivation for life in general.
I'm now feeling much, much, much better. And I pray this podt will support and motivate others. Hope is there. You can be happy not showing iff skin and bones, but confidence and curves. You can be happy again. You can be who your inner child would look up to and tell he/she is proud of.
You dont have to suffer.
We all know a certain content creator whom I'll not name for the sake of uoung people on here. EC is about how intense it was getting. And I now look back at pictures and ask, why was I punishing myself like this?
Whether it was the abuse, the social awkwardness, or the fact my body was changing, it doesn't matter. I didn't deserve that. Neither do you.
EC is beyond recovery at this point in time. Do not let that be you.
Another creator I followed pfr a long time. She had ups and downs. Now, she's gone. And though I never knew her outside social media, Aly is forever on my mind. I catch myself thinking about her, her passing, her family and friends at least once or twice every year. And my heart breaks. Because she made a difference. She was real and raw. And she tried her effing best no matter what she did. She was a kind, loving, sweet young woman who deserved better. And I see all of us in her. I see myself and every brother and sister I have in this world in her. And every day is harder, knowing she didn't make it. Knowing EC won't make it. How she has so far is a mystery.
Let's dive deeper.
The fainting spells aren't worth it. The concussions weren't either.
The years and years of at home tryna-do-better therapy I have to undergo every day still isn't worth out. I can't eat in front of people. I can barely eat alone. The only reason I do is because my lovely dog reminds me and needs me to.
I still can't look in the mirrors for too long. I am not yet completely satisfied with my body, but I'm far happier with lumps and jiggle than I was with bones and veins. I love looking like a grown woman and not like a 10 year old girl. The speed at which the change happened was just surprising.
The bruises and marks weren't pretty. And the people pointing it out felt Luke being stabbed in the gut repeatedly.
The substances weren't at all good. Hell. I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN THERE. It messed my body and mind and sound up so bad. I can still feel the rush of one of the hooks, and I wish that upon no one. Not even my worst enemy. Not even my abusers.
Gaining weight again was a bigger and better high than any other. Yes, even better than losing 10 lbs and reaching a milestone. I'm finally the ideal normal weight for my height, age, and gender.
I was never admitted for any of my issues. My latest dip down the dumpster fire of weight control issues were caused by a toxic, unstable, abusive relationship. He was on everything under the sun, and all I did ruined things in his mind, so he took it out on me, and I was so anxious and full of anger and hate and regret and shame, that I started losing my appetite and weight again. It was the only thing I could control at that point.
I've done a lot since my last post on here. And I've done bad things, but also amazing and great things. I moved out on my own. I got a dog, she's basically my service dog, and about to be trained to be one officially, and I'm going to have some of my poems, short stories and paintings shown at an exhibit locally. I'm controlling how my life is going to function to benefit me and shield and take care of me so I can be the best me I can become. Most importantly, I am teaching myself to love myself unconditionally again. I lost my best friend of 5 or 6 years. But I'm okay with that. It wasn't beneficial for both of us in the end. And we're moving in different directions. That's a part of life. Things are starting to make more sense now at 25, and I am learning to love life in all its sugar, spice, and everything that's nice. Also, the chem X (powerpuff girls reference here). I'm allowing myself to be "childish", quirky, weird, and extra, because being unapologetically me is the best thing. That's a good thing to control. How you think about things in life, to shrug off people's opinion, to force yourself to do the scary thing sometimes in small doses and then becoming more and more brave.
Additionally, my sister's not as self-deprecating as she was. That's the best part about staying alive and staying healthy.
I hope the bedt for you all. Get out while you can. Get better. For me, for Aly, for all of those that couldn't.
✨️💖FOR YOU💖✨️
my new roommate said that her last roommate had an eating disorder and then talked to me about her clean eating and weight loss goals and how she buys clothes that are a little snug to motivate her to lose more
and like honestly? i have anorexia but this is why i constantly talk about the dangers of the “health and fitness” industry and diet culture bc we have essentially normalized certain symptoms of disordered eating but it’s ok if it’s under the guise of health i guess???
like how is calling it “clean” eating NOT a way to moralize food
how is intermittent fasting NOT the same thing as skipping meals
how come when i buy clothes that don’t fit, it’s something i have to tell my therapist about because it means i am putting pressure on myself to fit into them, but if a “normal” person does it then it’s just motivation for them?
where is the fucking line???
and more importantly when are we going to start acknowledging that the entire world is pro-ana but that’s too harsh of a description so we slap some health buzzwords on it to make it palatable
when are we going to take responsibility for encouraging disordered behavior instead of labeling those of us with EDs as the crazy/imbalanced ones
your fucking Whole30 or keto or whatever “clean” diet you’re on is just as restrictive as the diets we create for ourselves due to our disorders. but we are the crazy ones, right
Fucking repost.
Lets play True or False. Leave me a message in my ask, and ill answer it with a true or false.
Let’s play
how I look at myself in the mirror after convincing myself I look skinnier than I did the day before
Pretending I have fashion sense
Feeling cuteeee
𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓵.
me coming back to tumblr after a binge:
“One apple a day, keeps the doctor away”
So just one apple a day it will be. Nothing more.
Daily Reminder!
I havent eaten anything and I feel guilty for eating??¿¿¿
s0mEtiMes i fEEL gUiLty jUsT fOr tHinKinG aB0uT f0oD wTf aRe edS evEN aT tHiS p0iNT ??
Body check 18th of April. Cw circa 54 kg
Feet together, thighs apart. The collarbones are where we start, count the ribs, feel the hips. That’s what makes a skinny bitch.
My favorite quote
If you need a sign
This is it. This is your sign. Doesn’t matter if you needed a sign to get out of bed, to eat something, to fight another day, to come out to the one you love or whatever you needed the sign for. This is your sign.
I used to look at photos like this and think “wow they’re so bony!”. I would wonder why my body didn’t look like that even after I lost so much weight. No matter how thin I got I didn’t have the “ideal” body I wanted. Curvy hips, slender calves and forearms, capped shoulders, a small waist and defined back - the list goes on. But after a while of building muscle myself I realized that I was wrong… and that growing muscle will make you look leaner and toned. A lot of the “bonespo” I would see on my dash is actually showing muscle definition. Your body requires food to fuel your gains! Starvation is not the answer.
1000% this!! once i started focusing on building muscle, i really became aware of how restricting calories was not the answer to achieving my goals. my body started to change quickly and i saw more results than i ever did while starving.
eat more! lift heavy! educate yourself!
Yassss 👏
That’s what I have been doing as well lately
2200-2500 calories daily and killing it at the gym, my body has never felt better
If a man says he’s going to hurt himself unless you do what he says, let him. You aren’t responsible for his actions. You are not guilty for what he does to himself, you don’t owe him, you are not his thing to control, you don’t exist to serve him, you are allowed to go on living your life.
well, you could give him the suicide hotline and go.
Also you could baker act him. If he says hes gonna kill himself if you break up with him. Break up with him and call 911 saying you suspect this person at this address is going to kill themselves. Like chances are they are lying and trying to manipulate you but if you are scared and think you might feel guilty, you can do that.
Don’t stay woth anyone that pulls that shit. Drop em.
Dropping this here because abuse isn’t limited to straight people.
goes for anyone of any gender
It does. Using a threat of suicide to manipulate someone is a low and dirty trick.